


Written on the wrist

by AngelKurenai



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Alternate Universe - The French Mistake, Cravings, Dean Winchester Bears the Mark of Cain, Episode: s06e15 The French Mistake, F/M, Mark of Cain, Romantic Soulmates, Soulmates, Tattoos, Witches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-28
Updated: 2016-10-19
Packaged: 2018-07-18 19:35:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 117,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7327522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelKurenai/pseuds/AngelKurenai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompts:<br/>Your “Imagine getting zapped to the Supernatural universe and meeting Dean.” imagine is perfection!! Please please write a mini story or something based on it! </p><p>Im so glad requests are open! What about a readerxdean with French mistake reader whose soulmate is Dean?? Maybe soul mates have each other’s names on their arms so her name is on his arm and she enters the spn universe and he gets nervous because she doesn’t have his name on her arm since she’s from a different world??</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

You felt panic rise up inside you when your eyes first opened. This was certainly not your room. Oh it was far from that. And it wasn’t certainly somewhere you remembered going last night- not that there would be any other place to go other than your bed, with your german shepherd sleeping by your side and Supernatural playing on TV. This place- you had never been here before in your life, let alone last night.

You were in the middle of, what obviously looked like, a forest. An actual forest.

For a moment you contemplated whether this was a dream or not. So much Supernatural in just two weeks should have surely had an impact on your sleep. But you’ve had that urgent need to watch the last three seasons all over again, so youcouldn’t help it.

You decided to take in a deep breath and stood up on your feet. You sure as hell were wearing the same pjs as last night. And the fact that your feet were bare didn’t help in your situation at all. It only proved even more to the fact that you had somehow pulled away from your house and dumped you here. You tried to steady your breathing and you willed yourself to walk. You needed to find the main road, maybe that way you could understand where you were. Last time you had checked though there was not a forest nearby.

You wrapped your arms around yourself, the thin fabric of your shirt not helping at all. Luckily at least your pj pants were long and warm enough, because the icy cold of the early morning would have made you freeze to death before you could even open your eyes. You winced more times than you could ever count and by now you couldn’t even look down at your feet to guess that there would be blood there. It wasn’t something major obviously but the scratches stung a lot.

You blinked several times, trying to shield your eyes from the rising sun. Everything seemed to be the same as you passed tree by tree but a shaky sigh of relief left your lips as soon as you saw the faint sight of road. You hurried even more to get there as fast you could, but you immediately started to regret your decision as your vision started to become blur. Things started spinning around you and you found yourself stumbling.

You winced once your feet were placed on the cold road and you only stood for a second there, in the middle of the road. You could hear the faint roar of a car, maybe approaching, or maybe not. You couldn’t tell and through your blurry vision you certainly could even make out in the distance. But you didn’t even have to try anymore as within seconds as it seemed you felt your eyes slowly flutter before you found the ground and darkness enveloped you.

_And he slammed on the breaks stopping only a few metres away from a lying body. Two men rushing to get out of the car to said body, worry etching on both their features. They shared a look and without having to say anything you were scooped up and away from your probable death._

~*~

A loud groan left your lips as you felt yourself being pulled out of the darkness. Your hand instinctively moved to your head but it wasn’t the pain that made your eyes open. It was basically the lack of it. And the sight you came face to face with was one to make your eyes go as wide as it could be.

It wasn’t the fact that you weren’t at the forest anymore. It was the fact that you were at another place. Not an unknown one. But one you knew all too well… The bunker?

The sound of footstep and movement made your eyes fall on the doorway and now you realized they could go even more wide. You scooted backwards immediately a pure look of horror on your face.

“No, no hey hey! We’re not gonna harm! It’s ok, you’re safe. You;re safe here.” it wasn’t only the words but the sincerity in his hazel eyes that made you relax. That and the fact that you knew he meant all that he said.

“Sam Winchester” you breathed out before you could realize it and he froze in his place for a second.

“How do you-”

“I’m not a monster!” you hurried to add “I’m not!”

He shook his head, smiling “No, no it’s fine. We already know that, we-”

“Did the tests.” you breathed out, seeing the holy water on your bedside.

“…Are you a hunter?” he frowned at you and you shook your head.

“Not really.” you admitted, looking down at your hands for a second. But you couldn’t but let your eyes wander around the walls. You knew this room – you had (guilty yes you were) dreamed lots of things happening here many times – especially with this rooms owner, a man you’d die to meet and as it seemed would eventually-

“Then how do you know about all of this?” a rough voice made your eyes snap to the door and sure there he was right next to Sam. Your eyes widened as soon as you saw him and his went wide, the small frown instantly disappearing.

“Dean.” your voice was barely audible as you breathed out his name, maybe loving it a little too much how it rolled off your lips, but he did catch it and he frowned slightly. You blinked, feeling a blush rise up on your cheeks.

“I just- it’s- it’s complicated.” you mumbled, eyes casting down. Because you knew if you kept looking at him you’d be bright red in moments. Still, though, you felt his eyes looking intensely at you.

“Welcome to the club then.” he laughed and a small smirk lifted on your lips.

“But- how did you end up there?” Sam asked with a frown and you looked up at him for a second before your eyes fell on Dean for good, you felt a pull towards him – more so than usually. You knew loving a fictional character so much seemed kinda normal to you before but this- this now looked more crazy.

“I- I have no idea.” you admitted “I just woke up there. No memory of last night a-and I am not one to drink a lot.”

Sam chuckled, giving Dean a look at which he rolled his eyes.

“But I know one thing for sure” you spoke up again “I… am not from here.”

Well that was something new.

~*~

“Here.” Dean said, handing you a warm cup of coffee. You couldn’t help but notice the small spark you felt once his fingers brushed past yours.

“Thanks”

Your eyes locked for a second but he cleared his throat and immediately pulled his hand away. He tried to play it as cool as possible but you took notice, Sam definitely did too, of how he came to seat… next to you?

“Thank you really, for everything. Clothes included.” you told both of them with a small smile.

“No need to. “ Sam smiled “Do you think you can explain what you meant by… not from here?”

You let a small sigh, playing nervously with your mug “Hey” you felt a hand on your shoulder and turned to look at Dean. You had t note to yourself how much more green his eyes were from up close.

“I’m not from this universe.” you breathed out and they both shared a look.

“Wh-what?” Sam asked.

“I mean I’m not- I’m not from here. In my- in my universe you- it’s like the French mistake.” you said and Dean raised an eyebrow.

“The what?” he made a face at which you couldn’t help but giggle.

“The French Mistake. It’s an episode… in Supernatural.” the word alone made both Dean and Sam roll their eyes.

“Yeah the one with fake you and fake Sam.” you added and he shook his head.

“Are we not going to get rid of that, ever?” Dean grumbled taking a sip of his beer.

“But how- how did you end up here then?”

“I- I don’t know. I mean I didn’t perform some spell like you guys to get back or something. I went to bed like usual and next thing I knew was that I woke up in that forest. I- I seriously have no idea what’s going on.” you breathed out shakily, frowning deeply.

“H-hey don’t worry, we will find a way for you back ok?” Sam gave you one of his usual puppy looks and you could feel yourself relax slightly “We will do anything for that ok? Dean and I won’t rest until you’re back home away from this and where you belong. Right Dean?” he turned to look at his brother who seemed to have been caught off guard because he tried to mask his previous expression.

“Yeah- yeah sure.” he cleared his throat, avoiding eye-contact. But his voice did give away everything.

“Don’t worry, you’re in safe hands.” Sam couldn’t help but give his brother a look “But until we find a way back for you, how about we get to know you a little better huh?” it was obvious how he was trying to make you feel as safe as possible.

“Well I think we’ll probably be done in five minutes.” you chuckled and they raised an eyebrow.

You shook your head “My life ain’t all that interesting.”

Dean scoffed and you turned to look at Dean, who put on a smile on his face “You woke up in the middle of the forest after being zapped in another universe, what’s more interesting than that?”

You breathed out a chuckle “I guess you could say. But other than that, nothing much. Your typical fangirl, not the crazy kind like Becky I swear!” you rushed to say and they both relaxed a little bit “I was just finishing college, one year left actually. I wanted to travel after that, but I still haven’t decided where to. I want it to be by car, though and as long as possible.”

“You like long car rides?” Dean smirked softly and you nodded your head, biting your lower lip.

“Jumping in a car and running away to who-knows-where? Hell yeah.” you breathed out.

“And what about after that? What would you like to do for a living?”

You sighed “I know it may sound stupid, my parents could never really understand me on that part but- but I want to beable to do something that can help others. There is so much pain out there that-” you cut yourself, pursing your lips and shaking your head.

“That’s not stupid. Far from that.” Dean spoke sincerely, looking at you fully in the eyes.

“Well- as of now I just really wish I can get back safe.” you shrugged, taking a sip of your coffee.

“You will, don’t worry.” Sam said with a comforting smile.

“But tell me you guys, is it all the way I see it on the show?” you tried to lighten the mood a little, Dean’s seemingly crestfallen look wasn’t helping at all.

“Well, there are a few deferences here and there.” Sam waved his hand and only then you took glimpse of a… tattoo on his wrist?”

He noticed how you squinted your eyes at it and he looked down at it, smiling a little bit as well “Yeah uh one of the few differences.” you could see a faint emotion of sadness on his face.

He extended his hand and only then did you notice a name was written there. The moment you saw the first name ‘Jessica’ you didn’t have to guess to know the rest.

“It’s there on it’s own.” he spoke up and you raised an eyebrow “It appears during the teen years for every person, though there are unlucky ones that see this line over it, meaning they’re dead, before even getting to meet them.”

“Them?” you frowned.

“Their soulmate.” he noted with a soft smile and your mouth fell open.

“Sounds like out of the cheesiest chick flick you’ve ever heard huh?” Dean said with a sarcastic smile, obviously trying to hide something else.

“…And what about you?” your voice was barely above a whisper and Dean’s head snapped to your direction, staring directly into your big eyes.

_He almost felt his breath hitch on his throat at how captivating they were. There was some kind of sparkle there he had no een before. Innocent yet not. Pure, and untouched by all the pain he had gone through. Big and filled with wonder and awe. He couldn’t admit it even to himself but it was the cutest sight he had seen in his entire life. It made his heart skip a beat._

He cleared his throat and plastered on a teasing fake smile, looking away “Nah no line over mine, probably alive and kicking some asses if she is stubborn as I am.”

You did notice a fondness in his voice. No matter how much he tried to hide it, you could see his softer side when he spoke about his soulmate; someone he hadn’t even met yet he… loved already?

But at the same time it made your heart hurt a little. You knew you shouldn’t be feeling this way, maybe actually be happy that his significant other was out there safe and sound probably waiting to meet him but- jealousy managed to rear its ugly head nonetheless.

“Hmh” you nodded your head, eyes casting down.

Dean couldn’t help but look at you from the corner of his eye, noticing how your face fell as he mentioned his soulmate.

“And Jess was yours?” you looked at Sam and he nodded his head with a sad smile.

“I can’t explain the way her face lit up when she saw the tattoo, or the way I did.” he spoke fondly.

“And now we’re back ‘How I met my soulmate’, in the previous episode-”

“Dean!” Sam gave him a bitch-face and he rolled his eyes, however a smile formed on his lips as he heard you giggle.

“So, she had a tattoo too?”

“Yeah all soulmates do. The way I had her name, she had mine. The way Dean has his soulmates name, so does she.”

“Poor her.” you mumbled and Dean raised an eyebrow at you, looking at you with a funny look at which you laughed “I don’t mean it like that! I mean-” you got more serious “-she must have gone crazy seeing a line appear and disappearover your name on her wrist.” you shrugged and he bit the inside of his cheek, nodding his head.

“Anyway-” you cleared your throat. You hated how obvious it was how much you talked or were interested in Dean.

“-and do soulmates- do they know instantly when they meet each other?” you asked Sam.

“Well there is an attraction in the beginning. More intense than with any other person, and in a deeper way.” he rubbed softly over his wrist as he spoke.

“Butterflies, skipping heartbeats, sweaty palms, trembling and stuttering yada yada.” Dean joked “Cheesy as it can be, you think it, you name it.”

You chuckled at his words “Doesn’t sound all that appealing now that you mention it.”

“Exactly!” Dean exclaimed with a bright and almost proud if you could say grin, as if he had won some bet you didn’t know about with Sam, who didn’t miss to shot him a bitch face.

“Well, it’s not exactly like that.” Sam said pointedly “It’s mostly the fact about finding your other half, the one that was made just for you that matters. It is hard to explain, you won’t understand it till you feel it yourself. But- but you will get that instant connection with them, the moment you lock eyes. Even-” he breathed out a laugh “-even the hardest ones, that won’t admit they need anything, and I mean anything at all, the moment they meet their soulmate- that’s when they realize what they’ve always craved for.”

You nodded your head absentmidnly “You don’t know what your craving is until you’ve gotten a taste of it.” you mumbled to yourself and he nodded his head with a smile.

You glanced for a second at Dean who all this time wasn’t taking his eyes off you, before looking back down “So… even the most independent ones, the ones that feel as if they are empty inside because they don’t fell the need to haveanything- they do, too. They need something- someone too.” you were speaking mostly to yourself, but loud enough so that the both of them could hear.

“Yeah, and it’s that feeling of- having your other half in the same room that starts to make realization set in. It takes time, lots of time for some I guess. But- there is always that unspoken connection too.” he noted with a small shrug, his eyes having casted down as he stared at his wrist. You had began to feel so sorry for him. You couldn’t even begin to imagine how he would feel at having his soulmate and then losing her. It must have felt like somebody had teared his heart apart.

“A soulmate always knows, no matter what.” you whispered and he nodded sadly.

“No words need to be spoken. Not with the person that shares the same bits of soul and mind as you.” he breathed out.

You nodded your head as well, chewing on your lower lip as your eyes traveled slowly and reluctantly to Dean. He was looking down as well bad at the very same moment, his eyes looked up and connected with yours. It seemed as if you were thinking the same thing. But you immediately looked away when you felt your cheeks heat up at the almost intimate gazing.

He cleared his throat, shaking his head “Anyway-” he ran a hand through his hair “-I didn’t ask you do you want anything to eat…” he trailed off frowning and you did the same.

Until realization down on you “Oh oh” you laughed, shaking your head.

“We’ve been talking all this time and we forgot- you know our names but we didn’t even ask yours!”

“We got carried away.” you laughed even “Well then-” you got a little more serious “-very pleased to meet you Mr Winchester. Hunter in training, (Y/f/n) (Y/l/n) at your disposal.” you said teasingly.

And like that, with those simple words the amused grin that was one his face was wiped away. Dean that at that moment was drinking choked and coughed loudly. You gave him a worried look but he, much like Sam, stared at you with wide eyes. As if they had seen a ghost. Well Dean seemed certainly a little pale.

He and Sam shared a look and you frowned deeply, instantly feeling bad. As if you had said something wrong. You back away further into your chair, wrapping your arms around yourself.

“Easy guys I was just joking. I didn’t mean-” you were speaking about your 'hunter’ joke but before you could complete your sentence a chair fell with a loud noise as Dean, almost scared, started to back away. You felt a pang in your chest.

“No, no Dean. No!” Sam exclaimed, grabbing his brother by his shoulder.

Dean looked at the taller man with a sad expression “She doesn’t deserve this Sam.”

“No, no Dean. You don’t get to think like that now. Happy, let yourself be happy for once. You know what this means?” Sam asked in a hushed tone, his smile very obvious.

Dean closed his eyes, swallowing thickly “Sam” his voice trembled as he looked at his brother, fear in his eyes. You could see it.

“Guys” you spoke softly, getting up from your chair to approach them. You could see how Dean was breathing very hard and his body stiffened once you took a step forward.

“…Is everything alright?” you were feeling really bad at being the cause of Dean’s disruption.

“Yes, yes (Y/n).” Sam smiled even more widely as he said the name while Dean let ut a trembling breath “Everything is actually great.”

“Are you… sure?” you whispered, your eyes not leaving Dean for a second and his were all the time on you. Roaming your figure in a way that showed how he was trying to take in as much as possible before you could leave.

“Yea, yes really.” Sam smiled, glancing at his brother “I’ll- I’ll leave you alone a little to talk while I go buy something for us to eat ok?”

“Uh I- I guess”

He nodded his head “Do you have any preference or…?”

“…some pie wouldn’t be bad.” you bit on your lower lip and Sam’s smile got even bigger as a small chuckle left his lips. He did glance at Dean for a second, only to see a tentative smile on his face. The look of awe was more evident though.

“I wouldn’t expect anything else.” Sam chuckled, grabbing his jacket. Before he could make another move though Dean grabbed his arm and gave him a terrified look that made you look down as you noticed.

“Dean easy. You don’t have to worry about anything. Not anymore.” he breathed out, glancing at you for a second “It’s her. This is it Dean. Don’t ruin it because you’re scared… She’ll understand.”

Dean swallowed thickly, nodding his head before letting him go. Once Sam was out of the bunker silence fell between you and the older hunter.

“…Did I do something? Say even?” your voice was barely above a whisper and Dean felt his knees almost give away at the look on your face.

“No, no. It’s fine. You- you didn’t-” he couldn’t complete an entire sentence without feeling his heart beating so fast and so hard inside his chest. He almost felt dizzy. This hadn’t happened even in his wildest dreams.

“Oh… alright. Then-” you rubbed your arm, Dean’s eyes casting to your wrist, curious and greedy to see his name there, but couldn’t see very clearly.

“Would you like to… talk a little then? And have a beer maybe?” you asked so shyly that Dean found it impossible to not grab you and envelope you in his arms right then and there.

“Sounds great.” he breathed out, for the first time in so long a smile that reached his eyes appeared.

This could be the beginning to something great after all.


	2. Chapter 2

"…Did I do something? Say even?” your voice was barely above a whisper and Dean felt his knees almost give away at the look on your face.

“No, no. It’s fine. You- you didn’t-” he couldn’t complete an entire sentence without feeling his heart beating so fast and so hard inside his chest. He almost felt dizzy. This hadn’t happened even in his wildest dreams.

“Oh… alright. Then-” you rubbed your arm, Dean’s eyes casting to your wrist, curious and greedy to see his name there, but couldn’t very clearly.

“Would you like to… talk a little then? And have a beer maybe?” you asked so shyly that Dean found it impossible to not grab you and envelope you in his arms right then and there.

“Sounds great.” he breathed out, for the first time in so long a smile that reached his eyes appeared.

Both of you stood like that for a second, you biting your lip and looking at him and him doing the same thing. Only his gaze was more intense, making you avert your eyes from second to second. You raised an eyebrow for a second, Dean frowning for a little while, until realization downed on him.

“Oh. _Oh_.” he blinked, feeling a… blush creeping up his neck?

“I’ll be right back.” he hurried to say, almost running out of the room because he didn’t want to let you realize anything.

He had already started feeling all those symptoms he had heard Sam talk about. He wanted to say he didn’t mind it or like it but truth was… he did, in a way. But now he was too scared to think of anything else. It was all so new to him, and at knowing you more, he had started to realize how deep they were.

~*~

He took his sweet time. More so than that, actually. But he couldn’t help it. He was panicking, hard. Never in so long had he ever thought he was going to meet you. He’d hoped about it, secretly, because he wouldn’t dare admit it even to himself that he needed you. Desperately. Let alone anybody else. He played tough in front of Sam, almost like he didn’t believe in this kinds of stuff. That it was not going to be like it was for him and Jess because, well, he was Dean Winchester. Sam and Jess fell in love and he, Dean, just didn’t do love.

Not until now.

He panicked for a second, feeling a lump on his throat as he stared down at the beers he had just gotten out of the fridge. He couldn’t move a single muscle, even if his mind screamed for him to do so- along with the rest of his body- to be close to you. But this was big, beyond that, and Dean just needed some time to himself. Millions of thoughts were running through his mind making him feel almost a little dizzy. He gripped on the kitchen counter tightly to steady himself. He closed his eyes for a second to calm his wildly beating heart. A small smile, almost of disbelief, formed on his lips. Atrembling sigh left his lips as it turned into a grin.

And he felt so stupid. Like a love-struck teenager thinking about their crush. He could now clearly understand what Sam meant when he talked about Jess. He was feeling all of it now with you, but there was no way he was going to let the younger brother know. He would never hear the end of it, although he already knew how happy Sam was for him.

And now- now he felt giddy, he wanted so bad to see the tattoo on your arm. His name there. He had imagined it so many times. Him running his fingers over it after hours and hours of love making, showing you how desperate he was for you to hold you, kiss you, love you and cherish you like you were the most important treasure he’d ever had. A warm feeling spread inside him and he wanted to laugh at himself. He felt his stomach tie into knots and an itching feeling to suddenly make all those fantazies true. All of them. Because he had thought of it, all of it with every single detail.

He wanted this. He needed it. To show you how amazing you were, and how much he needed to be one with you forever. Cheesy as it could be, and he had told that so many times to Sam, but now he had started feeling it himself too. You were his soulmate, there for him, waiting to love him just as much he wanted to. The smile was wide on his lips before he could realize it. He breathed out a laugh, running a hand down his face. He felt his entire body temperature rise up.

He had dreamed about this so many times and it was finally happening. He didn’t want it to let it show how he was always looking for you, every time he met an (Y/n) etching to ask them their last name although he always doubted it was you because he didn’t feel that connection from the first moment. But with you he did, even before knowing you name.

And he now wanted to see your tattoo so much. The tattoo. His name. The thought crossed his mind and- He started panicking again, in the bad way though. You should have a tattoo with his name there and as that knew he was yoursoulmate but… you had not reacted. And you already knew who he was. No, no he convinced himself that you must have not realized what it actually meant yet. Probably you hadn’t even connected the dots yet.

Yes, he remembered Sam telling him that Jess hadn’t let herself believe Sam was her real soulmate until he showed her his own tattoo of her name, which was the first five minutes of them knowing each other anyway. Yes that was it. It had to be it. Because you were his soulmate, his (Y/n). He knew and not just because of the tattoo, but because of what he had already started feeling. The thought put him to rest but panic was still inside him as he thought you were out there, waiting for him. Him.

The giddy feeling was there again. And it almost made him laugh at himself. He was Dean Winchester. He was always confident with women, knew what he wanted from them and had no second doubts when he wanted one. He always took what he wanted. But with you it was so much different. For the first time in… ever, actually, he felt nervous. But as weird as it sounded he liked this, and he wanted this.

But nothing would ever be able to change how terrified he was. This was finally happening, no matter how many times he’d reamed of it nothing could have prepared him for this. All kinds of scenarios of him screwing things up (in numerousways) ran through his mind. His hands began to shake before he could even realize it.

~*~

“Thanks.” you smiled widely up at him and he had to keep himself from grinning like an idiot. But he still did feel the small tingle when your fingers brushed. You didn’t even mention why it took him so long to come back.

“No problem.” he breathed out, not helping himself in coming to sit next to you.

“…Are you sure everything is ok?” you asked after a small pause and he looked back at you.

“I- I mean-” you stuttered, hurrying to add “-I know you said everything is fine but I- I just- you don’t look all that good.”

He smiled a little awkwardly, all the kinds of conversations he had in his mind while in the kitchen, had suddenly vanished.

“No, no it’s fine. Things just haven’t been all that easy these days that’s all.” he shrugged.

“Really? What- what is it? If you don’t mind my asking, that is.” you fidgeted with your beer, only looking at him.

He let out a breathless laugh “Where to begin? It’s just-” he shook his head at his own thoughts “-This life ain’t all that easy (Y/n). Not the way it looks on TV at least.”

You chewed on your lower lip, looking down at your hands “I’m sorry.” you whispered.

He shook his head “No, no (Y/n).” he stopped for a second, a small smile etching on his lips.

He loved how your name sounded on his lips already.

“You don’t need to apologize.” he took a sip of his beer.

“I do, Dean. I do.” you looked up at him “I- I am a burden to you. Yet another case on your hands you need to get done with when you could just as well been taking some time to relax. I’m- only causing trouble to you.”

“No.” he said firmly, shaking almost to the core. His voice sounded almost angry “No. Don’t you even dare think about it. You are not a burden nor will you ever be. We could have just as well let you by the side of the road this morning but no. We didn’t. Because _we_ didn’t want to. So don’t you get to blame yourself for it.” he let out an almost frustrated sigh.

“You are not just another case, (Y/n). You are far from it… at least to me.” he ended up whispering the last part almost to himself but you managed to hear it.

You looked up at him, your mouth opening for a second but you decided against it.

“Thank you.” you whispered instead and he smiled softly.

“No problem. I just hope you will have enough patience to put up with us, for as long as this takes.” he teased and you giggled, making his grin get even wider.

His heart skipped a beat but he didn’t mind it in the least bit.

“Well I like to admit I have seen enough Supernatural in my life to know a few tricks that work on you guys.” you chuckled and he raised an eyebrow.

“Do tell?” he smirked and you shrugged.

“I won’t reveal my secrets.” you winked at him and his eyebrows shot up in interest, almost feeling his breath hitch on his throat.

“Well, then I think it would be nice if you stayed long enough.” he took a sip of his beer looking at you from the corner of his eye.

“Hm” looked down, drinking slightly “I don’t think I would mind.” you mumbled after a while.

“Really?” he breathed out almost in awe.

“Yeah.” you looked down, feeling your cheeks heat up “Besides- crazy or not I am a fangirl, and this? Is a dream coming true so just let me enjoy it for a second!”

He chuckled, making you smile too. It was almost contagious so you couldn’t help it. Not to mention that it was a pleasant change. Seeing Dean Winchester truly smile in so long, in a way that his smile reached his eyes and he wasn’t pretending was more than enough. More than you could ever ask for, really.

“Which reminds me- I need- we need to take you out sometime. I bet you’d like to see all those places we’ve been to.” he smirked slightly, covering up his mistake.

“You could? I mean guys you are so busy lately, now you have to find a way for me back home and I-” you bit your lower lip, looking down.

“No, no. It’s fine. We can take our time… Unless of course you have a problem?” he spoke carefully.

“No, not really.” you breathed out, a smile spreading on your lips “I wouldn’t actually mind staying here a little longer.” you shrugged and he grinned.

“Consider it done then.” he clicked his bottle with yours and you smiled at him too.

Silence fell between the two of you for a little while. Though it wasn’t an awkward one, or unpleasant in any sort of way. On the contrary you had never felt more at peace and you hoped so did he. You were actually glad that you hadn’t made a fool of yourself in front of him so far. This was the real Dean Winchester you were talking about. A man you had actually admired for so long and getting to know him was beyond any of your wildest dreams.

“You didn’t tell me-” you spoke up, breaking the silence. He looked up at you, almost being brought out of his trail of thoughts “-what’s been up in Dean Winchester’s life lately?” your smile made him brighten up as well.

He chuckled “Not something that’s really worth or interesting talking about.”

“That I will get to say.” you smirked and this time he laughed more.

“No, trust me. Not something I’d like to talk about.” he mumbled, averting his eyes from yours.

You noticed some kind of melancholy in his eyes, shifting in your chair so that you could see him better. His eyes were casted down and you could see the sadness written all over his face. He was in doubt about something, too. He almost looked… guilty? Before you could even think about it you reached your hand and placed it over his.

He practically jumped in his place, his eyes going wide and his head snapped to your direction. He was literally holding his breath, looking almost like a deer caught in the headlights. But you saw how he went from scared to guilty and pained in a second. Almost like he hated himself for… wanting this?

“Dean.” you whispered, feeling a kind of pull like never before.

You’ve always had a soft spot for him, from the first moment you started watching Supernatural. You couldn’t explain it, because even if you admired Jensen grately, this kind of pull couldn’t be described at just that right? It was a deeper kind of way, like some kind of longing for him. You always felt the need for things you probably shouldn’t considering he was a fictional character- up until a few hours ago.

You always felt the need to be a shoulder for him to cry on when he needed and to wipe those tears away, you always wanted to be there to hug him when he smiled and looked so fake; as if he was begging for it but not out loud. You always wanted to be there to hug him after a nightmare, tell him that it was going to be alright. And you always felt yourself smiling or laughing at his own happiness, even if those moments were very rare. Your heart soared inside your chest every time, more so than with anything else.

“…Are you sure everything is alright? You’re worrying me here.”

“Nah princess.” he smirked, though you could see it was not real. It looked forced, like he obviously forced himself to pull his hand away even if he didn’t want to.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s nothing.”

“Are you really that sure? Dean if- if this has to do with me then I- please just- did I do something?” you ended up whispering and his eyes widened for a second.

He shook his head “No, no don’t you think about it. Things are more complicated than you’d think (Y/n). It’s- hard to explain.” he clenched his jaw looking away.

“Really? Because Dean if I said something wrong I- I really am sorry. I didn’t mean to-”

“(Y/n).” he breathed out “Stop. This- it’s not what you think. Hard times, that’s all.” he shook his head, swallowing hard.

He was literally forcing himself to say all of these things. Just like he was forcing himself to be as stoic as possible, keeping this only friendly. He wanted so much to just hold your hand because it felt like someone teared a part of his heart when he pulled away. He now understood what Sam meant by saying that the attraction was the deeper and stronger he was ever going to feel. But he was Dean Winchester, soulmate or not, he had to sacrifice his feelings for your sake. He couldn’t do this to you. Anyone that got close to him died sooner or later. Sam was just amongst the lucky ones, just like Cas, thatwas brought back to life. But he knew that there was no such luck for you and he couldn’t even bear the thought of you losing your life to him.

He knew that sooner or later he was going to be your undoing. He was poison, to every person he had ever let himself love. And this time he had to fight stronger than ever before with himself to keep his distance. He had to fight as every fiber in his body longed for you, because if he allowed himself to get close and attached (screw that, he already was too attached for his liking) he knew it would only end in tears. And you didn’t deserve this. You were young and beautiful, ready to have a life with so much potential. And if you got away from this universe and from him you would get to live it for as long as possible. He panicked even at the thought of you dying because he was too selfish and kept you close to him.

Some called this a blessing, having a soulmate. That one made just for you. But Dean- Dean always called it a curse for the woman, you, that would have his name on her wrist. It would only mean that the second you met him you’d be at Death’s door. He was poison. He was a curse and he couldn’t bring himself to be selfish, to actually let himself get close to you, at the cost of your life. He was going to let himself live without you as long as he knew you were safe and sound… away from him.

“Is this about her?” you whispered, having caught onto what he was probably thinking.

It didn’t even surprise him anymore. The connection you two shared, ever at a few hours of being in the same room didn’t surprise him at all. He smiled just softly, at least he could now put a face to the name as he stared at his wrist at nights. And he was the happiest man on Earth for it to be your face, even if he’d soon have to say goodbye. At least every night from now he’d be able to picture you and fall asleep, full of guilt.

“Dean.” your voice trembled “Is this about your soulmate?” his eyes locked with yours for a second and then down on the hidden tattoo, only part of a letter showing. You couldn’t read his mind but of course knew that whatever it was it had to do with his other half.

He didn’t even stop himself from breathing out the word “Yeah.”

You nodded your head slowly, moving away slightly so that you weren’t fully facing him. He looked at you for a second, his eyes narrowed as he could swear he almost saw disappointment there? He bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from saying what he was truly thinking and what he wanted to so much.

“Do you… miss her?” you asked in a tentative voice, looking at him a little shyly but mostly in a sad way.

“Wh-what?” he breathed out, frowning.

“ _ **Lisa**_. Do you miss her?” you asked again and Dean had to keep his eyes from going wide. This was certainly something he didn’t expect to hear.

“Who?!” he couldn’t help but exclaim, his eyes going wide.

You bit on your lower lip, looking down for a second “Lisa, your soulmate right? It must be really hard, having to have her memories of you erased because you needed to protect her. You must have really loved her, don’t you?” your voice was low, barely above a whisper feeling almost an uncharacteristic pang in your chest.

Dean clenched his jaw, letting out a sigh through his nose “She wasn’t my soulmate.”

Your eyes widened and your head snapped back up at him “N-no? But- but I thought-”

“No.” he shook his head “And… I don’t miss her that much, actually.” he shrugged.

Your eyebrows shot up, you certainly weren’t expecting to hear this. You had almost convinced yourself the moment you found out about this soulmate thing that she’d be his one.

“But…” you whispered “I thought the way you imagined yourself happy was with her. Wasn’t it?”

He let out a sigh, looking ahead of him. He was in deep thought for a second until a small smile formed on his lips. He looked down and shook his head “Yeah, guess I was wrong back then. Big time.”

He let a small sigh and spoke up again “Lisa- she belongs to the past. I- I guess I could say I was somewhat happy for a little while with her but- it ended for a reason. I guess you could say I will hold onto the memories of course but- I was never really in love with her, I got to realize it over the years to be honest.”

“So what?” you breathed out a laugh, trying to lighten the mood “You don’t dream of her at nights when you’re alone in bed, in need of someone to comfort you the way she did?” you teased, mostly to hide how you felt. Sad in the beginning for sure but now a little happy, more so than you should.

“Nah” he shook his head “Besides there will be another girl to occupy my dreams from now on, I’m sure.” and as he said those words he looked at you, fully in the eyes as if he was talking about you. The intensity and the words made a blush rise up on your cheeks, so much that you had to look down for a while.

“Someone better than Lisa?” you raised an eyebrow, cheeks still burning.

“Someone better than anyone out there.” he breathed out.

“Must be a lucky lady then.” you said shyly, chewing on your lower lip.

“I’d be the luckiest man to have her actually.” he shrugged, smirking.

“…Is she your soulmate?” you dared to ask.

“Yeah.” he breathed out, looking down for a second.

“You’ve met her, haven’t you?” you mumbled and he nodded his head once again.

You knew you should be happy, you knew you should at least have smiled a little but.. why did you feel so disappointed? You always had this thing with Dean. Of course you wanted him to be happy, more so than anything else, but whenever it was a woman whether it be Cassie, Lisa, Anna or anyone else… you felt a pang of jealousy inside you. Every single time. But not in the way you should, considering he wasn’t real. Not back then anyway.

“…What’s her name?” you asked curiously, seemingly catching Dean off guard for a second.

His eyes widened and his mouth fell open. If he answered this then it would confirm your speculations and you’d realize  _ **he**_ was your Dean Winchester. Part of him, great part, wanted this more than anything. He’s been holding himself back from just wrapping his arms around you; wanting you to do the same. But he shouldn’t be selfish, not with you.

“Hey.” your almost teasing voice spoke up before he could “If it’s like a weird one, promise I won’t judge.” you giggled “I mean considering who you are- the girl must be, you know, a little weird- In the good kind of way!” you rushed to add and he chuckled.

“What are you exactly implying here huh?” he tried to pretend he was offended but he couldn’t stop the smile.

“Me implying something? Oh no!” you shook your head “I am saying it clearly! You’re a nutjob!”

“Gee thanks!” he exclaimed, unable to stop a laugh as he heard you giggle.

“No problem!” you grinned “But I don’t mean it in the bad way, seriously.” you shrugged “It’s why I like you anyway.” you mumbled mostly to yourself but of course he had to hear.

“What?” he breathed out, all laughter dying out.

Your eyes widened and you felt your entire face burn hot as you look up at him; his eyes were fixated on you. You opened and closed your mouth several times, feeling like a fish out of the water. You prayed to Castiel that somehow you’d get out of this seriously-embarassing situation.

“Uh guys?” Sam’s voice was heard through the bunker and you let out a small sigh of relief; clearing your throat and looking away from Dean suddenly very interested in your beer bottle.

“Hey Sammy.” Dean breathed out, swallowing the lump in his throat.

Sam gave him a look, a small hopeful smile on his lips. Dean clenched his jaw and shook his head. Sam let out a sigh, his mouth falling open as if asking why and the petrified look his older brother gave him was enough to explain everything. Dean swallowed thickly, looking back down at his hands letting everything set in. And it seriously scared the hell out of him, Sam could clearly see it.

“Hey Sam.” you smiled “Back so soon?”

“Uh yeah.” he breathed out laugh “Not many people at the store but uh- I also got something else.”

“Like?” Dean frowned.

“Well-” Sam looked between his brother and you, already knowing that he was about to say wasn’t just going to go by with Dean.

“I think I found a case, and it’s an urgent one.” 


	3. Chapter 3

“Hey Sam.” you smiled “Back so soon?”

“Uh yeah.” he breathed out laugh “Not many people at the store but uh- I also got something else.” he sighed, letting the plastic bags on top of the table.

You slyly peeked inside, seeing the pie there- making Dean smirk just slightly for a second at seeing you. But he cleared his throat and focused more at the urgent topic at hand. Sam didn’t look all that pleased with the news he was bring.

“Like?” Dean frowned looking at him.

“Well-” Sam looked between his brother and you, already knowing that he was about to say wasn’t just going to go by with Dean.

“I think I found a case, and it’s an urgent one.”

“What do you mean?” you asked in a low voice, crossing your arms over your chest.

Dean glanced at you in a worried way before looking back at Sam “Is it really that serious?”

“Well, if the Apocalypse isn’t happening again then-” Sam stopped, shrugging and you frowned.

“Second Apocalypse?”

“Seems like that yeah.” he sighed.

“Ok what happened exactly?” you asked, already feeling an itching feeling to get more into this.

“Seems like almost an entire town was wiped out. Citizens started dying one after the other but the way they did- very few had the same kinds of deaths. You could say it’s like a virus but-” he shook his head “Didn’t seem like that. And now- I heard some people talking about it on the store- they’ve seen their neighbors acting the same way.”

“It could be spreading to another town?” you asked, raising an eyebrow and he nodded his head.

“We don’t have lots of information yet. I could search on it on the way there. But I think there is something about it-” before Sam could complete his sentence Dean cleared his throat.

He got up from his chair “Ok yeah that’s not something to talk about here.”

“Huh?” you asked, clearly offended.

“No offence (Y/n) but you’ve just been zapped here. The less you know about this ‘case’ the better.” he clarified.

“Excuse me?” you raised a eyebrow “Sam didn’t dare utter a word about the case and I suddenly know a lot to get me in danger? Who said I can’t help after all?”

“I did!” he almost roared at you, taking you aback for a second, making you stumble back “Look- this is no walk on the park, (Y/n). The reason we brought you to the bunker is to protect you, we are not going to throw you into harm’s way just for the heck of it.”

“And what if I actually want to help?” you couldn’t help but snap back.

“Then too bad, cause you ain’t.” he gave you a tight cheeky smile and you groaned.

“Gosh you are even more stubborn than in the show.” you growled.

“Thanks, I like to take pride in that!” he said sassily and the only thing you could do was glare at him.

“You’re being irrational you know?” you huffed.

“She’s right Dean.” Sam dared speak only to be met with the death glare of his brother.

He huffed, rolling his eyes “Dean seriously, you can’t expect (Y/n) to just stay here while we are away on a case. It’s for- it’s for the best if she joins in too! To you know- get used to it, maybe?” he said the last words in a lower voice, giving Dean a look which you didn’t understand but he obviously did.

Dean clenched his jaw, shaking his head “No. Because there is no getting used to this. If this case is so urgent we will deal with it, without (Y/n), but in the meanwhile and the second it’s over- we search for a way for (Y/n) back home. And that'sfinal.”

“Wh-what? You mean you really- she really will-” Sam stuttered, eyes going wide.

You looked at Sam with a frown, not knowing what that unspoken conversation was between them. Because you knew this had to do with something more than just the case, but not exactly what.

Dean clenched his jaw, glancing at you that were staring at them confused “Yes Sam. _Really_.” he spoke as firmly as he could, his voice almost in a growl. He was angry at something, someone… himself?

And without a second word he stormed off.

~*~

“You know you’re being stupidly stubborn, right?” you grumbled, crossing your arms and leaning against the half opendoor of his bedroom.

“Well, that’s Dean Winchester sweetheart. Welcome to Supernatural.” he gave you a tight smile, going back to loading his duffel bag with his hunting gear.

He felt awful, truth was that. His body screamed for him to let you join on the hunt because he couldn’t go off a second without you close to him but his mind told him it was completely wrong. He knew the chances of you getting hurt were really high and he began going crazy at the mere thought of it. Besides, other than that- he couldn’t let you get more into this. As much as it hurt him to admit it he was going to find a way out of here for you. Away from him, yes, but safe at least. And that’s all he wanted at the moment.

“Dean” you whispered, your voice going from mad to almost sad.

And oh gosh that’s what he didn’t want. He already dreaded to hear more. He knew he would give in any second, especially if he looked at you. He knew those eyes would be able to make him do anything they wanted. They were going to play him just like a puppet and secretly he would like it a little more than he should.

“…Don’t you trust me?” your voice sounded so broken and he could only imagine the look on your face.

He closed his eyes tightly for a second, stilling himself “That’s not it.” he said through greeted teeth.

“Then what?” you asked, tilting your head to the side and taking a step closer to him.

“Did I… say something? Do even?” you asked again like a little child not knowing what they’d done wrong.

Dean let out a sigh, closing his eyes for a second. Just a few words and you had already started making him cave in.

“That’s not it, (Y/n). Really.” his voice was hoarse, but his back still turned to you.

“Then- then why won’t you let me come with you?”

“Because-” he swallowed hard, turning to look at you. He regretted it from the very first second of locking eyes with you. The look on your face just made him want to take everything back to wipe that sad expression off.

He sighed “Because it’s dangerous (Y/n). You heard Sam. I can’t- I can’t risk your life.” he shook his head.

“But you won’t!” you insisted “That’s what you don’t get. With you- a-and Sam of course there, not only will the case beover with soon but- but we will all be safe. _**I**_ will!”

“You can’t be so sure about that.” he clenched his jaw.

“I am, though. I am. I know that with you there I won’t have to worry about a single thing.” you smiled at him softly “Please. You are already doing so much for me, trying to get me back home- just- just let me do something this time. I want to help, really.”

“(Y/n).” he groaned, rolling his eyes and he already knew he would give in any second. Those eyes were going to be the death of him, he knew it.

“Please.” you begged “I want to be able to do something too, Dean. I- I can’t just sit here, waiting for you two to comeback- Not knowing if you will make it at that! It will drive me crazy!”

“(Y/n) you can’t-” but he didn’t have time to complete his sentence.

“Please, Dean. I need to help. You saved me- I need to do something. I promise- I promise I will be carefully, very much.And- and I could stick a lot to research, I swear! I will follow your lead and never do anything risky. I swear!” you were getting closer by the minute. Too close for Dean’s liking, because he was literally reaching his breaking point.

“(Y/n)” he clenched his jaw for a second, his palms sweating.

“Please Dean. I know I can help. It’s not as if I will get super involved in hunting after this anyway. Besides- You said you were going to take me out to see the places you’ve been too! All those things I saw on TV, but now for real! What better way than taking me in a hunt with you! Long car drive, classic rock blasting, us jamming to the song-”

Dean felt a small smile twitch on his lips at the adoration with which you said everything. He wanted this now more than any other time.

“-Sam complaining, gas stops and some junk food, motel room, research, oldy and rusty creepy houses and warehouses. Everything. Come on Dean.”

“(Y/n)” his voice trembled, not really being worried at what could happen to you but- at the effect you already had on him. And that- that’s what scared him to no end.

This whole soulmate thing- he had always tried to play it off. His entire life that’s what he said and did. But now- now you were in front of him and made Dean feel all kinds of things that he had never had before. How could someone have such a strong effect on him at just a few hours of knowing each other? If only it felt like that. Dean felt as if he’d known you for years, no matter how cheesy, crazy or stupid that sounded, and you- you seemed to know him better than he did with himself. But maybe that was just how soulmates worked. And as that the itching feeling to see his name tattooed on your wrist came again. Dean had to hold himself back.

And all of this? All of this scared him to no end. Not just how easily he wanted to give into you, in the good way, but just because he knew that when the time came… he probably would. And he didn’t want that. He wanted to have the strength to push you away and send you back to your home and away from him. He could already imagine it that you would want to stop him, that you’d ask him to let you stay and Dean- he could already feel his entire body screaming for him to agree. To keep you there, as close as possible. Dean had never longed for something- someone actually, so much. And certainly not to have these kind of feelings. He’d never had them before and now it was overwhelming to say the least. And Deanwas terrified that he wouldn’t push you away the right moment.

Like now.

“Please Dean.” you whispered and he let out a long sigh, his eyes casting down.

“Fine.” he breathed out and instantly a bright grin spread on your lips.

“Oh my Chuck!” you exclaimed, throwing your arms around him. Dean frowned for a second at the expression but didn’t have the mind to think about it when- when you were wrapped all over him.

“Thank you so so much Dean! I promise you won’t regret this!” you exclaimed, pulling away before Dean had the time to envelope you in his arms; making him almost feel a little sad.

“Yeah you better.” he tried to keep his cool “Just until we know what it really is, you are stuck on research you hear me? And no actually fighting. You will have a gun to protect yourself but you’ll be right behind me all the time got it? And by nomeans- I mean _no_ means are you playing the hero, ok?” he growled the last words.

You huffed a laugh “You mean the way you’ve done so many times?” you raised an eyebrow.

He rolled his eyes “Yeah well I am an idiot.” he gave you a tight smile and you giggled. Dean couldn’t help but let a soft smile spread on his lips. Your own happiness was contagious to him.

“Yes you are. A total one, but I wouldn’t have you any other way.” you shrugged shyly, making Dean look at you almost in awe.

He could swear he saw a blush creep up your cheeks – or was he feeling his own heat up? - but he didn’t have time to question it as you wrapped your arms around him again. And this time, slowly but surely, Dean had the chance to bring his around your waist and hug you tightly to himself. Maybe he could enjoy these moments as long as he had them, right?

Subconsciously he tighten his grip on you and buried his face in your hair, taking in a deep breath. It all felt like… home. Everything about you. His one hand moved up and squeezed your shoulder and you tightened your grip around his shoulders as well, your face burying in his chest. He heard you let out a content sigh and a small smile rested on his lips.

He already started missing the warmth of your body once you started pulling away. Again it seemed too early for his liking but then again, he never wanted to let you go. He felt like a sap at thinking how his heart skipped a beat at the smile you gave him but- nobody had to know right?

“Great then! I better… go ask Sam for some more clothes or anything.” you chuckled “And I will definitely go take that pie for the road.” you winked and he chuckled.

“You better.” he nodded with a grin and letting your hands fall you were almost running out of the room in excitement making Dean almost laugh.

Well this was not going to be that easy.

~*~

“Alright, gear in the trunk, clothes here, books and laptop for you nerds up front, beer and pie in the backseat and- Where the heck is (Y/n)?” Dean raised an eyebrow looking around the garage but was unable to spot you there.

Sam chuckled, putting his duffel back in the trunk as well “Uh I helped her find some clothes, not many but will be enough. She would take some books too and be here any minute.”

“Damn you are total nerds aren’t you?” Dean scoffed playfully, leaning against the Impala.

“Hey! Just because we like the same books a-and are into technology doesn’t make us nerds ok? Besides-” a sly smile spread on Sam’s lips “-I think for the first time I approve 100% of your girl.”

Dean groaned, avoiding eye-contact “She’s not my girl Sam.” he wished so much he could say differently.

Sam scoffed with a shake of his head “Yeah because you are such a stubborn ass but- so is she, I can tell and sooner or later-”

“No, Sam. Stop it.” Dean said in a rough voice “There is no later and certainly no sooner because once we’re done with this case-” Dean swallowed thickly “-Once we’re done with it, we are going to find a way to send her back home.” his eyes casted down without him realizing it.

Sam shook his head “You’re seriously unbelievable. Dean! Just because you’re scared that- that you might hurt her, that something might happen to her you can’t seriously push her away! She’s your soulmate for crying out loud!”

“Yes Sam, exactly! My soulmate, so you have no say in this.” he glared at his brother who huffed.

“Yes yes you’re right, but then what about her? Doesn’t she have a say in this?” he raised an eyebrow and Dean clearly avoided eye-contact.

“Dean look- (Y/n)- she’s completely different from any woman- and I mean _any_ woman you’ve ever been with. And I am not talking about the things you two have in common, which I am sure will be plenty because you’re soulmates but alsobecause- Dean she’s a lot of things that you aren’t and that’s important. You-” Sam let a small sigh, smiling softly.

“You will be able to finally feel things differently than you always have. She will make you feel new things too. Your life- it will be the way you always wanted and- that feeling that something’s missing? Well it won’t be there anymore.” he said with a hopeful smile and-

Although for a split second he saw a feeling of longing in his brother’s eyes, something that said that he desperately wanted that, it was soon gone as Dean shook his head and averted his eyes.

“Yeah real sweet Samantha, but next time you are gonna go all '10 steps on how to get your soulmate’ warn me first so that I can walk away.” he said with a sarcastic smile that made Sam roll his eyes.

“Yeah right. Whatever jerk.” Sam said with a smile, knowing that his brother didn’t want anything to show but really wanted this nonetheless.

“Sure thing bitch.” Dean said with a smirk.

“Hey assbutts!” you exclaimed, chuckling as you made your way to the boys with your half empty duffel. Just a couple pieces of clothing and some books, that was all.

Dean’s back immediately straightened and before he could realize it, although he was tha farthest away he came by your side and took the bag before Sam could. The younger Winchester gave him a look which made Dean realize what he had just done but with a glare that went unnoticed by you he put it in the trunk and closed it.

“Wow” you breathed out, eyes going completely wide as soon as you took notice of the car right in front of you.

Sam and Dean exchanged a look. Sam having a small smirk and Dean looking at you with awe written all over his face.

“It’s…” your eyes roamed the black car as you ran your hands over it, bending to see on the inside too “Baby.”

“Yeah it is.” Sam said with a chuckle because Dean was too busy staring at you.

“It’s…” you kept opening and closing your mouth “Whow” you breathed out with a trembling breath.

You were too caught up on your staring at the car. You were trying to take in as much as possible, running your fingers over the smooth black exterior. You already knew the car, every piece and part almost by heart but it was so much different having it right in front of you, finally able to touch it. It was literally the best car you had seen in your entire life, even if it was through a screen, and real life it was so much better.

You looked over at the hood and your eyes fell on Sam and Dean that were looking at you. Maybe you got a little too carried away. You laughed nervously.

“Sorry just had an orgasm.” you chuckled and a small smile formed on Dean’s lips “This car is seriously to die for.” you added with a small sheepish shrug.

Sam chuckled as well “Great. A second Dean.” he muttered a little to himself but you caught and giggled.

“Sorry Sam.”

He shook his head smiling, glancing for a second at his brother “No problem (Y/n). You can take shotgun too.”

“What? No Sam this- this is your place.” you shook your head.

“(Y/n) really, no problem. I am kinda tired actually and I will crash really early. Will need lots of space and Dean not putting plastic spoons in my mouth.” he chuckled and you did the same.

“Alright then.” you smiled widely, not missing the chance to open the door and jump inside. Sam getting in the back seat too. Only Dean stood there outside.

“You coming?” Sam asked and he seemed to be snapped out of his trail of thoughts and clearing his throat he opened the drivers door and got inside. You gave him a look with a frown and he shook his head, giving you a reassuring smile.

“Alright then, let’s get this started.” Dean breathed out, turning the car that gave out a pleasing rumble.

His eyes immediately fell you next to him and he couldn’t help but stare for a few second as you still were trying to take in as much of the car as possible. Almost looking like a little kid at a candy store. The smile formed on his lips without him realizing it.

But it turned into a glare as soon as Sam cleared his throat and gave him a teasing smirk. Dean just pressed on the petal and the car moved.

~*~

“Wow he wasn’t joking when he said he would crash any minute given.” you chuckled glancing at Sam in the backseat, sprawled out.

Truth was you would have fallen asleep too. You were exhausted after the Winchesters found you this noon and you woke up from passing out. But the sleep you got prevented you from shutting an eye at the moment. That along with the fact that you were riding shotgun in Baby and Dean was driving. You just wanted to live every moment of this and sleep wasn’t your priority at the moment.

Dean glanced at him as well chuckling “He’s a real sleepyhead sometimes.” he shrugged going back to driving.

“Hm.” you chewed on your lower lip, glancing at the cassettes waiting there for you. You glance between them and Dean.

“Can I- take a look?” you asked slowly and Dean looked at you before grinning widely.

“Sure thing sweetheart.” he chuckled and you smiled widely, not missing a chance to grab the box and shuffle through them. You had seen them so many times on TV but it was so much different having them there in your hands.

“Wow” you breathed out “Can we just take a ride and hear all these?” you asked hopefully and he chuckled.

“Nobody’s going to stop us.” he shrugged and you had to keep yourself from squealing.

“This is so surreal.” you breathed out, setting the box back in its original place.

“If you’d told me a week ago that I would be here, in this car up for a real hunt with the real Winchesters-” you laughed breathlessly “Who would have ever thought of that.”

“Yeah who…” Den breathed out, swallowing thickly.

You turned your head, frowning at him full of worry “Are you ok?” you whispered.

“You know me, sweetheart.” he smiled a little cockily “I’m always fine.” but the smile fluttered nonetheless.

“No. No you’re not.” you weren’t asking any more. And Dean wanted to laugh out loud at how you could already read him like an open book. He knew that sooner or later he wouldn’t be able to hide a single thing from you and that terrified him.

“But- It’s ok, Dean. It’s alright if you’re not, you know.” your hand fell on top of his that was resting on the leather seat.

Dean’s eyes immediately snapped to your hands and then back up at you, almost a little more wide than they should be. But he regretted everything as soon as you started pulling away your hand.

“I know that- we don’t know each other that well. Or-” you chuckled, fidgeting with your hands “-Or at least you don’t know me. But- Dean I just want you to know that if anything is bothering you- and I mean anything- I am here to listen.”

“I know, sweetheart. I know.” he breathed out.

Still though you couldn’t help the itching feeling inside you. You fidgeted nervously with your hands, looking down for a second.

“Does it- does it have to do with me?” you couldn’t explain this feeling but it was always there. You felt guilty, as if you had done something wrong but didn’t know what exactly it was. You felt responsible for Dean’s behavior and for his pain. Even if you had no signs as to what you’d done wrong you still did feel as if all of this in some way had to do with you.

“Wh-what?” he breathed out, his voice more hoarse than before.

“I just- I thought-” you breathed out a trembling sigh “You usually are all jokes and fun and ever since I came, you-” you run a hand through your hair “It’s stupid I know.”

“No. No.” he shook his head, trying to focus his eyes on the road but could hardly take them off you.

He was damned for sure because the only thing he could think about at the moment was wrap his arms around you and never let you go until that sad expression was wiped off your face.

“It’s not stupid.” he sighed “But you’re not right either. Don’t- don’t mind me (Y/n). Things have been hard lately, that’s all.”

“Are you sure? Is it- really not me joining this hunt? If- if you really didn’t want me to I could have- stayed back at the bunker.” you chewed on your lower lip but he shook his head.

“No (Y/n) no. This decision was… the best.” he breathed out “'Sides I promised to show you everything didn’t I?” he plastered on a big smile.

You nodded your head chuckling “Yes yes you did. And I can’t wait. A-And hopefully-” you chewed on your lower lip “-we’ll have enough time for you to know me better too, right?”

Once you realized what had left your lips you felt your entire face grow hot. Not only because you were this forward with a man but because said man was Dean freaking Winchester. You couldn’t believe what you were actually saying and at that moment you wanted Earth to open up and swallow you. You only hoped Dean hadn’t heard you.

A small, barely visible smile, played on Dean’s lips “Yeah. Hopefully.”

Because damn him, and damn everything else, but as long as he had you here he intended to make the most of it. You were his soulmate and Dean would have never lied more if he said he didn’t feel himself succumb to these new feelings.


	4. Chapter 4

You didn’t even realize it when sleep overcame you. One moment you were caught up on staring at Dean, luckily him not realizing anything, and the following moment you felt your eyelids close. Dean’s image was there even as you closed them. The image of him and the soft lights illuminating his face in just the right ways. You had to keep yourself from being any more creepy than you already were. But you couldn’t help it. He was there, almost within reach for you. The man you had admired for years and seen through screen… there, close to you.

And well, the man you’d had the hugest crush on of course. You loved seeing him drive the Impala. He was so focused and at the same time so calm. Worries fading away as he let himself enjoy yet another ride in his precious Baby. And this time he seemed to be even more at peace.

But it wasn’t the chance of Dean having caught you staring, no definitely not that, that made you blush. Neither than nor the green jacket wrapped over your body. _His_ jacket you noted. You didn’t even remember when he gave it to you but you weren’t complaining. You’d wondered so many times what Dean’s smell would be like, read so many fanfictions with that too – a guilty pleasure you weren’t going to let out for sure – but none of them could ever begin to describe it. Musk, leather and soft gun powder smell, mixed with cinnamon and an apple scent. There was a faint smell of rain too no matter how crazy that sounded. It smelt like fall. And it all mixed with something else you couldn’t find the words to describe. This was the key, one nobody had ever described because obviously nobody had ever been able to smell this amazing scent that described Dean Winchester perfectly. And it made just one warm feeling spread inside our chest. The only way to describe the feeling and smell? Home. The only word: home.

But no it wasn’t that which made you blush. Neither that nor the fact that you snuggled as much as you could with it, taking in a deep breath to enjoy the smell and feeling it brought to you. You just realized that it’d become your favorite blanket instantly. But once again it wasn’t the fact that you let yourself enjoy Dean’s jacket being all over you – or the fact that Dean did something like that – that made you blush.

It was the fact that you snuggled closer to Dean in your sleep. 

At some point you had felt a hand on top of your head, fingers playing softly with your hair. Your eyes had opened for a second, looking up from where you were. Your head on Dean’s lap and him glancing down at you, a soft smile playing on his lips. But your eyes had closed just as soon as they had opened so you only considered it a dream. _Well it obviously wasn’t you realized_. Your head was in fact on Dean’s lap, it was there the entire night and you were sleeping indeed there. Dean didn’t even mention it, much less do anything to stop you. Instead he had drapped his jacket over you and let you be as comfortable as you could.

You thought it was all a dream but now that you were waking up you remembered everything and knew it was real. All those moments you felt the back of a hand over your cheek, a thumb rubbing over it… were real. Dean’s handoccasionally on your shoulder, squeezing and rubbing. And you snuggled even more to him, his thigh was probably the softer pillow you’ve ever had as it seemed. And that look- that smile- the way he glanced over at you when in the middle of the night you woke up for a little while. Everything seemed to be in a haze but you clearly remembered that look… andthe intensity of it. _**An intense longing**_. Longing for what?

“Morning sunshine!” Dean’s happy voice made you slowly turn to look up at him. Still driving.

You got caught up for a second. His green eyes were shining so brightly that you couldn’t help it. And the smile on his face made you do the same. But then of course you had to notice you had your head still on his thigh. You looked down, clearing your throat and awkwardly shifting you got up.

“Morning.” you gave him a small smile.

“What is it?” he frowned for a second “Didn’t sleep well?”

“No uh- no.” you smiled despite everything, tucking a few strands of hair behind your ear “It was great actually. Baby’s very comfortable.” your words made him grin widely. You decided to let out the part where you found his thigh really comfortable as well.

“Thanks for the jacket too.” you said folding it on your lap and fidgeting with your hands you spoke again “And uh- sorry about the- you know the- uh-” you stuttered, making hand motions and he raised an eyebrow.

“What? That you were sleeping on my lap? Oh no problem.” he shook his head chuckling “You were pretty cute anyway.” the words slipped his lips before he could realize it and having caught it your eyebrows shot up in astonishment. To say your cheeks didn’t heat up would be a lie.

“I-” you cleared your throat, looking away at feeling the blush “But did you get any sleep?”

“Hm? Oh uh not really. I tried but you know- too many thoughts, and knowing the city was too far away the more driving the better. We’ll be there any minute now.” he tried to play it off but you weren’t having any of it.

The answer was definitely what you didn’t want to hear though “Dean.” you sighed with a scowl on your face “Driving without even an hour of sleep is not right.” you pursed your lips “You’re gonna fall down at some point.”

A small smirk etched on his lips “No need to worry about me sweetheart. I got it under control.”

“Yeah right.” you scoffed and pursed your lips giving him a hard glare that made him look at you with a stunned expression “That’s bullsit Winchester and you know it. Don’t you dare think I’m going to believe it for a second.” you huffed a little angry at him bottling up his feelings once more.

You sighed, your voice taking on a softer tone “What is it Dean? Something’s been troubling you and we both know it.” before you could realize it you placed a hand on top of his.

He didn’t answer for a moment, swallowing thickly; his eyes focused on the road although he took a glance at your hand. He sighed, looking down for a second “You already know how to read me like an open book huh? I’m definitely screwed.” he said with a small hint of a smile and you let yourself smile as well.

“I guess I am already in for good. “ you shrugged “I am past saving but I don’t mind it.” you dared look at him in the eyes only to see his smile fade at your words.

“(Y/n)…” he sighed, shaking his head “The less you get involved in this- the better.” he pursed his lips.

“That I will get to decide.” you crossed your arms over your chest “And if you can’t talk about it now- then fine. But don’t you dare think you’re off the hook.” you shook your head and he finally laughed.

“I ain’t getting rid of you that easily huh?”

“Ha no way!” you grinned “Remember we have a ride to make and listen to all your cassettes!”

“How could I forget.” he breathed out, looking at you for maybe longer than needed. He was so glad you didn’t notice a single thing though and you were so caught up with Baby or the scenery passing by to notice the way he was looking at you at that moment. To say he was captivated would be an understatement.

He had never felt himself being drawn to somebody so fast. Not just by appearance which – in his opinion – was something out of his wildest dreams because to him you were perfect, despite your flaws. But also at character as well. The emotional connection the two of you shared- he couldn’t describe it. And it all scared him to no end.

But at that moment he was glad for the distraction that was offered because of Sam waking up. Who knew how much it would take him to take his eyes off you. Probably only when you crashed.

Sam groaned, stretching on the backseat “Mhm morning.”

“Morning Sam!” you smiled at him “Quiet the sleeper huh?”

He chuckled “Sometimes yes.” he nodded his head, fixing his hair “Where are we at?”

“Just about a few miles out of the town. And right for a gas stop to fill the tank.” Dean replied, the car slowly slowing down to stop at a gas station.

“Sammy ya fill the tank, I’m gonna go get something because I’m starving.” he mumbled to Sam “You want anything?” he turned to you asking, already knowing what to get for him and his brother.

“Uh just some snacks, and a chocolate bar. But Dean-” you took hold of his hand before he could get out, immediately grasping his attention “Can I fill the tank?” you asked with a small hopeful smile.

He stared at you for a few second before a smile spread on his lips and he breathed out a chuckle “Sure thing sweetheart.” he winked at you and you grinned widely.

You had to keep yourself from squealing “Thank you so much!”

He chuckled, feeling his heart swell as you all-but-run out of the car. He only stood there for a second, staring at you. That was until his eyes fell on Sam that had a knowing smirk on his face and Dean’s expression turned into a scowl.

“Shut up.” he grumbled with a roll of his eyes.

“I didn’t say anything.” Sam raised his hands in surrender but that annoying smirk was still there.

Dean huffed, rolling his eyes and getting out of the car and slamming the door in his way. Sam merely laughed more. No matter how much his brother wanted to deny this, and despite how scared he seemed in the beginning – maybe still was – Sam could see that deep down he wanted this, he wanted you. Because Sam had felt it himself and the love of a soul was far stronger than any other kind of feeling or decision. Especially some stupid one he knew Dean was thinking about making.

Dean once again took his sweet time in the market at chosing the food, but most specifically the snacks. He couldn’t help himself but try extra hard to impress you. He wanted to do this the best way possible and even if it was just chosing snacks they still were for you. He couldn’t fathom the idea of getting something you wouldn’t like and worse turning him-it down. Besides he took his time for another reason which was the same as the previous day. Dean liked to admit he was scared of nothing but the truth was far from that. And now with you- his emotions were running wild. He always knew how to keep things under control, even his emotions. But right now everything was getting out of hand. Seriously out of hand. Even when he thought he had decided what he was going to do, push you away in the end, his entire body screamed differently at him. And so he did differently. Because doing his best to impress you wasn’t exactly ‘pushing away’.

He let out a trembling breath, running a hand down his face. He wasn’t himself, he had started to realize, not his usual self at least. But maybe- maybe all these emotions were his true self, the one he was trying to hide under the facade of strong, brave and stoic. He always tried to strike a balance between what was right and what he felt- always leaving no room for his feelings that is. But this time they were taking over and in a way he had never felt. So strong he couldn’t control. In a way he had never felt before and that scared the living hell out of him.

He now remembered a confession he’d had a few months ago. The fear of dying taking over him but above all becoming something he couldn’t recognize. About wanting to feel things differently and now… here he was. But it terrified him because he just wasn’t used to this.

“Alright ladies.” he said once he entered the car “I got-” he stopped himself when he noticed Sam in the passenger’s seat and you on the backseat. A scowl set for a second on his face, no matter how much he didn’t want to admit it he liked having you so close to himself there.

Thoughts of you and him grabbing Baby and driving to nowhere, jamming to his music, and just enjoying each other’s company had been running through his mind the entire night. A night that by the way he had not stopped looking at you. He was only glad he hadn’t crashed. But the fact that he went according to speed limit had helped too. There was precious cargo in the car anyway. But he secretly wished he could do this as many times as he could: he could already picture the smile on your face, his hand itching to hold yours and you’d be the one to make the first move he could see that already.

“The food.” he breathed out but cleared his throat as Sam smirked at him but shrugged.

“Don’t look at me. (Y/n) insisted on taking backseat.” he said with a smile and Dean gave him another look.

“Whatever.” he threw Sam his bag with rabbit food.

“Here princess.” he turned to hand you yours food.

“Thanks!” you smiled widely, putting your book aside and started searching through the bag to find your chocolate bar.

Your eyes widened as you pulled it out and looked at him “How’d you know?” you breathed out and he raised an eyebrow “It’s my favorite.” a shy smile played on your lips as you played with the candy in your hands.

“I didn’t.” he shrugged “It was-” he swallowed “Random.”

He looked in front of him not daring to meet your eyes fearing everything would show but Sam gave him a knowing look, shaking slightly his head. Dean wasn’t much into chocolate but that right there? That was his favorite one, and practically the only one he let himself enjoy oftenly.

“So-” Sam cleared his throat “-Town’s a few miles down but-” he typed on his computer “I’ve got news and it’s no good ones.”

“What is it?” you said through a mouth full, leaning closer to the boys and Dean had to keep himself from chuckling at how much it reminded of himself or how cute you looked like that.

But above all he had to keep himself from bringing a hand up and wiping that tiny smudge of chocolate at the corner of your lips. Or worse, lick it off himself.

He shook his head, willing himself to focus on what Sam was saying instead of your face being so close to him.

“Husband eats his wife out-” Sam started speaking and Dean made a face.

“Dude we are talking about a case here and you’re mentioning porn?” Dean teased and you had to stifle a giggle as Sam shot him a bitch-face.

“If you’d let me complete my sentence. Thank you.” he huffed with a roll of his eyes.

“He ate her out completely. As in to death.” he added and you made a grossed out faced.

“How lovely.” and you put your food aside, having lost all appetite

“Yeah but the thing is before the wife died- she had started expressing the same behavior. There have been found marks, and disturbing bitings on the husband too.”

“So what? Were they so much all over each other that they took it to the next level?” Dean raised an eyebrow.

“As it seems. But the records say the most disturbing fact is that once the husband was closed in jail his behavior started growing in a disturbing way. Like he was getting crazy to… keep going. Like he hadn’t had enough.” Sam made a face, scrolling down the article.

“What was his relationship with his wife? Was it good or not? Maybe- maybe he hated her or something?”

“Uh no, no I doubt that.” Sam sighed “They were soulmates-” he glanced at you and Dean “-family says they loved each other to death.”

“Well I guess they loved each other way too much to death. Literally.” you sighed, crossing your arms over your chest.

“Yeah.” Dean mumbled skeptically “Almost way too literally.”

You raised an eyebrow at him, giving him a look “You have an idea?”

He shook his head “It’s stupid, nevermind. Hey Sam- you said that this wasn’t the first case happening in that town though, was it?”

“No, this was the most recent event happening just last night. And old woman yesterday at the market was talking about their neighbors kid who… exploded in a way.” he explained as Dean pressed on the petal.

“Exploded?” you raised an eyebrow.

“He ate too much.” Sam sighed.

“As in?” Dean raised a scared eyebrow and you giggled.

“Well too much. As in his weight… four times. And he wasn’t any bony kid or something. His mother said he’s always had a love for food but the past days things got out of hand. Like way out of hand! He wouldn’t stop eating! To the point that-when she returned from work she found him eating the raw meat she had in the fridge because he had already devoured the rest of the food that they had in the entire house.”

“Whow. Almost makes me want to start a healthy diet.” you mumbled and Dean smirked at you “I said _almost_.” you pointed out and he chuckled. Sam only rolled his eyes at you but smiled nonetheless.

“But that isn’t the only case is it?” you were scared to ask.

“No, unfortunately. Uhm another couple-” he looked at his computer “-Wow uhm.” he laughed awkwardly “Wife took her husbands eyes out after he wouldn’t stop looking at other women. Seems like was a little bit too jealous of a type and he-well not so faithful as it seems.”

“Please tell me they weren’t soulmates either because it will make me hate the entire idea in general.” you breathed out making Dean clench his jaw for a second, trying to keep himself from showing how much the words got to him.

“Uhm no, nope. But it seemed to be working between the two of them and that’s why they decided to take the next step. The wife though never got over the fact that he seemed to still be looking for his soulmate, leading to her jealousy increasing.”

“Great then.” you breathed out already feeling unpleasant chills running down your spine.

“You ok?” Dean’s worried voice made you look up from your hands. You didn’t say anything but the way you looked at him gave everything away.

You thought you’d be used to this, just another case, but this time things were so different. This was real. People were dying for real, in gruesome ways at that. Thinking about it, and being unable to keep the images away, made your skin crawl. But you knew you had to keep strong, you needed to. It was your job to make sure the rest of the people in the town didn’t die.

Dean cleared his throat, giving you a small reassuring smile through the rare-view mirror before turning to Sam “So no connections right?”

“Nope, none at all. I’d say demon in te beginning but after this- it doesn’t make sense.” he sighed.

“But get this- wow.” he breathed out “Guy kills his girlfriend with… a kiss.” he read the article’s title.

“Excuse me? Is that- is that even possible?”

“Turns out.” Sam responded “As it seems girl died because of lack of air. Fact caused by not only the never-ending kiss but also an extremely tight… hug? Alright-” Sam slammed his laptop shut and raised his hands in surrender.

“I quit. I don’t get a single thing.” he huffed “When I heard those ladies at the market I thought it was all just murders, so some demon getting off on it but this-”

“It’s bullshit.” Dean grumbled and you nodded your head.

This case more so than any other one had the ability to get under your skin and make you feel extremely uncomfortable. More so than usual, to the point it got you worried. You shifted nervously in your seat as you glanced at the welcoming sign to Wellington, Ohio. You looked down at your hands a weird feeling setting at the pit of your stomach- an uncomfortable one at that. You partly started regretting the decision to follow the boys- but part of you still wanted to behere. It was almost as if you felt where you belonged, doing what you were meant to.

“So what do we do now?” you asked softly.

“Well, I guess interrogate the only 'killer’ that is alive.” Dean shrugged “We have no other option.”

“Who? Hugger-boy?” you raised an eyebrow.

“Exactly!” Dean pulled in front of the police station “We need more clues as to what happened. Articles ain’t giving away enough so- we will do it the old fashioned way.” he grinned cheekily at you, grabbing a fake ID for himself and giving one to Sam.

“Alright then, let’s do this.” Sam breathed out, getting out of the car with Dean following suit. However you stayed inside so just as Dean was about to walk away he stopped and turned to look at you, raising an eyebrow.

“Aren’t you coming sweetheart?” he leaned down to look at you with a smirk.

“Wait- you want me there? But I- I don’t have a fake badge or- or something.” you breathed out.

He chuckled winking at you “I’ll find a way for you in. With those looks you might even make the sheriff fall for you before thinking to question your ranking.” and he opened the door for you.

Your eyes widened and you immediately felt your cheeks heat up at his words. Had he really meant it or was he being his usual self?

You shook your head at your own thoughts and got out of the car, almost rushing to walk up the stairs and go directly to the door to prevent Dean from noticing your blush. But what you didn’t notice was the grin that was on his lips as well.

Sam smirked at his brother and wanted to comment on it but just as he opened his mouth he found himself stop and a lump form on his throat. A strange, very unpleasant feeling, settled at the pit of his stomach. A feeling he knew all too well but fought away as nothing with a shake of his head. Getting this case done as fast possible was the only thing at hand right now.

~*~

“Thank you very much sheriff.” you smiled at him as professionally as you could.

“No problem doctor.” he nodded his head and you were glad that he hadn’t asked for any proof in your supposed psychology degree or place.

“Just be careful, the kid may seem innocent but don’t let him fool you.” he added with a small smile that almost made you a little uncomfortable. In any other occasion you would have been flattered, because he was quiet handsome, but the case was different.

“Yeah thanks a lot sheriff. That would be it, though.” Dean said through gritted teeth and Sam rolled his eyes at the jealousy showing right through his brother. The sheriff gave him a tight smile before giving you a look and leaving the three of you.

“I don’t like the dude.” you mumbled and Dean scoffed, nodding his head.

“You tell me.”

“Alright, let’s deal with this hugger now.” you said with a sigh, moving forward to open the door.

Inside the practically empty room – save for a table and two chairs – was a guy that looked to be in about his late teens. His foot was moving up and down in an irritating way that made you already want to get done with this. He looked up at you, but mostly Dean and Sam, in horror as soon as you entered.

“Jill?” you asked his name, looking at the files in your hands and he nodded his head. You noticed his eyes were red, obviously from crying, and you felt sorry for the poor boy.

“Did you kill your girlfriend?” Dean was fast to ask and both you and Sam gave him a look at how forward he was. He merely shrugged at the two of you.

Just those few words made tears well up in the boy’s eyes “I didn’t- I didn’t want it. I didn’t mean for it to happen!”

“Obviously. How the heck did you achieve to knock all air out of her lungs with a kiss kiddo? Literally!” Dean raised an eyebrow at him, his accusing voice tone making you give him a look.

“I didn’t- I didn’t want it. I never wanted this. I loved her, I loved her so much.” he kept repeating almost to himself, fistinghis hair in his hands.

“It’s the only thing he kept saying ever since he arrived.” you whispered to the boys “Kept saying he didn’t want this to happen and he only wanted to show her how much he loved her.” you breathed out.

“Yeah maybe a little too much.” Dean whispered giving Jill a look for a second.

“Yes but-” Sam spoke up “He doesn’t seem to really mean it. I mean- maybe he did love her?”

“I did!” Jill exclaimed his hands slamming on the table, obviously having heard you “I loved her! I still do! I always will!” he screamed at all of you and you took a step back at the… hostility in his voice.

Dean puffed out his cheat, stepping forward and in front of you almost in a protective stance and you grabbed immediately his hand to stop him before he could do anything. You shared a look and with a small nod of his head he relaxed just slightly.

“Yes yes!” Sam spoke calmly stepping up “We know that Jill. You loved her, we understand. We understand everything, it’s alright. We get it.”

“No. No you don’t!” he growled, slamming back to his chair as he clutched his wrist that was handcuffed “I loved her with every fiber in my body! With my entire soul!” he screamed, and then looked up at you “She was my soulmate!”

For some reason at his words you felt Dean stiffen next to you and you placed a hand on his shoulder, trying to calm him down. His eyes immediately met yours and you gave him a small smile to make him relax. It seemed to do the work.

“Then why did you kill her Jill?” Sam asked softly, maybe understanding better than anyone else the pain of losing yoursoulmate and it being your fault.

“I didn’t mean too. I had just- We’d just been going out for a month, it was the happiest month of my entire life. I lovedher- from the first moment! She was my other half! I would never want anything to happen to her!” he exclaimed, his hands balled in fists as tears run down his face “I didn’t mean it.” he growled, angry mostly with himself.

“Easy Jill, easy. We believe you, we believe everything.” you spoke calmly.

You felt a pang in your chest. Guilty or not he did love her, she was his soulmate, he would have never really meant for this. Whatever it was that was making people act like this was responsible for her death but he- he was going to blame himself for the rest of his life. Damned to think he was the reason his soulmate lost her life.

“Do you have _any_ idea how happy I was when I first laid eyes on my name on her wrist?” he breathed out after a small pause and unknown to you Sam and Dean shared a look “I wanted to make her happy. I dreamed of spending the rest of my life with her. And she- she was so… perfect. In every way. I know- I know she didn’t deserve someone like me.” he looked down “I am _poison_ and I just had to fucking hurt the only person in my life I cared most about!”

“Do you have any idea how it feels like to have met your soulmate, happy and beautiful, and then just a month later you are the reason to her undoing? I know I should have pushed her away the first moment I met her.” he buried his face in his hands, clenching his jaw to keep his tears in- in vain.

You looked at him with a sad expression but couldn’t realize what exactly Dean was going through at that moment. Sam who noticed gave his brother a look which he didn’t see either. He was having his own panic attack. He felt his heart beat so hard, but in an unpleasant way. Certainly not the way you made it beat with a smile of yours. He had let himself get lulled into this and enjoy your company, enjoy the fact that he had his soulmate by his side. He had allowed himself to forget about all the possible bad scenarios and what could possibly happen in this line of work with you there. He had allowed himself to let you get closer to him. He had allowed himself to know you better and dream about things he never had before, to think that even his wildest fantasies would come true with you.

But now? Hearing all fo this? It made realization set in. It made him understand that this could possibly happen to you one day- maybe sooner than later. Because he too was poison and he knew that he would be the reason to your undoing. Maybe not by a kiss like Jill, maybe (or maybe not) it wasn’t going to be his own hand but because of who he was. His life, his line of work…himself.

You let out a small sigh, closing the file in your hands and sitting on the free chair opposite Jill “I know-” you swallowed “That whatever I say will not make up for what has happened but- Jill, we need you to talk. In order to save others too.”

“We-” Sam spoke up, noticing Dean was too scared by his own thoughts to speak “-I understand Jill, that losing yoursoulmate is hard. Trust me.” he let out a small breath “But we need you to describe everything that happened slowly and with every detail. We need know everything in case this happens again. We must prevent it, before someone else gets hurt too.”

“No. No, nobody must go through this.” he breathed out terrified.

“Exactly. Which is why we are here.” you spoke up “We need information and right now you are the only one that can give them to us. Tell us, what happened that night?”

He stilled his gaze at you for a second before looking down “I loved her. To death. I would do anything for her. You have no idea how soulmates are until you meet yours. I wanted to be with her constantly but I wanted- I wanted to take it slow, so I waited even for the first kiss. I just- I- I never meant to kill her! I never wanted it!” he was on the verge of breakdown you could see it.

“Jill, hey hey no, we believe you. We believe everything you say, don’t worry we don’t blame you. Just- you need to calm down and tell us everything.” Sam placed his hand on the table, looking at him in the eyes.

He sighed before nodding his head. He brushed away furiously his tears and kept going “As I said I had no problem with taking it slow. I wanted her to be as happy as it could be. And so I waited for the first kiss too, trying to enjoy ti as much as I could. But when the moment came I- I never thought it would be this way.” he made a face that certainly couldn’t be described as pleased.

“What do you mean?” Dean’s hoarse voice spoke after a long silence, making you glance at him for a second.

“I- I couldn’t stop.” he breathed out “And- and neither could she. I don’t blame her, I never could, her death is only on mebut- but for some reason something felt wrong there. I felt relieved, I know I should. It felt like becoming one with her, like getting your missing part after years of looking for it but-” he ran a frustrated hand down his face “The relief didn’t last for long, nor did the happiness. I kept wanting more, and more and more. And so did she.”

“As in…?” Sam tilted his head to the side.

Jill looked up at him “Cravings. Bad, very very bad cravings. It’s like I couldn’t get enough of it. And I knew it was wrong, I knew that something was going terribly wrong but- but I couldn’t stop myself. And neither could she. I didn’t realize itwhen- when my hold on her tightened so much. I remember her trying to push my hands for a second but- but I couldn’t think straight. And even if my mind was screaming at me to stop my body just- it wouldn’t comply.”

“And by the end…” he breathed out in addition “When I felt the hunger die out… I realized she was also dead, in my arms… because of me.” he clenched his jaw, his eyes casting down in shame.

“Did you- did you maybe hear any strange noises or- or felt anything… weird?” you raised an eyebrow and he frowned in thought.

“I- I don’t think so, no.” he mumbled.

“Are you sure?” you insisted “No chills, or some kind of smell- like sulfur maybe? Even before you two’s date.”

“No.” he sighed “Not a single thing.”

You let out a small sigh, giving him a weak smile “Thank you Jill, for your co-operation.”

“I deserve to rot in hell for what I did.” he whispered, mostly to himself but you clenched your jaw.

“Don’t. Don’t you say that.” you said firmly “She wouldn’t want this for you. She’d never want it for you.”

“I killed her.” he breathed out.

“Maybe yes maybe not, that’s not sure yet. But what I am sure of is that she wouldn’t want you to think like this. She’d only want you to move on, keep going and be strong for her. To remember the beautiful moments you had together even if they didn’t last long and carry on. She will always be there, dead or alive. Because she is your soulmate, no past tense. She is and will always be. She’s part of your soul and as long as you have that name on your wrist, line over it or not, her soul is always with you. And you have to keep going for her. No quitting.”

A small smile twitched on his lips “She’d say the same thing. It’s as if I can hear her.” he breathed out and you smiled more.

“I bet.” you nodded your head.

“Thank you for your help Jill. And we promise to do something about getting you out of here.”Sam said with a small smile.

Jill shook his head “No, no really. I think I deserve this, at least for a few years. I need this… for myself.”

You gave him a weak smile, nodding your head at knowing how he wouldn’t stop blaming himself and that this was him punishing himself. With another sigh you turned and opened the door to exit, Sam following closely behind but Dean stayed there just a few more seconds; sharing a look with Jill.

“I am not going to tell you it’s not your fault.” he spoke up, his voice more rough than ever “But if it offers any kind of relief, we are going to find the son of a bitch that caused everything in the first place. And he will pay for her death.”

Jill clenched his jaw and nodded his head “Make him suffer as much as possible.”

“Will do.” it was a promise from Dean before he finally left and closed the door behind him.

~*~

“So… obviously no ghost messing with people’s needs.” you sighed, walking down the stairs.

“Yeah and no demon here either. I just- I still don’t get it though-” Sam sighed, glancing at you “I don’t remember us having faced such a case ever before.”

“It doesn’t make any sense at all, Sam.” you mumbled “Except for one or two cases the rest of them have no connection. There is no real pattern here, and according to Jill it _is_ something supernatural. There is no doubt about that anymore.”

“Obviously.” he shook his head “But- maybe we have not seen something here. What if- what if it is some kind of creaturemessing with… people’s loves?”

“Their loves? Like the soulmates and that kid’s love for food? It could be an explanation.” you sighed but then it striked you “But- wait that does not explain that wife’s behavior. She killed her non-soulmate husband because her jealousy got the best of her.”

“Yeah right.” Sam pursed his lips, running a hand through his hair until his eyes fell on Dean that suddenly was too quiet. He could understand that it had to do something with Jill’s soulmate dying because of him. He could already see his brother thinking out the similarities but he had to make him stop.

“Hey Dean, what do you think?” Sam asked but it seemed in vain because Dean didn’t respond, making you look at him with a frown too.

“Dean? Are you listening to me?” Sam repeated “Dean? Dean!”

“Dean? Hey are you alright?” you asked more softly, touching his arm to shake him slightly which seemed to do the effect because his eyes snapped down to you immediately.

His mouth fell open for second, his eyes almost going a little wide until he regained his composure. He cleared his throat and blinking he looked between you and Sam.

“You know what fellas?” he breathed out “I don’t think it’s a ghost or demon we’re after here.”

“Then what?” you whispered “What could be making people’s hunger go so big?”

Dean looked down at you, meeting your eyes “There is only one explanation…” he whispered.

And then realization downed on you as you breathed out “Famine”


	5. Chapter 5

“You know what fellas?” he breathed out “I don’t think it’s a ghost or demon we’re after here.”

“Then what?” you whispered “What could be making people’s hunger go so big?”

Dean looked down at you, meeting your eyes “There is only one explanation…” he whispered.

And then realization downed on you as you breathed out “Famine”

“Wh-what?” Sam stuttered, his eyes going wide.

“Think about it-” Dean licked his lips “That kid not being able to stop eating until he had a stroke because of the food. That woman taking her husband’s eyes out because her jealousy got over her. That husband loving his wife so much that he practically devoured her. And Jill-” he stopped himself, a small sigh leaving his lips.

“It’s the only explanation.” you whispered, eyes casting down “People’s hungers are taking the best of them. They’re all… starving. For what they deeply desire.”

“But- but it makes no sense!” Sam exclaimed and you could partially understand him. His hunger for demon blood would sooner or later cause a big problem and if not for the case then for the brothers’ relationship for sure.

“We killed famine! He’s gone for good! And last time we checked- there is no Apocalypse number 2 going on!”

“Yes but you said it yourself yesterday. It might be.” Dean shrugged softly but let a small sigh “Maybe that makes no sense because we killed him yes but- either way we know for a fact that people are giving into their hungers.”

“Great then.” you sighed, already beginning to understand what that weird feeling at the pit of your stomach was “So what do we do now?” you breathed out, giving Sam a worried look which he actually returned.

“Well, first find a motel because I desperately need a shower and then-” Dean stopped himself for a second to share a look with his brother “-we’ll see.” he breathed out as you all made your way to the Impala.

“We’re not going to-” you spoke tentatively “We’re not going to leave, are we?”

Dean looked at you, his one hand on the hood of the Impala and the other on the handle “We don’t know that yet.” he breathed out honestly but you frowned.

“Why? This is a case, similar to one you have faced in the past at that! You’re been through so much after that- what makes you think you won’t make it this time?” you frowned looking between them.

“(Y/n)” it was Sam that spoke “Things have changed, we-” he glanced at Dean who had his head bowed “-We are not the same as then.”

“Exactly! You are stronger now! You have more will! You are the Winchesters, there is no single case that can just go by with you two!” you emphasized.

“You’re saying that because you don’t know what Famine can really do (Y/n).” Dean spoke his voice thicker as he fisted his hands.

“When your hunger gets the best of you you won’t be able to think of anything, much less the case.” he swallowed, shaking his head “I’ll probably call Cas so that you and Sam can-”

“No.” it was Sam that spoke up “Forget that. I am not leaving you on your own, or with Cas anyway. Not now and in this situation.” he pressed.

“Neither am I.” you spoke up and his green eyes met yours “I- I mean that there is no way we are going to let you deal with this on your own. You never know what can happen with your own hunger.”

“Sweetheart I’m-” he started speaking with a small sad smirk but you cut him off before he could continue.

“Dean Winchester I swear to Chuck that if you dare say you are dead on the inside I will kick your ass so hard you won’t beable to sit for a week!” you threatened, your serious tone making him look at you almost in awe more than anything else-and of course not notice your small slip up.

“Bet you would.” he mumbled with a small breathless chuckle and you grinned at him, already seeing him cave in.

“Hell yeah! But honestly now- we need as many hands on this case as possible. Sam can control his hunger, as long as no black eyes are around-” you gave him a crooked smile at which he let a small sigh but nodded his head “-and as for me-” you grinned more looking at him “As long as you have plenty of money with you then I’m good!”

“What- what is it?” Sam asked with a small frown and you chuckled.

“What else? Chocolate! And I finally have an excuse to give in to it as much as I want to.” you laughed, making a small smile spread on Sam’s but also Dean’s lips.

It felt contagious he wasn’t going to deny it and as he shared a look with Sam he knew his brother thought the same. For the first time, maybe in ever, he found himself hoping for the best. That in the end everything would be alright and this case would end just like every other one and everybody would be safe. It was something he rarely had in the previouscases and some small – alright big – part of him wanted to have this with him every other time. He wanted to have you there with every other case.

“Well, then I guess we better take a stop at the market before huh?” Dean chuckled and you giggled.

“Definitely!” you exclaimed, already digging through your pocket to find the half chocolate bar you had left bout an hour ago.

“Very well then. We’ve got a case on our hands, we better not waste any time right?” Dean broke into a grin and you nodded your head, not wasting any time in getting inside the car.

Sam looked at his brother with a frown at which Dean shook his head and for the first time in a long his brother gave him a reassuring smile. Meaning that every was at peace within him. Everything.

~*~

“Ah motel sweet motel!” you smiled at approaching the door, waiting for Dean to unlock.

“Well first time somebody is excited over that.” he chuckled and you did the same.

“Are you kidding me? I am living the entire hunter experience what’s better than that?” you shrugged matter-of-factly.

“Some would say… Nevermind.” he shook his head.

“Is it going to take Sam long to come?” you asked a little impatiently.

But it wasn’t the fact that you couldn’t wait to go interrogate people. It was mostly the fact that staying any longer just with Dean was not the ideal situation in this case. It was bad enough as the lady at the front desk had assumed you were a couple. She was almost ready to make a shipping name for the two of you, not making it any better for either you or Dean. There was a tension between the two of you from the first moments but today and in this town it had started growing… almost in a dangerous level. But while Dean’s gaze made your body temperature rise ever since yesterday it was today that things had escalated. And even the smallest comment, like that of the lady, made you want to crawl out of your skin because of how much it got to you. Your face felt as if it was on fire and the strange feeling at the pit of your stomach was back.

And of course Sam had to be the one to leave you two alone, in fact he had seemed too eager to do that. But you had decided to not pay any attention to that, instead focusing on our chocolate that luckily managed to ease your nerves. He had gone to take a fake ID for you from a friend of Dean’s a couple blocks down that made them, just so that you could help them more easily and above all so that you wouldn’t have to flirt your way into interrogation – but Dean had not said that out loud.

“I don’t think so. Johnny’s always fast with his work but even if he does- what’s the matter? You’re just stuck with me for a little longer.” he grinned, almost shyly you could see, as he glanced at you.

You couldn’t help a small giggle at how boyish Dean looked at that moment “I don’t think that would really be a bad thing anyway.” you mumbled with a shrug and he looked down at the door to hide his own grin.

He glanced at you for a second as you took another bite of your chocolate “Don’t you get tired of that?” Dean gave you a look, smirking slightly.

“It’s chocolate Dean. So no, I never get tired of eating it.” you chuckled and he rolled his eyes, mumbling something under his breath but grinned in the end nonetheless.

“Alright then. Here we are princess, a motel room. We’ve been in plenty more like this, so I hope I am doing well in keeping my promise.”

“Oh dear, yes.” you breathed out with a wide smile “This is gre-” you stopped yourself before you could complete your sentence “Are- are those two beds?” you breathed out and he placed the second duffel bag inside.

“What?” he breathed out but his eyes went wide when he saw the two double beds.

“I thought you told her about three single ones not-”

“I did!” Dean exclaimed, a groan soon leaving his lips “Damn it.” he growled, running a hand down his face.

You sighed, shaking your head “It’s fine” you mumbled “It’s still a motel room- and there is no real hunter experience than me sleeping on the couch.” you shrugged with a smile.

“No, (Y/n) forget that. I’m not going to let you sleep there!” he was fast to argue.

“Dean” you chuckled “I have no problem with that, alright? I wanted the hunter experience and here it is! Important thing is we are here to help those people out, doesn’t matter if I look like some sort of Picasso drawing in the morning.” you shrugged and he chuckled.

“You’d be his finest piece of art then.” he mumbled to himself but you definitely heard him.

You bit your lower lip, trying to keep a big smile from spreading on your lips “Weren’t you going to take a shower or something?” you changed the subject, already searching through your duffel bag for the computer Sam had lended you.

“Yeah, right. Thanks for reminding me. Uh and when Sam comes in tell him to get ready. We will need to go visit some of the victims.”

“Why? I mean we already know what it is.” you frowned.

“Yeah, and it’s both a good and bad thing. But we need to know when people had started expressing such behavior, maybe if someone had seen an old wrinkly ass man around or something.” he sighed.

“Alright.” you nodded your head, waiting for the computer to open. You glanced nervously between it and Dean, chewing on your lower lip. You just had that itching feeling to ask him-

“Hey Dean?” you whispered and his head immediately snapped to your direction.

“Yeah?” he asked back, curious as ever.

You had so many things to ask him but above all so many things to tell him. You had seen what had happened in his firstencounter with famine, and you didn’t like one bit thinking this would be the same.

But you shook your head and decided against it “Nothing. I just wanted to thank you, that’s all.” you said softly and he frowned for a second.

“Why?”

“For everything, you know, for taking me here and all. This is pretty much my only chance to being able to… save someone. Other than the gas stations, motels and bar later it’s- having the ability to save all those people made me realize how important this is.” you whispered, shrugging softly “So really, thank you for giving me the chance to help in this… and for believing in me.”

Dean felt his throat close and his mouth go dry and his mouth hang open. He felt his heart swell inside his chest and he had the urge to tell you everything you didn’t realize. How much more this meant to him and how much more he thought and felt for you. But at the same time he knew he couldn’t. This was certainly not the right time to do so and they had more pressing matters. So for now he had to be content with the fact that him letting you follow them had made you more happy than he actually thought it would. He was content with the fact that him pushing aside his worries had allowed you to feel happy with yourself and him at peace for the first time in so long.

“No problem sweetheart.” he smiled softly and you shyly looked back at your computer.

God knows how much he just wanted to stay there at stare at you, that small and so-damn-adorable frown on your face managed to make his heart go on overdrive. Hell he knew he could do it forever if you just let him but- that would seem creepy, to say the least, so instead he cleared his throat and willing himself he turned around and hastily walked into the bathroom. He needed a cold shower asap.

~*~

“Any news?” you heard a voice that made you stop eating your – you had lost count of – chocolate and shake your head.

“Nope. No sight of old man in a wheelchair. Just people going crazy. And man do people have freaking crazy-” you didn'thave the chance to say the last word as you felt your throat close and all air get knocked out of your lungs, your eyes widen and certainly your face go bright red.

You could have tried to hide the stunned expression from your face, or do something to cover up your blush, but Dean standing right there; just a few feet away from you, for real, with just a towel wrapped around his waist didn’t help. Your eyes roamed his entire chest and his puffy arms, almost admiring the tattoo for a little longer than you should. But you couldn’t help any of it because no matter how many times you had or would see this either on TV or your computer screen at this very moment Dean was standing there. For real. His hair still wet and pushed back, giving him a new look, hell he as well was dripping. You just were so tempted to follow one droplet that ran from his hair to his chest, to his abdomen and- Yeah. No. Maybe not a good idea. But you would be lying majorly if you said it didn’t affect you… perhaps more than it normally would?

“Cravings.” came your voice a lot more squeaky than you intended.

You cleared your throat and looked right back at the computer screen, clicking absentmindly and not really paying attention to it. You only cared to take the image out of your mind and all the things he was making you feel, but he was Dean Winchester in flesh and bone right there. He was the only one to blame for it. However you missed Dean frowning for a second and then raising an eyebrow. His eyes almost going wide for a second as he realized what was really going on until of course… that greedy feeling he had ever since he met you was back there and he couldn’t help anything, especially his actions.

“Found any other case?” he asked in a low voice that actually made you jump.

You hadn’t even realized when he’d come behind you, leaning over your chair to look at the computer. His face was much closer to you than you realized it so you didn’t dare move for a second, fearing you’d be in much more of an awkward situation than you already were. Did he even realize the effect he had on you? And if he did, was he doing this on purpose?

“Y-Yeah. I th-think.” you whispered, your voice coming out more trembling than you intended so you cleared your throat. You had a hard time controlling yourself as his smell invading you. It didn’t help that he’d come straight out of the shower. Was that a… blueberry scent? He couldn’t have seriously just used that, could he?

You moved the computer so that he had better view and didn’t need to be so much all over you so that he could look at the screen. Dean couldn’t help a small smile as he glanced at you. You were flustered and that was very much obvious, hell he could feel it himself too. The connection you had was already strong as it was. And as that, that small part of his that still wanted this to happen, and not to push you away, felt a little – ok a lot – over the moon to see this reaction from you. However he still moved his arm that had your name tattooed there on your chair so that you wouldn’t notice.

“Man dies after excessive… intercourse?” he raised an eyebrow.

“Obviously.” you breathed out, scrolling down “His wife died too.”

“Well, that is certainly a happy way to go.” he chuckled and you breathed out a laugh.

“Seems like this case is telling you something, though Dean. The kid with the food, this man, there was even one thatchoked on alcohol too- you know it’s practically-”

“Don’t.” he pursed his lips, giving you an annoyed look “Don’t you dare. I have one Sam to deal with, I don’t need a second one. And I am surely not going to become one myself.” he grumbled and despite the awkwardness you giggled at him.

“Really? You know there might be a deeper meaning to all this.” you suggested with a small smirk, knowing how much it got on his nerves.

Dean was never going to change, he knew that, and you truly wouldn’t have him any other way. But there was no harm in teasing him a little bit more, right?

“Shut up.” he grumbled, pushing away from you and grabbing a few clothes from his bag he was back into the bathroom.

You let a small sigh of relief, partly satisfied that he wasn’t standing a few inches away from you half-naked and partly sad just because of that. However you couldn’t help the fact that you eyes lingered a little more than they should on his back – his entire back – as he left. You bit your lip, a small grin on your face.

You groaned, shaking your head “Control your inner fangirl (Y/n).” you muttered to yourself “You have a case to think of. This is serious.” you tried to convince yourself.

Because this was really serious. This was not just about your ‘hunter experience’ no matter how exciting that was. Other than the fact of you living every fangirl’s dream this was real. You were getting the chance to help people, lots of people, and you were really thankful to Dean for giving you that chance too.

~*~

Dean let out a small sigh, a smile resting on his lips. He ran a hand down his face breathing out a chuckle at how impossible this seemed. If anyone had told him just a few days ago that he’d end up with you here he would have laughed in their faces but yet- here you were. But it wasn’t just that fact that got him acting like a teenage boy.

It as all those small signs that showed how you felt the same. His stomach was tied in knots and his heart wanted to jump right out of his chest. But he tried to push all those aside. And obviously failed miserably because at just remembering how cute you looked blushing he was acting like a schoolgirl all over again.

“Damn it.” he grumbled under his breath but even if he wanted to be mad, at anything actually, he couldn’t find it in himself.

It hadn’t even been a complete day and you had managed to turn his life upside down. In ways that he’d never imagined at that. And as he thought about it, for the first time he didn’t want to get done with this case. If it was any other occasion he’d just want to be over with it so that he’d return to the bunker and not have to sleep on a shitty motel room anymore. But this time he didn’t want that to happen.

There were to reasons to it. One he loved seeing you get to excited over everything that they did. It had become a routine for Dean and he’d expect that from you as well, seeing as you obviously knew a lot about them and their lives. But seeing how you acted like a child in a candy store whenever he had to stop at a gas station, or put on music inside the Impala – hell even load your bags in th trunk of Baby – and drive, or ask a victim, or state your fake identity, or get a motel room orhell- even go on supply run! You didn’t miss the chance to go with him to buy beer and anything else you needed for while you stayed here.

The sparkle in your eyes when you entered the store and went straight to the pies could hardly be described. Dean found himself chuckling just at thinking about it. You were such a fangirl, no matter how much you tried to hide it, but maybe, just maybe, he could get used to this. Hell, he’d love to.

And the second reason, and most important, he knew that when this case was done – only because it was an urgent one – he and Sam would be right on trying to find a way for you back home. He knew Sam would suggest calling Cas, and he had no doubt that he was going to find a way for you out of here very fast. Way more fast than Dean’s liking but- Dean actually never wanted you leave if it was up to him. He just had so much to do with you and didn’t want you to leave yet, not justyet- but then again, maybe never. He didn’t want to have to tell you goodbye, this almost-full-day with you had been one of the best in his life and it tore him on the inside to think he would have to get you as far away as possible from him once the case was done with.

And he knew, no matter how terrified he was of these feelings and getting to experience them for real, he was more scared of something else. And that was losing you to some monster, or worse… _himself_.

He remembered Jill’s words and how every one of them got to him, he felt them like stabs in his heart. The only thought in his mind being the image of all of that happening to you. And that scared the living hell out of him more than anything else. He knew that if he let himself get closer to you, attached even in the least bit, he was going to be your undoing. And going through what Jill had was a nightmare he didn’t want to go through. He was going to blame himself, be it by his hand or not, and he knew it that no matter how much Sam comforted him he wouldn’t be able to live with himself after such a thing.

And the only thing he could do to prevent all of it was to push you away and keep things as neutral as possible. He had to control himself and not let any of those rising feelings show. Maybe he couldn’t be stoic and cold towards you – hell even if he got possessed he would never be able to do that no – but he was going to keep things friendly. No remarks or flirtycomments, smirks or winks, and above all no lingering touches or glances despite how much every fiber in his body screamed for him to just hold you all the time.

It tore his heart apart to think about it but he knew how much worse it would hurt to hold your lifeless body in his arms. He’d much rather have that than need to see the line over your name on his wrist.

He was determined that he would keep you safe, even from himself.

~*~

“Hey there!” Sam broke into a grin as soon as you opened the door for him.

“Hey! Did you get it?” you asked excited and he nodded his head, handing you the new fake ID.

“Oh gosh I can’t believe this.” you breathed out staring at it “This is really happening? Am I not dreaming for sure?” you looked up at Sam as he chuckled.

“No, (Y/n) you’re not. You really are here.” he smiled at you and you let a small giggle.

“Gosh this is so surreal I- I have to be dreaming. All this time- all of this- real.” you breathed out, fidgeting with the ID in your hands.

“No, (Y/n) you are not dreaming. This is all real.” he smiled, sitting on a chair next to you.

“But-” you chewed on your lower lip “I don’t get it.”

“What?” he blinked.

“Why me?” you finally looked up at him “I mean- I have been thinking about it but couldn’t find an answer. Why me here? Why wasn’t it somebody else?”

He smiled softly “You know (Y/n) probably you won’t believe me but in this life- you learn lots of things but one above all: nothing is just a coincidence.”

“Accidents don’t happen accidentally.” you mumbled and he chuckled.

He ran a hand through his hair “Yeah, pretty much. You know- maybe we don’t know it yet but there is a reason why it’s you here. Some higher purpose, I guess.” he shrugged.

“Yeah like what?” you scoffed laughing “Sam I’m nothing special, as far as we know 100% human. I have no special skills like you or Dean, except for maybe being a fangirl.”

“That is a strong one! Trust me, I’ve come to realize it!” he breathed out with almost wide eyes.

You giggled “I know, but apart from that- nothing else. I’m just… plane and not important. Nothing unique.” you shrugged, looking down at your hands, playing with the sleeves.

“That’s what you think. But for someone out there you might be really important and everything you do-” he shrugged “-might be the most interesting thing in the world.”

“Yeah who? My soulmate?” you joked and all he did was shrug again.

“Why not?”

The smile was gone from your lips and your eyebrows shot up in surprise. You looked up at him, opening your mouth to speak but you just decided against it and shook your head.

“Doesn’t matter.” you mumbled with a small sigh “How are you holding up Sam?” you whispered in addition and he smiled softly but it soon fell.

“I can’t say it’s not there. As much as I hate to admit it I- I don’t know how I am holding up. And it scares me because we are just a few hours here and the effects are so strong already. The first time it wasn’t like this.”

“So what? You mean he’s only gotten stronger?” you frowned and he let a sigh.

“I only know that this time it will be much harder for us to get done with him. And with our hungers going wild I- I don’t know what we’re going to do.” he sighed “How are you holding up?” he asked back.

You let out a sigh “Considering that I have eaten just three chocolate bars up to now- then I think I’m good.” you smiled widely and he chuckled.

“Chocolate huh? I think you are the luckiest one amongst us in this case.”

“How so?” you raised an eyebrow.

“Oh just saying. You probably won’t go wild when you haven’t had enough.” he shrugged.

“Are you kidding me? Sam, it’s chocolate! Of course I’d go wild!” you exclaimed “But seriously I am glad I still have control over this. Knowing what-” you sighed “-knowing what people can do when hunger gets the best of them-” you shook your head “-I hate having to think I won’t be myself anymore.”

“It is something nobody should have to go through.” he mumbled, fidgeting with his hands nervously.

“Sam” you placed a hand on top of his “I know this is going to be hard for you but you need to stay focused. I know that you can do this, you are Sam fucking Winchester.” you giggled “And I promise when the need becomes too much I will be here for you to talk to, to get your mind off of it. Yeah?”

“Yeah (Y/n).” he breathed, squeezing your hand “Thank you.” he chuckled as you winked at him.

“Honestly Dean’s really lucky to-” he stopped himself when he realized what he’d started saying and saw the frown on your face.

“Wh-what?” you tilted your head to the side.

“I mean Dean and I, we both are lucky to have you here. You know-” he laughed nervously – he knew all too well his brother would kill him if he dared complete that sentence – and almost stumbled back as he got up from his chair “-I always liked the idea of having a sister.” he gave you an awkward laugh.

“Sister huh?” you whispered “Does… does Dean think the same? Does he see me as a sister too?”

You hesitated to ask because truth was you didn’t want to know the answer to this question. It hurt you more than you thought to know that Dean saw you as a sister. Sure you wanted that from Sam, he’d be a great older brother – in a way, but with Dean you didn’t want this. Because (you could confess it to yourself) truth was you could never see him as that. Maybe you tried burying that part of you that had feelings for him in the past because he was just someone on TV but right now- he was real. Very much so, just like the skip of your heartbeat whenever he smiled at you.

Sam smiled slightly at the look of disappointment on your face, wishing that Dean would just notice this and stop all of those stupid thoughts about pushing you away.

“No, no I don’t think so. Like at all.” Sam made a face, shaking his head.

“Oh” you blinked, looking immediately up at him “You think?”

“Definitely!” he emphasized with a chuckle, specially as he saw you try to fight and fail a wide grin “Besides Charlie is like the sister he never wanted so….” he shrugged.

“Ch-Charlie?” you whispered with a tilt of your head, your breath getting faster just like the rate of your heartbeat.

“Yeah, and now that I think about it the two of you would have a great time! She’s really into the things you like too and definitely easy to hang around.” he nodded his head.

A lump formed however on your throat as millions of thought started running through your mind. This was both great and terrible at the same time. But there was something you needed to know above everything else and that was-

“Hey you finally here?” Dean breathed out as he emerged from the bathroom.

“Yeah, and uh I forgot to tell ya but the sheriff called. He said there has been another case.” Sam responded.

“Like?”

“Massacre.” he breathed out and for the first time you took notice of Dean’s actions, his body stiffened and his fists clenched by his sides.

“How many?” he dared ask.

“They were still counting. They’ve gotten hold of the killer. Sheriff said he was going crazy, killing people one after the other. Lots of people were injured and lead to the hospital too.” he breathed, resting his back against the wall “But he just had to escape, and now their looking for him. They’re getting close I think.”

“Alright.” Dean swallowed.

His eyes looked up from the floor to you, his eyes locking with yours and for the first time you hated yourself more than ever before. How could you not have noticed what he was going through all this time? You saw fear in his eyes, it wasevident- hell, as crazy as this sounded, you felt it. You felt the scared beating of your heart, matching his.

He took in a deep breath, giving you a small smile as if trying to reassure you before turning to look at his brother “Let’s go.” he said firmly.

“Wait- Dean really? Are you… sure about this?” Sam whispered, a deep frown on his face.

“Yes, Sam. Yes.” his voice was rough as it could be “We’re gonna get done with this freaking case and once we find that son of a bitch we’re gonna make him regret ever coming back.” he growled.

“Dean- you know I’m not scared of that right?” Sam breathed out and Dean huffed with a roll of his eyes.

“What if- what if your own hunger takes over? If we go there then-” Sam stopped himself and pursed his lips.

“Sammy there ain’t no way that’s happening. Remember last time? Nothing happened.” he shrugged, trying to play it off but you could see him only try to mask his pain.

“Yeah but last time things were different Dean!” Sam exclaimed.

“Sam.” Dean growled at him, sending him a death glare as he took a step forward. He was just itching himself for a fight, you could see it.

“Why?” you whispered and their heads snapped to your direction, Dean’s anger dying out a little.

“Why are things different this time?” you whispered again, getting up from your chair and walking closer towards him, almost way more close than you should and that it was appropriate- but you took no notice of it. It was natural to you, your body had a mind of its own and you didn’t stop it.

“What has happened?” you whispered again with a frown and a tilt of your head, your eyes moving back and forth as you looked at his face. His eyes were locked with yours.

“Uh well-” his voice was raspy “-don’t know what season you’re in sweetheart-” his eyes moved from his arm up to your eyes, a sad and fake smirk on his face “-but things have changed. This arm ain’t bare you know.” he clenched and unclenched his fists almost nervously.

A shaky breath left your lips as his own eyes moved back and forth, looking down at you. You closed your eyes for a second, feeling your own heart ache get bigger. It almost felt like you could feel Dean’s own feelings. The fear was so strong it made you want to cry for him. And you didn’t need to hear him say it out loud to know what was going on, what was really happening. You couldn’t believe this was happening, but it made you realize why all this time he had been acting this way around you. Indeed his arm wasn’t bare.

“You have the Mark of Cain.” you breathed out and it was no question, but a statement.


	6. Chapter 6

“You have the Mark of Cain.” you breathed out and it was no question, but a statement.

“Yep.” he pursed his lips “A gift right from Cain himself, who no longer is alive but- Yeah.” he sighed, his eyes falling down on yours again.

“I see.” you swallowed, lips in a thin line as your mind was racing. It didn’t take you long to realize in what season and pretty much episode you were, even if this specific one never aired.

“So what?” you whispered, looking right back up at him to find his eyes always glued on yours “You crave… to kill?”

Dean let out a trembling breath, his eyes leaving yours. He didn’t say a single word, instead Sam spoke up.

“That’s what we’re afraid of.” he moved forward and you turned your head to look at him “Maybe the urge to- to kill isn’t really powerful at the moment but if he comes across all those bodies- and the blood- he might-” he stopped himself pursing his lips.

“I won’t.” Dean almost growled.

“Maybe you don’t know it yet, Dean! Yes sure last time you didn’t crave anything but- but now you’ve got the Mark and it’s already made you do things-”

“Sam!” he all-but-roared, making you take a step backward. His head immediately snapped to your direction a look of pure horror crossed his face, his eyes going wide for a second before a sorry look took over. No, not just sorry. He felt guilty.

“This is exactly what I mean!” Sam exclaimed but then tried to calm himself “Dean, don’t you realize it? You were already itching yourself for a fight, the Mark was because the anger inside you kept building up. Dean, the Mark’s urges will get so hard to fight off you- you won’t be able to control it.”

“Yes but I have, I already have it under control Sam I’m not just going to get locked up inside until this shit is over.” Dean growled with a roll of his eyes.

“For how longer Dean? You had a hard time before not to mention now that Famine is on the loose and everybody is going crazy to get what they crave. It’s strong Dean, stronger than before and-”

“And how do you know huh?” Dean cut him off, raising an eyebrow and your eyes widened for a second. You knew this wasn’t an easy topic for any of them, and you’d hate to see them fight (or worse) when thy needed to be united.

“Tell me Sam, how do you know this? Are you craving something so bad you are almost losing control?” he growled, narrowing his eyes at his brother.

Sam took in a deep breath, almost knowing he couldn’t avoid the fight that was about to break up.

“No.” you spoke up“No it’s just- me, you know and chocolate.” you gave them a small smile “It is indeed worse than the first time, even if I wasn’t here.” you took a few steps forward, almost being between them.

“But-” you glanced at Sam for a second “Dean, he’s right.” your voice took a much softer tone as you turned to look at him “I- I know you have this under control but this is Famine we’re talking about here. Control doesn’t exist and we need to besure that we will get done with this as fast as possible.”

“We can’t afford any distractions Dean and you know it.” Sam spoke softly, giving his brother the signature puppy look.

“Exactly. And although I know that- you do have the strength to win over this- _I know_ -” you emphasized, walking closer to him again and smiling reassuringly “-we cannot take any risks Dean. It will take time to get you on track again and we can’t afford that.”

“Alright.” his voice was thick as a small sigh left his lips, his eyes didn’t leave yours especially as you smiled back at him.

“So what then? Sam can’t go on his own there and no, forget it you aren’t going with him! I sure as hell ain’t letting you close to that dick of a sheriff again!” he pointed a finger at you and you chuckled.

“We could always get to call Cas, I’m sure he’d be glad to help.” Sam suggested and you nodded your head.

“Sounds like the best idea- besides, I’m getting to meet a real angel, not to mention Castiel himself, how cool is that huh?” you grinned, trying to cheer them up and succeeding.

Dean chuckled rolling his eyes playfully “Isn’t anything special though.”

“Are you kidding me? Excuse me but I’d like to call myself a proud Castiel-girl, I am allowed to fangirl as much as I want when it comes to meeting my favorite character.” you shrugged at him and he smirked slightly, raising an eyebrow at you.

“Favorite character huh? Am I supposed to feel offended by that or…?”

“Ha you’d wish Winchester.” you smacked his shoulder playfully, looking away from him “If anyone should be offended that’s Sammy!” you winked at the younger Winchester who laughed at you. It couldn’t be any more obvious to himself at how much you were teasing his brother, and just ow much Dean believed everything at that.

“Wh-what?” his eyebrows shot up and you bit the inside of your cheek to keep yourself from laughing.

Luckily you didn’t have the chance to say anything as Sam spoke up “Alright, yeah when you’re done- I need to get changed. I’ll call Cas on the way and once we’re done we’ll call to inform you.”

“Don’t forget to, got it?” Dean was fast to speak up and with a roll of his eyes Sam brushed him off.

“Sure sure, as long as you don’t get to butt answer and I hear you two’s happy noises.” he made a face, grabbing his bag and walking straight into the bathroom.

Of course Sam meant it playfully, maybe even wanted to tease you or Dean, but it certainly was past that. Both your and Dean’s eyes widened and your heads snapped to each other’s direction. You felt your stomach tighten in knots and the same uncomfortable feeling set inside you. Your cheeks flame up and you could swear you almost saw a blush creep up his neck and cheeks, something you got to see for the first time actually when it came to Dean Winchester. His eyes stared at you with so much intensity you felt so uncomfortable in your clothes, goosebumps forming all over your skin.

“I’ll uh- I’ll go get some ice, you never- you never know.” he murmured grabbing a small bucket that was next to the mini-fridge and all-but-running out of the motel room.

‘What the hell?’ you thought to yourself, your eyes still wide.

~*~

“Did you have a fight or something?” you asked slightly teasing as you looked up from Sam’s computer that he had sokindly lended to you.

“What? No I- No, (Y/n). It’s ok, I’ve got it under control.” he gave you a small smile.

“Oh.” you nodded your head “Cause I thought you encountered some polar bear that wanted to defend her ice cubs and it took you so much time.” you shrugged and his eyebrows shot up when he got it.

“Oh. Oh!” he chuckled, looking down for a second “Yeah no, no such thing.” he shook his head.

“…Then what?” you whispered, for some reason you really wanted to know what was bothering him because although you had a suspicion it was the Mark you needed to be sure. You wanted to offer him as much support as you could.

“It’s- it’s hard to explain (Y/n).” he mumbled, avoiding eye contact with you.

“You could always try?” you suggested a little hopefully and this time he looked at you, but the fear you saw in his eyes shook you to the core. Not just because you could see it yourself but because Dean let you see, and that practically never happened with him.

He cleared his throat, blinking and looking away “Not always (Y/n).” he muttered with a shake of his head.

You opened your mouth to speak but before you could utter a word he spoke up again “Hey, did Sam leave already?”

“Yeah, called Cas too and he said he was close by.”

“Huh?” he raised an eyebrow, surprised at how fast all of that happened.

You giggled “Yeah while you weren’t having a fight with a polar bear.” you teased, before you could comprehend it how you understood what he was thinking.

“Shut up.” he grumbled but you saw a small smirk form on his lips. Well that was something at least.

Silence fell between the two of you for a little while but it was comfortable despite what you had thought, especially after what Sam had said. But no, it seemed you had fallen into place as you sat on a chair searching through the internet in case you found some sort of clue for some old man being seen in the crime scenes (but no such luck) while Dean plopped on one of the beds and started doing his own research on some old-looking book.

Your eyes however would occasionally sneak up and look at him, but you didn’t seem to be the only one. The times you locked eyes with Dean were more than plenty and it only showed how none of you was really doing any research at that.

You let a small sigh, breaking the silence “Obviously aren’t going to get anywhere with this thing.” you mumbled, closing the computer with a swift move.

“You tell me.” he grumbled, throwing his head back.

“Do you- do you think we will make it? With this case I mean.” you asked reluctantly.

He stilled his gaze on you before letting out a sigh “I really hope so or else…” he stopped himself, pursing his lips.

“Or else?” your titled your head to the side “Dean is everything alright?” you whispered and he gave you a smile that soon fell.

“Wish I knew sweetheart.” he mumbled.

Biting your lip, and slowly you put the computer away and got up from your chair. You rubbed your arm nervously but still approached him “It’s the mark, isn’t it?”

“I’d be lying if I said it isn’t.” he gave you a honest look and you nodded your head sadly.

“Are- are the cravings getting bad? Do you want to-”

“No! No.” he rushed to say which surprised you even more than the fact that you actually believed him.

He sighed, putting the book away and moving in a seating position to leave space for you there too. He buried his face in his hands for a little while “I honestly have no idea (Y/n).” he said in a low and hoarse voice.

“I told you I am here to listen.” you whispered and this time he did look up at you.

You gave him a small sheepish smile “I know that this probably is weird.” you admit, looking down at your hands “You- you barely know me- hell, you just met me yesterday I- I don’t expect you to just open up to me.” you shook your head, suddenly feeling stupid for how close you were being to him. Hell, the man barely knew and he already had let you get close to him. You knew you were just overstepping the line and you had to back away.

“No, (Y/n). It’s alright.” his voice was thick and low but you still shook your head.

“I- I understand if you dont’ want to talk to me about that, you just met me yesterday! I- I am not someone special anyway.” you felt a lump form on your throat at the words that sounded so biter to you but were all true, even if you hated to admit it.

“Don’t say that. Never.” his voice was firm and almost angry but you just let yourself believe it was because of the mark on him not because he didn’t want to let you think that way of yourself.

You breathed out a chuckle “Fact stands though.” you breathed out “You know zero about me and I am looking like a creep, asking you what’s bothering you.”

“That’s not called being a creep.” he shook his head “And- as for knowing zero about you- it’s not true. I know a few thingsand- hey, I’m always open for conversation!” he opened his arms and gave you a goofish grin that made you giggle.

“There wouldn’t be much to know I guess.” you mumbled with a shrug and he raised an eyebrow.

“Oh is that so?”

“Yeah, well, I’m- I’m nothing interesting Dean. And my life, it definitely hasn’t been as interesting as your or Sam’s.” you shook your head as you fidgeted with your fingers.

“That I will get to decide when you tell me, but don’t worry we’ve got a lot cassettes to listen to.” he winked at you as he got up, eliciting a giggle from you, “Plus-” he grabbed two beers from the mini fridge and another chocolate bar for you “-as you said you already know a lot about me, it is only fair I learn everything about your life too.” he shrugged softly, trying to make this as casual as possible.

He was so glad you were so adorably clueless and didn’t notice his attempts at getting to know you better because that great greedy part of him wanted to know everything about your past and definitely be your future. He couldn’t call this flirting, because other than being extremely nervous - yes, Dean Winchester nervous - to take it that far he just found himself greatly interested in you more than he’d ever had with any other woman.

“You are not going to give up, are you?” you asked with a chuckle and he shook his head.

“Hell no!” he stated matter-of-factly; making you giggle again like a schoolgirl. _Damn him_.

“Besides-” his voice took a softer tone “I will be the one to decide if it is interesting or not, and from the looks of it up to now-” his gaze met yours “-you are the most _unique_ woman I’ve met in my entire life.”

To say your eyes didn’t go wide and your cheeks didn’t heat up would be a huge understatement. Never in a million years would you have imagined that Dean Winchester, in flesh and bone, would call you unique. Much less the most uniquewoman he’d ever met, and coming from him it meant a lot. The way he said it at that- Gosh the look in his eyes made shivers run down your spine.

You blinked when you realized you’d been gaping at him like a fish out of the water. You bit your lower lip and looked down at the beer, feeling your cheeks still burning hot.

“Thanks.” you whispered, your voice hoarse.

“Don’t have to.” was his short reply - although you missed the smile on his lips - before he took a sip of his beer.

“…But still, I look like a creep.” you mumbled and he chuckled.

A chuckle that in all honest warmed your heart more than anything else in the entire world.

“No, (Y/n) you don’t.” he shook his head and you raised an eyebrow.

“Are you trying to be nice now? Come on Dean!” you giggled “I would probably look like a stalker or something with all the things I know!”

“No, no.” he shook his head “It’s- it’s different. What’s the term? Uuh-” he looked off in the distance for a little while “Fan-fangi- Ah fangirl! Yeah, you’re a fangirl, that is different.” he shrugged, looking at you “Yeah a fangirl- a hunter fangirl!That- that I think-” he pouted for a second “Means a lot. Yeah.” he nodded his head with a grin and you laughed.

“So I am a hunter now?” you smirked and he paused for a second.

“I would never wish that for anyone.” he spoke seriously for a second “But- for as long as you are here- I guess it wouldn’t hurt much…?”

He tried to hide the fact how once again that greedy part of him wanted you to stay and be with him for as long as possible. And maybe- just maybe he would be able to keep you out of this life, safe, yet close to him.

You shook your head with a laugh “And that somehow makes it all less creepy?” you raised an eyebrow.

“Well, give or take.” he shrugged “Important thing is you haven’t jumped on either me or Sam so I think you pass!” he clicked his beer bottle with you and you chuckled.

“That’s a good thing then.” you took a sip of your beer “But just so you know- it’s because I haven’t met Cas yet, then my inner fangirl will make an appearance.”

“Oh really?” he narrowed his eyes at you “So, what? You’ve always had a soft spot for him?”

“Why so interested to know Winchester?” you smirked almost more seductively than you should and would ever have in front of a man. Especially said man being Dean Winchester.

But either way this was certainly not you being yourself. Something was wrong, very very wrong.

Dean’s eyebrows shot up in surprise but before hE could speak you beat him at it, trying to play this as a joke and not the darkest parts of your soul getting the best of you.

“Easy up.” you chuckled - although it came of as slightly awkward - and spoke again “I love the entire cast.” whichdefinitely wasn’t a lie “Just as much as the characters.”

“Huh?” he nodded his head, taking a sip of his beer before his eyes fell on the ground “Jared, Mi- Misha? Yeah and….” he paused for a second.

“Jensen.” you said softly and he nodded his head.

“Have you ever met them or something?” he looked at you for a second.

You shook your head “No, despite how much I always wished to.”

“But still you respect them?”

“And admire them, grately.” you breathed out “Especially-” you stopped yourself abruptly, pursing your lips. You suddenly found a great interest in the chocolate bar.

Dean raised an eyebrow but didn’t press further, however he just felt the need to know “And what about the Jensen dude?”

Your eyebrows shot up for a second before you looked down, biting your lip “It’s hard to explain.” you mumbled.

“You could always try.” he suggested and you giggled.

“I just- it is really hard to explain. There was always this kind of connection, it almost made me feel so weird. It justshouldn’t be there yet every time… it was. Have you ever felt some weird connection with someone, in a way that you could almost feel what they did, think what they thought and just be drawn to them even if you have practically never met them?” you looked at him with a small frown and he slowly nodded his head.

“Yeah, yeah I know.” his voice was low and rough.

“The first time I saw a picture of him it was- it was you.” you confessed, eyes casted down not daring to look eyes with him “From around, season two? Maybe it was even season one I’m not sure. It just- it stuck with me. I still remember it up to this day- but the way- the way I felt couldn’t even begin to describe anything else in my entire life. It was almost… supernatural.” you laughed at the irony “The moment I looked at it- honestly the things I felt it just was… strange. And I shouldn’t! I mean, maybe I don’t know but- After that one googling led to another and I started Supernatural and you know the rest.” you ended up whispering.

You wanted to let out the part where you felt that weird connection get stronger every time it was Dean. You’ve alwaysfetl strangely drawn to Jensen but with Dean? It was even more intense, to the point it just shouldn’t be real. For many reasons each.

“Yeah. I get it.” he mumbled in deep thought, making your head tilt to the side.

You frowned for a second as you chewed on a piece of chocolate “Yeah talking about weird though.” you mumbled.

“Maybe it’s not that much.” he looked up in your eyes and you gave him a small smile.

“I- I don’t know.” you whispered, attention all back at your hands.

“Trust me, it’s not. And this is coming from Dean Winchester, I’ve been in a tone of shits. I know a thing or two about weird.” he gave you a half smirk and you nodded your head, realizing the bitterness behind it.

“Yeah, I guess you do.” you mumbled “Your life hasn’t been the easiest one. Sometimes-” you let out a sigh “-I don’t know how you do this. Keep going, fighting.”

Dean stared at his beer for a little longer than he should “Honestly?” he swallowed thickly “Neither do I.” his eyes finally met yours and you had to keep yourself from bursting into tears at that moment. That look, gosh that look made your heart crumble into pieces.

“It’s because you have it in you.” you whispered “I know that- Yes sure this sounds cheesy but I don’t know any other man that Could have to go through all of this and be able to pull through the way you have. Hell, Dean you have the Mark of Cain on your arm yet you still manage to put a smile- a _real_ one, from time to time. _That_ requires strength, and you have it in you.”

“Yeah well-” a small smile etched on his lips, it was barely visible but true “-Blame yourself.” he breathed out and truth was you felt your cheeks burn just slightly. It was because you could see how Dean was honest, 100% at that, and being able to make Dean Winchester smile meant the world to you.

You bit your lower lip slightly “Yeah but you know- I won’t be able to make you smile as often if you don’t open up to me.” you tried once again your luck.

“Why? You pretty much know everything about me.” he shrugged softly.

“I know the things the show has let me know, and a couple I have figured out myself. And that is just a few I have started to realize, very few actually. Because Dean Winchester is far from just a character.” before you could realize it you were etching closer to him “And right now he is standing in front of me. I don’t want to make any assumptions of what can possibly be real when you are here. I want to hear what Dean wants from him himself.” you tilted your head to the side so that you could get a better look at his eyes, his gaze didn’t flatter for a second.

You heard a small shaky breath leave his lips before his head fell down “Why are you doing this?” his voice was hoarse.

You breathed out a laugh “What do you mean why? Because I want to help you, I always have.” you whispered a small confession.

But it was true. So so very true. This- this was all you have ever wanted to do. All your heart had always longed for, to beable to help him. Dean was always strong, hell there were so many words to describe him, but that was the first that came to your mind. However it wasn’t the way he should, he bottled up his feelings and never said anything. He put others’ needs before himself and always was ready to sacrifice himself for the grater good but he never let any of his own feelings show.

He could be- he _was_ everybody else’s rock but he needed one himself. He needed an anchor and from the beginning, when you first got to know his story through the show, you wanted to play that part. Despite everything else, despite being insanely attracted to him, despite having a crush on him in a way that shouldn’t be normal, despite how drawn you were to him in both appearance and character, there was always a great part of you that wanted to be his anchor because he deserved that.

He had done so much good for this world, he just needed someone to do the same for him- to make him their world, their top priority. And you always wanted to be able to do that. You wanted to be there to hold him when the tears rolled, to hug him rocking back and forth when the nightmares got too much for him to handle, to be the shoulder he would lean on, hell to be even the one he’d take out his frustration on when something went wrong and above all to tell him everything would be ok in the end or that he had done his best when a hunt didn’t go 100% to plan. You wanted to be able to brush his tears away, to hold him, to make him smile, to offer him the comfort he needed and care and above all… love. You wanted to love him, more than he ever thought was possible but just as much as he deserved.

You wanted to love Dean with all you had, to make him pull through the way he had, even if he didn’t know it. You had always wished for that, always, and here, finally you had your wish come true. Here, you had the chance to.

“I don’t deserve this.” he pursed his lips and shook his head “I don’t deserve you.” his voice was barely audible but you could realize it was shaking.

“Dean? What- what are you talking about?”

“I’m- I’m poison (Y/n). I destroy everything good in my life and whoever comes close to me they sooner or later die. Innocent people, that never did anything wrong. You- this- if you ever get- if I let you-” he started rambling incoherent things and running a frustrated hand through his hair.

You frowned but didn’t dwell on the part about you, he was far more important than anything else “Hey, hey there no stop. Stop this, now Dean. Stop, no talking like that for my favorite character alright mister?” a small smile etched on both of yours lips.

“Favorite character huh? I tought it was Cas.” he smiled, although sadly.

“Hey, don’t you know when a girl plays hard to get?” you raised an eyebrow, not being able to comprehend what was coming out of your lips. But you didn’t have time to be embarrassed as Dean at least chuckled.

“Dean.” you let a small sigh “What is it? Come on, please talk to me.” your own voice was shaking.

“(Y/n)” he only whispered your name but you noticed him clenching his arm in his fist.

“It’s about the mark isn’t it?” you whispered “Dean are the cravings getting bad?”

“No.” he finally breathed out “No it’s not that.”

“Then what?” you were seriously reaching your breaking point “Dean I- I know we don’t know each other well but I really-I really want- I _need_ to help. I can’t watch you like this.”

“It’s not that.” he breathed out, swallowing hard.

“If it’s hard to open up to _me_ then-”

“No.” he looked up at you with pursed lips “You are the first person I would-” he stopped himself for a second before he let out a sigh “It’s not that (Y/n). I- I trust you, I really do. More than you know. It’s just-” he stopped himself, swallowing thickly.

“Just what?” you whispered and by now your knees were practically touching “D?” you whispered and that seemed to beit because he let out a trembling breath, his eyes fluttering shut for a second. It seemed almost as if he had just caved in.

“It’s just that-” he mumbled before his head turned to you “I’m scared, (Y/n). As hell.”

“Oh Dean.” a trembling breath left your lips “It’s the mark, isn’t it? You’re scared it will take over?”

He swallowed thickly, nodding his head “I tried to play it off in front of Sam but- but truth is it’s affecting me. I can feel- I can feel it slowly itching me and I- I am fighting it off but-”

“But you’re afraid it won’t be enough.” you completed his sentence and he nodded his head.

“Yeah” he ran a hand through his hair “And this time I don’t know how I will be able to hold back. If Famine’s stronger this time-” he clenched his jaw “If you or Sam are in the way- I don’t-” he stopped himself, burying his face in his hands.

“No, no don’t- don’t think like that Dean. Please.”

“I can’t (Y/n)! I- I could hardly contain myself before how am I supposed to stop with famine on the loose now?! And if you try to stop me- I- I might- you will-”

“No.” you said as firmly as you could, set on stopping him “No, stop this.” you all-but-growled the words at him “Stop itright now.” before a small sigh left your lips.

“Dean you won’t harm me, or Sam. I know it, because you will be able to stop. You have the strength in you, you can fight this.”

“Cain, couldn’t for years (Y/n) and-”

“But you’re not Cain!” you exclaimed once again cutting him off “You are Dean, Dean Winchester. If there is anyone that can fight the mark, even with Famine on the loose, that is you. I know you can do this Dean, you will see it yourself. You _can_ fight this off.”

Before you could realize it you felt yourself place a hand on top of his that was resting on his thigh. To say you felt a bolt ofelectricity ran through you would be a big understatement. The best way to describe it was as if you’d been out all this time and right now a big bucket of ice cold water was thrown at you and made you wake up. But the worse of all? All of your senses were so heightened your heart rate picked up to be able to keep up with all of it. Shivers run down your spine and you had to keep your eyes from widening.

You felt your stomach tighten and your heart leap up to your throat, a lump formed and you almost struggled to breath. A strange, but pretty familiar, feeling set at the pit of your stomach making you feel itchy inside your clothes and definitelyuncomfortable. Your heart was on override and you had to keep your toes from curling. You didn’t like this one bit but-But just as your emotions started running wild you somehow felt a weird sense of peace set within you. A calmness you had never experienced before. Like everything was in place and you felt yourself breath, like a fresh breath straight from coming out of the water.

Dean himself had to keep his eyes from widening. His heart thudded inside his chest almost in a painful way, as if it wanted to jump straight out. He felt his hands almost shake and sweat uncomfortably and his cheeks- oh his cheeks started heating up. In a way they totally shouldn’t, considering you had just touched his hand. But this- all of this were totally unlike Dean.

“You will fight this off.” you whispered in much more hoarse voice after a small pause “I know you can.”

“You seem to have a lot of faith in me.” he whispered, swallowing the lump that had formed on his throat. Why the hell had his mouth gone so dry all of a sudden?!

“It’s because I know what you’re capable of Dean.” you whispered, etching yourself closer to him although there was pretty much no space left between the two of you “This mark? You will fight it off, and screw Cain, screw Famine and everyone else. You are strong, you can do this.”

“I may not know you well enough.” you whispered, turning slightly so that you were face to face with him “Heck, I now realize I know nothing of-” you paused for a second “-of the wonderful man you are.” you breathed out, making his eyes go wide for a second and you could almost swear you saw a blush form on his cheeks.

“But I am here, to listen and support you. I am here, ready and willing to learn as much as there is to you because I… because I want it.” you rubbed your thumb over his palm, seeing as a pure, innocent look of wonder took over Dean’s features, his eyes looked even more green at that moment.

“Then-” he swallowed thickly “Then how do you know I can do this?”

“Because you can.” you whispered “I know you probably have lost faith in yourself, that you think you won’t do it but I- I am here to remind you you can, Dean. It is hard for you to believe me, I know.” you mumbled looking down at your hands which he squeezed.

“But it doesn’t matter-” you looked up at him with a full smile “I don’t care about that, we have all the time we need to know each other.” you shrugged softly “Because you are going to fight this off. In the end everything will be alright, you will be able to win this Dean. I know you can, the hunger for blood and death and all. This mark- this mark ain’t anything in front of you.”

“You are Dean Winchester.” you breathed out “Don’t lose all hope, not now please. Just hold on, a little bit more. Holdonto anything if it helps you… even _me_.”

Your mind felt in a haze, your hands moved on their own and slowly you brought another hand up and cupped his cheek. His eyes were glued to yours and you could almost feel goosebumps forming at how intense his gaze was on you. Youcouldn’t help but notice how strong his jaw was under your fingers, perfectly chiseled and firm. As you rubbed your thumb over his cheek you felt the beginning of a small scruff but what really caught your attention was how warm it was. And the way your hand fitted there, right perfectly.

“I don’t know if I can (Y/n).” his voice sounded so broken and he too looked so vulnerable it broke your heart.

“Yes, yes you can. And you will. Because you have the strength to, Dean. You have it in you, the power and will to fight. This heart- damn this big heart of yours needs to keep fighting Dean. You will fight this mark. And you know what? I am going to be just fine, just like Sammy. You are not going to hurt any of us because you will wrestle this.”

“I don’t-” he said the few words before you cut him off softly.

“No, hey.” you whispered “No negative thoughts. You can win this and- and when you feel like giving up- I am here. You can come talk to me, I will always be there.”

He was breathing heavily, opening and closing his lips like a fish out of the water “…Really?” he breathed out.

“Really.” you said just as softly, nodding your head at him.

And the rest of it? The rest of it was a blur. A total one that you couldn’t even comprehend where you were much less what you were doing. Dean was so close to you and you were touching but for some reason you just craved for more, more of him and this contact. You just had that itching feeling to be as close as possible to him. This was just not enough. You suddenly couldn’t help your actions, like something had taken over you, and so your eyes moved from his to look down at his lips. The lips you had stared at – guilty yes – sometimes for way longer than you should. But this time- this time he was real. Standing right in front of you, so close you could almost feel his breath fanning over your face.

And the temptation was so big, too big for you to resist anymore. Crazy or not, embarrassing as hell or not – because ohyou were going to blush fifty shades of red at this – you just couldn’t stop yourself. You just wanted- no you _needed_ to lean in and press your lips to his.


	7. Chapter 7

And the temptation was so big, too big for you to resist anymore. Crazy or not, embarrassing as hell or not -because ohyou were going to blush fifty shades of red at this -you just couldn’t stop yourself. You just wanted- no you _needed_ to lean in and press your lips to his.

The hunger was just too much and Dean- well it didn’t help that he pretty much had the looks of a god or something. And those lips, you knew they were going to be your breaking point, but damn it at that moment everything of his made you feel drawn to him. It wasn’t the first time, sure you’ve had this weird connection ever since the beginning (hell maybe even before you met him), but at this moment it was stronger. So so much stronger you couldn’t even think straight.

And maybe you didn’t have to, after all.

“Hey guys! We’re-” Sam’s voice and the door almost bursting open made you jump from your place and hurry to move away from Dean. You were very sure you looked like a deer caught on headlights and at that moment your entire face felt as if it was on fire. You pulled your hand away from his, almost instantly missing the contact, and you could swear for a moment that you saw a look of disappointment on Dean’s face. But he quickly tried to cover it up.

“Back…” Sam trailed off, a frown setting on his face as he took on the flustered state you were in and how awkward Dean looked at that moment.

“Oh y-yeah? Did you get something?” Dean asked with maybe just a little more interest than he should.

“Uh maybe, I am not all that sure. You can tell me too.” he said, his eyes still narrowed though as he looked between the two of you.

“Where’s- where’s Cas?” you asked, although it was mostly to keep your mind occupied and certain thoughts from entering again. You were practically struggling to not look at Dean’s direction, much less do something else.

“Oh he’s-” Sam looked for a moment behind him and only then did the blue-eyed angel appear behind him.

“Hello.” he gave you a small nod, looking between you and Dean “You must be (Y/n), right? Sam talked to me about you.” he gave you one of his awkward grins and for the first time you were glad your fangirl part took over and you forgot for a second how you were feeling about Dean at that moment.

“Oh my Chuck- Gosh- God- Sorry.” you began stuttering before you could even comprehend it and you knew that at this point you shouldn’t let out what you knew “H-Hi.” you breathed out a little shakily, smiling awkwardly at him “Sorry about that.”

“It is fine.” he gave you a soft smile that made you chuckle.

“Sorry, really. It’s just- first time meeting an actual angel and not just some angel- you- you are Castiel, man! FreakingCastiel, for real!” you had a hard time keeping yourself from squealing.

Sam chuckled as Castiel laughed shyly, the only one that didn’t find this amusing was Dean who was practically glaring daggers at his angel friend. But you were too caught up by Cas to notice anything.

“I’m nothing special.” he mumbled, looking down for a second.

“Sheesh people, you shouldn’t be called Teem Free Will but Team Low Self Esteem! Are you kidding me now? Maybe you and I should have a talk and I could make you realize just how important you are!” you scoffed though you had a playful smile on your lips.

“I guess thank you is appropriate then.” he said shyly and you giggled.

“I guess-” you shrugged as Sam gave you a smirk, already knowing what you were thinking “But a hug wouldn’t be bad either, can I?” of course you were a fangirl but you were more of the shy type and Sam had realized that very quickly. That and the soft spot you had for Castiel.

He, luckily, and unlike Dean, knew that it couldn’t compare to the one you had for his brother. But Dean was too blinded by jealousy to see it at that moment.

“I- I suppose it wouldn’t hurt anyb-”before he could even complete his sentence you were up on your feet and almost running to him.

You let a small squeak – _**or was it him?**_ \- as you practically jumped into his arms and hugged him tightly. Yes, your life was pretty much complete at that moment. You had met Sam and Dean and hugged Castiel, what else could you ask for?… maybe being Dean’s soulmate wouldn’t be a bad thing seeing as this was how this universe worked but you could settle with this and going on a hunt with them.

“Oh dear” you breathed out, squeezing Castiel whose lips weirdly enough formed into what could be described only as a duck face. You grinned pulling away from him to see him standing awkwardly there. Same Cas as you’d known him all those years ago, he had that adorable small grin on his face as well.

“Hm I thought you’d be shorter” you mumbled and he gave you a confused look as Sam chuckled next to him.

“He is, you just are small as a shrimp that’s why he looks tall to you.” Sam said with a shrug of his shoulders and you pretended to be hurt by his words.

“Look whose talking! Hey Winchester, how’s the weather up there? Let me guess, the same as in mountain everest huh?”

“Funny.” he scoffed with a roll of his eyes but he still had a smirk on his face.

“I thought it was.” Cas said simply and you giggled.

“See? Cassie found it funny! Eat that moose!” you said with a proud grin, one arm still wrapped around the angel.

For some reason though something was different. You knew the fangirl in you was too big to contain and thus you were going to forget how you felt by touching Dean a few minutes ago, but for a second you thought about it again. If it had to do something with Famine and everything, why did it not happen with Castiel? His hug felt comforting, soft and everything you had thought about but not even in the slightest the way it had with Dean- and with Dean you had just touched hands at that! And the realization made you feel both relief and worry at the same time.

Why Dean? And what was all of that?

“Whatever, can we talk about something serious now? We’ve got a case unless you noticed.” Dean all but growled the words, cutting your laughing short. Both you and Sam exchanged a look and turned to look at him worried. Only for Dean to turn his back to the both of you to grab a chair and sit- or more like stomp down like a stubborn little child.

“Unless of course you’re so interested in gushing over Cas.” he grumbled, a scowl having set on his face.

You opened your mouth but soon closed it. You glanced at Cas for a second before looking down “Dean.” you said softly and although his jaw was clenched and his eyes filled with fury, once he looked at you they softened.

“Is everything alright?” you asked cautiously, although part of you probably knew the answer to it.

The intensity with which he looked at you matched yours, like in an unspoken conversation. But then his eyes fell onCastiel and his expression hardened once more.

“Peachy.” he hissed before turning his head back at the computer “I just want to get this fucking case done with as soon as possible and if you gave us a hand you’d have just as more time to cuddle with _Cassie._ ” he mocked, making your eyebrows shoot up.

Sam looked between the two of you before clearing his throat “You know we could-”

“You talk about it on your own, Sam.” you cut him with a small sigh.

You took a deep breath and looked at him “Cas can inform me, I actually have a few things to ask him.” you said linking arms with the angel that wasn’t taking his eyes from the older hunter, a knowing look on his face. Because of course he knew everything.

“What?!” Dean’s eyes all-but-widened and the fury in them was very much obvious. He was ready to jump on the angel and you knew just why.

“Yeah.” you forced yourself to say calmly, putting on a small smile on your face “I jut wanted to ask him some questions about heaven. I wanted to know if it’s the same in my universe too.” you shrugged and Sam frowned at you.

Of course you could see Dean was bothered by this and it was exactly that why you wanted out of this room with Cas. Other than wanting to take your mind off him you wanted to get away from all these feelings. And it wasn’t just yours that you were talking about. For some reason, for some crazy ass reason, you could feel his too. The anger, the fury basically, maybe some loathing, the rage, the need to break something, to punch something – preferably Cas? - and then… the _ **jealousy**_. You felt it all crystal clear, as if you were feeling it yourself. Only you knew you weren’t jealous of anything at the moment, and some part of you could detect it was another’s feelings. Dean’s, obviously. And it was so intense, so real, it scared the hell out of you.

It was as if another person was living inside you and you could feel everything they did. As if you were sharing one body, one heart… one soul.

Why would _you_ feel _Dean’s_ feelings though? Why Dean? How Dean?

“That’s all.” you shrugged, looking away from Dean. You didnt see the look on his face but you clearly felt what he did. Pain, it was like a stab in the heart, like he felt _**betrayed**_. And gosh did you want to take that away, but you were so scared of this new situation that you couldn’t stop yourself.

“Come on Cas, let’s leave the boys alone.” you mumbled dragging him out of the room and shutting the door. Still feeling the pain, knowing all-too-well it wasn’t just yours.

You let out a heavy sigh as step after step, and the further away you went, you felt the feeling die out a little bit. What more proof would you need to know that-

“It is Dean, isn’t it?” Castiel’s voice made you look back at him and take in a shaky breath.

~*~

“It is (Y/n), isn’t it?” Sam’s voice broke the heavy silence that had set between the two of them.

Dean clenched his jaw and his hands fists on the table as he stared at the door before his eyes moved to the computer screen “No. It is Cas.” he said in a rough voice.

Sam frowned, looking truly confused “What about Cas?”

Dean let a deep growl but closed his eyes and tried to regain his composure “He-” he felt a lump form on his throat , not knowing how to continue. Because he had no single idea how to describe it.

Hell, how could he say out loud that he was jealous beyond belief because you simply offered Cas a hug? How could he say that all he wanted was to stomp towards the two of you and rip you away from his arms? Hell, the thought of punching him at that moment crossed his mind. This jealousy was something he had never felt, it was so intense, and it almost made him lose all control over himself. Could it be because of the mark? No, that could justify the anger but not the jealousy. Because he was jealous, maybe more than he probably should.

And he knew he had no reason to. Not only because you and Dean were nothing but friends, but also because so was the case with Castiel. And you had just hugged him. _Hugged_ him! But Dean couldn’t even stand the thought, let alone the sight.

“Dean? Dean what is it?!” Sam asked, taking a step closer to him.

“I’m jealous, ok? I was fucking jealous.” Dean let out a frustrated sigh, burying his face in his hands.

“…Wh-what?” Sam couldn’t help a small laugh ony to have Dean shoot him a glare.

“Not funny Sam.” Dean growled, pushing his brother aside to walk towards his duffel bag.

“I- I didn’t say it was!” Sam tried to justify himself.

“You laughed.” Dean grumbled and Sam snickered just slightly.

“I didn’t, I swear!” he raised his hands in surrender “But- come on, if you think about it. It is a little bit funny.”

“Dean Winchester, womanizer, and there comes a girl that makes him stutter, blush and feel jealous. Maybe this one is the Apocalypse after all.” he spoke to himself out loud with a nod of his head and a chuckle.

Dean shot him a look, lips pursed and Sam rolled his eyes “I said just a little bit.” he huffed.

“I don’t think you’d say that if you were in my head Sammy.” Dean grumbled.

That made Sam frown “What do you mean?”

“The- the urge to- to not just pull (Y/n) away from Cas but also to-”

“Punch him?” Sam asked reluctantly.

“Worse.” Dean breathed out “So _so_ much worse.” he glanced down at his arm, placing the other over the mark “It felt as if I couldn’t control myself for a moment.”

“Do you think it is because of the mark or… famine?”

“What difference would it make Sam?” Dean sighed, running a hand through his hair.

“Big one.”

~*~

“How do you know?” you whispered, your arms wrapping around your middle.

He let a small sigh, looking down “You practically jumped away from each other when we came and- The looks you two share are not very subtle.” he shrugged and you felt your cheeks heat up.

“Great.” you sighed “Even the awkward angel that knows zero about me or any of this caught me undressing him with my eyes.” you rubbed the back of your head in frustration.

“Is that a bad thing?” he tilted his head to the side.

“I have no idea, Cas. I mean- am I even supposed to be here in the first place? I’ve seen things like this happen in the show over and over again, case after case, but going through this myself- it’s a total mess. I am a mess.” you mumbled frustrated.

“(Y/n)” he put a hand on your shoulder “It is expected for you to be facing difficulties. This life is not easy, especially for somebody that hasn’t gone through this. Sam and Dean have lived with this their entire lives, and yet- sometimes- they face difficulties. It is only human.”

“Said the angel.” you breathed out a chuckle and he laughed as well.

“My comprehension of the human feelings has gotten better with the years but still- there are things that I can’t understand. And the feelings of a soulmate are even more complex.”

“What soulmate?” you frowned.

“It doesn’t matter. (Y/n) at this point we need all the help we can get- this case, I am afraid it will get the best of Dean. And the mark might take over sooner or later. We don’t want to have to deal with that. Do you believe you can fight this?”

“My emotions are all over the place.” you confessed, closing our eyes for a second “And as if that is not enough there isthis- weird thing.” you looked at your hands.

“What is it?”

“You’ll think I am crazy.” you breathed out but he shook his head.

“I have seen my fair amount of crazy I believe nothing can match up to that.” he offered you a small sigh and you breathed out a chuckle.

“Thanks Cas, really.”

“So… what is it? It has to do with Dean I am assuming.” he tilted his head.

“Yeah, yeah it does.”

~*~

“I don’t understand Sam” Dean sighed, opening a beer.

“Don’t you?” a small smile played on Sam’s lips “Dean this is big! Big and better than we ever thought! You were jealous, jealous of (Y/n) and Cas because you- because you-”

“Don’t.” Dean pointed a finger at him “Don’t you dare say it.” he growled and Sam rolled his eyes.

Sam smiled nonetheless “Maybe- maybe we should really take you to the crime scene.”

“Why so that the mark takes over and you won’t be able to stop me?”

“Maybe. But maybe again, it won’t take over.” his words made Dean frown so he explained “Dean you were right, last time you didn’t crave anything because you didn’t have the mark. But this time… you have your soulmate, Dean! She is just right outside!”

“Yeah… with Cas.” he growled and Sam laughed more.

“Don’t you see it? It’s (Y/n)! Dean it’s your soulmate and maybe, maybe your craving is- being some kind of possesive or something like that.” Sam shrugged but Dean ony scoffed at him.

“Yeah, we’d wish Sammy. But I believe only what I see. And at the moment is this freaking Mark on my arm, driving me crazy on bloodthirst and death!”

“Yes, but what about the tattoo? What about (Y/n)’s name written right down there, in the very same arm. Doesn’t that maybe mean something?”

“Yes, damn it yes it means.” Dean growled “And you want to know what? Do you really want to know what it means Sam?” he shouted.

“That I am going to be her undoing! That I am going to destroy the only good damn thing in my life! The best thing to ever happen to me! I met her, I had the chance to see her, to know how the fucking hell this whole- whole soulmate bullshit works and now? Now I don’t want to freaking let go! I wanted to push her away, I was determined too but no- no I am such a fucking coward I can’t even do what is best for her!” he roared, his hands flying in the air as he felt tears well up in the eyes, his emotions going seriously out of control.

“And that will be her undoing. _**I**_ will. Sooner or later she will die and I will be forced to burn her body because I couldn’t do even the single damn hardest thing in my life, to push her away!” he continued shouting until he let out a sigh “I’ll tell you what this tattoo means, Sam.” he said in much more rough but lower voice.

“It means that I will destroy what I never wanted to. That the light she now has in her eyes will be gone, the longer I stay close to her. And I don’t want that.” he said in a thick voice and clenched his jaw before turning around to wipe his tears furiously away.

“Dean.” Sam’s own voice broke, able to understand how much his brother was worrying about your safety and above all the fear in him at being the possible reason to your death.

“Drop it Sam. Just drop it.”

~*~

“I’m-” you felt a lump form on your throat “For some reason, I’m feeling weird things Cas.”

“Weird as in…?”

“Emotions, but not mine. It’s not my emotions, it’s like somebody else is inside of me feeling things and I- I can feel them too.” you looked down at your hands.

“Well, you are not possessed that I am sure of.” he tried to comfort you and you ended up laughing.

“Thanks Cas.”

“I do not believe I said something funny.” he frowned and this time you giggled more.

“You’re never going to change are you? Well, despite everything that’s going on I think I am glad to be here. I wouldn’t have had the chance to meet any of you if I didn’t, right?”

“I believe so, yes.” he smiled with a nod.

“I mean- on the positive aspect-” a small grin spread on your lips as you tried to brush everything away “- this case will be over soon and I could hopefully get to live every fangirl’s dream a little more.” you shrugged “I mean, I just met Castieland not long ago Dean and Sam freaking Winchesters! What more than that huh? I mean I could ask you so many things, about the universe and everything. A-and your wings! Gosh your wings are such a big topic amongst the fans. And the fandom you know- we always wanted to know a few things about- about a topic, something with Dean you know.”

You let out a shaky sigh, a weird feeling setting at the pit of your stomach at the thought of the green-eyed hunter “He promised me to take me on a trip to listen to all his cassetes, do you think he actually will? Maybe… but if not you know there is an entire bunker, and it is real! I could get to ask Sam so many things! And-”

“(Y/n)!” he said your name effectively cutting you off “I believe you are… fangirling? Is that the right term?”

“You chuckled, I’d say so yes.” you looked down shyly “But as long as it takes my mind off things…”

“(Y/n), I probably do not know you all that well but I want you to know I am here for you. Sam is too and… I don’t have a single doubt about Dean.”

“Yah I’m not that sure about that.” because you knew deep down that if you wanted to avoid these strange feelings you’d have to stay away from him as much as it hurt.

Hurt. You suddenly got a feeling of hurt, more intense than yours. And soon came the guilty and you… felt like crying? Your head snapped up to the room’s direction. Your eyes fell on the closed door as it didn’t take you long to realize what this new feeling was.

“You- you know what Cas?” you whispered “Maybe I think we should go in, help the boys out with this right?” he nodded his head at your words.

~*~

“There were bodies everywhere, the police was still trying to cover most of them. ” Sam sighed as he dropped back ontohis chair.

At that moment you and Cas chose to walk in. Dean’s head immediately snapped up, only for his eyes to lock with yours. A small sad frown was on your face as you tried to smile reassuringly at him. He held your gaze for a little longer but then shook his head and looked back at Sam.

“And?” he pretended to be interested in what he was saying instead of you in the room…. or how close Castiel was to you.

“Well, I wish we had good news but-” Sam paused for the second “The killer, he was found dead too. A few miles away. It seemed his bloodthirst was so much that when he couldn’t find somebody else to kill he took his own life.”

You shivered and Dean glanced at you for a second with worry “Did he- did he kill any kids too?”

“There… were some yes.” Sam sighed “But- although we didn’t have the chance to talk with him we saw something there that seemed suspicious.”

“Like?” Den raised an eyebrow.

“There was a man, in the crowd that had gathered there. His wife- she was one of the victims.” Castiel spoke up and you all looked at him.

“Oh gosh poor guy. Please don’t tell me she was his soulmate?”

“No, no I don’t think so. The relief on his face couldn’t indicate such thing.” Castiel shook his head.

“Relief?” Dean got up from his chair “Could he possibly…?”

“No he wasn’t the killer, we made sure it was the other one. But his reaction didn’t mean any good for sure. We got his name from an officer there, and we know where he lives. We thought we’d pay him a visit. See his behavior and all.”

“You think he might be the next victim of Famine?” you crossed your arms over your chest.

“We’re sure. Which is why we want to visit him. Maybe there might be some signs in his house or something.” Sam shrugged and with a sigh you nodded your head.

“Alright then, wait till I get ready and we can get going.”

“Yeah right.” Dean scoffed loud enough for you to hear.

You raised an eyebrow at him “What the hell is that supposed to mean?!” you raised your voice, already knowing what he wanted to say.

Maybe this emotion sharing had its pros after all.

“I mean _as if_.” he hissed the words, looking at you dead serious in the eyes

“You won’t let me come with you.” it was a statement and not a question.

“Exactly.” he gave you a small grin that actually got on your nerves.

But he had to do this. Although he could feel the anger radiating off you – maybe also because it was a soulmate thing – he still wasn’t going to change his decision. He was set on protecting you, and he was willing to do that even if you’d end up hating him. He’d take that and everything else as long as he was sure you were safe and not where Jill’s soulmate was, ten feet under the ground.

“What the hell is wrong with you?!” you shouted.

“I don’t understand what you mean.” he asked ever-so-innocently it got you even more angry.

“Like hell you do!” you were furious by now “It took me forever to convince you to take me with you on this hunt andnow- now you won’t even let me join an interrogation! Especially when it’s a possible victim!”

“Exactly!” his voice raised as well “A possible victim, but we have no idea what his freaking craving is. So if he goes allHannibal Lecter on us then there is no guarantee I can protect you!”

“Protect me? Well, sorry to ruin it to you but I can protect myself as well!” you looked at him with a stunned expression.

“Yeah right.” he scoffed with a roll of his eyes.

“For all we know the dude might have another craving.” you grumbled crossing your arms over your chest.

“We can’t be sure of that.” he gave you a look and you scoffed once more.

“But maybe- Dean-” Sam spoke up a little reluctantly “(Y/n) might be right, we need all the help we can get.”

Dean’s head snapped to his direction as he gave Sam a look “Really?” he hissed at him and Sam rolled his eyes with a ‘Whatever’.

“Well, sorry to break it to you but forget it. You are not coming, why do you just stay here and cuddle up with Cassie huh?” the irritation in his face and voice was very much obvious, just like the jealousy. You merely rolled your eyes at him.

“Right. Of course.” you hissed, rolling your eyes at him.

“Exactly.” he grumbled his eyes looking fiercely at you “Which is why you’re staying here. Period.” he growled the words, giving you almost a glare. He wasn’t angry, not with you at least, but mostly jealous. And that made him say and do things he normally wouldn’t.

And definitely you to feel things you shouldn’t. You shouldn’t feel this way as he looked at you that way. Maybe a little bitscared, yes, but not this way. You felt shivers run down your spine and goosebumps create all over your skin. Your eyes widened slightly and you felt your cheeks heat up and yourself shake to the core. A lump formed on your throat and as much as you wanted to deny the the thought that instantly came to your mind was _'Hot damn’_.

What the hell? You should be angry at him, frustrated, maybe even a little scared but not freaking horny! Fuck him.

 _'Well actually…’_ you started thinking only to have your eyes widen at the thought. You shook your head furiously andgrumbled something under your breath.

“Fine. Do whatever you want. But take Cas with you, I don’t need a babysitter- No offence Castiel.” you mumbled and he shook his head with a small smile “Just don’t come back bloody or messy.” you grumbled.

“I don’t want to tell you I told you so.” you shrugged with pursed lips “I’m going to take a shower.” you added in a mumble before turning around and getting into the bathroom, practically slamming the door shut in your way.

“Stubborn ass.” Dean grumbled, with a roll of his eyes. Although it irritated him to no end he still found it the most adorable thing in the world how your lips pursed and you scrunched up your nose at him. Part of him loved it actually, and how easily he could mess with you.

“Yeah well, guess why you’re her soulmate.” Sam mumbled with a shrug of his shoulders and Dean shot him an unamusedlook.

“I believe he is right. She is practically just as hot tempered as you.” Castiel said matter-of-factly and Dean rolled his eyes.

“Whose side are you two on anyway?” he exclaimed.

“Nobody’s because you are both acting like immature five-year-olds!” Sam raised his hands in the air “But you Dean- you are being even more irrational! You can’t let her come in this case and then forbid her to help!”

“Excuse me?” he looked at his brother stunned “I’m tryig to protect her here! If you and her want to call it being irrationalor immature then fine! Have it that way! I am not going to change my opinion!”

“Seriously you are more of a stubborn ass than her.” Sam mumbled with a roll of his eyes but shut up when Dean gave him a death glare.

“We will go wait in the car while you get ready, Dean.” Castiel said pushing Sam towards the door.

“Yeah you better. Oh and you- you and I will need to have a talk, got it?” he gave Castiel a hard look that still made him frown and Sam chuckle.

“What do you-” he started until Sam cut him off.

“It’s about (Y/n), Cas.” he explained as Dean gave him a look.

“Oh. _Oh_.” Cas nodded his head “I see. Well, Dean I assure you there is no need to be jealous of (Y/n). I believe she is a honest girl and would never do anything wrong.” he said simply.

“Wh-what?!” his voice raised an octave “Who- who even told you- I’m not freaking jealous, Cas! Where the heck did you get that from?!”

“I- I apologize. I am assuming that the way you acted when I was around (Y/n) is the common human behavior described as jealousy.” he mumbled and Sam snickered next to him.

“Yeah, yeah Cas that’s how we call it. Dean is in the state we call denial at the moment.” he laughed practically in his brother’s face who could feel his face heat up just slightly.

“I’m not!” he tried to defend himself but- did this come out in a squeak?

Sam laughed even more “Sure whatever you say.”

“Dean, there is nothing wrong with admitting that you-”

“I’m not damn it!” he cut Castiel off “I’m not fucking jealous, alright?! Just- just shut up! I’m not!”

“Sure, sure.” Sam tried to keep his laughter “Come on let’s go, let him change.” he still snickered before he and the angel walked out of the room.

“I’m not… jealous.” mumbled basically to himself with a small puff of his cheeks as he looked down.

~*~

You let a frustrated sigh as you put your clothes aside and jumped into the bathtub after you had made sure you had filled it with water. You were lucky to find some body lotions and everything needed to make you relax. It wasn’t just the fact that Dean had gotten under your skin so much but also the fact that maybe it was a little too much. To the point you were not angry, or just frustrated but to the point you wanted to take it out on him in a… not so appropriate way.

You let out a frustrated sound as you rubbed your face with some water. You wanted to take a bath to take away your worries but above all your thoughts and feelings. So far not working.

And that fact that you could faintly hear Dean getting ready at the other side of the door didn’t help. Your thoughts ran wild. Him undressing, slipping out of his plaid shirt, T-shirt, and then pants and oh gosh there would be a few moments he was only in his boxers and- What the hell were you thinking?! You felt your heart leap up to your throat and a weird feeling set not only on your stomach but entire body as well… maybe more on your lower part?

You let out a frustrated groan, rubbing your arms and legs through the water. At least the soft smell of berries mixed with oranges managed to sooth you down a little bit. But not enough. You were frustrated with yourself but mostly with him, and this kind of frustration could be described with only one word. One you didn’t dare to think of because that would mean that-

“(Y/n)?” a knock on your door was heard and Dean’s voice was heard. It only meant he was ready, which also didn’t help. Dean in a suit was your weak point.

“What?!” you asked, sounding a little more angry than you should but you had so many things pent up inside that you couldn’t help it. And it was all his fault.

You heard him let a small growl “Im going, alright? We’ll try to be back soon. Don’t drown yourself in there, ya?”

“Fuck off!” you shouted back at him, although you knew you shouldn’t be this angry.

“Oh you’d want to sweetheart.” you heard him say I a rough voice before silence followed and you heard the door slam shut.

But in that very silence, and as his words echoed in your mind- that was when realization downed on you. Because at that moment you caught yourself thinking _'Damn yes I would’_. And it was true. At that moment you realized what all these strange feelings were, what happened once you touched Dean’s hand (after coming in this town). You realized what it was all about, all this time. What these feelings meant and why it was only with Dean.

Because it was Dean, your _craving_. What you really wanted all this time. Well, fan-freaking-tastic!


	8. Chapter 8

“Fuck off!” you shouted, although you knew you had no reason to be this angry.

“Oh you’d want to sweetheart.” you heard him say, and you could almost hear the smirk in his voice.

But it wasn’t his words that shook you to the core, it was your own thoughts actually. It was the moment you caught yourself thinking _‘Damn yes, I would’_ that your eyes snapped open and you all but felt yourself choke on just air.

You’d thought that all those small flashes, all those images you’d practically dreamt of were just your pure fangirl dreams. _Dean walking into the bathroom, laying down in the bathtub and wrapping his arms around you. Your bare back pressedonto his bare chest as his lips worked down the back of your neck, trailing wet kisses up until his lips met yours. And then him knocking all air out of your lungs with his lips and not just that. His hands creating goosebumps as one moved up from your waist and the other trailing down from your your stomach, his fingers toying with your skin before they reached their destination and he_ \- Oh, _**oh**_ yeah not appropriate thoughts at all. And certainly far from innocent. But still, maybe just thefangirl on you that had a big crush on him.

Maybe not such a small crush anymore. And at just that thought, those few words, and how much a great part of you meant them made you realize how serious this truly was. You didn’t crave chocolate, no definitely not. That was much sure anymore.

You let out a frustrated groan and taking a deep breath you submerged your head into the water, hoping those thoughts would just leave you alone. The thoughts and the way you were feeling as some images kept flashing through your mind.  _Well, damn it._

~*~

You had long ago switched from having a bath to a shower, especially after you got so carried away by your thoughts so much that you forgot you were under the water and took a breath in. You just let the warm water run down your body anD if Dean complained about this later then screw him, he almost got you drowned. In a way.

You hugged yourself as your head rested against the tiles, your breathing heavy. Maybe they were right about this. Maybe thiS case was actualLy harder than you thought, and truth was you were not a skilled hunter. If Sam and Cas had caved in once, if Dean was on the verge of giving in as well then how would you be able to fight this? Especially when theattraction was so strong.

And then there was a part of you that could shake a specific thought off your mind. This world, it wasn’t the way you were used to. There was something, something more to this world and that was all those tattoos on people’s arms, soulmates. There was a part of you that just couldn’t shake the thought off that all of it had something to do with this.

But you shook your head and the thoughts off and turned the shower off. You huffed as you wrapped a towel around your body and left the bathroom. You did fast on getting one of the shirts Sam had given you, liking this particular one for sleep because… well, because it belonged to Dean. You had recognized it from the moment Sam had given it to you but you didn’t ask. Being able to smell that amazing scent of his again, even in your sleep, you were sure would put you to rest very fast. And you’d feel like at home instantly.

“Talking about creep.” you mumbled to yourself with a laugh as soon as you realized you’ve been staring at one of Dean’s old flannels.

With another sigh and a shake of your head you walked back into the bathroom that was more warm thanks to the steams and got dressed back into your underwear. You realized you needed to buy some new while here, and definitely-definitely not some to scandalize Dean, no not of course. You let out an internal groan at yourself for once again thinking about it before you wore the last piece of clothing, his flannel. His scent immediately invading your sense and you let almost a content sigh, feeling immediately at peace. But it didn’t last long because the strange feeling, you knew it all too well now, came rushing back.

“Damn you Winchester.” you grumbled, getting out of the shower as you still dried your hair with a towel.

“No Dean I told you-”

Speaking of the devil.

Sam’s voice was heard, talking to his brother as the door slowly opened and they walked in. You had to still yourself for a moment, holding your breath as they both walked in. But as soon as your eyes landed on Dean you felt all air get knocked out of your lungs, the breath leaving your lips shakily.

“Oh hey (Y/n)” Sam smiled and you had to literally tear your eyes from the older hunter.

“H-hey Sam, back so soon?” you tried to keep your voice from trembling but failed miserably.

He raised an eyebrow at you before he chuckled “Not really soon, (Y/n). We’ve been gone for about three hours.”

You blinked, your eyebrows shot up “Oh, oh sorry.” you mumbled, rubbing you arm nervously.

“(Y/n)? Are you alright?” he frowned, placing a hand on you shoulder.

But instead of the comfort you felt every time with Sam, as if he was your older brother, this was much more different. You just wanted to crawl out of your skin for how wrong it felt to have him touch even your shoulder. Somehow it felt as if Dean was the only one you’d ever feel comfortable with touching you while you were here. Not that you were going to let that happen. You were scared that if you let Dean touch you, you’d end up doing far worse than what you had been thinking about in the shower.

“I- I’m fine, Sam. Don’t worry.” you tried to offer him a smile, subtly trying to brush his hand off. But it stayed there and if you could see the look on Dean’s face you’d see his anger just growing.

Luckily for you Castiel noticed and without questioning Dean’s abnormal jealousy over his own brother he spoke up “We went to interrogate the victim and we think we have gathered lots of clues.” he said maybe a little awkwardly but it was enough to ease the tension in the room.

“Oh then considering you are here and fine he didn’t go all Hanibal Lecter on you huh?” you asked, crossing your arms over your chest raising an eyebrow. Dean scoffed at you, a look of frustration on his face. But it wasn’t any typical one and you knew it because you could feel it.

As you avoided eye-contact with Dean though you missed the way his eyes studied your figure, just as well as the longing in them. He almost felt his heart soar as he took in the sight of you in his shirt. He almost found himself smiling – althought he tried to keep it at bay – as the only word he could find to describe you at that moment was insanely adorable. And the sleeves that were longer than your arms all the more added to it, as every now and them you’d lift them slightly up so that your palms would show. You hadn’t buttoned up the shirt up to the top and the way it fell off your one shoulder made his heart skip a beat. The only thing he wanted was to just run his fingers over the smooth skin- and he was really tempted to at that moment. Really really tempted to. His eyes roamed your figure and he took in the sight of your curves, gosh he loved those, despite how conscious you were of them. He loved how his shirt reached your mid-thigh and fell over your hips and such a way.

And then the images flashed through his mind before he could help it. Gosh the longing was becoming too much for him to handle. He’d give anything at that moment to have this by his side every morning. He’d give everything to wake up and find you wearing his flannels while cooking breakfast in the kitchen, just having taken a shower after an intense night. He knew every night with you would be intense because once he got you close to himself he wasn’t going to let go of you. Only when exhaustion got the best of him would he stop showing you how much he lo- Yeah. But still the way your hair stuck to your face, still wet after a shower just- it made him regret leaving in the first place. He only felt an unexplainable need to be there and run his arms all over your body under the water. He could almost feel his heart beat rapidly inside his chest at the image of your closed eyes and half open mouth, the water cascading down your entire body that he wished would be tangled with his.

And although in any other case he’d find himself turned on by the thought the case was different this time. Sure he shifted slightly because of that but the need to have it far surpassed everything, to the point it got him worried. He’d never thought he’d want it this much but at the thought of you in his shirt, staring up with those big (y/e/c) eyes filled with innocence and love had his heart soaring already.

He knew that by now he had been straight forward staring at you so he cleared his throat and with a small shake of his head he forced himself to look away, only to catch Castiel’s eyes on him. A small knowing smile on his lips that made Dean sigh a little.

“Well it definitely wasn’t that his craving.” Sam spoke up and you frowned.

“So he really is another victim huh?” you breathed out and Castiel nodded his head looking at you anymore.

“It was very much obvious from his behavior.” he mumbled and you tilted your head to the side.

“Dude’s freaking knee wouldn’t stop moving for a second. Just made me want to shoot him so he’d stop.” Dean grumbledand before you could realize it your eyes were on him as he went to grab a beer. You subconsciously tried to take in as much as you could of his back that was covered in a long coat. Damn him for having to wear that on top of his suit.

“So-” you cleared your throat, your voice having come out more squeaky than you intended “-So what would it be?” you tried desperately to focus your eyes on Sam.

“Well, his story is a little complicated to begin with.” Sam let a small sigh, taking the beer Dean offered him and for just a second you locked eyes with his and you immediately felt yourself shifting uncomfortably in your chair.

“Complicated as in?” you raised an eyebrow.

“His wife, she wasn’t his soulmate which I’d say is a good thing.” Sam said with a sigh and you raised an eyebrow.

“Meaning?” you almost whispered.

“He was stuffing the babysitter.” Dean piped in and your eyebrows shot up as you looked at him “And not only, apparently.”

“Right. Of course.” you sighed, ruffling your still wet hair.

“Turns out he didn’t love his wife that much in the beginning, and after famine things escalated, so instead of just the babysitter he built a harem or something.” Dean sighed, taking a sip of his beer and you tried so bad to not stare at his throat as he gulped or his arm, or worse.

“And- and how do we know that?” you cleared your throat looking back at Castiel and Sam.

“Well, other than the hickeys and the- uh bras and panties all over the place when he was supposed to be mourning for his wife, the guy didn’t waste any time in spilling everything when we… forced him to.” Sam said with a small shrug and this time you frowned more, your eyes moving to Dean.

“Forced him… how?” you asked in a low voice, no anger in your voice as you spoke to him. Truth was you were morescared something had happened with the mark more than anything.

Dean let a small sigh and gave you a soft smile “Don’t look at me sweetheart, I got it under control.” he patted his arm, his smirk turning into a reassuring smile “This time Cas played tuff cop.” he chuckled and Cas shrugged.

You laughed slightly “So what the Luci do we do now?” you mumbled and they all raised an eyebrow at, maybe except for Cas that frowned at you.

“What the… what?” Sam asked with a small smirk and you shrugged as if it was nothing.

“Luci cause you know… Lucifer. Devil. Hell. Instead of what the hell it’s… yeah.” you mumbled expecting a reaction but they did nothing “Oh come on people you can’t be serious now!”

“Us? Or you?” Sam chuckled “(Y/n), you’re talking about the devil! You’ve made a… saying out of him?”

“Yeah, what’s bad in that? Besides-” you straightened “Have you seen him? He’s cute!”

“He-he’s what?!” Dean’s eyes went wide as he almost choked.

“Cute, what’s wrong with that?” you avoided looking him in the eyes as you shrugged.

“He’s the devil! He’s not _cute_!” Dean mimicked your voice, which was quiet funny actually.

“Yeah, I mean have you seen him smile? My favorite thing is when he pouts and he just- he makes that face, like when he was whining and asking Sam to pay attention to him and was all-” you puffed out your cheeks, making hand motions and practically squealing as you remember the scene. But the moment was cut short, only for you to stop mid-movement to look at the three of them staring at you with a horrified look on their face. You cheeks deflated and you rolled your eyes.

“You people are no fun.” you grumbled, slumping back with your arms crossed over your chest.

“ _We_ are no fun?” Dean raised an eyebrow “You are fangirling over the devil!”

“Hey, careful there. I don’t care if you’re suddenly going hulk by being overly jealous but don’t you dare say a thing about him you got it?” you pointed a finger at him, giving him a glare but he was too embarrassed from your comment to care about anything else.

“Wh-whatever.” he scoffed, rolling his eyes and looking away from him.

“(Y/n)” Sam spoke up with a purely… disgusted face “He’s the _devil_.” he emphasized as if that was going to change your opinion.

“He’s the _cutest_ devil, you mean. He’s freaking adorable, alright? Besides- He’s Mark Pellegrino, people! How can I not love him, devil or not! I think the entire fandom adores him to no end at that!” you shrugged and Sam shared a look with Dean.

“I really… didn’t want to know this piece of information about my brother.” Castiel mumbled blinked and you scoffed.

“There are a lot of things you don’t want to know about the fandom boys, be lucky I haven’t said anything that would made you have a heart attack yet.” you shrugged and Sam shook his head, running a hand through his hair.

“I really hope I won’t have nightmares tonight.” he mumbled and you giggled until of course the smile fell from you lips.

“Alright but… what do we do now for real?” you asked a little reluctantly, not sure what Dean would say about it.

“Well, so far he’s the only victim that is alive and if you ask me we should keep an eye on him.” Dean shrugged and Sam nodded his head, taking a sip of his beer as well.

“Maybe when he dies someone will be there to collect his soul and take it to Famine, he is a lead.” you spoke up and they all nodded their heads.

“There is just-” Sam spoke up, hesitating for a second “-One thing doesn’t click in all of this don’t you think?”

“What do you mean?” Dean frowned and as bad as you felt you still couldn’t help but get carried away by the older brother instead of listening to what Sam was saying.

But how could you help any of it? Your eyes traveled from the bowlegs you loved so much dressed in a dark blue-gray suit pants, up higher. He was leaning so casually against a pillar, it was so effortless, yet even at not doing anything he had to look like a freaking model. One of his hands was holding the beer bottle while the other was inside his pants pocket, pushing the long coat back and revealing more of what was underneath. Only then did you realize he was not wearing a suit jacket but you didn’t care, you were too occupied at gazing…. alright, staring. It was staring. But you couldn’t take your eyes off him as you watched the blue material of his shirt cling to his chest, the buttons almost struggling even more when he took a deep breath and his chest puffed out even more.

Your eyes roamed his figure, almost biting your lip when you saw the concentrated look on his face. Your eyes lingered on his lips for longer than you should and maybe you should have stopped because as you tried to suck in every feature his eyes locked with yours. You felt your breath hitch on your throat but even if you’d expect him to raise an eyebrow his gaze softened. He wasn’t being cocky, no, instead he looked at you with a small smile his eyes almost studying your face as well.

But once you realized what you were actually doing, with Sam and Cas in the room at that, you cleared your throat and looked away. You were just thankful to Sam for being too occupied by his thoughts and speaking all this time. Because this would be awkward to say the least.

“But-” he sighed “-I don’t know. I guess we’ll see.” he completed and you almost felt bad for not having listened to a word. Almost.

“So we’re going to stay here for longer than we thought huh?” you whispered, fidgeting nervously with your hands.

“I’m afraid so.” he let out a sigh “It’s more complicated than we thought so. But at least we’re going to keep a close eye on the guy.”

“Well, douche or not he is obviously having bad cravings and he is on the point of breaking. So I think we’ll have a lead soon. And once we find Famine then- we end him the way we did before.” Dean sighed taking later a big gulp of his beer.

You had such a hard time trying not to stare. You clenched the fabric of his shirt in your fists and pressed your thighstogether, almost gritting your teeth as the feeling didn’t die out in the least bit. Even if you could partially control your thoughts you couldn’t keep this feeling at bay for long. Your toes curled and you looked down with pursed lips.

“It can’t be that easy though.” Sam pursed his lips with a shake of his head.

“Why the heck are you so pessimistic all of a sudden?” Dean raised his voice, giving Sam a look.

“It’s because something is off, Dean. Haven’t you even thought of how he came back in the first place?!” Sam shot up from his place.

Dean huffed with a roll of his eyes and a shake of his head before his eyes were on you, a frown setting on his face. Before he could speak Sam beat him at it “(Y/n), don’t you have something to say about this?”

“Wh-what?” your voice was hoarse and he shrugged.

“Anything. I mean you’ve seen every episode of Supernatural and know a lot of things about our cases. Don’t you think something is wrong here?” Sam tilted his head to the side.

Your mouth hang open as you looked between him and Dean. You wanted to speak but your throat felt closed and you almost felt like choking. Your high body temperature didn’t help at all and you almost felt as if you were suffocating. You just wanted out, and definitely away from Dean for a few second. His eyes on you made you to crawl out of your clothes and you couldn’t take it anymore. Especially with what you had just realized.

“I’m- I’m sorry.” you stuttered “I need- I need some air guys.” you almost stumbled a few times as you practically rushed past Dean and out of the door, not giving them a single chance to stop you.

~*~

The cold night air was very welcomed as you exited the motel room. Once it hit your face and bare legs you let a smallsigh of relief as it managed to make your body temperature fall just slightly. You wrapped your arms around yourself and walked bare foot towards the Impala.

Your heart beat starting going back to it’s normal rate. You cursed yourself in your mind but mostly Dean for everything else. You slowly crawled on top of the car and once you were in a sitting position you brought your knees up and hugged them, burying your face in your arms. You took a deep breath and smelled Dean’s scent that gladly managed to soothe down your nerves slightly.

But your moment of peace didn’t last long. You felt the car move and you didn’t have to guess to know someone was sitting next to you. Your first thought would have been Sam but once you had that feeling at the pit of your stomach again get more intense you knew very well who it was.

“I’m guessing you’re still mad at me then huh?” his voice was slightly playful to lighten the mood.

Silence followed for a little while before you started pulling away to look up at him “It’s not that.” you whispered, letting your legs fall.

“Then what?” his voice was more hoarse and as much as you felt yourself shifting in your place you just couldn’t take your eyes off him.

“It’s a long story Dean.” you mumbled.

“We’ve got time.” he shrugged but you shook your head.

“No, we don’t. And that’s exactly the problem. We need to get done with this case as soon as possible.” you almost hissed at him.

“So it’s just that? The case?” he raised an eyebrow, stuffing his hands in his pant pockets.

“What else could it be?” you avoided eye-contact in guilt.

“I don’t know…” he spoke in a low voice “…me?”

You flinched at his words but still didn’t look up at him, or said anything for that matter. Instead Dean spoke up with a heavy sigh.

“Look-” he ran a hand down his face “I- I wanted to talk to you about it. (Y/n) I’m-” he sighed again, swallowing thickly “I’m sorry… about everything.”

Your head had never snapped up so fast. Because you’d never had Dean Winchester apologize, to you at that. And for real.

“You… what?” you whispered and he sighed once more.

“I- I didn’t mean any of it. I know- I know that you are capable of protecting yourself, I have no doubt about it. It’s just thiscase- it’s all kinds of crazy (Y/n) and I just- I was scared something would happen to you and I wouldn’t- I wouldn’t bearthe thought knowing it would be all my fault.”

“Dean what are you talking about? Even if anything happens now, why would it be your fault?”

“(Y/n) I got you into this! I let you come with us instead of staying back in the bunker safe and-”

“Bored out of my mind. Not to mention sick worried about you!” you cut him off with a scowl on your face but he shook his head.

“Still. _Safe_.” he pursed his lips, looking down “You’re risking your life by being here because I was so damn selfish and weak and let you convince me.” he grumbled, running a hand through his hair.

“So what?” you felt your throat closing “Do you want me to go back at the bunker now? Leave you alone?”

“No, no. Hell no.” he said in a low voice “I just- I wanted to tell you the truth because I- because I don’t want to hide anything from you. All I did was because I was scared something would happen. I know- I know I was a douche, a total dick to you and you don’t deserve that. I just- yeah.” he swallowed, his eyes not meeting yours.

“You don’t have to apologize Dean.” you whispered “I kinda was a bitch anyway. I should have understood. You- you are the experienced hunter here, I am nothing but a girl that watched all of this on TV and thinks she knows everything. But I-I don’t. All I’m doing is just burdening you and now I-”

“You’re not a burden (Y/n). You’ll never be, don’t think like that.” his eyes finally moved up and locked with yours.

You let a small smile rest on your lips “Probably. But I am not doing much in helping anyway. Thing is- I am sorry too. This case, it’s much harder than I ever thought. Its affecting me in ways I never thought I would and I-” you breathed out a laugh “How the heck do you do this all the time?”

He smiled softly but shrugged “I never said it was easy.” he sighed “But at the end there is one thing that keeps us going. And that is saving as many people as we can. We probably will never get a chance at a normal life, not with knowing all that we know but- we, and other people like us, can protect all those who have no idea.”

“Did you- did you go with Sam and Cas to see the bodies too?”

He nodded his head “Had to see it for myself. It was a bloodbath (Y/n). People we could have saved. But there are just as many that need help and we are set on doing that.”

“But-” you chewed on your lowe lip “But what about your cravings? I mean aren’t they going to get in the way at some point?”

He breathed out a laugh “It’s going to get bad, yes, but it’s just cravings (Y/n). You’ve had them your entire life and you could fight them at moments, why not now?”

“I guess.” you mumbled chewing on your lower lip “Besides, maybe we don’t know what we crave at all sometimes.” you added and this time he raised an eyebrow.

“Meaning?”

“I just-” you shrugged “We think we know ourselves and what we want but sometimes we’re wrong. Sometimes we don’t know what we love most until we’ve gotten a taste of that. Like- like imagine ice creams.”

He raised both his eyebrows, and interested smile on his face almost close to a teasing one “Do tell?”

“Stop teasing me, I’m serious. Like, think about ice creams. No matter how many you’ve tasted there are just so many flavors out there that- that you can’t have tried every one of them, right? And you think- you think strawberry is your favorite but then- then you try cookie ice cream and switch for that. And then- then in the end you try berries and thenyes- yes you know what you crave because you can’t practically live without it. It’s the first moment- or whenever you have it with you that you catch yourself thinking _'Damn it, I am in love’_ and…” you let a small sigh “That’s it. That’s what you’ve always craved.”

“Berries ice cream?” he smirked and you rolled your eyes, hitting his shoulder.

“You know what I mean! Idiot.” you grumbled “All I am trying to say is that- how sure can we be now? Of everything at that? And maybe Sam- he could be right in the first place too!”

He sighed, his expression getting serious “We’re in a hell of a messed up situation (Y/n), I have just started to realize it too. Maybe Sam is right maybe not. But at this point we need to put everything aside and focus on ending the bastard as fast as we can.”

The urgency in his voice made you frown “Are the cravings fo the mark getting too bad?” you whispered and he let out a long sigh.

“It’s more than that.” he mumbled.

“What do you mean? Come on Dean, tell me. I already forgave you ok? We’ve both been a bunch of dicks to each other, let’s get over that.”you shrugged it off and it only made a chuckle leave Dean’s lips.

A chuckle that turned into a full feat of laughter that in all honesty warmed your heart and made you giggle slightly as well “What’s so funny?”

“No it’s- it’s you and- Damn.” he wiped a tear “Why do you have to be so freaking amazing?” he breathed out, the adoration (could you say?) in his eyes made your heart swell inside your chest apart from his words.

“I don’t know. It comes naturally.” you shrugged playfully and he laughed more “Along with being smart though, because don’t you think I’m going to let you change the subject so easily.”

“Well, too smart for my own bad I guess.” he mumbled and you chuckled.

You bit your lip but placed a hand on top of his, making his head snap to your direction so fast “I’m not going to pressure into this, it’s alright if you don’t want to talk about it. I just told you- and I will keep telling you, even if you are a jackass and infuriate me to no end but- that’s Dean Winchester right? I like that I’m getting to learn you, every aspect even that of your overprotectiveness. I can’t say that I secretly don’t like this.” you shrugged a little sheepishly “I wanted this from the first moment and I still do. And I told you Dean, I am here to listen to you. Always, when you need me. Don’t hesitate.”

Dean’s mouth hang open for a second and he stared at you like fish out of water. He wanted, he needed to say something but couldn’t find the words to. He instead smiled and without waiting a second he wrapped his arms around you and hugged you as tightly as he could. A small gasp left your lips but you couldn’t stop yourself and just brought your hands up and hugged him as close as you could. You buried your face at the crook of his neck and took a deep breath.

You clenched the fabric of his coat in your fists and without knowing it you snuggled closer to him so that you were almost on his lap. You felt your cheeks heat up pretty much like the entire rest of your body when Dean rubbed your head and kissed the side of your head. You felt his lips pull away but linger close to your face again and you didn’t dare make a move.

And soon at the thought your body temperature rose up in dangerous levels.

_Dean with you on top of the Impala. He pulles away slowly but still stays as close as it can. Your bodies are flushed and your faces just a few inches away. He hesitates and so do you, your lips touching but not. Mouth half open in anticipation as your lips tease with each other’s. And then he finally leans in and captures them, he captures your mouth and cupping your one cheek he brings you as close as he can to himself. Your hands move up to thread with his short hair. A small gasp leaves your lips as you feel Dean’s hand grab your bare thigh, slowly sliding up to squeeze your behind under the plaid shirt._

_His fingers feel cold against your burning skin. But you hear yourself let out a moan as his tognue slips into your mouth and starts exploring it. You are too weak to fight with him in the first place. His hand on your thigh is literally driving you over the edge and all you want is to know how it would feel to have him touch other parts of you, to kiss them and to-_

Your eyes snapped open at realizing the thought that ran through your mind. You cleared your throat and shifting slightly you started to pull away. Dean didn’t let his disappointment show and you subconsciously moved your shirt lower so that it could reach the furthest it could, feeling slightly nervous and conscious.

He gave you a weak smile, trying to make it a smirk but failing “H-hey how about we go inside now? Don’t want you to catch a cold wearing only this-” Dean tried desperately to keep his eyes from lingering on your form in just his plaid shirt; key word: _tried_ “-Besides, Sammy might think you killed me or something.” he forced a chuckle that soon died out.

You managed to chuckle “Considering how much you got on my nerves today I probably should.” you shrugged although deep down you new it was because of all the… sexual frustration more than actually being angry at him.

“I guess you’re right on that. Come on princess, let’s go.” he smiled, leaning in and before he could control it he pressed his lips to your cheek in a small kiss.

Once he pulled away his eyes widened and your did the exact same. You could swear you saw a blush creep up his neck but before you could see more he cleared his throat and spoke up “Yeah right I should probably- yeah.” well he practically stuttered and all-but-ran off to the motel room.

You frowned, tilting your head to the side. Dean had been acting extra weird today. He had blushed more times than you could count and acted like a blushing teen girl in front of her crush just as many. He acted on impulse and then stuttered. Dean freaking Winchester stuttered for real!

What the heck was that?!

~*~

Once you got inside the room Dean had already disappeared into the bathroom and considering the smirk on Sam’s face you didn’t have to ask if he noticed anything strange in Dean’s behavior aka _blush_. Castiel left a little later, saying he’d gotten a motel room of his own just a few doors down. And that left you to probably the most awkward topic of the day: sleeping arrangement.

“You know (Y/n) it’s not that I have a problem with you but- Dean would probably kill me if I end up suffocating you in my sleep.” he chuckled and you didn’t have to think hard to know what he was trying to do.

“Don’t- don’t sweat it Sammy. You’re practically huge, it doesn’t take long to know you’ll be sprawled in seconds.” you chuckled and he grinned, almost a little too happy?

“Great then! So uh you- you will take the other bed with Dean right?” he had already changed and was moving his duffel bag to one of the beds.

“Uh no I’ll probably leave the bed to Dean and crush on the couch.” you mumbled softly and his eyes almost widened.

“No!” he said a little too fast “I mean no, (Y/n) there is no reason too! Dean’s not bound to suffocate you trust me and the bed will be just enough for the two of you!”

“Yeah but Sam I don’t think he will-”

He cut you off “No of course not! Trust me I know Dean. He’ll probably love to have something to cuddle with, although he will never say it out loud.” his words made you giggle “And honestly (Y/n) you’re exhausted too. You’ve been thrown into another universe away from home and all, I think a bed is the least you deserve.” he smiled softly and you let out a defeated sigh.

“I guess I can’t argue with you anymore.” you shook your head and he grinned widely.

“No you definitely can't” he chuckled before he plopped down on his bed and covered himself with the blankets “Night (Y/n).”

“Goodnight Sammy.” you grinned, especially when you heard him let out a small groan and mumble something about you and Dean under his breath.

You pursed your lips, feeling a little stiff as you sat down on the bed almost on the edge. You slowly brought your legs up so that your back was resting on the headboard. You fidgeted with your hands, looking out of the window. The light of the moon enough after having turned off the light in the room.

Just at that moment Dean emerged from the bathroom, although it had taken him quiet long to. You looked up immediately and your eyes locked with his. He took a look at the other bed and his eyes all but widened when he saw Sam laying there, already asleep. His eyes moved back to yours and you tried not to let the horror in his eyes hurt you. Although you felt a pang. Did he not want this?

But that was far from that. Although Dean would never admit it out loud he wanted it it too much deep down. But maybe overly too much to the point he was scared to death. He had started forming a friendship with you, one he hoped would evolve into more soon, but the last thing he wanted at the moment was to make things awkward. He already found himself shifting uncomfortably in his place as his eyes traveled over the smooth skin of your lips up until the fabric of his shirt. The temptation to just lean and and ran his hands all over your bare skin, and under the shirt to reveal even more was just so big he…. had to admit he almost found himself going hard.

Well, that would be one hell of an uncomfortable situation he was sure. He knew he wouldn’t be able to control himself in his sleep and finding himself cuddling to you was the least of his worries. He was scared he’d find himself waking you in one fo the most awkward ways ever and despite how much he’d love to see that rosy blush spread over your cheeks that made you insanely adorable he just couldn’t take his own embarrassment. Because he would be embarrassed as hell. And better not talk about his wandering hands. He had no idea where he’d find his hands in the morning with you next to him, that was for sure, your ass being the least embarrassing of all the other situations he thought of.

“Guess you’re stuck with me then huh?” you tried to laugh but failed.

He swallowed thickly, looking down for a second before he smirked “Trust me, you’re the only person on this Earth I want to find myself with in this situation.” he gave you a soft grin and you smiled in the end.

“Hey uh Dean can you- can you please look if there are any more pillows in the drawers? I’d check but if some spider jumps at me I don’t think I can handle it.” you gave him a sheepish smile over something so simple but he found himself giving you a boyish grin.

“Sure thing sweetheart.” he was glad that he could find the chance to take his eyes from you for a moment, because he knew that if he kept staring anymore at you you would catch him sooner or later.

“That’s all in there.” he mumbled, taking one pillow and turning to give it to you.

You placed the pillow in place as he moved to drink some water, his throat feeling impossibly dry at the moment. And how could it not? His entire body temperature started rising as he saw you shift, the shirt riding up and revealing more skin and parts of your ass sticking out. He hastily teared his eyes away from there, scared that you’d catch him staring. He downed the whole bottle in one just as you turned to look at him. You tucked a few strands of loose hair behind your ear and he almost found himself letting out a shaky sigh.

“Are you going to stand there all night or what?” you giggled softly, and Dean almost felt his knees give away. Why the hell did you have to be so adorably clueless? Before he could find an answer, and he was trying very hard at that, you spoke up.

“Don’t worry, I don’t bite hard.” you chuckled only to be interrupted by a yawn. You rubbed your eyes with your fist and Dean couldn’t help but smile at how cute you looked.

“Well, too bad. Cause I do.” he teased and you gave him a small grin.

“So?” you raised an eyebrow and he blinked and cleared his throat, shifting nervously in his place.

He moved slowly, almost a little too slowly for your liking, but got closer and under the blankets with you. He was stiff for a few moments and you bit your lip in hesitation. Talking about awkward.

“Well, I guess goodnight then?”

“Y-Yeah.” his voice was rough, more so than usual “Goonight (Y/n).”

“Ah Dean-” you took hold of his arm, not pointing out the long sleeved shirt he was wearing and that he had not rolled up the sleeves like he used to.

“Can you help me slightly? I think I’m going to sweat bullets in this shirt and with these heavy blankets.”

He raised an eyebrow as you heard him take a sharp breath in “Do you want me to- unbutton it? You want to take it off?”

His words almost made you choke on sole air “No! No, no no” you said a little too quickly, your cheeks heating up more than ever before “I- no, Dean.” you cleared your throat.

“Oh oh sorry I just assumed that you- yeah.” he cleared his throat and shook his head, his eyes avoiding contact with yours as he shifted in his place uncomfortably.

“So what?” his voice came out a little higher than he intended and you chewed on your lower lip, feeling just as uncomfortable from what he’d said.

“Uh I wanted to roll the sleeves up. I never seem to do be good at it for some reason.” you chuckled and he breathed out as well.

“Don’t worry, takes little bit of practicing. It took me a couple years of wearing flannels to do it right.” he chuckled as you extended one hand for him to work on.

“Well then I guess I should practice a little huh? Only thing is I don’t have that many flannels.”

He shrugged “Could always borrow mine.” he winked at you with a smirk and you chewed on your lower lip, mostly at the way he got you feeling. His fingers brushing over your soft skin as he got to finish folding the one made your heart rate pick up.

“Gimme the other.” he mumbled and you did as told.

Dean hesitated for a second, feeling his heart beat so hard inside his chest that he was afraid it would jump straight out. He swallowed thickly, looking down at your hand waiting there for him. He’d thought about this so many times and ever since he found out the truth yesterday he could hardly keep himself from striding to you and seeing his name tattooed on your wrist. You hadn’t said anything so far but was this your way of getting to tell him? To show him? Yes, this was the way you were trying to tell him everything.

And now his feelings, the greedy part of himself, got so big he could hardly keep himself. He was on the verge of just pulling up the sleeve but had to be patient and slow, just doing his job of rolling up your sleeve. Slowly but surely more and more skin started being revealed. Dean was chewing on the inside of his cheek and once the sleeve was completely up and revealed your smooth skin Dean took hold of your hand and slowly turned it so that he’d take a look at the back of your wrist.

A shaky sigh left his lips but… not a pleasant one. Because what he saw was certainly not something he expected.

“Dean? Everything alright?” you whispered but he didn’t even hear you, too lost in his own thoughts as the only thing he breathed out was:

_“It’s not there.”_


	9. Chapter 9

You’ve been trying very hard to keep your mind from wandering to other things. The goosebumps that formed all over your skin as his fingers brushed past your skin made you feel hot and bothered more than you were before. Dean rolled up your sleeves but he had that concentrated look on his face that you just loved so much. Your eyes subconsciously drifted from his green eyes to his freckles, his nose, and down to his lips. He had a small pout on and just the moment he licked them you found yourself licking yours.

You blinked, trying to look away but failing miserably. You nibbled on your lower lip feeling your face heat up and your heart beat even faster, blood rushing through your veins. You just wanted to look away so bad but your body had a mind of its own. With his fingers teasing the sensitive skin of your arms, shivers running down your spine and his face just a few inches away from yours you were surprised how you could still keep yourself from leaning in closer to him and just kissing those lush lips of his. Chuck damn him for being so irresistible and for you-

Worry took over as you felt your heart drop. No it wasn’t your own feelings you soon realized it, because his expression showed just that.

“Dean? Everything alright?” you whispered, tilting your head to the side.

“It’s not there.” he breathed out and you frowned more.

You followed his gaze on your wrist and then looked back up at him “Wh-what is not there Dean? Dean?” you grabbed his shoulder and shook his from his trance, his eyes jumping up to yours.

“It’s- You’re- You’re not…” he breathed and to say he felt disappointed would be an understatement, because you didn’t just see it on his face. You felt it crystal clear. He felt disappointed, broken, crushed. As if his entire world had started crumbling down, for what reason you didn’t know. You could feel his heartbreak, as if someone had just stabbed him in the chest and you were connected and you could feel all of it. Or more specifically as if someone had ripped it right through his chest.

“I’m not what Dean?” you whispered, tilting your head so that you could take a better look at him. His eyes were glistening you started to realize and you took in a sharp breath at the sight.

“Dean?” you whispered, your voice breaking “Is everything alright? You know you can tell me.” you slowly brought a hand up and placed it over his.

His eyes widened for a moment and his body stiffened, at that moment only realizing how close the two of you were. His eyes looked back and forth between yours before he cleared his throat and looked away “Yeah” he said in a hoarse voice “Everything’s fine. No worries.” he said avoiding eye-contact but definitely not managing to convince you. He turned slightly, ready to lay down and avoid talking but you stopped him.

“D” you whispered, catching how he took in a deep breath “Please.” you whimpered and he closed his eyes for a second, taking a deep breath he opened them again and turned again so that he could face you fully.

He swallowed thickly, bring one hand to cup your cheek stunning almost the both of you “It’s alright. Nothing to worry about sweetheart, just go to sleep.” and he did something that surprised you all the more. He slowly and almost shyly leaned in and brought his lips closer and kissed your cheek, making your eyes widen and your breath hitch on your throat.

The strange feeling was back at the pit of your stomach and you pressed your thighs together at how uncomfortable you were but also all the things your entire body was feeling. The temperature had started to rise dangerously and all you wanted was to get out of your clothes… and maybe get Dean out of his too?

You wanted to shake your head furiously but your body wouldn’t obey. Dean rubbed a thumb over your cheek, his lips lingering close to your other cheek a little more than they should. He let out a small sigh, his hot breath fanning over your cheek before he whispered a rough ‘Goodnight’ and let go of you, turning on his side and laying down to sleep.

A trembling sigh left your lips as you swallowed and slowly layed down, turning on your side as well, whispering a 'Goodnight’ to him as well. A deep frown was on your face and you couldn’t stop thinking, worrying constantly and thinking about all possible scenarios before drifting to sleep…

…completely oblivious to how Dean fought but failed to keep a tear from rolling down onto the pillow, only managing to keep the sobs inside his throat; choking him like the feeling of emptiness inside his chest. This kind of disappointment he didn’t know if he’d ever be able to get over.

~*~

The next morning you found yourself letting out a soft sigh as the light shone through the curtains. A sigh that was cutshort as soon as the images started coming back to you and flashed through your mind. To say it had been an easy night for you would be an understatement. You had found yourself waking up numerous times during the night, each and every time sweating from head to toes. Your hair practically sticking to your forehead and you remembered vividly just why.

Maybe it had something to do with the way that you were feeling about Dean, maybe also it had to do with the fact that he was so close to you and your bodies were touching in just the right ways that in the end made all those dreams just so real. And at least to yourself you were not going to deny: _Dean taking you any way and in any place you were had you going out of breath even in real life, despite how they were just dreams._ You only prayed to Castiel that any of the sounds you made in your dreams didn’t come out while you were sleeping next to him.

You ran a hand down your face and let out another sigh, this time more content as you shifted slightly. Your movement elicited a groan from the person sleeping next to you. You felt Dean shift next to you and bury his face further at the crook of your neck, his arms on your waist squeezing you in them. Your hands were over his as you traced soft patterns with your fingers over them. You’d always loved Dean’s arms, especially his wrists for some weird reason. You glanced down as you softly pushed the fabric of his sleeves slightly up. Your fingers brushed over his wrists and you heard him let out a content sigh. You’d give anything to take a look at his hands at that moment but they were covered by the blankets, so as that you were just left to play blindly with his hands.

Your legs were tangled and you bit your lip to keep yourself from giggling. All of this had to be a dream, some crazy ass dream that you would unfortunately have to wake up from. Had you fallen alseep reading some fanfiction or something? Definitely. It had to be the case. Especially when you felt him shift his hand and before you could realize it he… was locking his fingers with yours. Your heart sped up and you held your breath for a moment.

You shifted slightly once more so that you were pressed closer to him, your back on his firm chest and you sighed in content too. A smile formed on your lips as his hands around your waist moved and tickled you slightly. Your smile turned into a sly one, remembering how one of the times you woke up your found your hands, well, on his ass. You were just so glad that he was sleeping at that point and didn’t realize anything. You on the other hand were smiling like crazy because, well, honestly now? Who wouldn’t have wanted _that_. Plus you avoided making a fool of yourself and being totallyembarrassed just because he was asleep.

“Seems like you’re enjoying yourself there huh?” Sam chuckling made your eyes snap open and your smile completely fade away.

“S-Sam” you stuttered a look of pure horror on your face.

He chuckled some more at your red face “Goodmorning to you too. And please don’t say it’s not what it looks like, I have eyes but I also have a mind.” he smirked at you and you avoiding looking into his eyes.

“S-Sam please just don’t-” you started mumbling, too embarrassed to even look at him.

“Don’t worry” he cut you off with a chuckle “I am not going to tell anything. Your secret is safe with me.” he smirked more.

“Wh-what s-secret? I- I don’t have one.” you stuttered and he raised an eyebrow.

“(Y/n) it’s not that bad to admit it. I promise I am not going to tease you about it, I’m not my brother. Who by the way is oblivious as hell so you better make it more obvious.” he shrugged as if it was nothing while in reality your face was burning.

“Sam I honestly- I honestly don’t know what you’re talking about. I- I just admire you and Dean but- but that’s just it.” you mumbled, moving slightly away from Dean only to have him groan in protest and pull you back to himself.

Sam took notice and laughed some more although his eyes were on his computer “You don’t have to hide it (Y/n). You have a crush on Dean, it’s simple and expected to happen. Sure you admire all of us but you do have a soft spot for him.” he shrugged.

“Sam it’s not like that. It can’t be like that. We- he and I- we are only friends. And we barely know each other.” you mumbled in a low voice, scared you’d wake him any given moment. Although he seemed to be quiet deep in his happy dream, considering the smile on his lips and the small sounds that left his lips. Some huffs and puffs but mostly sounds of content, peace and happiness. So low though that you could only hear. And definitely feel: his heart soar and skip a beat or two.

“Still though- you are closer to him than anyone else… ever.” he looked up at you through his lashes, a small smile on his lips and you looked away immediately.

“No, Sam. No, stop it. It’s not like that. It won’t be like that.” you whispered a little more disappointed than you should. You shook your head and pursed your lips.

“We’re just friends Sam, or something close to that. Nothing more, nothing less.” you said as firmly as you could, althoughthe look on your face away pretty much everything.

“Whatever you say.” he shrugged “Just know that-” a small smirk was on his face and for the first time you could understand Dean on how annoyed it got him.

“I won’t tell him anything about your 'just friendly’ feelings for him. Neither about this nor about… the happy sounds you made for _him_ last night.”

You practically choked on air and your eyes went wide. He said it so casually but the smirk on his face made yours burn like hell. You didn’t care that you were cuddling with Dean anymore, you practically started kicking him and pushing him away. And Chuck, did he struggle!

“No! I- I- Sam I didn’t! Wh-what?! How did you even think about something like that?!” your voice raised an octave and Dean let out a deep groan as you accidentally hit him harder.

“No!” you exclaimed, pushing Dean so hard that he almost- wait, he _did_ fall from the bed.

“Wh-what! I’m up!I swear I’m up!” he stuttered, stumbling to get up and practically falling several times as he was a tangled mess with the sheets.

“What the hell is going on?” he grumbled, rubbing his eyes and running a hand through his messy hair.

And _yes_ you tried not to stare… but failed. Obviously.

“Would you guys mind being a little less loud?” he groaned, making his way to the bathroom.

You avoided even looking in Sam’s eyes, not doubting in the least bit he’d caught you staring at his brother. Instead you let your hands fall on the floor and soothed down your hair.

“Yeah sorry about that.” Sam said with a chuckle as Dean emerged from the bathroom, looking a little more awake.

“What the hell were you talking about anyway?” he raised an eyebrow, looking between you and Sam. You avoided eye-contact of course.

Luckily, even if he had embarrassed you majorly before he now was on your rescue “Uhm about the case actually.”

“Huh?” Dean raised an eyebrow “What about that?” he asked a little monotonously and you saw how his eyes were a little drained, as if he had no energy anymore but kept going because it was his job.

“There was another victim only last night. And it’s a few blocks down from here.” Sam said leaning back on his chair.

You tried to act professional and got up to walk towards Sam and take a look at the computer, though the moment you were there Dean pulled away and started walking away supposedly interested in what clothes he was going to wear as he searched through his duffel bg. You tried to hide the frown from your face or the pang of pain that you felt. Sam on the other hand raised an eyebrow at his brother’s behavior, looking back and forth between the two of you. He wouldn’t expect that after the noises he heard _Dean_ make while _you_ were asleep.

“So-” you cleared your throat, blinking “What was it?”

Sam gave you a sympathetic smile and looked back at his computer “It’s quiet sad actually. A woman took her life by cutting herself. She was found in a pool of her own blood a couple hours ago.”

You placed a hand over your mouth and turned your head away to not look at the pictures on the computer. Your eyes met Dean’s whose seemed to be fixated on you, a frown on his face. But as soon as you caught him he cleared his throat and looked at Sam.

“Any reason why she did that?” he asked in a monotonous voice.

“Uh yeah reports from neighbors said she’d gotten quiet depressed after she- after she lost her husband. He was hersoulmate. They’d seen marks on her arms before, mostly close to the crossed tattoo. Obviously she couldn’t stand to see the line over the name anymore so she… yeah.” he let out a sigh, pursing his lips.

“She was desperate.” you mumbled “She’d lost her entire world, her soulmate.”

“It is hard to cope up with something like that.” Sam pursed his lips.

You let out a sigh, tucking a few more strands of hair behind your ear. You slowly walked towards the bed and took a seat there, but mostly to test out the waters. And indeed your fear has been proven right. Dean grabbed his duffel bag and slowly walked away with it in his hands and placed it on the chair next to Sam, still 'searching’ for clothes.

You chewed on your lower lip and looked down, missing the glare Sam sent to his older brother. Dean however avoided eye-contact with him as well. You fidgeted with yours hands before letting out a sigh.

“It costed her a lot. She really loved him, he meant a lot to her.” you mumbled, trying to fill in the awkward and tense silence.

“Nothing can compare to the love of a soulmate.” to your surprise it was Dean that spoke up.

A small smile formed on Sam’s lips at the small declaration Dean seemed to make, but it soon fell when he saw the almost stone cold expression on his brother’s face. No, he was… _hurt?_

“But how would you know? You’re not from here, you have no tattoo on your arm, right?” he mumbled with a heartbroken expression, as he looked down, shrugging.

“Dean, what are you talking about?” Sam’s voice raised just slightly as he stared at his brother as if he’d grown a second head.

“Nothing Sammy, nothing. Drop it.” he muttered, clenching his jaw.

“Does this have to do with _me_ now?” you raised an eyebrow at him ad you saw his body stiffen.

You knew it all too well, the mark was itching him for a fight but at this point you didn’t care, neither about that nor about his brother being in the same room. He wouldn’t even look at you in the eyes for Chuck’s sake! Just a few minutes ago he was all snuggled up to you, cuddling you and holding you in his sleep – and refusing to let go at that – and now he wouldn’t stand being next to you.

You shot up from your sitting position and took a few steps closer to him, only to have him move away “I may be from another universe and yes I might have no tattoo on my wrist but this- this soulmate thing you describe- I know very well what it means. And it is nothing more or nothing less than _love_. So don’t you tell me I have no idea about it because you, Dean Winchester, have no single idea how _I_ feel!” you pointed a finger at him and for the first time ever since you got out of bed he looked at you in the eyes.

“Then tell me. Tell me how you feel. Tell me if there is someone you are in love with. Tell me if there is or ever was someone you felt was your soulmate even in your universe. Tell me!” his roared through the silence that had surrounded you.

You gasped at the tone of his voice, mostly because this wasn’t just an argument about your 'safety’ but because- wait you had no idea anymore what all this was about. Dean had all of a sudden started acting cold towards you as if you’d done the worst thing in the world, as if you’d wronged him in some way and now he was giving you the cold shoulder for it. But you had done nothing.

“This is pointless.” you mumbled “Maybe I shouldn’t have come here in the first place.” you shook your head “I’m- I’m gonna go get Cas. Maybe he can get me back in the bunker and I’ll let you continue this case in peace.”

Without giving them, or mostly Dean, a second glance you walked past him bumping shoulders in the process and opening the door, only to slam it as you left. You only hoped he wouldn’t see the tears that had started welling up in your own eyes and that were about to spill any given moment.

“What the hell Dean?!” Sam raised his arms in the air, looking at his brother with a stunned expression.

“What?” Dean asked back in a rough voice, not meeting his gaze.

“Don’t 'what’ me! Why the hell did you talk to her that way! She was just making a statement! And why the hell did you act like that?”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Dean finally looked up at him to glare.

“You wouldn’t even look her in the eyes Dean! And on top of that you wouldn’t stand being less than a metre close to her! It’s as if something- as if something snapped inside you and you’re doing it all wrong! Is that how you’re supposed to win her over?”

“Something snapped? Something? I’ll tell you what snapped Sam! She’s not my soulmate! That’s what snapped! She’s not my soulmate, not my (Y/n)!” Dean roared back, his own eyes filling with tears.

“Wh-what?” he breathed out until realization downed on him “That’s why you said she has no tattoo?”

Dean nodded his head weakly, turning for a moment to rub his eyes with his thumbs and fight back the tears “Yes. I saw it for myself, her wrist is bare. She doesn’t have my name, on any of them. She’s- **I** ’m not her soulmate. I’m not… hers.” he almost choked on a sob he didn’t know was coming up.

“Dean” Sam whispered, placing a hand on his shoulder “Are you absolutely sure? Maybe- maybe it was there but you didn’t-”

“No Sam, no!” he exclaimed, pushing his brother’s hand off “I saw it with my own eyes! It wasn’t there! And- that explains everything. Why she knew my name but didn’t react, why she didn’t know about the whole soulmate business or anything… She’s not-” he stopped himself, letting out a trembling sigh. To say disappointment had taken the best of him would be an understatement. He felt broken beyond repair.

Just when he thought everything was in place for once, just when he thought he’d found you there he had his hopes all crashed again. He had found himself dreaming about things, about his future for a moment and for the first time he could put a face to the name. And he had never loved it more for it to be your beautiful face, because he couldn’t deny it to himself you were just the girl of his dreams. You were nothing like the women he usually picked up but that was what he loved most. Because when he found himself settling in with his soulmate she should be like you. **It should be you**. It hadto be you, not just in appearance but also character as well. But of course he wasn’t going to have it his way. Just when he thought he could be happy, even for a few days, you had to be snatched right from his arms.

He soon found himself slumping down on the bed, his face burying in his hands “I’m not her soulmate, Sam. I’m not hers.” Dean clenched his jaw, his eyes shut tightly to keep in the tears.

“Dean please don’t- don’t be like this. Maybe- maybe it’s something more. Something we don’t know.” Sam felt his own heart clench at the state he saw his brother in. He’d never been this broken and let it show.

“What Sam? What?” he croaked, looking up at his little brother who only frowned at him in pain.

“I don’t know.” he whispered, looking down “But Dean- Why should you care now?”

“What do you mean Sam? She’s my soulmate! I should care… I guess. Or maybe not after all.” Dean looked away with a frown.

“Exactly. She is your soulmate, just because she doesn’t have her name on your wrist it doesn’t mean- it doesn’t mean she’s not your (Y/n) Dean! I mean think about- think about the way you’ve been feeling around her! Before you even knew her name! When we brought her to the bunker, and before she could wake up too!” Sam exclaimed, a hopeful smile forming on his lips.

“So what with that now Sam?” he asked exhaustion taking over.

“Dean it was the mere way you were looking at her that made her your soulmate! The way you wanted to be close to her, to hold her and everything else I between was true. You were feeling everything and don’t deny it. She is your (Y/n) because the way you feel for her made her so.Tattoo or not she is your soulmate because you- because you love her Dean!” Sam ended up exclaiming and Dean took in a sharp breath, his fists clenching by his sides.

It was one thing to feel it but a whole different thing to say it out loud. Because that meant admitting it. And even if it was Sam saying it… Dean didn’t do anything to deny it.

“It’s just been two days I can’t-” he mumbled, no will to fight Sam’s argument actually.

“Yes but she- (Y/n) is your soulmate Dean. You know everything works a thousand times faster with soulmates, and a thousand times as strong.” a smile slowly broke on Sam’s face as he breathed out the words.

“But her wrist-” Dean stopped, swallowing thickly.

“Is bare, yes I know. But I know there is something else going on too. It has to. She is your (Y/n), and you are her Dean, tattoo or not. Besides, the lack of evidence doesn’t mean there is no crime.” he smile softly “And we both know very well that you feel things for her… and so does she for you.”

“You seem a little too confident there.” he scoffed, avoiding to look in his brother’s eyes for fear of letting his hopes rise even more.

“And I am, because I know and I can see not only how you feel about her… but how she feels about you too.” he managed to breath out a chuckle.

“Yeah right.” he scoffed again “That’s why she was totally over Cas then huh?”

Sam chuckled and shook his head “Yeah, and that’s why you were about to cut his head off- because you have feelings for her and were insanely jealous.” he crossed his arms over his chest and Dean rolled his eyes.

“I told you I wasn’t jealous alright?”

“Yeah whatever you say.” Sam sighed “But Dean don’t- don’t be disappointed. And don’t take it out on (Y/n). It’s not her fault you know. Pushing her away is no solution and… it’s only hurting her.”

“…It’s not possible even if I try, anyway.” Dean mumbled with a sigh and Sam raised an eyebrow at him “It’s torturing me more than her.”

“You can feel it can’t you?” Sam smirked, knowing the all too characteristic trait of soulmates. Sharing feelings.

“Crystal clear and it’s killing me.” Dean ran a hand through his hair “I can’t do this either Sam. Being away from is like-”

“Every fiber in your body is pulling you towards her? And when you look away you are practically struggling to do so? Because all you want to do is stare at her all day?” he raised an eyebrow at Dean who gave him a glare.

“Stop being cheesy will ya?” he rolled his eyes.

“But it’s the truth.” Sam shrugged and Dean sighed in defeat.

“So what am I supposed to do?”

“An apology at first wouldn’t be bad.” Sam crossed his arms over his chest.

“Yeah, I owe her one. Alright and then what?” he raised his eyebrows “How am I supposed to control… the rest of it?”

Sam tried to fight of a laugh but failed “Just, I don’t know maybe that’s your thing. I am probably going to suffocate her while we’re sleeping. You’ve gotta keep sharing a bed with her until the case is over.” he shrugged innocently.

“Easy for you.” Dean grumbled and Sam snickered “I’ll need to take the coldest freaking shower to calm myself down before I lay down, do you know how that is?”

“No, but I guess I can imagine.” Sam chuckled “I’m just happy your noises didn’t wake her up last night.”

“Not a word about that.” Dean grumbled running a hand down his face “I’ve been trying so hard to keep it under control, I’m just glad it didn’t happen. Do you have any idea how hard it was? And damn it Sam, did you have to lend her my clothes?!”

He snickered “So what you’re complaining?” he raised an eyebrow.

“No- Yes! I mean no practically she’s- She’s just so you know perfect and my clothes- they fit her better than me! And they have to fall perfectly over her hips and I’ve never wanted more to just squeeze a pair of those. And she just won’t button it up to the top and it has- it _has_ to fall of her shoulder and damn it- why the hell does she have to wear a white bra? And why the hell am I even thinking about it? You know I was all for black lace, or not one at all but- but no she’s gotta go do that! And she’s gotta give me all this sorts of fucking ideas that drive me insane! And no of course she doesn’t have to wear a pair of sweatpants or anything, no! Just her fucking panties! And I got a glimpse of them Sam! And her hair has to be a wild mess so much that she’s just tempting me to-”

Sam coughed loudly, quickly getting up from the couch “Alright, alright I get it. I get it! No need to go on detail!” he shook his head.

“Yeah” Dean let out a sigh “But it’s… something else Sam.” Deans voice got significantly lower “She- I thought I’d crave sex Sam, you know? Since apparently the mark ain’t really functioning this once, which I am glad about by the way but really-With the way she was I thought I just want to you know- But- but when I got her in my arms in that bed even- even after I saw no tattoo I- I felt things. Nothing changed Sam. And the only thing- the _only_ thing I could think of was- was to-”

“Make love to her?” Sam smirked slightly at Dean’s wide eyes, taking in his flustered state. He couldn’t help but feel happy for his brother’s new-found feelings. It was something new for him but Sam couldn’t be more happy to see him experience all of it with you.

“Yeah that.” Dean cleared his throat, avoiding to look him in the eyes “But you know me Sam I don’t- do- love a-and love-and- yeah.” he said awkwardly and Sam shrugged.

“Up to now, though.”

Dean let out a sigh, finally meeting his brother’s gaze, tattoo or not he knew one thing was for sure “I’m screwed, aren’t I?”

~A few hours later~

“Alright, yeah we’ll wait here.” Dean let out a sigh, glancing at you on the table he left you in.

“Dean I just-There is something more.” Sam let a small sigh through the phone.

“What?” Dean’s eyebrows frowned.

“I uh I talked with Cas… about (Y/n).” his brother said into the phone after a small pause.

“Damn it Sam, I told you I didn’t want to talk to about it to anyone!” Dean hissed.

“Anyone or Cas in specific?” he could practically hear the smirk in his brother’s voice.

He growled “I told you I was not jealous and that’s over.” he sighed again before running a hand down his face “Sam just drop it. We talked about it and decided that once this freaking case is over I will deal with it. We can see if she is mysoulmate or not later, now we-”

“No Dean wait!” Sam cut him off, raising his voice “Cas, he said he might have an explanation.” Sam’s words caught Dean’s attention and he found himself tensing.

“…Like?” he asked slowly, not wanting to let show he was really interested to hear the answer. He wanted to know of course, but maybe part of him – and he realized it as he glanced at you playing with your food like a kid – knew that he didn’t care about the bare wrist and lack of tattoo. Because just as his eyes fell on you he felt his heart soar and that was all he needed in the end. You were his soulmate because his feelings told him so, because he felt all those things before he could even get to talk to you. That was all the proof he needed to know you were his (Y/n).

Although part of him worried that, in some kind of messed up situation, he wouldn’t be your Dean. And maybe it wasn’t going to be a Dean in the first place, after all. _**Maybe somebody else?**_

“Well, see here’s the thing. (Y/n)’s from another universe right?” Sam asked and Dean nodded his head, before he realized he couldn’t see him.

“Yeah, so…?”

“In her universe people don’t have their soulmate’s name tattooed on their wrist. They just fall in love with someone they feel like they are their other half, that they have a connection with.”

At Sam’s words Dean couldn’t help but think about what you’d told him just yesterday. About said connection you had with fake him, Jensen, and how you felt close to him even if you’d never met him. And that made Dean’s hopes rise all the more.

“Yeah, and?” he swallowed thickly.

“Well, (Y/n) may not have your name on her wrist just because she is from another universe but that doesn’t mean she’s not your soulmate. People that get transported into a different universe that is not theirs start experience the changes slowly because their bodies did not belong there, nor was there an equal part of theirs. Like Jared was for me or- or Jensen was for you.”

“S-Sam what is that supposed to mean now?”

He heard Sam let a soft chuckle “That Dean, (Y/n) _**is**_ your soulmate. But her own tattoo has not started appearing yet, that is all. She’s new here, like a newborn. Maybe it will appear soon or maybe late, depending on how fast her soul adjusts to our universe.”

“So- so what does that mean?” Dean found himself whispering before he could realize it.

Sam chuckled on the other line “That means that you better start preparing your speech because there is no way in hell I am letting you push my sister in soul just because you’re a stubborn idiot.”

Dean found himself trying to fight off a smile, his lips twitching nervously and he had to bite down for a moment “Whatever you say, just be careful there and come back quick. Bitch.”

“Yeah right, jerk.” Sam replied with a laugh and Dean turned his phone off, turning to look at you. He took in a deep breath, and prepared himself to walk back to your table. He was only glad you didn’t look up at him because you’d make him all the more nervous, his palms were already sweating dangerously.

~*~

“I still don’t get it.” you said through pursed lips “Why the heck do we have to wait here while Sam and Cas go investigate the crime scene?” you played around with your fork.

“Because I was hungry.” he said with a simple shrug “Is it that bad that you’re stuck with me?” he asked in a much softer voice.

You couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at his voice tone, but then you looked back down “I thought you’d be the one to have a problem. Considering you wouldn’t even look me in the eyes this morning.”

You heard him let out a sigh and let his own fork down “I was being irrational.” he mumbled and you had a hard time hiding a smirk “I know I shouldn’t have acted that way. I was being… an idiot, and I know I shouldn’t.”

“You think?” you raised an eyebrow at him and he gave you a glare.

“I’m trying to apologize here alright?” he pursed his lips and this time both your eyebrows shot up, your mouth hangopen.

“What?” you breathed out and he let out another sigh.

“I’m trying to apologize.” he whispered “Because I know I acted like a jerk and it'snot your fault. I just- I have problems lately and with this case, I have a lot of things in my mind. Trying to find a cure for the mark on top of that.”

“Dean” you mumbled, looking down.

“It’s not your fault, alright? Not your fault, it’s all mine. I just- I’m too stressed I guess and something snapped. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you but- but I don’t you want you to think anything else.” he sighed and pressed his lips in a small pout.

“I though you- you wanted to avoid me for some reason.” you whispered an his eyebrows shot up “You wouldn’t even look me in the eyes, Dean. I thought that maybe I did something.”

“No, (Y/n) you didn’t! It’s just- this place is way more messed up than you think.” he shrugged softly and you looked out of the window.

“…Is this all about your soulmate?” you whispered, turning to look at him and you saw his body stiffen.

“It’s not- not what you-”

“It is about her.” it was a statement not a question and your eyes casted down “That’s why you’ve been talking aboutsoulmates and all that stuff so much this morning.”

“It’s messed up (Y/n), you better not ask.” he avoided looking in your eyes.

“But Dean you- I told you, you can talk to me. No matter how much of a jerk you are, I can understand it’s because you have a lot in your mind.” you shrugged before slowly bring one hand up to place over his “I’m here, anytime.”

You saw his eyes cast down on your hands, lingering a little more on your bare wrist. He hesitated for a second, as if something was holding him back, but in the end a smile formed on his lips and he shook his head. As if he was shaking his thoughts and worries away.

“I know sweetheart, trust me I know.” he gave you a wide smile that made you let out a giggle before yu could comprehend it.

“Besides-” his voice took a softer note “It’s just like you said it. It’s not about a stupid tattoo on your arm, that only indicates th other person. It’s what somebody feels that makes it real.” he shrugged and you smiled softly at him “It’s love, you were right. That’s what soulmates are in the end.”

“Wow” you breathed out “Dean Winchester said the “L” word, that is big. We need no more proof, it is the second Apocalypse.” you chuckled and he rolled his eyes at you.

“Can’t you be serious for a moment?” he raised an eyebrow.

You scoffed “Are you ever? But here- just let me see for a moment, you might have a fever or something.” you leaned over the table to place a hand over his forehead that made goosebumps form over the touch.

“Oh my, he’s burning! Quickly call an ambulance! Call an-”

“Hey!” he tried to shush you and get you to sit down “And then I thought Sam was embarrassing me!”

You giggled “I thought all this time it was the other way round.” you smirked and he gave you a glare.

“Are you gonna eat that by the way?” you pointed towards his fries and he shook his head with a smirk.

“No, here you go princess.”

You grinned widely at him, taking the plate from his hands “Do you want to talk about it some time?” you whispered the moment you had both resumed to eating.

“About what” he said through a mouth full.

“About, you know… her.” you shrugged softly, chewing on a fry.

He hesitated for a second, holding your gaze for longer than needed “It doesn’t matter (Y/n).”

You scoffed “Like hell it does. Come on, Dean. I promise I won’t tease if sh has a weird name, I’ve told you before.”

“Why- why are you asking?” he narrowed his eyes slightly at you, waiting for an answer that he really was interested in hearing.

You shrugged, looking down “I don’t know.” you mumbled, feeling your cheeks heat up “I just am interested in knowing more about this mystery girl. She is Dean Winchester’s soulmate after all, must be pretty special.”

“She is.” he found himself breathing out as he stared into your eyes “She is the most amazing woman in the entire world.”

You almost felt your cheeks heat up at the intensity of his gaze but then you looked down, giving him a small chuckle that was mostly forced “Lucky lady then.”

He scoffed, chuckling and you looked up to raise an eyebrow at him “You can’ be serious, right?” he asked back and you shook your head.

“Why would I need to be joking about something like this?” you tilted your head to the side.

Dean’s mouth hang open for a moment but he was mostly like a fish out of water, gaping at you, opening and closing its mouth. He then pressed his lips together and shook his head, looking down with an adorable boyish smile. You could even see the beginning of a blush too and you smiled to yourself.

“We haven’t talked about it much but amongst the many subjects you’ve avoided- there is one thing we need to talk about and there is no interrupting this.” you said with a slightly teasing smile and he frowned at you.

“What? Want to make it a date?” he smiled slightly and you chuckled.

“Anytime pretty boy.” you winked catching the both of you off guard “But no- not that. I needed to ask you something else, other than on a date.” you chewed n your lower lip, looking down at your food.

“What?” he whispered, feeling his heart skip a beat.

“What’s her name?” you breathed out looking up at him “You didn’t answer me the first time but I really want to know.”

“What is your soulmate’s name, Dean?”


	10. Chapter 10

“What is your soulmate’s name, Dean?”

“Wh-why do you want to know?” his voice was rough, raising an interested eyebrow.

You shrugged, looking down at your food “Don’t know. It’s just- she is Dean Winchester’s soulmate. Must be something special right? And besides that-” you chewed on your lower lip “She’s not with you. Wouldn’t you want that?”

He sighed, leaning back in his seat “It’s not that simple (Y/n). You might think it’s all rainbows and unicorns because oh soulmates are just so romantic but- with this kind of life? The least I want is to drag somebody else into it, much less mysoulmate.”

“I know things aren’t easy, Dean. Hell I’ve gotten to realize it lately myself and I’m scared to no end but- you won’t bedragging her as you say. If she’s with you I doubt she’d have the mind to worry about anythig else. I mean, although I don’t know much-” you shrugged “-meeting your soulmate must be pretty big thing right?”

“It is.” he sighed “Some don’t even get the chance to meet their other half before they die but I mean- look at me sweetheart? You know the shit I’ve been through. Would you really think anyone would stand to be dragged into this mess?”

“No. Not anyone.” you pursed your lips “But your soulmate would, and I’m sure of that.”

“How come?” he couldn’t help but breathe out, a small smile forming on his lips as he saw the small spark in your eyes.

“Because she’s your soulmate obviously! And you- you are Dean Winchester! Dean freaking Winchester! There are so many words to describe you yet none is enough. Hell I know I wouldn’t think a second and jump straight into this mess as you call it if I could have you as-” you cut off yourself immediately, pursing your lips as you caught yourself saying things out loud you probably shouldn’t.

Dean’s eyebrows shot up and his lips parted, a small breath leaving but he didn’t find it in him to question anything further as he only could breath out “Would you?”

“I would Dean.” you sighed, looking down sheepishly “And I know so would she. The love for your soulmate is far stronger than fear or anything else. Besides- wouldn’t you want to have her by your side?” you dared lock eyes with his.

“I only don’t want her to get hurt.” he mumbled in a rough voice.

“She wouldn’t. I’m sure if she had you by her side then she wouldn’t have to worry about anything else. You would risk everything for her wouldn’t you?” he gave you a small nod “Then why worry? And I’m sure she’d want you by her side too. You would have to ask her too, Dean. Making a decision that has an effect on her life without asking her is wrong, trust me.”

“You seem pretty sure about it.” he whispered in a statement and you shrugged with a small smile.

“I am” you said, locking eyes with his “Dean I am sure that if this place is anything like I’ve imagined it ever since I came here, she’d be dreaming her entire life to meet you. Maybe you guys are not that emotional about these stuff but- if I were her I’d be sleeping and waking up to running my fingers over my tattoo. I’d be trying to find you every chance I got, panicking slightly on the inside with every Dean I heard, although I already do in my universe anyway-” you both breathed out a chuckle “-but at the same time I’d be happy.” you breathed out softly “I’d be happy to find my other half, the missing part of my soul. And even when I didn’t I would just stay up till late at night, thinking about him- you. Imagining how you’d look, if I would be worthy of you a-and everything.”

He felt his own heart swell at the thought.He couldn’t even count the times he’d been through that on his own “Would you really?” he whispered, a look of pure adoration on his face but you didn’t notice.

“For sure.” you nodded your head, looking down at your bare wrist “Knowing the name of that special someone that is out there, meant to love you so much and for you to love just as much to the point- to the point you’d feel your heart burst? I wouldn’t be able to wait Dean. And when the moment came? I wouldn’t want to leave their side. I sound like a helpless romantic I know but- but I haven’t had an easy life. Maybe that one special someone, my soulmate, don’t you think he’d be able to just take away all my worries in a minute? Because I really do.”

You saw the moment you looked up at him that his eyes shifted down to his arm, and you saw him grasp his wrist with his other hand; rubbing his thumb over obviously his own tattoo.

“No you’re not a helpless romantic.” he whispered shaking his head “It’s completely human. Seeking out your soulmate, wanting to be by his side is completely human.”

“Have you looked for her?” you whispered with a small frown and he let a sigh, running a hand down his face.

“More times than I can remember.” he mumbled “But I just- I can’t drag her down with me (Y/n). She doesn’t deserve this.”

“I think that she should be able to decide, Dean.” you breathed out “I know you’re scared that you might destroy her lifebut- but she’s your soulmate! She will love you from the first moment just the way you are and trust me- she’d have every right to.” you offered him a small smile and his eyebrows raised.

“What do you mean?” he whispered and you chuckled softly.

“Seriously? For Gabriel’s sake!” you exclaimed “You are Dean freaking Winchester! You are brave, strong, selfless, generous, kind, loving a total sweetheart and ok, I won’t tell it to Sam.” you giggled softly “You are caring and everything a woman could ask for and you know I am not talking just about appearance. You’d be able to give her all she’d ever wanted and much much more.”

“Not a normal life though.” he said in a hoarse voice, looking down.

“And who cares about that?” you whispered and his eyes slowly looked up at you “Dean if I were her I- I wouldn’t give a single care about it! Not if I had you! Do you even know how important that is? Love matters more than anything else, and quiet honestly who cares about a normal life in the first place? Excuse me but if I was able to live in the bunker, not hunt because I don’t think I can take this much gore at once, but still with you and Sam and Cas… that would be perfect.”

“But… wouldn’t you want a kid at some point?” he frowned and you shrugged.

“Maybe, maybe not. I don’t know what it would be if I met my soulmate but- you know, even as that… the bunker is the safest place in the world right? And what with an actual angel there too! How more safe can it be than that?” you shrugged “I know **we** ’d do everything to make its life as normal as it could be, anyway.”

“You think it could work?” he whispered, feeling his heart swell in a way it had never had before. Because it filled with hope. A kind of hope, faith almost, he thought he long ago had lost. A kind of hope that he had forgotten but remembered the moment he met you. His wishes for a family coming back to the surface. Dreams he’s had for so long but buried deep within him. And now they were there, not only because he’d met you and found himself acting like a teen boy in front of his first love, but also because he truly wanted this. He had given it a try but failed. But you were not Lisa, you were _you_ , so much better, perfect to him, and all he’d ever wanted in his life. You were the girl of his dreams and if ended up having a family with you, even in the bunker and in this life… Dean still found himself smiling because he’d love it to no end.

You gave him a hopeful smile “Anything can work Dean, as long as you try.”

“Yeah but happiness?” he said in a rough voice “Would you really be happy to be my soulmate (Y/n)? Knowing all the crap I’ve been through. I am poison, I destroy all that I love- would you risk it? Would you risk dying, losing your life to be with me?”

“Dean.” you whispered, placing a hand on the one that was resting on the table “I would give my life for you, knowing how really happy you’d make me before all of it then… why care?” you squeezed his hand “I would be the happiest woman alive to be your soulmate.”

His eyes widened for a split second and you heard him take in a sharp breath “Would you?”

“Definitely.” you whispered, almost feeling your cheeks heat up the small smile that played on his lips “But-” you sighed, pulling your hand away from his “This wrist is bare so… no such luck.”

“You never know.” he shrugged and you shook your head, eating a fry.

“Yeah but in this case I do.” you sighed “Dean you are lucky to have a name on your wrist and she- she is for sure the luckiest woman on Earth to be your soulmate. I’d give everything to- yeah.” you cleared your throat, looking down and away from him; missing how his eyebrows shot up and his mouth fell slightly open.

“You’d be damned.” he said in a rough voice.

You shook your head “Only if I let you go.” you whispered.

“You wouldn’t deserve this. You deserve so much more than this.” he mumbled, his head lowering, not giving you the chance to hear him clearly.

“Dean what are you saying? Look, I get it that you would be scared; I would definitely be too. But meeting your soulmateis something wonderful. Would you prefer to go on your entire life without knowing how she looks at least?”

“I’d know she was safe.” he clenched his jaw “How can you be so hopeful? You know how hard this life is.”

“It is yes, and I know that for you it is even more but- why don’t you think about it.” you gave him a small smile “Maybe she- your soulmate, she could be able to help you with the mark, have you not thought about it? She could ease your worries, the way you’d feel about her- maybe it can surpass the control of the mark have you not thought about it?”

“I- I have yeah. But I can’t-”

“Dean Winchester I swear if you say one more time that you can’t ruin her life I will kick your ass so hard you won’t beable to drive the Impala for a week!” you exclaimed, almost a little too loudly but you luckily got him to shut up.

“Dean” you sighed giving him a hopeful smile “You saw what Sam went through with Jess, do you really want to lose your own soulmate without doing anything to get her at first? You’re not poison alright? You- you are such a wonderful man I can’t even begin to describe it! You can’t seriously push her away because you think you’re damaged goods. Alright maybe you are but aren’t we all?”

“No, you are not. You are… perfect (Y/n).” he whispered but you shook your head.

You laughed “No, Dean no. I am not, it’s just that you can’t see it yet. But I am alright with that, the fandom has helped me deal with it. And maybe I should get you to see how you have been able to help other people besides hunting.” you shook your head “But thing is-” you sighed.

And continued “Dean don’t doubt yourself, please.” a sob almost left your lips “You won’t be her downfall. You won’t be her undoing, only if you stop worrying about it. You need to care about giving as much of yourself as you can to her because she deserves it- you both deserve it. And she… she shouldn’t hesitate a moment to love you from the first moment.”

“And… would you?” he breathed out, giving you a weak smile.

You breathed out a chuckle “Well, I know I’d be scared as hell at first but then- I’d be the happiest woman on Earth, I told you so- you’re not a curse Dean. If anything, I’d call you a blessing.”

Dean’s lower lip trembled as his mouth fell open, his eyes all-but-widened and you chewed on your lower lip, taking in what you had just spilled to him. You shifted uncomfortably in your seat and cleared your throat, avoiding to look him in the eyes. His green eyes stared at you with so much intensity it made shivers run down your spine.

“Yeah shouldn’t have said that out loud.” you mumbled with an awkward laugh, clearing your throat you got up “I’m gonna- gonna go take a chocolate milkshake because you know- cravings.” although you knew it was far from the truth you just wanted away from him.

By the moment you got back to your and Dean’s table you had drunk at least half of it and Dean had eaten most of his food, but you were at least glad to see a smile on his face. Part of you regretted opening the soulmate business in the first place, because for some reason he just seemed to not want to let you know what her name was. _**Maybe you knew her?**_ Maybe she was someone from the show? Maybe you wouldn’t like her? Maybe you’d think of them together as off and weird? Maybe you actually despised her? You had so many questions but you knew you couldn’t ask him. Maybe he didn’t want to trust you with something like that? The thought hurt you so much but you pushed it aside and let him be.

The only thing you were glad about was that you at least had gotten the chance to talk to him once more and manage to get it, even slightly, through his head that he was worth it. And the smile he had on his lips proved to that so you felt content with yourself. You still had so many things to tell to that man but maybe if you stayed a little longer you’d have the chance to, right?

“Anything new?” you asked, looking at him check his phone.

“Well since you’d been gone for ages actually-” he chuckled at the glare you gave him “Sam sent a message that he found something interesting. They’re gonna go visit the guy from yesterday to make sure, don’t know about what but still-” he shrugged, trailing off.

“You Winchesters” you rolled your eyes “I still don’t get why the heck couldn’t we go with them? I need some action people!”

He laughed at your expression “Don’t worry, princess. I’ve got a new lead, we’re gonna interrogate him once we’re done. What do you think?” he smirked as your eyes widened.

“What are we waiting for then? Come on let’s go!” you were instantly on your feet but Dean grabbed your arm before you could run off.

He chuckled at your excitement “Whoa easy tiger. Although I love your eagerness let’s keep it for other things.” he grinned at you.

You frowned for a moment, until it downed on you and gasping you smacked his arm “Shut up.” you scowled, although you felt your cheeks heat up. Was he seriously just flirting with you?

“What are we waiting for though?”

“First, for you to finish your food and second in case Sam has any news we should know about.” he put his phone back in his pocket.

“Fine” you sighed, eating more of Dean’s fries “But I really need to go get some clothes in the meanwhile. I can’t show up like this.”

“Sure, as long as you let me chose the lingerie.” he said with a smirk and you kicked his foot under the table and he groaned.

“Ow. What was that for?” he frowned.

You glared at him “You know what.” you grumbled, deciding to eat just as more, stuffing your face with food seeming like the best option. Not only to avoid saying anything more that he could turn against you and make you blush but mostly to avoid looking him in the eyes at… the thoughts that ran through your mind.

_He pulled slightly away as he looked down at you and let a small growl “Black lace. Such a bad girl. I might have to punish you” he smirked at you, licking his lips._

“ _Dean” you swallowed “Please, I- I can’t-”_

“ _Don’t know princess” he crawled back on top of you so that he was looking you fully in the eyes, a small smirk formed on his lips “I like the way you beg” he grinned and your eyes went wide as he went back down to your stomach and hips. He kissed a little, his teeth leaving small bites as his hands ran down your thigh and leg and right back up where he gave your thigh a squeeze. He smirked as he looked up at you, your eyes closed and head thrown back._

_He smirked even more as he toyed a little with the strap of the suspender and the lacy top part of your stocking. He rubbed his thumb over your thigh. In an instant though he tugged at the stocking and roughly pushed it down, almost reaping it apart. He chuckled a little as you let out a surprised squeak, but taking firm hold of your leg he ran his hand down and completely removed the one stocking. He brought his face closer to the inner part of your thigh, looking up at you for a second with a smirk as you watched him with wide eyes and just like that he started kissing and licking there. You let out a trembling breath as Dean’s lips worked on your thigh. His hot tongue worked on your sensitive skin and it literally made you feel as if you were on fire._

“ _De-Dean” you whimpered and he grinned more._

“ _Not yet princess. Not yet” he said and you squirmed further in your seat._

_His hand moved to your other thigh. His face following suit as he places his lips to it in a soft kiss. His fingers uclasped the suspender and as his teeth grazed over your skin, he bit down on the stockin and with it still in his teeth his face moved down to take it off of you. Once it was completely off, he looked up at you with a smirk and his lips trailed up your leg. And repeated what he had done before, although this time he did go a little less gentle. He bit and sucked and you knew that there were going to be some pretty big bruises left there to go along with the ones on your neck and hips. You moaned loudly as he showed no mercy._

Your eyes almost widened and you cleared your throat, downing the rest of your milkshake. You pressed your thighestogether, almost gritting your teeth. You had seriously started to hate this case. You chewed on your food almost a little angrily and Dean couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at you.

“Everything alright?” he asked with a small smile and you almost hated himself for it.

“Yeah don’t sweat it.” you bushed him off, while in reality you were the one sweating. You seriously hadn’t imagined it like this. Sure, maybe having Dean so close to you would spark some naughty thoughts, because you’d had a crush on the man for so long, but not to this point. And you honestly never thought that the case with Famine would be so bad. Watching it all on TV didn’t begin to describe how hard it was to fight all these urges. Especially with Dean being such a freaking tease.

“Are you sure?” he gave you that look that should have made you blush, but did for the exact opposite way.

“Yeah really it’s just damn it! This is so hard you know? Famine and all this things.”

“You tell me.” he shrugged.

“And I mean this- no fanfiction would have ever prepared me for this! Like why the heck do I have to crave yo- chocolate so much?!” you ended up correcting yourself before anything else could slip. You cleared your throat and shook your head, however you didn’t realize what had left your lips until-

“Fanfiction huh?” Dean raised an eyebrow “Do tell?” a smirk formed on his lips and you felt your eyes widening, you almost choked on your food. You looked up at him with a face of pure horror but clearing your throat you forced a nervous laugh.

“Oh please you’d wish pretty boy! Most of the time it’s about Cas or Sam, and other characters. Just once or twice when it comes to you.” you shrugged and crossed your arms over your chest.

“Hm and-” he licked his lower lip and a quiet distracting way for you “-maybe some of those times happen to be be something steamy like, you know, fun adult activities?”

“Ha now you’d wish Winchester!” you rolled your eyes although you shifted uncomfortably in your chair.

“Yeah right.” he said slowly, eyeing you as he clicked his tongue between his teeth “Princess, do I need to remind you that after years of hunting I’ve learned to see the signs of when somebody is lying?” he raised an eyebrow at you.

You scoffed “Of course I know. But I don’t see what that has to do with me. I am not lying.” you shrugged as casually as you could but still didn’t meet his eyes.

“You know, avoiding eye-contact-” he continued as if he didn’t hear what you said “-is one of those signs.” he gave you an almost predatory grin.

“I’m not-” you pursed your lips, being more stubborn than embarrassed, and looked him in the eyes “I’m not avoiding to look in your eyes. I have no idea what you’re talking about Dean.”

“I’m talking about the fact that-” he licked his lips again, your eyes involuntarily following the movement of his tongue; he leaned in closer placing his arms on the table and he spoke in a lower rough voice “-in case you, I don’t know, want to- I could show you if I can live up to those fanfictions’ expectations. All you have to do is ask.” he winked at you and you found yourself shifting in your seat once more.

And it wasn’t just because he, Dean Winchester in flesh and bone, was looking at you that way or suggesting what he was. It was because your mind _had_ to run wild and you just _had_ to find yourself seriously contemplating his offer.

“Shut up.” you growled, mostly at the sexual frustration building up inside you “And stop trying to change the subject! I am a fangirl, ok I read fanfiction. I didn’t comment on your porn obsession alright?” your voice came out a little squeaky as your entire face was burning up.

“Fair enough.” he shrugged, leaning back on his chair but you could see how he was practically fighting his smirk ofsatisfaction. But obviously failing.

“Besides-” he spoke again “Might check on a few myself, to see what you girls think of me in… you know.” he smiledcheekily “Hey, do you maybe… write any about me too?” he raised an eyebrow and you clenched your jaw, avoiding looking at him in the eyes.

“Shut your face alright.” you grumbled “I know one thing that none of the fanfictions I or others write- is how fucking _annoying_ you are.”

“So you _do_ write!” he broke into a huge grin and cursing under your breath you slammed your hands on the table and got up from your seat.

Dean chuckled loudly behind you, obviously enjoying your fluttered state more than you thought he would “Wait! (Y/n) wait!” he tried calling after you. He chased after you after slamming some money on the table, stuffing some last fries in his mouth.

“Wait!”

~*~

“Took you long enough.” Dean mumbled, typing some reply to Sam as it seemed.

“It isn’t all that easy to pick something classy you know.” you grumbled, soothing down the white shirt.

“I told you I could have always come to help you.” he mumbled with a shrug, his eyes still on the phone; a small frown on his face.

“Like hell. We’d still be in the shop.” you scoffed with a roll od your eyes “What is it?” you mumbled, walking towards him, leaning over his side to sneak a glance at the phone.

He sighed, sending a last reply to Sam “Seems like the case is more complicated that we thought.” he said in a low rough voice.

“They visited this girl’s family and they came across some- uuh.” he trailed off, blinking several times as his eyes went wide.

“Whoa whoa easy there.” you chuckled, catching his phone as it almost fell from his hands “You ok there?”

“I- yeah, fine you know? Peachy. Great actually! Why wouldn’t I be hm?” his voice raised an octave and in between his rambling you saw him shift in his place awkwardly.

“If you say so.” you trailed off, still suspicious.

“Yeah sure pff, why wouldn’t I be? Huh? I mean everything is fine- _Great_! We’re gonna get done with this very fast so-yeah yeah great. Pf nothing’s wrong.” he shrugged, trying and failing to act casual.

In between his stuttering and blushing, you did see his ears at least get slightly red, you could see how he was trying to keep himself from acting awkwardly even more. The moment your hands touched he pulled away as if he had felt electricity ran through his fingers. He swallowed thickly, almost distracting you for a second as his eyes literally roamed your entire body. You almost wondered why for a moment but then it downed on you.

You couldn’t help but smirk slightly, letting him for a second simply stare at you and him think that you hadn’t noticed anything. But of course you had and you just needed to tease him slightly about it. It wasn’t every day that you got to see Dean Winchester get flustered after all.

“Like what you see?” you bit your lower lip, speaking in a lower and definitely seductive voice. Almost surprising yourself by the way you acted, but maybe Famine was more to blame about it.

“I uh-” he just gave you that look that made you go weak on the knees, his mouth hanging open and you just didn’t know what you wanted to do when he licked his lips. Punch him or kiss him. Maybe the later.

“Nice- clothes.” he swallowed thickly after he almost squeaked. His eyes moving over your black heels, your bare legs to your black pencil skirt that fitted perfectly, to your white shirt that you had to leave a little unbuttoned at the top. Maybe his eyes lingering

“Hmh thanks” you bit on your lower lip, not missing how his eyes just stayed there for a little longer.

This was definitely not how you, real and awkward you, would act in front of the real Dean Winchester. Especially not as you leaned in closer to him in a way that was far more than just flirting. But then again Dean wasn’t really acting himself either. He was blushing, literally fifty shades of red, and squirming in his place; staring at you with wide eyes as if you were standing naked in front of him or something. He coughed nervously and you saw him shift his palms just as awkwardly. And this was totally unlike Dean. You would have thought you’d swapped bodies or something but you knew that all this was Famine’s doing.

“Ye-yeah w-we better- we better get going.” he cleared his throat, practically rushing to leave the hood of the Impala and ran to the drivers seat.

You chuckled slightly but made your way to the passengers seat as well. You didn’t want to tease him any further because you knew what he was going through. Seeing him in a suit was your weak point anyway and at that moment he got a hold on you like no other time.

~*~

“So you’re saying she killed herself… because her boyfriend dumped her?” Dean raised an eyebrow, leaning slightly forwards.

“Yeah I mean she always your typical girl next door.” the man shrugged, leaning back in his couch “Too much of a goodie-goodie if you ask me.”

The tone in his voice made you want to punch him right in the face. He was just your typical jerk who thought he could get any girl he wanted. If you weren’t so excited for this being your first interrogation then you would have surely said something to make him shut his face.

“Is that so?” you raised an eyebrow and once his eyes fell back on you he had the smirk on his face you’d love to shoot away.

“Yeah, she obviously needed a man to just bring out her wild side I guess.” he gave you a grin that made you shift in your place but for completely the opposite reason from what Dean did.

“That is seems.” Dean said sharply and only then did you notice how his body was stiff and his jaw was clenched “Would you have noticed maybe some kind of strange behavior before the suicide?”

“Strange?” he paused for a second “I don’t know Agent. The girl was always quiet you know? She was nice to everybody but didn’t let out on much of her personal life. I only recently found out she had a boyfriend in the first place.” he shrugged.

You thought for a second, sharing a look with Dean before speaking up “He wouldn’t happen to be… I don’t know, hersoulmate maybe?” you asked softly but Josh shook his head.

“Highly doubt it. I mean why would he break up with her if they were soulmates in the first place right?”

“You have a point.” you sighed, leaning back in your seat as well. You looked down at your notes for a moment, as silence filled the room but you failed to notice how his eyes trailed up your bare legs quiet shamelessly actually. And maybe you didn’t notice the predatory grin on his face as his eyes roamed your body, or how he just licked his lips- but Deandefinitely did. And he was literally on the verge of just pulling his gun and shooting him right then and there.

“Always do sweetheart.” you heard him say in a rough voice and your head immediately snapped up. You raised an eyebrow at the look in his eyes and shifted once more nervously.

“Agent Collins, please. I’d appreciate if you could do that for me.” you gave him a tight smile and he nodded his head, still with a grin.

“I could do anything for you… agent Collins.”

You averted your eyes from his and let a small sigh, just as Dean cleared his throat. You couldn’t help but look at him only to see him give the younger man by a few years a death glare.

“Something more.” you spoke up, trying to ease the tension in the room “- would you say that after her boyfriend left her, that her behavior changed immediately? Like suddenly, or did it take time to?”

“It was quiet drastic to be honest. Like everything went downhill, or so I heard her parents say. I mean despite how quiet she was she just was always a happy girl, nobody expected that from her. Maybe she loved him too much and couldn’t take it I guess.” he shrugged, taking a sip of his own beer.

“She loved him too much.” you whispered, a frown setting on your face as you bit your lower lip.

Dean looked at you but let out a sigh, something obviously not right in this case “Tell me, would you happen to have seen her being on edge lately?”

“On edge? No I don’t think so. But obviously something wasn’t right with the girl in the first place.” he shrugged and you raised an eyebrow.

“Why would you say that?”

“Well she rejected me so what more proof could you need than that?” he breathed out a chuckle and you had to keep your self from rolling your eyes at him. Instead you just sighed and slumped back on the couch.

“So she did.” you whispered and obviously Dean didn’t keep himself from rolling his eyes.

“Yeah I mean what girl in her right mind would, right _agent_?” he raised an eyebrow at you and you huffed slightly “I mean sure she hadn’t really seen what I could do, so I guess I shouldn’t blame her much.”

“That you think huh?” you had to keep yourself from snapping.

“I don’t know, you’d be the one to say… if you could utter a word after-” he started speaking with that annoying flirtysmirk on his face only to be cut off by Dean coughing and clearing his throat rather loudly. The glare on his face was hard to miss.

“Mr Waters if you’d be so kind as to focus on the case- unless you’d like to be put behind bars after trying to distract an agent from work.” he all-but-growled the words at the man who didn’t seem all that fazed.

“Oh by all means, if agent Collins got to use her handcuffs on me I’d gladly let her arrest me.” he winked at you and you didn’t know if you wanted to punch him or laugh.

“You know we also have guns on us except hand cuffs. And right now, trust me, I have a big urge to use it… with you as a target.” he gave him a tight cheeky grin that just screamed jealousy but you were too amused by the look of horror on Josh’s face to care about anything else.

“And now why don’t you make yourself useful for once in your pitiful life and go us a glass of water, wouldn’t ya?” he all-but-hissed at him and with a weak nod Josh all but ran out of the room.

“Douche” you heard Dean growl and you chuckled at his behavior.

“He is but that’s fine.” you shook your head but the smile vanished once he looked at you with a raised eyebrow.

“It’s what? The asshole could barely keep himself from drooling, no wonder though. I doubt he’s seen a decent woman ever before in his life.” he scoffed and you shrugged.

“The place does smell like cheap perfume.” you said with a sigh, looking around you.

“It stinks.” Dean scoffed “Didn’t you see the hickeys on his neck?” he growled and you nodded your head, your expression matching that of disgust on his face.

“I pretended not to see the pair of panties near the door.” you shook your head.

“But the thing is that- Doesn’t something look off to you? I don’t think Lucy’s death was Famine’s doing.”

“I thought the same too. But still- this guy- don’t you think he’s maybe into flirting a little more than he should?” you whispered and he nodded his head.

“A little more, yeah.” he scowled with a roll of his eyes and even if you shouldn’t have you did smile just slightly.

“I meant that he could probably be another victim.” you chuckled “But- It’s fine, you know. I can handle myself.” you said softly and he scoffed once more.

“I don’t worry about you. It’s just Josh-not-have-gotten-real-ass-for-years that I don’t like at all.” he growled and only then did you see how tense his shoulders were and how his hands were fisted.

“Dean” you said softly, reaching your hand to place over his thigh. His muscles were already firm and he almost jumped at the contact, you could feel his muscles tense up slightly and twitch. His eyes widened and you heard him take in a sharp breath, his head flying to your direction and your eyes locking. He swallowed thickly, feeling stiff for a moment but in the end he relaxed under your touch.

“It’s fine.” you whispered rubbing your hand over his leg “It’s not as if he’s my type anyway. Too slazy for me. And quiet honestly-” you gave him a small smile, squeezing his thigh “I prefer guys with bright green eyes, dirty blond hair and freckles all over their cheeks.” you gave him a small sheepish shrug and a boyish grin, a crooked one, spread on his lips.

“Is that so?” he whispered and you giggled softly.

“Yes, it is.” you nodded your head, not realizing how you’d gotten so close all of a sudden. But maybe you didn’t care because his eyes were so big, looking at you in wonder and awe with such innocence it almost surprised you this was Dean Winchester. And his face was just so close to yours, so so close and you were alone. Your breathes were mixing and you almost let out a shaky sigh when he subconsciously licked his lower lip.

His mouth hang open for a moment, and you saw his eyes shift down to your own lips for a moment. The nervousnesswas very obvious on his face and quiet honestly that was one of the most adorable sights you’d ever come upon. You never thought there’d be a day when Dean would be awkward with a girl and unsure and that that girl would be you on top of it.

But of curse the moment didn’t last long because you heard footstep approaching and you both practically jumped away from each other. You almost forgot your hand was on his thigh, maybe having moved a little higher than it should and wasappropriate, but you did pull away in the end. Almost regretting it.

“Here you go.” Josh said slightly stiff from Dean’s threats, and you couldn’t blame him with the glare the hunter had given him. He probably thought he was going to chop his head off… and you actually started thinking he was on the verge of doing so too.

“Thanks.” you breathed out, grabbing the glass of water and downing it all at once. Your throat felt dry and you couldn’t help it.

Josh raised an eyebrow at you, a smirk forming on his lips soon but the second he saw the look on Dean’s face he pursed his lips again and cleared his throat to keep his mind off things. Which of course Dean took notice of, and raised an eyebrow.

“Just a few more questions.” he spoke up to get his attention “Have you noticed something strange… in _your_ behavior Mr Waters?”

“M-my behavior? Am I suspect for something?” he asked, looking between the two of you.

You looked at Dean with a raised eyebrow but he cleared his throat, only looking at Josh “Yeah, we don’t know yet. Maybe some… increase in hunger? But like not only for food or something.”

“Uh is that what the FBI should ask about?”

“No, but trust me you’d better have me ask questions that take them the hard way.” he gave him a cheeky grin that made his shift uncomfortably in his seat.

“I- I don’t know. I don’t think I have noticed anything.”

You hummed in agreement and so did Dean, who locked eyes with yours for a second. You sighed, your eyes moving around the place, taking everything in and especially the awful condition it was in. The guy was certainly yet another victim, and maybe you knew all too well what his craving was, but he obviously hadn’t noticed it yet. You heard as he and Dean spoke a little more, one or two of Dean’s snarky remarks making you chuckle but the smile was removed from your lips when your eyes fell on a particular item in the house. Something quiet small in size but easily seen as it rested on a counter, just next to the couch.

“Uhm excuse me.” you spoke up getting their attention “Where did you find that?” you pointed at it and they both looked at the object, Dean immediately going stiff and his eyebrows shot up.

“Uh a feast? There was this- this lady that would seel them for a very low price, so I bought one. She said it was for good luck a-and such.” he shrugged, taking the… hex bag in his hands.

“Really huh? And this lady- does she happen to have sold any to more people around the town?” Dean asked, look stern.

“I don’t know. But I think so. We have this feast every year and I know for a fact that it takes place in other towns too. I guess that lots of people must have.” he said simply and at that moment you and Dean locked eyes.

Bingo.

~*~

“Alright, thank you for your co-operation Mr Waters. Here’s a card with-” you started speaking only to be cut off by him.

“Your number?” he asked with a sly smirk and you all-but-huffed.

“Yeah. If you see anything suspicious please call us.”

“Oh I will be sure to do so sweetheart.” he winked at you and with a roll of your eyes you stormed off, not caring if Dean was right behind you or not.

“You know what- maybe I’ll take that.” Dean took the card right from his hand with two fingers and gave him a tight smile “Don’t think you’d be of any help anyway, would be pretty much impossible with a girl like her buddy. Don’t want you to have a heart attack or something.” he patted him on the shoulder.

“Oh and-” he turned once more before he could leave completely “-you’re right. She wouldn’t be able to utter a word… from laughing. And that- before you even got to do anything.”

And he left him to only staring with a mouth hanging open. Not caring all that much because the case would be done with soon now that you knew what you were actually looking for.

~Seven hours later~

“No, Dean!” your screamed pierced through all the grunting and groaning of Sam and Castiel who fought off some of her ‘puppets’.

Sam’s head snapped to your direction and his eyes widened in horror, just as yours filled with tears. The rest of it was a blur and you couldn’t realize what was happening, only the sound of the gun firing being ale to echo in your mind.

“No, no no no.” you breathed out, rushing to Dean’s side managing to catch his head before it too could hit the ground “No, Dean n-no.” your lower lip trembled as he choked, the blood oozing from his new wound.

“No, Dean pl-please.” you whimpered as he coughed more.

“It’s ok, it’s alright. I’m- I’m fine princess.” he said in a weak voice but you shook your head, tears welling up in your eyes.

“D-Dean” your voice cracked but he gave you a weak smile.

“No, h-hey. No tears. Don’t want your tear-stained face to be my last sight before lights go out.”

“N-no, you won’t. Easy alright, take it easy. You- you will take off the bullet and- and once you’re better we- we will be laughing at it. Because I am going to be here, I am not going to leave.”

“That would be one hell of a wish coming true.” he breathed out shakily and you chuckled, in between sobs.

“You are not getting rid of me so easily Winchester.” you gave him a small smile and he slowly and weakly brought a hand up to cup your cheek.

“Who said I ever wanted to?” he whispered and you took in a sharp breath.

You smiled softly at him though and nuzzled your face in his palm, almost forgetting about everything going on around the two of you. You slowly opened your eyes again to look at him, your main priority being his well-being at the moment but something else caught your attention. Your eyes widened as you bring one hand up to take hold of his one that was cupping your cheek. Your mouth hang open as you stared down at it before your eyes moved to Dean’s. He gave you a soft smile and a shaky breath left your lips. A breath you didn’t know you’d been holding.

But how could you not?

Your eyes moved down to his wrist and you swallowed thickly when you saw the black letters. The black letters that together formed one thing, a name. _**Your name**_. And it was tattooed on Dean’s wrist.


	11. Chapter 11

~Three hours earlier~

“I freaking hate witches.” Dean grumbled as he plopped down on the bed.

“Can’t say I don’t agree.” you shrugged letting a soft sigh as you leaned back on your chair. No matter how much you loved going around as FBI, playing bad cop on a few was practically fun but not walking around so much in those high heels. You were thankful you could change back in your (sort of) old clothes and relax before Sam and Castiel could get back.

“How the heck did she even do that?” he asked, his eyes still locked with the ceiling.

“I have no idea but- you saw it yourself. Almost all victims had a hex bag in their house and they all got it from the same person. Our monster as it seems.” you rubbed your eyes tiredly and he shrugged.

“And man talking about some crazy freaking cravings.” he groaned and you nodded your head.

“Well, not all cravings are the same.” you shrugged “But at least now we are more oriented you know? We had been looking for an old man in a wheel chair, if we kept going we’d probably never have any results. Don’t you think?”

“Yeah, at least we know it will be an easy kill… unless there are any body fluids. Damn I hate those.” he groaned, running a tired hand down his face.

You chuckled a little tired yourself “Right because that’s the least of our problems.”

“What do you mean?” he raised his head slightly to look at you.

You shrugged “I don’t know Dean, seems too easy you know?”

“Sometimes it is, just wait until we can find her hideout. Sam sent me a message that he’s got something after all.”

“That’s unless he is talking about finding out it’s a witch, though.”

“Mhm maybe. Maybe not. Important is to get this case done with as soon as possible.” he shrugged tiredly.

“True.” you sighed just as tired “People are losing their loved ones, their soulmates. This is much worse than what I had seen on TV.”

“Yeah, I guess.” his eyes were still focused on the ceiling as if in thought.

“It is terrible isn’t it? I mean you’ve seen what Sam went through when he lost Jess. It’s so cruel to just have a part of your soul return and then… lose it, just like that.” you fidgeted with your hands.

“This whole soulmate business isn’t so simple, (Y/n). Not to mention losing them.” he shrugged softly “Hell, even meeting them is a fucked up situation, much less all that.”

“Yeah but you know it must all be worth it right?” you looked down at your wrist running your fingers over the bare skin of your wrist.

“You’re saying it like you want to, I don’t know, meet him or something.” Dean’s voice held more interest than what he let show on his face.

You shrugged “I don’t think I would mind. Love hasn’t been always an easy topic for me anyway.”

“So what-” he gave you a crooked smile “-have you imagined how he’d be?”

“Well-” you fidgeted with your hands before clearing your throat “I mean… maybe?”

Dean tried to keep the smile from his face, or to let it show excited he was so he smirked instead, plopping up on his elbow to raise an eyebrow at you “Do tell?”

But once you saw his expression you scoffed with a roll of your eyes “Sorry to break it to you but I had Cas in mind.”

“Yeah right.” he scoffed, falling back on the bed and although he could see you only teasing him he found himself feeling jealous a little bit “So you’d want _him_ to be your soulmate?”

“Why not?” you tried to keep a smile off your lips at the irritated expression on his face.

“Whatever.” he mumbled, running a hand down his face.

“But still, no tattoo here so…” you sighed “Well, at least Sam I hope might have found something and we will get done with this soon at least.”

“Dunno, we’ll see.” he mumbled and at the tone in his voice you raised an eyebrow.

“Are you alright?” you peeked at him but his only response was a groan.

“Don’t know. We probably shouldn’t have sneaked in into that police station.” he groaned more.

You chuckled “Yes but the sheriff was an ass and wouldn’t let us on the vic’s things. We had to get them on our own. _Your_ words.” you pointed a finger at him “But we luckily found a hex back there too.”

“Yeah but I mean-” he plopped himself on his elbows “All he climbing and bending and stuff?” he groaned, slumping back down on the bed “Maybe I’m getting too old for this shit.”

This time you did giggle, getting up from your seat to walk towards him “There’s nothing wrong with your age Dean.” you couldn’t help your voice but it came out in a whisper.

His eyes were closed and you bit your lip as you hovered over him, your eyes roaming his face. You hesitated but you slowly sat next to him, and gladly he didn’t flinch away or something.

“Thanks sweetheart but I bet you must be the only person that says that.” a small smirk played on his lips and you chuckled shaking your head, before you could realize he couldn’t see you with his closed eyes.

“No Dean, trust me I’m not. If anything, I am sure plenty of Dean girls say the same and they are saying the truth.” you leaned back on your elbows.

“So what-” his grin got bigger and he opened one eye to peek at you “-does that make you a ’ _Dean girl_ ’?”

You rolled your eyes “Must you use everything I say against me?” you huffed and he breathed out a chuckle.

“No” he licked his lips, his eyes closed and the smile still on his lips “I just love how cute you look when you blush.”

“I hate you.” you groaned, rolling your eyes at him though you did feel your cheeks heat up.

“Mhm” he had to lick his lips “I know princess. But since I did you this favor and took you with me-”

“Favor?” you gasped, hitting his shoulder hard but he chuckled.

“Yes favor.” he breathed out a groan as he got up and opened his eyes “And let you have some of the hunter experience it is only expected I would ask for a favor from you right?”

“Right.” you narrowed your eyes at him “But if this involves me doing something embarrassing or dirty, Winchester forget-”

“Geez relax. No nothing like that. I’m just sore as hell, I think I pulled some muscle.” his hand rubbed the back of his neck and shoulder and of course it didn’t take long for you to realize what he wanted to ask.

“You want me to… give you a massage?” you breathed out and he grinned, nodding his head.

“That it would be, yep!” he said cheekily, rising on his feet so that he would take his plaid shirt and T-shirt off. And you tried, Chuck knows you tried, not to stare but well… you pretty much failed miserably.

Your mouth hang open, not just at how forward he was. Part of you thought he was probably trying to flirt but he had really been tense after that sneaking in. Could he probably be doing this subconsciously then? As if something was driving him to? Maybe. But your mind couldn’t think about anything else as you found yourself drawing your lower lip between your teeth and biting down hard. Damn him. You already felt yourself growing hot and bothered as he practically undressed in front of you, the muscles of his back flexed and you had such a hard time not reaching forward to run your fingers over the smooth skin. Well, you would do so one way or another as it seemed.

“Alright.” he huffed out as he plopped down on the bed, his head resting on a pillow as his hands buried under it.

“I’m all yours sweetheart.” he said in that low and rough voice of his that made shivers run down your spine. There was only one thing you could think of ’ _Damn him_ ’

“O-okay” you tried not to squeak out but failed.

“Just don’t get any naughty ideas… I might comply.” you saw a smirk form on his lips but you couldn’t say anything. Instead you swallowed thickly and took in a shaky breath.

You’ve been already having such a hard time these days controlling your thoughts, and every time tried to keep your distance from him. You didn’t know if you’d be able to control yourself now that you’d have skin to skin contact. Hell, you could barely take it when he was simply touching your hand much less- this!

“Are you going to stare any longer princess or what?” his voice was gruff and thick but there was some teasing hidden behind it. A soft kind of teasing.

“Sorry just- was thinking about something. Nothing important.”

“Well, I’m listening.” his voice was muffled into the pillow.

You shook your head “Nah doesn’t matter” you whispered before slowly and reluctantly itched yourself closer to him; trying to find a good angle.

“I uh- I’ll have to-” your hands placed on his lower back, just where his jeans started, before you could realize it. You wanted to pull away at that very instant, because it felt as if a shot of electricity ran through you but you couldn’t find it in yourself. Dean’s muscles flexed under your touch, stiffening for a moment before he relaxed; just like previously this day.

“Sure. Do anything you want.” he breathed out and you slowly nodded your head.

You licked your lips that suddenly felt so dry, clearing your throat before willing yourself and- You swung on leg over his waist and moved higher so that you were practically sitting on his lower back or maybe his ass, you couldn’t tell much. You took in a deep breath and brought your hand to his lower back, pressing down firmly. You slowly dragged your hands upwards so that you could mostly work on his shoulders.

You pressed your palms on his shoulder blades and rubbed your fingers over the tense muscles of his back and neck. You ran your thumbs down his spine before you started rubbing small circles until you reached up again. You pressed a little more on his shoulders, on the spot that you felt was more tense but- you suddenly took in a sharp breath when you heard him let out a deep moan. A small squeak almost left your lips and your eyes widened even more, if possible, as he subconsciously raised his ass. You froze in your place but you forced yourself to keep going instead of raising any suspicions. And Dean just had to keep going with the noises as well. You heard him let out a shaky breath, followed soon after by a deep throaty groan and you had to keep yourself from shuddering.

“Damn sweetheart” his voice thicker than usual “You got magic hands.” he buried his face in the pillow before letting out another deep moan. Something about all this just made it so intimate you couldn’t describe it.

After a few minutes you felt him relax under your touch, almost as if he was under a spell and had suddenly started feeling at peace. He was so calm, and you saw a smile on his lips; almost one of bliss. One you had very rarely gotten to see on him but something that pleased you to no end. Despite how bothered you were, that is. Although Dean seemed to be in a small heaven of his you were the exact opposite. Your face felt as if it was on fire and as if that was not enough your whole body temperature had started rising dangerously. You shifted uncomfortably in your place before you could realize it but immediately regretted your decision because it only elicited another moan from the man.

You nibbled at your lower lip, without realizing it you leaned down closer to him “Any better?” you whispered to his ear and it would have definitely been as seductive as it could get. And for some reason you had no idea why. This just wasn’t you, more like something buried deep deep down.

“Gosh yes sweetheart. Keep going.” he groaned deeply and you didn’t say anything, only kept going. However this time you stayed closer to him, your body almost pressed to his and you felt your lips tingling. As if something was just urging you to kiss every small scar you came across and… pretty much everything else in between. And oh dear you were close, so close the tingling sensation got stronger and all you could think about at that moment was kissing his shoulder, and biting it, and licking and-

“Hey guys we’re… back.” Sam just had to push the door open and you literally jumped ten feet away from Dean, your heart leaping to your throat and a shocked gasp leaving your lips. Dean was right, he had the worst timing ever.

“Uh did I interrupt something?” a sly smirk made its way on Sam’s lips and you gave him a hard glare. You huffed, patting Dean’s shoulders and got off him. You soothed down your hair and walked past Sam into the bathroom. You really needed to splash some water at your face at that moment.

“No, of course you didn’t.” Dean all-but-growled, getting up and wearing his clothes again.

“Really?” Sam smirked more and Dean would have shot him at that moment if he could, because he knew he’d survive anyway.

“What do you think?” he hissed, careful so that you wouldn’t hear.

“So you… told her or what?” Sam asked in a much lower voice and Dean only shook his head once he saw you emerge from the bathroom.

“So-” he gave his brother and the angel a look “What did ya two get?”

“Well, guess what, turns out we’re after-”

“A witch. Yeah we know.” you cut him off with a smirk, mostly to get him back for what he did minutes ago.

He gave you his usual bitch-face before continuing “Well, yes a witch apparently. I told you something weird was going on by the way.” he pointed a finger at Dean who rolled his eyes.

“Anything else?”

“We might have clues as to where her hideout is.” Castiel was the one that spoke up.

“Yes, we asked a few locals but they had no idea.” Sam spoke, taking a seat next to you on one of the chairs “All except for one. He said he thought he’d seen her once by an old warehouse a few feet away from the outskirts of the town.”

“How can we be sure that’s where she hides though?” you crossed your arms over your chest trying to play off how Sam’s lips pulled into a small smirk for a second as he gazed at you.

“Well, we checked on a few data about the town and who would have thought- it is the only one that’s abandoned but has all sorts of things growing around it. I don’t think it’s just by themselves.” he shrugged and you nodded your head.

“Yeah but still there is one thing.” Dean spoke up “How the heck can she do it? I mean sure it would make sense if it was Famine controlling an entire town but she- she just got a few hex bags here and there. I mean she- she had an effect on us from the moment we stepped into town, right?” he rested his back against a wall.

“Have you never encountered a witch that can do that? You say it’s not possible?” you frowned looking between the three of them.

“Technically it is possible I think.” Sam mumbled with a shrug “If she created a specific kind of spell and was able to place the hex bags in the right places around the town she could create something like- like a veil. Once you enter the town it’s practically everywhere.”

“Well great then.” you huffed, leaning back in your chair “So what in Gabriel do we do now?” you said before you realized it and quickly added “And for the love of, don’t ask ok?!”

“Those fanfictions really messed you up or what?” Dean raised an eyebrow at you and you gave him a glare.

“…What is that out of though?” Castiel asked after a small pause and both Dan and Sam groaned loudly.

You chuckled “It’s like saying ‘What in heaven’ but I change it for Gabriel cause he’s cute af and it sounds funky!” you shrugged and only then you noticed how Dean’s eyes narrowed.

“He’s _what_?” he asked, in almost a growl. Though the look of disbelief laced with disgust was written on his face.

“Cute” you shrugged “And dreamy. I mean, most angels are, hence-” you motioned to Cas, shrugging “But yeah, hard to chose just one.”

“You know what? It’s better if we stop this conversation at this point because I don’t think we’ll like what it gets to.” Sam cleared his throat, glancing at his brother who had a clenched jaw.

“Alright so now what do we do?” you cleared your throat, raising an eyebrow.

“Well, we’ve got all the things we need to kill a witch. I don’t think that will be a problem.” Sam loosened his tie.

“Yes but how the heck do we know the bitch will be there when we arrive.” Dean raised an eyebrow.

“It is her hideout after all. She will be there by nightfall. We will just wait there, I suppose- but I could always go and check once.” Castiel said ever so simply but before any of the boys could say a thing you shook your head and spoke up.

“No, Cas no. We can’t risk that, forget it. You are just as important for the team as anyone else.” you shook your head, lips pursed but after he gave up himself for Lucifer, in season 11 at least, you’ve just had the need to let him know how important he was. Maybe you could avoid that happening in the future… if you stayed that long.

Sam cleared his throat, trying to fight off a smile as he glanced at his brother having a clenched jaw. The irritation was pretty much obvious on Dean’s face, mostly his jealousy, and he knew even if he didn’t mean it that it was all this witch'sdoing. And secretly he was pleased with his brother feeling even this way for you.

“Thank you, (Y/n). I do appreciate it. But she must be taken down, things are… getting worse.” his eyes fell on Sam and immediately understood what he meant.

However you didn’t press into it because Dean was there and seeing his fists clenched by his sides, and knowing that mark was on his arm, you knew the result wouldn’t be all that pleasant.

You let out a sigh, putting on a smile “Then what are we waiting for? Let’s get going, we’ve got a witch to gang!”

~*~

“Alright, so once we’re at the back I’ll send you a message.” Sam said in a hushed whisper and Dean nodded his head, while you stayed back and Cas followed Sam. You didn’t even question why you would always somehow end up with Dean in this case.

“Hurry.” Dean whisper hissed to him at the last minute but you doubted he heard you.

“Alright-” he let out a sigh turning to look at you “-This ain’t a walk in the park, princess. That bitch in there is some powerful shit and trust me the only reason I let you come is because I wouldn’t stand Sam giving me bitch-face for the entire ride.”

“As if.” you rolled your eyes.

“Listen to me here-” his voice was rough and firm and authoritative “You just look out if anything is coming. When you see the bitch you don’t go for her. You call out and one of us is doing it. If she comes for you, you hide and only if you have no other chance you fight! Understood!?”

“Yes, yes I get it. Don’t worry, Sam gave me a gun.” you had a hard time not rolling your eyes.

“Sam of course.” he grumbled rolling his eyes “But if I say 'Stay back and hide’ you stay back and hide! No games, no jumping out and saving someone! You stay back and hide, got it?” he growled slightly and you let out a small sigh, looking him in the eyes.

“Yes Dean, don’t worry. I won’t do anything stupid or reckless-”

“Good.” he sighed.

“The way _you_ do every single time.” you added and his relieved expression turned into a glare. But you did smile at him nonetheless.

“Listen to me here, this is no game alright?” he all-but-growled “This bitch is going to be fucking hard to take out, and I am pretty sure her spells won’t be the only obstacle. She will definitely have some brain-washed idiots to fight for her. I don’t want to have to worry about your well-being as well, hear me?”

“Dean” you whispered, placing a hand on top of his before you could realize it and he almost stiffened for a moment “It’s alright I promise, I am going to be fine. Don’t you trust me?”

He gave a defeated sigh “Yeah, yeah I do.” he placed a hand at the back of your head and pecked your forehead; trying not to show too much affection but at the same time being unable to control himself.

You chewed on your lower lip, eyes casting down for a moment and your hand pulling away (although you instantly missed the warmth). Dean only was looking through the small crack on the wooden back door but you were too occupied by other thoughts.

“Do you think we’ll make it?” you whispered and he glanced back at you.

He sighed “I hope so. Why?”

You shrugged “I don’t know. I mean- I- I talked with Sam for a little and he- he is not holding up well Dean.”

“So he’s not huh?” Dean’s jaw clenched and you instantly placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Dean please, don’t be mad at him. The whole reason he wouldn’t talk to you about the demon blood cravings is because-because he knew you wouldn’t just let it slip by. And your relationship has already been through enough.” you sighed but he still had his jaw clenched.

“It is stronger than before, isn’t it?”

“For him at least yeah, but maybe it’s because he hasn’t had any of it yet. And he’s trying to fight it off Dean, I know. But I-” you pursed your lips for a second “But I am not worried about him… as much as I am about you.”

“Me?” he tried to give you a smile, chuckling awkwardly “Don’t know what you’re talking about sweetheart.”

“Dean.” you sighed, squeezing his shoulder “Is the craving to kill getting stronger? Is the mark…?”

“No.” he shook his head “I mean-” he licked his lips “I don’t know.” he breathed out.

“You don’t know?” you tilted your head to the side “Dean, you know you can tell me right?”

“I know, trust me I know. It’s just-” he took in a deep breath “-I am not sure about it.”

“About what Dean? If- if the mark’s urges are getting to much you can step back, we will handle this I promise.” your other hand instinctively rested on his chest and for a moment you felt his heart skip a beat inside his chest before… his heart rate picked up?

Your eyes glanced down at his hands shifting nervously, clenching and unclenching almost nervously. You’d say he was nervous for some reason, acting like an awkward teen in front of their crush but: 1) you weren’t his crush, sadly, and 2) he had the mark of cain, so you knew very well what it all was about. You bit on your lip, looking at the knife he had in his hand move and you subconsciously took a step back.

But before you could remove your hands from him, he took hold of it whispering a faint “No” so weak you barely heard it. It was almost desperate, as if he couldn’t believe what was happening either.

“No (Y/n) I think-”he took in a shaky breath “No, I think it’s not-” his lower lip was trembling, his eyes were almost wide as he stared down at your hand; it was over just where he knew the Mark of Cain to be.

He let out a shaky sigh before looking up. His eyebrows knitted together and he swallowed thickly before his lips parted “ _ **I don’t think it’s the mark.**_ ” he breathed out, realization downing on him.

No matter how many times Sam had mentioned it Dean let himself be fooled that it was just it. That the urge was to kill, that the rest of it was just the part of himself he had buried deep within. But now he could see, he could feel the truth. The truth Cain himself had revealed but Dean had thought nothing about back then.

“What do you-” you started speaking but were cut off by a small vibrating sound.

He swallowed thickly, pulling his hand away although he didn’t want to “Here we go.”

~*~

“No, Dean!” your scream pierced through all the grunting and groaning of Sam and Castiel who fought off some of her 'puppets’.

Sam’s head snapped to your direction and his eyes widened in horror, just as yours filled with tears. The rest of it was a blur and you couldn’t realize what was happening, only the sound of the gun firing being able to echo in your mind.

You were fighting off a lunatic, as it seemed you couldn’t just stand back with so much adrenaline pumping through yourveins. Not when the guys were fighting, no you weren’t just going to stay there and watch. But of course it was completely different reading about this or watching it on TV from actually going into a fight. Before you could realize it though, and just as you had managed to put down one of them, someone was firing at you.

And Dean had to step in the way.

“No, no no no.” you breathed out, rushing to Dean’s side managing to catch his head before it too could hit the ground “No, Dean n-no.” your lower lip trembled as he choked, the blood oozing from his new wound.

“No, Dean pl-please.” you whimpered as he coughed more.

“It’s ok, it’s alright. I’m- I’m fine princess.” he said in a weak voice but you shook your head, tears welling up in your eyes.

“Sam! Hurry!” you screamed in between tears, clutching onto Dean. You got only a grunt and groan as a response as he fought off someone. Your eyes widened when you saw one of them approach you and you clenched onto Dean’s shirt but before he could reach you he was snatched away by Castiel. Your head snapped back down to Dean when he coughed more, groaning.

“D-Dean” your voice cracked but he gave you a weak smile.

“No, h-hey. No tears. Don’t want your tear-stained face to be my last sight before lights go out.”

“N-no, you won’t. Easy alright, take it easy.” You tried to steady him “You- you will take off the bullet and- and once you’re better we- we will be laughing at it. Because I am going to be here, I am not going to leave.” you tried to smile down at him even through your tears.

“That would be one hell of a wish coming true.” he breathed out shakily and you chuckled, in between sobs.

“You are not getting rid of me so easily Winchester.” you gave him a small smile and he slowly and weakly brought a hand up to cup your cheek.

“Who said I ever wanted to?” he whispered and you took in a sharp breath.

You smiled softly at him though and nuzzled your face in his palm, almost forgetting about everything going on around the two of you. You slowly opened your eyes again to look at him, your main priority being his well-being at the moment but something else caught your attention. Your eyes widened as you bring one hand up to take hold of his one that was cupping your cheek. Your mouth hang open as you stared down at it before your eyes moved to Dean’s. He gave you a soft smile and a shaky breath left your lips. A breath you didn’t know you’d been holding.

But how could you not?

Your eyes moved down to his wrist and you swallowed thickly when you saw the black letters. The black letters that together formed one thing, a name. _**Your name**_. And it was tattooed on Dean’s wrist.

You looked wide-eyed from the tattoo quickly to meet Dean’s eyes. He had a soft and fond expression on his face but you only stared at him in utter shock, not even breathing. You opened your mouth weakly to speak but you didn’t have time to say anything as someone else spoke up.

“Well isn’t that a sweet sight for sore eyes huh?” your head snapped up and Dean let out a small growl when she approached the two of you.

“Says the crazy bitch that wanted to reenact the Apocalypse.” you growled at her and she merely laughed down at the two of you.

“Right because that is less pathetic than the girl that has no tattoo on her wrist. Unless you forgot that.” and her words got you to clench your jaw and look away. Because even if you felt your heart soar at seeing the tattoo on Dean’s arm, you… didn’t have one.

“Shut up.” Dean was the one that growled at her but you had to keep him down when he was about to get up and attack her with even his little strength.

“Make me? Oh but no wait, you can’t. How’s that wound going by the way? Doesn’t look all that good. Although I suppose that is the least of your worries considering, well, the mark.” a smirk formed on her lips “I can’t wait to see what will happen when you die and come back with black eyes. I would love to see what you crave then.”

“Same as ever. To gang you and send you all the way back to purgatory so that you can have the fun I want you to.” he gave her a glare, but your eyes were only focused on the wound on his abdomen. You couldn’t lose him now, not after what you had just learned.

“Right, if you bring yourself around. Tell me, did the two of you had the fun… _(Y/n)_ wanted?” she smirked leaning down and this time you gave her a hard glare.

“Go to hell.” you growed and she chuckled.

“Considering how tense you are, seems like not. But it seems like chocolate wasn’t enough after all huh? You should have guessed.” she shrugged “And you- Winchester, Dean Winchester that bares the Mark of Cain and still…. doesn’t crave to kill? That was a first and I really had to see it for myself, but there we are. _History repeating itself or what?_ ” she laughed and all you wanted was to rip her head off at that moment.

“JusT shup up, I ain’t in a mood to listen to your nonsense.” Dean rolled his eyes at he but you had to give him a look for a moment.

“Oh what? Let me guess, you haven’t told her huh? Poor (Y/n), you’re in for _so_ much more. You two should really have a talk, but maybe in another life cause right now you need to say your goodbyes.” she took a step backward.

“So that’s what it is going to be huh? Just like that, kill us? Sorry sweetheart, but you know that ain’t possible.” Dean continued the conversation and you almost frowned for a second.

She scoffed “In a way, but as a demon, oh that’s when you won’t be able to control your cravings. And I-” she glanced at you with a smirk “-will have my own way of using them against you. We’re gonna have lots of fun pretty boy.”

“Oh I’m sure of that sweetheart.” he said and only then did your eyes fall on Castiel right behind her “I certainly am, already.” he added and just at that her face fell when she realized what was happening. Her eyes followed yours and just she was about to turn and face behind her Castiel stabbed her.

Just like that the few men that were standing fell dead on the ground and Sam himself could finally breathe, pushing the body from him. He didn’t wait a second instead rushed to your and Dean’s place. You let out a small sigh of relief but itwas cut short when Dean grunted. You clenched your jaw as Sam inspected the wound.

“Well, I can take it out but- it will hurt Dean.” he breathed out, giving his brother a look who only clenched his jaw and nodded his head.

“Just do it Sammy.” you said instead of him and wrapped your arms around his shoulders, facing away from all the blood and shielding his view as well.

“It’s alright.” Dean whispered to you and you opened your eyes to look down at him.

“I’m supposed to be the one comforting you.” you breathed out a chuckle and he shrugged “I know-” you breathed out in addition “-I’m just-” you swallowed “-I got scared that’s all.”

“I know, I understand.” he whispered, bringing his hand up to wipe out some tears.

You opened your mouth to speak but a scream, mix with groan, ripped through Dean’s lips and you squeezed your eyes shut, hugging his close to you; letting him bury his face at the crook of your neck. You felt him struggle to breath as he tried to keep his groans of pain but failed miserably.

“It’s ok, it’s ok.” you repeated in a whisper to his ear and despite the pain he let out a chuckle.

“Are you trying to comfort yourself or me?” he whispered and you pulled slightly away to look down at him.

“Both. Both but-” you took in a shuddering breath and brought a hand up to cup his cheek “You shouldn’ t have done that Dean. Not for me.”

“If not for you, then who sweetheart?” he breathed out a chuckle “(Y/n)-”

“It was reckless Dean.” you breathed out “If it got ou anywhere else you might have been-” you stopped yourself, shaking your head.

“You shouldn’t have. Not even for me.” you clenched your jaw, fresh tars forming in your eyes.

“Princess, I don’t know what you got but this tattoo from where I come means that you are pretty much bound to me and vice versa. There is no way I would let you get hurt.” he gave you a weak smile.

“I’m not worth it.” you whispered “I’m not worth all of this.”

“Hey stop stealing my lines alright?” he whispered and you breathed out a chuckle once you got it.

“Look, this- we can’t sort it out here. We-” he let out a deep groan, shutting his eyes tightly and yours roamed his face in worry. He let out a deep breath “ _Damn_. We- we will need to talk about it when I am not bleeding for you.”

You breathed out a chuckle “Sap”

“Well, as long as my soulmate likes it.” he gave you a crocked smile and your gaze softened as the word left his lips. It eltso weird hearing him say the word directed at you. You gave his a weak nod and he let a small huff, his face scrunching up in pain for a second.

“She definitely does.” you whispered, biting your lip as you felt your cheeks heat up. Dean smiled slightly but another groan left his lips and you gave him a squeeze, as if trying to tell him to hold on.

You dared glance behind you for a second but couldn’t stand the sight. Dean should have been in more pain than he let it show on his face. You turned instantly back at him and buried your face at the crook of his neck.

“It’s alright. I’m going to be fine.” he whispered.

“You have to.” you breathed out “You need to, because we have a fight we need to win.”

The smile fell completely from his lips because he understood all too well that you were talking about the mark on his arm and all the drama in between to come, with the tattoos and what not. He sighed and swallowed thickly “We will.”

Because for the first time he felt hopeful. And just as you offered him a weak smile he knew you could feel it too. You hesitated for a moment and he stood still as well, scared to move. Your eyes were locked and you swallowed the lump in your throat, feeling what he as well was. And for the first time your feelings matched completely. Your face was barely inches away from his, your noses touching. You opened and closed your mouth several times, feeling an occasional shiver when your lips brushed past his just as his did the same. Dean’s own lips toyed with yours, your breaths mixing as the both of you at that moment craved only one thing. You looked into his eyes, only to see him avert them from your lips and look up to yours.

“Can I- can I-” his voice was thick and hoarse, so low that you doubted he said anything. But before he could complete his sentence you shut your eyes and pressed your lips to his. You lips did fit like two perfect puzzle pieces and you felt all air get knocked out of your lungs. Your heart leapt to your throat and you felt an instant shot of electricity run through you. For the first time it felt as if you could breathe for real, in a weird way as if you were alive in the end.

Still overwhelmed by the feelings, even at the mere touch of your lips to Dean’s you couldn’t help but be shy. You could barely move and Dean’s lips moved hesitantly against yours as well. You heard him take in a shaky breath. You wanted to respond, do something more than just press your lips to his, but for now, and in this situation you couldn’t. You pulled away just barely and buried your face in his chest, Dean letting out a small sigh as he brought a hand to wrap around your shoulders. He kissed the side of your head.

And despite his pain, both from the wound and the mark on his arm that seemed to be _coming back to life_ now that the witch and her effect were gone, Dean found himself smiling in hope for the first time in practically… ever.

Because Cain was right all along and he only now realized it.


	12. Chapter 12

You let your head rest against the window of the car your eyes drifting between the passing scenery and… the sleeping man in your arms. A small smile tugged at the corners of your lips as you looked down at him, your fingers running through his hair. You hadn’t even realized when he fell asleep but seeing the smile that now rested on his lips you didn’t mind it in the least bit.

It was such a rare sight you honestly were willing to stay here forever. You let yourself enjoy the soft feeling of his short hair through your fingers and he subconsciously moved so that he could nuzzle his face more into your palm. Sure, when he had thrown the keys to Sam – after refusing to let Cas heal him – and said he’d take backseat with you, you hadn’t imagined this. First of all it was pretty awkward for you and you felt your cheeks burn all the while he was so close to you. Your hands would brush every so often, and other than the elecritisity cursing through your body, you just had that giddy feeling to look back at the tattoo.

You only felt as if you were living in a fanfiction or something. There was no way this could be real. Yet here he was, exhaustion having gotten the best of him – and after you shyly suggested it – his head was laying on your lap and he was finally getting some shut eye. No nightmares for him this time.

“I’ve never seen him this peaceful before.” Sam’s soft voice caught your attention.

You looked up from the sleeping man in your arms to meet his eyes in the rare view mirror “He deserves it.”

“But?” he whispered “Because I think there is one.”

“It’s just-” you sighed “He doesn’t deserve… me. He deserves something better, so much better.”

Instead of saying something Sam just chuckled, while you frowned at him “It’s just- he pretty much said the same thing when we found out your name. You are more alike than you realize it. But (Y/n), this is not something you can think of so soon. Just be happy, you found your soulmate… that’s a big deal.” he breathed out and you chewed on your lower lip.

“I know it is but- Dean is such a great man, and I- I don’t know if I can… be his soulmate.” you whispered the words, scared that saying them out loud would make it all all the more real. It was weird but Dean shifted in your arms, his eyebrows scrunching up for a moment as if he could somehow sense your worry. Well, you knew he could because this emotion sharing business wasn’t just that witch’s doing.

“(Y/n)” it was Castiel’s voice and you looked from Dean to him “I’d like to believe I know Dean pretty well, and yes I do agree he is a great man but that is exactly why you are his soulmate. You were made for one another and if you could see what I do, then you would have no doubt about it.”

“Wh-what does that mean?” you asked reluctantly, feeling your cheeks heat up.

“Angels are able to see all forms, meaning we can see souls and know the person instantly. Your souls (Y/n), there is a part in each of you that filles each other’s souls perfectly. And other than that there are parts of your soul that are exactly the same as of Dean’s. You were made together (Y/n), in heaven. At the same time, that is why you’re soulmates. You share the same parts of soul.”

“So that’s the scientific explanation of soulmates huh?” Sam asked with a raised eyebrow.

Castiel shrugged “More or less, yes.”

“But I- that doesn’t explain this guys.” you mumbled, your eyes casting down on your bare wrist “And it doesn’t explain why I- I was in a different universe to begin with.”

“I am not sure about the tattoo, (Y/n) and I apologize. Neither that nor you being in a different universe. But- but- don’t doubt it. Don’t doubt your and Dean’s connection. Never.” he insisted and you sighed.

“Why?”

He shifted slightly so that he could look at you from the passengers seat “In all my years of existence I’ve seen soulmatesget created, born, lived, some met, some didn’t. And those that met- some didn’t have an ideal relationship at first but in the end everything was as it should be. And you- you and Dean, (Y/n), you have a connection I have never seen.”

“Is that good or bad?” Sam frowned, and you knew he cared more than he let it show about his brother’s well being, especially with that mark burdening him. And it was something you had thought about once you found out what you were to him. _Did that change things with the Mark of Cain or not?_

“Good, so much more than you think is possible.” Castiel nodded his head with a smile.

“Good as in-” this time it was you that spoke up “Mark of Cain going to sleep for some time or…?” Sam shared a look with you through the rearview mirror for a moment before both your attention was back on Cas.

He shifted in his place for a moment and his eyes casted down for a moment “I am not all that sure, I am afraid. But we have no reason to not think tha it is not possible.” he shrugged offering you a small smile “So yes, maybe yes. But I guess we will get to test that theory. As of now- probably I cannot explain that lack of tattoo on your arm (Y/n) or why you were in a different universe but I know to believe what I see- and what I see is one of the rarest sights. You could say every cupid’s dream. It’s you and Dean- and the way you two are bonded, it is what we angels call ‘Bound by Light’ and Light means God.”

“So, that big huh?” you whispered, feeling your heart swell in both happiness and fear. This was so overwhelming you didn’t know what to do. You knew you should be happy, hell you definitely were but at the same time you were so scared.

You bit on your lower lip, your eyes moving between Castiel that looked at you with sincerity to Sam who had a hopeful smile on his lips but was looking at the road and then, down, at the sleeping man whom you’d… loved for so long without knowing. Him, in your arms, finally face to face for real with each other.

Your soulmate.

~*~

“And we’re back.” Sam said with a sigh, a small smile resting on his lips as he turned off the ignition. He glanced at you in the mirror but you didn’t meet his eyes for a moment. He stopped right in front of the bunker. Castiel’s car right behind you. After a small stop at the motel to gather your things you were back on the road and you were glad that during all of this Dean had not woken up, or as far as you knew.

“You two can get inside, I’ll go with Cas for supply run.”

“Yeah sure.” you mumbled, hand still resting on Dean’s chest; rubbing soft circles.

“Are you alright?” he paused for a moment and you smiled at the brotherly tone in his voice.

You looked up at him and gave him a grin, nodding your head “I’m great Sammy.” you winked at him and he laughed in a way that felt a little weird because it was so real, as in season 1 real.

“I’m glad then. Hey do you want anything in specific?”

You shook your head, glancing down at the still sleeping Dean and letting a small giggle “Nah the usual, you know. Oh and Sammy don’t forget the pie!… Or more like, pies.”

“Great, a second Dean to deal with. I think I should start meditating with Garth or something.” he shook his head and you rolled your eyes.

“Right, as if you’re not happy already.” he only nodded his head with a smile at your words “Besides, hey- If Dean and I share some parts of soul does that make me your…”

“Sister in soul? Yes, that’s the term.” he chuckled and you nodded your head.

“I still need so much time to get used to this whole soulmate business.” you breathed out, your head falling back for a second.

“Yeah but you have time.” he shrugged and you bit your lower lip, giving him a reluctant nod.

“…You do right?” he mumbled in addition but you just sighed and pursed your lips.

“I honestly… don’t know Sam. I’m just- scared, you know?” you looked at him and he gave you a sympathetic smile.

“It’s alright, I understand. We’ll see alright?” he put a hand on your shoulder and you nodded your head.

“Sure.” you mumbled and with a last nod of his head he was off to Castiel’s car and both of them going for a supply run.

Once you could no longer see the car in the horizon your eyes casted down and met with Dean’s face. He was peaceful for most part and you knew you could just stay there for hours and stare at him, count the freckles on his face and if you failed then you’d try again and again. Something which you’d already done during the long hour drive. But who could blame you? And even if you should be embarrassed you knew nobody could point the finger at you. You were hissoulmate and, hopefully, vice versa.

“Hey” you whispered, your voice barely audible “You can open your eyes now.”

And although he pretended not to listen to you for a moment and be sleeping his eyelashes fluttered and he slowly opened his green eyes to meet yours “How’d you know?” he whispered, voice still rough and slightly laced with sleep.

You shrugged, giving him a sheepish smile “I don’t know, really. I could just…”

“Feel it.” he completed your sentence in a low voice and you breathed out a laugh.

“Yeah that. I hope that at least you got enough sleep.” you mumbled, a small frown on your face and he nodded his head, snuggling closer to you (a small groan leaving his lips from the obvious pain).

“Yeah, I woke up just a couple hours ago. Seems like 8 hours equal to a whole two days in my hunter schedule.” he breathed out, a small smile resting on his lips.

“Then I’m glad you’ve gotten enough sleep… no nightmares in.” you gave him a soft smile, feeling reluctant to move your hand up and cup his cheek.

He smiled softly up at you and let a content sigh “No nightmares in. It was great.” he breathed out and you nodded your head.

“Do you think you can move?” you whispered, glancing down at where the wound would be.

“I’m not sure.” he whispered “But I’ll manage.”

“Come on, I’ll help.” you gave his hand a squeeze and he offered you a small smile. It was barely visible but it was true, just like his feelings that you as well had. And you didn’t need any more proof.

~*~

“Come on, one more step.” you held onto one of Dean’s arms that was thrown over your shoulder and onto his other, not wounded, side.

“Just a little more.” you said with a small groan, struggling to keep Dean up. Sometimes you forgot how big Dean actually was when compared to Sam but truth was he was quiet heavy and you were struggling to hold him up. But in a way you were happy you could give him this kind of support. Any kind actually.

“You know-” he breathed out a strained chuckle “-the last time a chick told me that, we weren’t exactly in this position.”

You scoffed, rolling your eyes. Despite the small hint of jealousy inside you, you couldn’t help the smile off your lips at how cheeky he was being.

“Of course you weren’t.” you chuckled and he did the same, letting out a huff of pain and you clenched your jaw to hold him as much as you could.

“Come on Winchester, you’ve been through worse. Is this how you’re trying to impress your soulmate?” you smirked and he breathed out a laugh.

“I’m trying but- she’s a tough nut.” he looked up at you through his eyelashes, an adorable cheeky grin on his lips that actually made you smile as well.

“Alright just a little more, yeah?” you asked, looking away from – knowing that if you kept looking your blush would get darker at the intensity of his gaze.

Dean dragged his feet over the floor and you helped him as much as you could, trying not to get distracted by his room. It was so much different seeing it on TV than seeing it here, for real. You could practically stare at everything around you and not take in enough. It was all the way you’d seen it but still there were small details that made a fond smile form on your lips. But before you could get distracted you shook your head and tried to help him. Dean let out a loud groan, his face scrunching in pain, as he plopped down on the bed. You moaned as well when you layed down next to him, you had not realized how your back was already aching so much.

“You know-” a small smirk formed on his face “-Almost three days in and I already got you in my bed. First time this happened to me. You’re definitely hard to get.”

Instead of groaning at him you only giggled, shaking your head “You know you’re unbelievable right?” you breathed out as both of your’s laughter died out. You turned your head to look at him and his eyes met yours, and you stood there for a moment. Both of you laying on your back and facing at each other with fond smiles.

“Are you alright?” you whispered and he frowned for a second.

“Yeah why wouldn’t I be?”

You shugged, motioning with your eyes down at his arm and he sighed, his head turning to look back at the ceiling “(Y/n)” he breathed out your name.

You immediately regretted it, pursing your lips and getting up in. You shook your head “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t-”

“No, hey.” he took hold of your wrist and your eyes glanced down to take notice of his own, the tattoo of your name there making your heart rate speed up just a little bit. Your eyes moved fast up to meet his.

“It’s a long story but I- I am alright princess. For the first time in a while.” he whispered, putting on a smile “This thing, it’s hard to bare but I- I am managing. And I hopefully will manage in the future too.”

“Yeah I know.” you sighed, looking away from him. Of course you knew, you knew just what Dean had been through with it and what he’d go through in the future as well. Not only with the Mark of Cain but was to be unleashed after it was gone too. Not to mention what was to come after they were done with that new evil. But maybe, just maybe, you could be there to go through that with him, right?

**Doubts clouded your vision on that part.**

“Why does that sound a little fishy to me?” he breathed out a chuckle and you gave him a tight smile that made a serious expression take over his features “Everything alright?”

“Yeah, yeah come on, don’t worry about it. We have a wound to stitch up, we can’t leave it to just bandages.” you have him a soft smile, slowly pulling your hand from his grasp.

**It wasn’t his fault.**

Dean tried to hide his momentary disappointment and gave you a small smirk “You sure you know how?”

You scoffed “Of course! I’ve seen so much Supernatural, taken some lessons once even. Plus, I’m Dean Winchester'ssoulmate, I should have it in me right?” you raised an eyebrow and he chuckled, nodding his head.

**None of you could admit just how much you liked the sound of those few words. You saying them, feeling them, and Dean hearing them come from your lips. _'I am Dean Winchester’s soulmate’_. Simple yet so complicated, because you knew that even though you should be only happy about this new fact you just… felt something holding you back. Something that Dean could sense and made him worry.**

~*~

“See, I told you I had it in me!” you chuckled and he let out a mix of groan and chuckle.

“Sure, just next time sweetheart better bring more booze cause I don’t think I’ll last long.” he chuckled and you gave him a playful glare.

“I tried my best not to hurt you much.” you mumbled and he smiled at you.

“And you didn’t sweetheart. Really.” he took hold of your hand “I was just kidding, don’t worry about it. Sam’s given me worse patches.” he chuckled and you let a giggle.

“I wouldn’t doubt that. But I-” you pursed your lips for a second “-You know I don’t mean just this. It would have been better if I didn’t have to stitch you up in the first place.”

He sighed, his head falling back on the headboard “We talked about this. There is no way I would let you take that shot, not in a million years.”

“And maybe that’s the problem.” you sighed and he frowned deeply at you “Dean, how do you think I felt when I saw youfall down that moment? How do you think I felt when I thought I would lose you before I could get to know you and you could be back to-” you pursed your lips, shaking your head and scared to even say the word 'demon’ referring to Dean “How do you think I’d feel knowing it was all my fault? I _can’t_ lose you, Dean! I can’t have that, you know it.”

“Just like you know _**I**_ can’t have it.” he clenched his jaw “This was just another bullet for me. I’ve taken worse. But if it wasyou- who knows how freaking bad it would have been. You’d probably have to be at the hospital and in immense pain. Just because I didn’t step in the right moment! I wouldn’t be able to take that, _ever_. So yes, it had to happen this way and I’m not going to argue with you about it. Hell, I will keep doing it every time there is a need to. And you’re not stopping me.” he let out in a small growl and you clenched your jaw.

“Stubborn ass.” you grumbled and he gave you a somewhat annoyed smirk.

“Look who’s talking.” he huffed, and you rolled your eyes at him.

“Well how do you say it? Oh right- soulmates thing!” you gave him annoyed smile and despite that his gaze softened.

“Sweetheart, you know I am just trying to do the best for you.” he whispered and you sighed, letting your anger fade.

“I know Dean but this- this is my life as well. And I’d be _damned_ if I ever let anything happen to you at my expense at that.” you breathed out and heard him sigh as well.

He wanted to say something. He needed to say something, desperately, but in the end he didn’t. He wanted to take hold of your hand, with his one that the tattoo on, because in a way he could feel some kind of comfort that he hoped you felt as well but… in the end he didn’t.

“I’m going to bring some bandages to wrap you up, yeah?” you whispered and got up without waiting for an answer.

~*~

“It’s my job.” he said in a rough voice after a long period of silence. You didn’t look up from his wound as you cleaned some of the blood around it and prepared the bandages.

“I know.” you whispered “But you are not alone in this Dean. I know that being soulmates makes you feel responsible for everything that happens to me but- but it also means you need to understand my point of view on this subject as well! I too feel responsible to know you are alright.”

“I know.” he swallowed thickly, running a hand down his face “I know, it’s just I’m-”

“Not used to it.” you completed his sentence and his smile mirror yours “It feels overwhelming, in every way. Yeah I know, I can feel it.” you mumbled, looking down again with a sheepish smile.

He let out a humorless chuckle “And then I teased Sam about this whole business.”

“Guess you didn’t know back then.” you mumbled, shrugging and he nodded his head “Important is if you’re willing to learn.” you added softly and he smiled, although you couldn’t see.

“I am. I am.” he sighed in content and you tried to hide your own soft grin.

“Good because, and heads up, you’ll need to have lots of patience with me. I am not easy to deal with.” you said with a chuckle and he did the same.

“You’re talking to Dean Winchester, sweetheart. I think you already know I am not that easy to deal with either.” his green eyes sparkled and you giggled at the childlike smile on his face.

“Oh I’ve come to know that, really. But… I can’t say I don’t mind it much. I like most parts of your personality anyway.” you mumbled with a small shrug and his smile turned into a smirk.

“Huh is that so? Then-” he licked his lips “More than you like seeing me half naked or something?”

“Wh-what?” you stuttered, your head snapping up in his direction “Where did that come from?” you felt your cheeks heat up, knowing it was only yesterday he had so casually taken his shirt off in front of you and you wouldn’t be surprised if he’d caught you staring; because you were quiet shamelessly doing so, yes.

He chuckled, a kind of chuckle that meant he knew more than he let out and would slowly and endlessly tease you about it “I’m just talking about how you’re taking your sweet time in putting that bandage on.” he smirked and you felt your body stiffen.

“Excuse me if I don’t want to hurt you any more.” you huffed, avoiding eye-contact at all costs. You could by now feel your cheeks heat up.

“Hey!” he exclaimed with a cheeky grin, hands raised in surrender “All I’m saying is- if you want to see more of it all you have to do is ask. You have every right to.”

You scoffed, laughing “You’d wish Winchester. Don’t flatter yourself alright?”

“Right, cause you wouldn’t want to?” he raised an eyebrow and you cleared yoru throat, focusing your attention on the job at hand and not his behavior…

…or just how soft his skin was, how your fingertips (weirdly enough) tingled as they brushed past it, or how you were barely holding yourself from running your hands from his abdomen up to his firm stomach and up to his chest. Which sadly enough was covered with his shirt because he couldn’t take it off and just decided to push it up for you to work on the wound. Not to mention how hard you found it to not stare at him because this was all real and not just a photo on your computer or phone.

“Just shut up.” you grumbled and he chuckled, and as much as you hated it you felt a smile tug at your lips.

~*~

“Sam and Cas not back yet?” he raised an eyebrow as you walked inside the room with what was of the leftover pie for both of you.

“No, seems like for some reason they’re taking their sweet time with this.” you breathed out a chuckle and he pursed his lips, nodding his head.

“Obviously.” he breathed out a chuckle and you smirked.

“That’s why they’d always leave us huh?” you whispered and he nodded his head.

“Yeah.” he breathed out as you handed him a plate.

“And to think I always wondered why.” you chuckled, coming to sit next to him; your back resting on the headboard.

“They can be really sneaky sometimes.” he chuckled and you let out a giggle.

“Yeah…” you played with your fork “As long as you don’t mind.” you mumbled and he raised an eyebrow at you.

“Why would you think that?” he said his food aside and looked only at you. Well that meant things were serious.

“I don’t know” you shrugged “It’s just that it seems you’re stuck with me 24/7 and I- I thought you maybe wanted some privacy for once.” you didn’t dare look him in the eyes.

“Sweetheart, do you know me to ever complain of being with a drop dead gorgeous woman?” he smirked and you had to bite your lip to keep yourself from giggling.

“I’m not one, though.” you mumbled and he let out a loud scoff, giving you a look.

“Bullshit.” he mumbled and you had to bite your lip to keep the smile off your lips. But a giggle did leave your lips.

“You know-” you fidgeted with your hands, not sure if you should share this piece of information with the only man thatcould make you blush fifty shades of red with just a word or two “This seriously sounds like some of the worst fanfictionI’ve ever read.”

Dean erupted into a feat of laughter that made you laugh as well “So you do read fanfiction with me!” he grinned at you and you shrugged, looking at him sheepishly.

“I told you, just one or two here and there.” you mumbled and he rolled his eyes.

“As if! Come on just admit it!” he licked his lips, smirking at you and you huffed a laugh already feeling your cheeks heat up.

“You know the point was me trusting you with certain things, not you teasing me endlessly about it!” you shoved his shoulder and he laughed more.

“True but- you know me sweetheart!” he shrugged at you “Besides, you look adorable when you blush.”

“Shut your face Winchester! I knew it was a terrible idea saying anything in the first place!”

“Fine, fine!” he raised his hands in the air “But… were there any smutty pieces?” he smirked and you glared at him, face still burning hot.

“I hate you!” you growled and he scoffed.

“No you don’t sweetheart. And we both know it.” he tucked a few strands of hair out of your face “But really-” he got a little more serious and this time you did look at him.

“If there are any smutty pieces let me read them yeah?” he finally breathed out with a smirk and you growled under your breath, rolling your eyes.

“You jerkass.” you grumbled and he laughed more. But once his laughter died out a comfortable peace set between the two of you.

“You know-” he licked his lips, speaking in a softer tone “Despite all the teasing I- I’d like to know a little bit more of your old life, fanfictions included” he chuckled and shrugged.

“I’ve told you, nothing really interesting here.” you shook your head “And no, Winchester-” you pointed a finger at him “-Forget it! You are not getting anywhere near my readings!” you huffed and he laughed.

“It’s alright sweetheart, I’ve got guilty pleasures too!” he got slightly close “And I could share them with you anytime you want to.” he winked at you and your breath hitched on your throat as you looked away from him.

You couldn’t find anything to tell him, and even if you wanted to you felt a lump in your throat. Not to mention the deep blush on your cheeks. You still had no idea how he could have such an effect on you but then again, he was Dean Winchester and your soulmate. Despite everything though you felt a warm feeling spread through your chest and you knew very well that it was all… his feelings. You felt Dean shift in his place slightly, ready to say something to you, but a groan left his lips and his hand instantly went to his abdomen.

Worry instantly etched on your features “Does it still hurt?” you mumbled, your hands immediately placing over his on the wound; without realizing it you were as close to him as it could get in that moment.

Dean’s eyes widened and he swallowed thickly as they jumped up to look at you. He was sure that if you had felt the same at the contact you were very good at not showing it. Or maybe your worry didn’t let you think of anything else.

“No, it’s fine. I just guess I shouldn’t move much.” he mumbled, his voice low and thick.

“Are you really sure? Maybe I should check on it?” you mumbled, glancing up at him but your own breath caught on your throat when you realized how close your faces were.

“Sweetheart-” he started in a low and rough voice “- if you want to get all touchy, I told you. All you have to do is ask.” he smirked and you huffed, rolling your eyes at him.

“Don’t you ever shut up?” you grumbled, pulling away from him but he just shrugged.

“Does _your_ Dean ever stop?” he asked softly and you let out a small sigh.

“No” you smiled fondly “No he doesn’t.” you chuckled as Dean nodded his head “He’s a stubborn ass. Always wants it his way. He’s persistent and gets really grumpy sometimes. When he doesn’t have it his way I mean.”

“Mhm sounds like me.” he shrugged and you nodded your head.

“Yeah as stubborn as it can be but at the same time selfless, brave and kind. Loving and generous… A total softie too.” you added with a smirk and Dean rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, right. I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

You giggled “Don’t you?” you raised an eyebrow “May I remind you who you’re talking to mister? Hello! Official soulmatehere!” you pointed out and although you could see him fight it he still smiled at your words.

“So fake-me’s doing a good job at portraying me or what?” he asked and you pause for a moment.

“He’s doing the best that someone ever could.” you breathed out a fond smile forming on your lips “But I mean- does me saying this count? I mean considering what I am-” you chuckled nervously with a shrug and he looked down at his hands.

“I don’t know if it counts but- I know it matters more than anything else.” he whispered and you bit your lip.

“I mean I’ve always had a soft spot for him.” you mumbled with a nervous chuckle “Remember when I told you about it? How weird I thought it was? If only I’d know then.” you sighed.

“You couldn’t have.” he shrugged “Nobody really expected you to. Besides in your universe- you don’t have the things we do.”

“So what? You mean in my place I’m Jensen’s soulmate and here… I am yours?” you whispered but realized how his jaw clenched and his hands balled in fists for a moment.

“I can’t say I know for sure.” he swallowed thickly “Maybe not… maybe yes.”

“Yeah but maybe- maybe I am yours more right?”

His head snapped in your direction and his eyes widened for a moment “Would you… want that?”

You shrugged “I thought that was pretty much obvious by now. Besides, you- I’ve always found myself more drawn to you for some weird ass reason that now makes sense. Although I- I have had a soft spot for him for quiet long.” you chuckled and he smiled weakly.

“So between him and me…?” he trailed off, not wanting to complete the sentence.

“We both know the answer to that.” you gave him a sheepish smile, looking back down at your hands as you fidgeted with your fingers.

“Do I?” he whispered, tilting his head to the side to look at you.

“You.” you whispered “You know it’s always going to be you.” you shrugged and although he tried to fight off the smile he failed. He slowly moved his hand and placed it over yours, taking your palm in his.

You both stared down at your hands, your face growing warm and your heart swelling inside your chest at the contact. You bit your lower lip, feeling a sense of comfort and peace you’d never had before.

“If someone had ever told me I’d be here, with you for real I- I would have laughed straight in their face but-”

“Here we are.” he completed your sentence in a low voice and biting your lip you nodded your head, your eyes focusing on the part of the tattoo you could see as his thumb rubbed over your palm.

“I’m… I’m scared Dean.” you confessed, and saying this feeling out loud made you realize all the more what was holding you back all this time. Why you didn’t fully kiss Dean when you found out, why you didn’t hug him and never let him go, why you didn’t grin like an idiot during the whole ride, why you just weren’t in his arms all the time but still kept some distance.

“Of what?” he breathed out in concern, his eyebrows frowning.

“It’s just- this, all of this is intimidating.” you breathed out, your head falling back against the wall “I- I am happy I am here with you of course!” you hurried to say, just to ease his building worries that you felt crystal clear.

“But?” he asked and as much as you hated yourself for it you pulled your hand away from his grasp. Already missing the warmth and comfort it gave you.

“But I don’t know if I can do this. I- I mean what about my family? They must be getting sick worried of me disappearinglike this a-and my life- sure it was slightly boring, and I always dreamed of this being my reality but now that it is I… I don’t know if I can-”

“Let go of your old life.” he completed your sentence but unlike every other time his voice held no tenderness in it, only pain as it came out cold and emotionless.

“Please don’t be mad at me Dean.” you swallowed thickly, tears forming in your eyes as you felt his heartache. It was as if you felt someone stab you in the chest but you knew all too well it was all Dean’s feelings. And it was you that held the knife.

“I won’t- I can’t.” he clenched his jaw but looked away from you.

“But you are.” you whispered what he didn’t say only to not hurt you further “I can feel it, Dean. But I- I need you to know that what I’m saying is cause I- I- that’s my home Dean. I have memories there and I- Sure this may sound all dreamy and perfect but I- I can’t just… leave it so easily. I can’t just leave my friends, my family, my whole life because of-” you stopped yourself, pursing your lips; not wanting to let out the words that almost spilled from your lips.

“Someone like me?” he breathed out in a thick and somewhat angry voice “And for something like this? A life full of pain and death, monsters all around.”

“No, Dean!” you whispered “No, no it’s not-”

“Is it not?” he clenched his jaw, eyes locking firmly with yours “So much for my soulmate being willing to do everything as long as she was with me _huh_?”

“No” you breathed out, feeling your own heart clench and a stab-like pain inside your chest when he pushed himself away from you “No, Dean you know I- I meant all I said. Please!”

“Yeah you probably meant it but-” he gave you a tight, hurt smile “- it’s a whole different thing talking about it than actually doing it huh? So it was just that: words.” he clenched his jaw and shrugged in a broken way.

“It wasn’t and you know it.” you clenched your jaw and he shook his head, hurting but getting up.

“Look, (Y/n) if you want to take everything back I won’t blame you. Not even with what you said last night when I was hurt.” he clenched his fists by his sides and your eyes widened.

“What are you talking about? You know I meant everything Dean!” you exclaimed, angry and hurt he could ever believe something like that of you “But you can’t blame me for- for having doubts! For missing my home and the people I loved! For having a hard time chosing between that life and this because of them! For doubting if I can leave them or not _for good_! For having doubts of saying goodbye to my family for ever! _**For being scared that I won’t leave up to your expectations and be the soulmate you need and deserve!**_ ” you ended up screaming as a tear rolled down and Dean took in a sharp breath, his eyes going wide. Your self-doubts had always been a trouble, but with this, now, with Dean, it was worse than ever. And you were scared as hell.

You let out a shaky sigh, getting up from the bed and turning your back to him, running a hand down your face to wipe off the tears. You wrapped your arms around your middle and shut your eyes for a moment, your jaw clenching.

Dean took in a deep breath but clenched his jaw and fists, preparing himself “I will ask you something-” his rough voice broke the heavy silence “-and I need you to answer me, straight forward. No indirect answers, no skipping around thebush- no nothing.” he shook his head and hand “Just an answer. A _straight_ answer.”

“What?” you whispered, your own voice thick and laced with tears.

“ _ **Are you going to stay with me or leave?”**_


	13. Chapter 13

**“** _**Are you going to stay with me or leave?”** _

“What do you mean?” you whispered and he shook his head, giving you a hurt yet stern look.

“I mean just what I asked. Are you staying or leaving? Simple as that.” he took in a deep breathe but it came in shakily, as he tried but failed to hold himself together.

“Do _you_ even want me to?” you breathed out, turning to face him and that caught him off guard. His back straightened and his brows furrowed.

“What do you mean?” he asked back and only when you raised an eyebrow at him he realized it, and cleared his throat and looked away.

“I thought I’d made it pretty clear.” he breathed out in addition, avoiding to look you in the eyes.

This was one of the most vulnerable moments he’d been through and he’d let you see it all because, even if he wouldn’t admit it to himself, he was desperate. He’d never been a man of words, saying what he felt out loud, and at the moment he already (was in his own way). And that meant a lot. But looking into your eyes he knew he couldn’t take it. Not only because you were practically crying but also because he knew that you being his soulmate – gosh it still sounded soforeign in his mind – could already read him better than anyone, and locking eyes would only make him more vulnerable. The feelings he never dared say out loud laying there open in front of you.

“Have you Dean?” you frowned and his head snapped in your direction “I- I mean, come on! You were trying to push me away even before I knew who you were to me!” you threw your arms in the air and he clenched his jaw, looking away.

“It’s not-”

“Come on, Dean. Really?” you breathed out “I- I mean-” you breathed out a laugh that hurt like hell “You are asking me to leave my family, no matter how hard that is but- but would you?”

“Wh-what?” h narrowed his eyes for a moment and you shrugged. Of course he didn’t like where this was going, because he knew you were the one absolutely right.

“Would you Dean? Leave all of this, Sam… for me? Would you just up and leave, if I asked you to without a single doubt? Would you leave to come with my, in my universe and have a life with me there?”

“I- I-”

“Come on” you spoke I a sot tone, smiling sympathetically “We both know, if the situation was reverse you- you wouldn’t leave Sam. Because he’s family.” you shrugged “And I understand that Dean! And now- now I am being honest with you, just be honest too. I won’t be mad at you, I understand but- but you can’t just expect me to answer your question when you refuse to even look me in the eyes!”

“I’ve always been honest with you.” he clenched his jaw, eyes locking as his hands fisted by his sides. He was hurt, you felt it too.

“Then be now, too. Don’t deny it, you wanted to push me away so that I wouldn’t get attached. You didn’t tell me who you were, who _**I**_ was, because you knew I’d want to give up my life for you. You tried your best to get done with the case, hell even not take it up, to find a way to send me back as soon as possible! So I am asking _ **you**_ , Dean.” you took in a deep breath “Do you _really_ want me to stay?”

“I tried to push you away for your own good.” he mumbled and you sighed, your eyes casting down.

“Yeah, I clearly remember that. Just like you saying she’d be better off without you, leaving a normal life away from all the pain this one has.” you sighed, sitting down on the bed again; your back to him “And I told you that being with you is what could only matter. That as long as I could be enough for you then- I didn’t _need_ something else.”

“But now you do.” he whispered, hurt lacing his voice.

“Do you seriously blame me?” you breathed out “When you know how important family is to one!” you felt tears well up in your eyes.

“No.” he voice was low and thick “But what do you think I feel (Y/n)? I tried to push you away, yes damn it! And it was a real dick move, especially when you didn’t know who you were to me and didn’t have a say on the matter. But you- now you know everything and I- Damn it.” he gritted his teeth and you hesitantly turned to look at him run a hand down his face in frustration “I can’t do it! I can’t fucking do it! Not without you! I can’t do this, alright? Is that what you want to hear? I can’t! Because I- I feel like losing my mind just at the thought of you leaving and-” he swallowed thickly, blinking but not daring to lock eyes with yours “But you-” he sighed “-you are the only one to decide now.” he clearly tried to fight back the tear, looking away.

You looked down at your hands biting your lower lip as a heavy silence set in the room “All of the things I said… maybe I wasn’t thinking, yes.” you whispered, your voice hoarse and scared as you broke it “Maybe I just got carried away, not comprehending what it could really mean. Maybe things are much more different in real life, and yes maybe the choice is hard, harder than I ever thought. But I… meant what I said to you Dean.” you bit your lower lip, hastily wiping away a tear that rolled down.

Dean held his own breath and he could feel his heart hammer through his ears. His chest felt unbearably tight.

“I _meant_ it. I meant everything, deep down I did. I meant it because _**yes**_ -” you breathed out, watery eyes moving up to look with his wide ones “ _ **Yes**_ Dean. I’ve always wanted this… you.” you looked away from him, feeling shy for saying all of the things you felt out loud and to him “It has always been a crazy wish and- and when I met you I just- I thought that maybe it came true. And ever since I- I haven’t stopped thinking about all the possibilities of us-” you cut yourself off, pursing your lips.

“(Y/n)” he whispered, his voice cracking.

You let out a small whimper and buried your face in your hands “You have no idea, _no idea_ , how I felt every time a new episode came up.” you whispered, needing this confession more than you ever had “You have no idea how much I looked forward to it only to see you again, doing something new. You have no idea how even with the episodes I’d seen it all felt new, as if I was experiencing it for real. You have idea how I held my breath every time I- I saw you on that TV screen. You have no idea how I- I felt my heart leap to my throat when I saw you. You have no idea how afraid I was when you got injured. And you have no idea how much it hurt when you died.” you shut your eyes letting out a shaky breath.

You sniffled and continued, as Dean didn’t say a single word “And it was all so real. You have no idea how I- I-” you laughed at yourself “How I smiled every time you did, or- or laughed when you did. There were moments I thought about it a-and for some reason it was as if I felt it, _your feelings_. I felt all of them and without realizing it I- I was expressing them. You have no idea, Dean, how it felt to be so drawn to you… or Jensen. You have no idea how I felt my hands shake every time I thought about it, about him… about you. Should I feel this way? Should I be so attracted to him? _Him_? In this way? I’ve always tried to be happy about him but I-” you felt your throat close and you shook your head.

“Couldn’t.” he whispered in a barely audible voice “You felt as if you belonged to be by his side but it was unfair you weren’t.”

You took in a shaky breath “No more so than with you, though.” you whispered, clenching your fists “You have no idea how it all felt.” your voice cracked “You have no idea how it was to feel this connection with you. I was so drawn to you in an emotional level it… should be _wrong_. You have no idea how many hours I spent thinking about it. You have no idea how many times I’ve contemplated I was going crazy or something. You have no idea how many times I tried to stop, distance myself in a way, but every time it hurt like hell even thinking about it. You have no idea how it was to… not be able to ever say this out loud, not even to my best friends because- because they’d think I’m an obsessed freak.” you tried to swallow back a sob but partially failed.

“ _ **Baby**_.” his voice cracked and you let out a shaky breath, a smile resting on your lips despite your red and watery eyes. It was hard times.

“You have no idea how scared I was of all these feelings, Dean. The feelings I had for you.” you slowly turned your head to lock your eyes with his.

“I’m- I’m so sorry, sweetheart.” he choked out “I wish I could have been there for you.”

“I still have them.” you whispered and you heard Dean take in a sharp breath “I’ve always had them. It’s always been so overwhelming, how strongly I… I felt for you, and it was always there.”

“(Y/n)” he took a step forward but before he could say anything you spoke up, holding his gaze.

“I _want_ to stay, Dean. More than anything in the whole world.” you whispered and his mouth fell open. You got up from your seat making your way to him, just as he was standing right next to the door.

“Sweetheart.” his voice was low and thick and you only looked up at him as he took hold of your arm. Almost scared you’d walk out of the room any given minute.

He only took a step closer to you, and before you could realize it he had his body pressed to yours. Your breathing was heavy and it matched his. His thumb was rubbing over your arm and he brought the other hand up to cup your cheek. His eyes moved back and forth as he looked in yours. Your cheeks heated up under his touch, not to mention the intensity ofhis eyes. Your eyes subconsciously shifted down to his lips and by the skip of your heart that matched his only meant he felt and did the same.

He looked up in your eyes for a moment and a small shaky sigh left your own lips. He hesitated but slowly and surely he brought his face closer to yours. Your lips tingled at the memory of that small kiss just the night before. Your heart hammered inside your chest as the seconds ticked by and his face only got closer to yours. Before you could realize it a sharp breath crossed your lips as he pressed them to his.

They were warm and sweet. Talking about cheesy right? It was a lot similar to the first one but this time Dean was the hesitant one. This time he was the one that was unsure and moved his lips against yours. He took in a shaky breath as you pressed yourself closer to him. You almost felt light-headed at all the feelings. You could barely believe this was happening, but here you were. Kissing Dean Winchester for real. And for the second time at that. You brought a hand and held onto the back of his neck to press him as close as possible to yourself. A sound left Dean’s lips that was so not human but made you smile softly. He was acting like a teenage boy kissing his crush.

And here you thought you’d be the one to blush like a mad – which you already were – and stutter nervously. You could hardly believe how he was acting like this, so nervous, he was a man so sure of himself and one that could have every woman he wanted to. He could so easily get them, all it took was a flirty smile and a wink, because he always knew his way around them. But now he was acting like he’d never even kissed one before. And it made your heart flutter all the more.

Your eyes were closed as your lips moved perfectly in sync with his full ones. There were so many words that could describe the taste of his lips but your mind was blank. You couldn’t think of a single one at that moment. He took in a shaky breath as you parted your lips for him. You felt his tongue graze over your lower lip but he took his sweet time with the kiss. And the tenderness in it made you sigh in content. You felt your heart skip a beat but… once you remembered everything you found it sink at the pit of your stomach.

You hated yourself for what you were about to do. More than ever. Because you wanted to continue this and get to feel as much of him as possible but- didn’t. You needed to let him know everything.

Your hand slid from his neck to his chest and just as he had gained some courage – you could clearly feel it – you pushed him away. Slowly but surely his lips detached from yours with a soft sound. The moment you opened your eyes you saw him gaze at you with a perplexed expression. One that was laced with pain of rejection.

“I want to stay with you, by your side, more than anything.” you whispered, your eyes casting down to his chest before…

…you pushed yourself away from him “But I don’t know if I can.” you finally breathed out and if you said he felt like you had stabbed him in the chest it would be an understatement.

You didn’t even dare look him in the eyes. You only clenched your jaw to control your own feelings and let your hand slide off his chest before, again without a second glance, you walked to the door and pushed it open. Closing it softly behind you without a sound as you left the room and… a broken Dean behind with it as well.

_And Dean let out a shuddering breath, his back resting against the wall. He felt as if he was choking on air and he struggled to hold himself. He threw his head back, clenching his jaw and closing shut his eyes. His hand instantly went to his arm and he clenched the mark there. His breathing was swallow as he felt it burst with life. All it took was one glance to see the ugly bright red color that signaled how it was already starting to gain strength. For most part he had fought it off and with you by his side there were moments he thought it wasn’t even there at all. But it was, and now that the fear of your absence was clouding his vision and making his heart ache, Dean could feel himself losing control all over again._

~*~

“Hey we’re back!” Sam’s voice echoed through the bunker as he held the two plastic bags and Cas followed right behind him with some boxes of pizzas in hands.

“(Y/n)?” Sam’s voice this time was laced with concern and you practically jumped in your place. You hastily brushed away the tears that were on your face and turned your back to him just slightly so that he wouldn’t see you immediately, and maybe by some chance he’d walk past you.

“(Y/n)?” you saw him out of the corner of your eyes place the bags on the map table and soon after you felt a hand on your shoulder.

“(Y/n) is everything fine?” he asked and you sniffled, brushing away the remainder of your tears and soothed down your hair. You tucked down your sleeve not wanting to stare anymore at your bare wrist. **You had been for hours already.**

“Ye-yeah, hey Sammy. Did you bring food?” you mumbled, trying to brush him off and started searching through the bags.

“(Y/n)!” he said more firmly, grabbing your arm and turning you to face him.

“Gosh, what happened?” he breathed as he took in your state. Castiel placed the boxes on the table as well and examined you just like Sam.

“Nothing guys, relax.” you mumbled avoiding to look them in the eyes.

“This doesn’t seem like nothing to me.” he pursed his lips and with a small sigh you tugged your arm from his grasp.

“(Y/n), did something happen between you and Dean?” it was Castiel that spoke softly and just at the mention of his name your breath caught on your throat. Something they both caught on.

“We… fought. In a way I guess.” you mumbled, plopping down on your chair.

“Damn it” Sam sighed in frustration “Why? What did he do now?”

“It’s not his fault, Sam. Not his.” you fidgeted with your hands “It’s all mine.”

“Why?” Castiel tilted his head to the side.

“He- he asked me if I… would stay here or not.” you breathed out and both men stiffened.

“He- he did?” Sam’s eyebrows raised before he shared a look with Cas “And what- what did you tell him?”

“I- I said- gosh I’m such a terrible person.” you breathed out before burying your face in your hands.

“No you’re not, (Y/n). Don’t talk like that of yourself, come on.” Sam knelt beside you and placed a hand on your knee “That’s my sister in soul you are talking about alright?” he said with a small smile and you managed to breathe out a laugh.

“Do you want to tell us what happened now?” he asked again, giving you a gentle smile.

“I better go talk with Dean.” Cas spoke up, giving you a small barely visible smile and Sam nodded his head as you silently watched his walk away.

“I couldn’t say yes to him Sam.” you whispered and Sam’s eyes were immediately on you “I- I tried to but I- I couldn’t.”

“It’s… understandable (Y/n). You are having a hard time he should… he should understand that.” he let a small sigh, shrugging softly.

“Come on Sam. You don’t believe it even yourself!” you sighed, throwing your head back “I tried to, Sam. I know he needs this but I- I’ve got a family Sam – hell even a dog! And- and no matter how selfish this may sound I- I can’t just leave them like that. They are going to go crazy.” you felt tears well up in your eyes at the mention and Sam sighed, dragging a chairto sit next to you.

“(Y/n) you- you are absolutely right. Family is the most important thing and you- you have every right to have doubts but have you really thought it out?” he mumbled and you pursed your lips.

“Sam!” you gave him a look “it’s my _family_! You have gone to such great extents for family, you can’t seriously ask me to just leave them like this!”

“No, No (Y/n) I’m not. I seriously am not and Dean, he isn’t either.” he shook his head “But- but you… have to understand him as well. He doesn’t want to be selfish, we both know Dean never was one right? But he- you- this, it’s big (Y/n). I know he never said it out loud, he never admitted anything especially to me but- that doesn’t mean he hasn’t been looking for you.”

“What do you mean?” you mumbled, your voice barely audible as you looked at him like a little child.

Sam breathed out a laugh, letting a small smile rest on his lips “He tried to not let it show but I know him all too well. Whenever there was an (Y/n) around he’d jump. His eyes would go wide and he’d be scared to even be around said person. He was constantly on edge and although he tried to hide it he wouldn’t stop until he found out their last name. Although I think most of the time he didn’t feel the attraction he felt with you from the first moment.” he motioned to your arm “You know why. But thing is, even before he knew you, he wouldn’t stop talking about you. A small mention here, another there and all playful. His way of protecting his manliness I don’t know. But in his dreams, well there he was pretty uhm open I’d say. He’s said some things that I doubt he’d ever admit, but all of which were true.”

“(Y/n)” he sighed taking your hand in his “i know it might be hard for you to understand but soulmates, they are special. Important more than anything else.”

“I- I know, Sam.” you mumbled “i know, I… feel it too. I have felt it even before I met him, which at first made me think I was going crazy. And I- I want to stay Sam, you have no idea how much. _No idea.”_ you breathed out a and a hopeful smile spread on his lips.

“Then what?” he blinked.

“I- what I feel for Dean, I cannot describe it. But I know I want to be by his sie, I always have. And sometimes it’s like- like every fiber of my body is- it’s-”

“Pulling you towards him?” he mumbled with a small knowing smirk and you bit your lower lip, feeling yours cheeks heat up.

“Yeah but I… what about my family Sam?” you whispered “What about them? I cannot leave them without- without saying a single thing. And I need them to know I am alright, they are probably going crazy by now.”

Sam frowned for a moment, studying you as you looked down at your hands “(Y/n)-” he spoke cautiously “Are you sure it’s only that?”

“Wh-what else could it be?” you stuttered and he raised an eyebrow.

“I don’t know. Maybe you… having doubts… about him and you?”

“Sam” you chewed on your lower lip “I’m- How can I be sure though?” you breathed out in the end “Dean is… Dean. Andhe- he deserves something great, something perfect. Someone to offer him not only comfort but so much more. And I’m-”

“You doubt you can give him enough.” it was a statement, not a question and you silently nodded your head.

“Can I live up to his expectations? I mean, I will try- I can try but- will it ever be enough?” you breathed out and Sam let out a chuckle, leaning back in his chair. You frowned at his behavior but he only gave you a smile.

“You seriously cannot realize how similar you are to Dean at this moment.” he said softly and you fidgeted with your hands “(Y/n) do you maybe realize that Dean might, I don’t know, think the same?

“Wh-what? Why would he? He’s Dean Winchester for Chuck’s- Castiel’s sake!” you corrected yourself and luckily Sam only chuckled more, not paying attention to your slip up.

“Yes, but maybe that’s what he says about you as well.” he shrugged “Have you ever thought that maybe he is scared he won’t live up to your expectations as well?”

“But- but he- he’s… him. All I ever wanted.” you mumbled, looking down and Sam smiled at your shy state.

“Yes, but I don’t think he knows that. You should try and let him know (Y/n). He _needs_ to. About everything. Every single doubt you have.” he glanced down at your wrist which you had not stopped rubbing and then back in your eyes “Everything.”

“Sam”

“Look-” he sighed, running a hand through his hair “I know he’s done mistakes, and I know that in the beginning he tried to push you away. We both do. But so does he and he- he regretted it, (Y/n). He knows he was a jerk, but that’s what he does. He’s willing to throw himself under the bus as long as everybody else is safe. But he- He wants you here, tattoo or not. And I assure you if some crazy thought runs through his mind, I am here.” he smiled at you “I am not going to let him do something stupid, like pushing you away.”

“(Y/n)” he sighed in addition “Give him a chance, give this a chance. You- you were made for one another, literally.” he chuckled “And he may not say it now, or even admit ti to himself in the first place but he-”

He sighed _**“(Y/n), Dean is in love with you.”**_

~*~

You swallowed thickly, trying to steady your breathing. Your hand lingered over the door, Castiel had come out long ago but you still couldn’t find it in yourself to knock. You were so scared you could practically feel your heart thud in your ears.

But at the same time, despite your own feelings, you could feel Dean’s. And it wasn’t just the fact that the door was only separating you and every part of your body longed to be close to him that made you knock. It was Dean’s feelings that rushed through you that made you. And not just any feelings, but the mark. For the first time you could understand what he’d been through, it was almost as if you had it on you - the effect less strong but still there - but at the same time didn’t. And all you needed was to be there for him because you knew that the cause of it all was… you. And you and Dean being apart.

Your back immediately straightened when the door opened and Dean looked just as surprised as you at that moment. His eyes were wide but he cleared his throat and nervously looked away from you.

“Can I- can I come in?” you mumbled and he glanced at you, equally surprised once more, before in the end he nodded his head and stopped to the side.

“I uh-” you rubbed your arm nervously trying to tear your eyes from him, which was especially hard with his having taken off his flannel and having on just a black shirt and his jeans “i wanted to talk.”

“Ye-yeah I wanted that too.” his voice was thick as he looked down as well. But despite both of you wanting to say something, none of you did. Silence fell between the two of you and despite how comfortable it was there was something nagging at the back of our mind.

“I’m sorry”

The words left the both of you’s lips in a whisper, loud enough though for the both of you to hear, but equally stunning you as well. Your heads snapped up and your eyes locked, you took in a sharp breath and Dean cleared his throat; blinking.

“Why are you apologizing?” you whispered, tilting your head to the side and he shrugged.

“I was a jerk, I shouldn’t have pressured you. I- Cas was right. You were. Family is important, it always is. I, above everybody else, should be the one to understand this. Family is important, always. I- I was selfish for asking you to leave them for… me.”

“Dean no.” you breathed, taking a step forward and taking hold of his hands before you could realize it “No you weren’t selfish. You’ve never been. You always put others in front of you, it’s just- it’s just time you thought about yourself for once.” you ran your one hand up his arm to the Mark of Cain, giving it a small squeeze.

“I still shouldn’t have insisted this way.” he clenched his jaw, looking away.

“And I shouldn’t have talked the way I did. I am confused, that’s all. And yes, yes I am missing my family but I- I know at the same time that… I am going to miss you so much more. So much more.” you ended up whispering, your eyes casting down and missing how his own eyes widened.

“What does that mean?” he asked in a rough voice and you let out a small chuckle.

You looked up at him with a small smile, shrugging innocently “I just- if you’d have me, with all my insecurities and what not, we could- find a way to contact them, tell them I am fine and maybe- maybe skip the soulmate thing but you know that I… am happy?”

“You are?” his brows frowned, his breathing becoming swallow.

You shrugged “Can’t say if I know yet but I- could try?” you chewed on your lower lip “I mean-” you breathed out a chuckle “Dean Winchester is standing right in front of me and I can finally ask you all the questions the entire fandoms has been dying to! And you- I could tell you all of our fangirl’s dirty secrets and see your reaction right? But you- you are not teasing me about any of them, alright?” you pointed a finger at him and he breathed out a chuckle.

“Cannot make any promises” he shrugged and you both laughed.

“Dean” you said in a much softer voice, your laughter dying out “I really am sorry.”

“(Y/n) you don’t have to apologize.” he mumbled and you shook your head.

“Yes I do. I should understand you, or at least try to. You- you probably have waited so long for this and I- I ruined it for you with my doubts. I made you think as if- as if it was your fault but it was all me. I was the one being a total bitch.”

“No you weren’t.” you pursed his lips, shaking his head but you insisted.

“Yes, I was. But I- I apologize, I know I shouldn’t have acted this way. It’s just all of this is-”

“Overwhelming.” he completed your sentence and you smiled shyly at him.

“I mean I probably need time you know? I’m just to all of this and I need to take everything in but I- by no means, I am not complaining Dean. You- this- it’s all I ever wanted. I only find it hard to believe that my wish came true.”

“So that means that you- you are staying?”

“If you want me to, then yes. Yes I am.” you breathed out and a smile played on his lips, on of almost disbelief “And I mean if you are willing to put up with me, that is.”

He breathed out a chuckle, a boyish grin on his face “I think Sammy would be the one in most trouble.”

“Right” you giggle “Poor him but he should expect it.”

“He convinced you to come and talk, didn’t he?” he asked in a whisper and you looked down for a moment.

“The things he said, yes. And he was right. I shouldn’t let my insecurities get in the way but I guess I’m a lot more like you than I realize.” you shrugged and he nodded his head, looking down at you still holding his one hand.

“Not that I would wish this, any of this on anyone, especially you. But… I’m glad you’re staying, (Y/n).” he squeezed your hand and you gave him a small grin.

“Hey don’t flatter yourself, I am just staying here because the geek in me can’t say no to all these books ok?” you giggled as he rolled his eyes “Plus, some selfies wouldn’t be all that bad.” you added slyly and he raised an eyebrow.

“Selfies? Really?”

“Don’t judge me!” you exclaimed, hitting his chest “This is every fangirl’s dream, I am not going to just keep living it without taking photos, or videos for that matter! And you better prepare yourself alright?”

“Someone wants to brag or what?” he smirked and you scoffed.

“Don’t get all cocky on me Winchester! Excuse me but I happen to be a proud Dean!girl and I am not going to let thisopportunity go to waste!”

“You’re what?” his smirk turned into a grin “Is that so now?”

“Shut up, alright!?” you could feel your cheeks heat up at your small slip up that he of course wasn’t going to let go “I think I have every reason to after all!”

“Yes, yes you do.” he said in a much softer voice as he cupped your face and pressed a small lingering kiss on your forehead.

And you allowed yourself to get lost in it just a little longer.

~Six hours later~

“No” Dean’s voice boomed through the entire bunker, making Sam jump in his place “No!” he roared and Sam’s eyes widened, his expression matching that of Castiel’s.

“(Y/n), no!” he shouted, his voice rough “No” it came out in a small whimper.

Both Castiel and Sam jumped from their places and ran to his room. They saw him toss and turn, clenching and unclenching his fists. He fisted the blankets in his hands as he groaned, throwing his head back.

“No” it came out in a growl, though they heard a small sob leave his lips.

Sam nudged Castiel and the angel’s eyes followed his to something glowing. But this time it wasn’t the Mark of Cain in Dean’s arm. It was the tattoo of your name. Sam frowned, looking at Castiel in worry.

“Is that… supposed to happen?” he whispered and Castiel frowned.

“I have never heard or seen something like that before. Never.” Castiel muttered and Sam looked back at his brother who was still tossing in his bed, jumping every so often. He knew the angel was right but he hoped that he’d have an answer to this. Because Sam himself didn’t.

He had never seen something like this either. Sure their lives weren’t what you’d call normal but this- it was far from their kind of normal as well. Soulmates tattoos didn’t glow, not this way and not this bright. He had never heard or read something like that ever before. But then again the bond you and Dean shared was nothing like what he’d ever seen before.

“No, no (Y/n).” his breathing was becoming rapid and uneven and Sam clenched his jaw, watching with worry as his brother fussed in his sleep. He knew that the nightmares with the Mark of Cain were a new problem but he hoped that with you there he would be able to face them. Thing was you weren’t there though.

“No!” he shouted, startling Sam as he jumped wide awake “No” he whispered in the end, eyes wide as he looked around him.

Dean blinked, still clenching the blankets in his fists. He looked at Sam and Castiel and then down, trying to steady his breathing. His mouth hang open and Sam tentatively took a step forward.

“Dean” his voice was careful “It’s alright. It was just a dream.”

“No” Dean breathed out in a rough voice “No” he insisted with a shake of his head.

“Dean calm down, please. Everything is alright. (Y/n) is not leaving you-”

“It’s not that!” Dean roared, stunning Sam.

“Dean you need to understand that it was only a dream.” Castiel spoke carefully but the older hunter shook his head.

“No” he growled, throwing the blankets off him “No, that’s what you don’t get. It was real.”

“Dean we understand if it seemed real but it wasn’t.” Sam placed a hand on his brother’s shoulders who was moving too fast to get out of the room.

“No!” he pushed Sam’s hands off “No that’s what you don’t get! It was real. It didn’t just feel real. (Y/n) was- she is-” he let out a frustrated growl as he tried to push Sam away.

“(Y/n) is fine Dean! You don’t have to worry! She’s alright! Calm down!” he still blocked his way and Dean ran a frustrated hand down his face.

“I’m telling you Sam something is wrong! I can feel it!” he growled but Sam shook his head, letting out a frustrated sigh as Dean slipped from his arms and made his way out of his room.

“Dean!” Sam shouted after him as he and Castiel followed closely behind.

“I just need to make sure of something Sam.” the older hunter said in a deep voice.

Sam rolled his eyes, although he was worried he knew Dean was acting irrationally “She’s alright De-”

“ _Where the hell is she?!_ ” he roared, turning around to face his brother who almost collided with him.

“What do you mean?” Sam asked.

Dean glared at him “I asked where the hell is my soulmate?! She was here just an hour ago, before I went to sleep!”

Sam huffed, shrugging “She went out. Cas dropped her at the market because she wanted to buy food to cook dinner for us!” he threw his hands in the air, walking past his brother to sit in his previous chair.

“And you let her?!” Dean exclaimed, eyes going wide.

“Dean” Castiel spoke up in a firm voice, placing a hand on his friend’s shoulder “You need to calm down. (Y/n) is absolutely fine. She just went to buy food, when she’s done she’d pray to me and I would go take her. She is in no danger, don’t worry.”

“Damn it, Cas how can you not get it?!” he growled “I saw it! It was as if I was there! Watching! And I felt her panic, her fear!”

“What do you mean?” he frowned and although Sam didn’t say anything he was fast to grab his phone and dial your number.

“I mean I saw it happen, Cas! She- she was struggling and fighting an I could only watch but do nothing. She called out for me but not because she saw me. She was taken by demons!” Dean was by now shouting, and pacing back and forth. He ran a frustrated hand through his hair as he looked around him, lost.

“Dean!” the angel’s voice boomed through the room “I know that with the Mark of Cain you are constantly on edge and worrying but you don’t have to! (Y/n) is absolutely fine, she’s alive and safe. You must relax, you are not helping in the situation at all. It was just a dream. Just a nightmares Dean!”

Dean swallowed thickly, rubbing his eyes “Just a nightmare.” he mumbled, repeating the word in a way of trying to convince himself of it.

“Uh guys.” Sam’s voice was heard and Dean’s eyes snapped in his direction.

He swallowed thickly, looking between the two men as Dean spoke “What?” he breathed out “What is it Sam?”

Sam hesitated, swallowing thickly before uttering the dreaded words that made Dean give a look at both him and the angel.

“ _She’s not answering her phone.”_


	14. Chapter 14

~Six hours earlier~

“You really should have a talk with Sam.” you mumbled and Dean only raised an eyebrow at you.

“You know that if it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t have found the courage to speak to you Dean.” you exclaimed and he sighed, leaning his back against the headboard.

“I probably should.” he mumbled and you gave him a soft smile, putting away the first aid kit “Haven’t had the chance to tell him all the things I wanted to.”

“When you’re not busy pulling on your stitches.” you gave him a look and he only chuckled.

“Sorry I just- I guess I wasn’t thinking.” he mumbled and you scoffed.

“When are you?”

“Look who’s talking!” he defended and although you tried to fight it you smiled at him.

“Dean” you spoke but this time your smile fell.

“Why don’t I like the sound of that?” he asked in a low voice, trying to laugh it off but failing.

“No it’s just-” you bit on your lower lip “I still think I should apologize. I haven’t enough.” you admitted and heard him let out a sigh as well.

“Sweetheart, look we both have made mistakes and yes we will keep doing so. But if there is one to blame more thenthat’s me. You shouldn’t take it all up on yourself.” he shifted slightly but before he could get up you placed a hand on his arm and stopped him.

“No Dean you’re not. You- you have been waiting for this for long, and it’s alright if you can’t admit it but I- I know it. And what I did was just wrong in every way. I was the one that hurt you when you only jumped in the way to take a bullet for me.”

“You know I’d do it all over again if I had to.” he mumbled and you gave him a half smile.

“I know you would.” you sighed, letting out a chuckle “Because you are not only stubborn but incredibly selfless. How is that even possible I can’t believe.” you whispered and Dean only shook his head at you.

“No, I’m not. It’s what anybody would do.” he still avoided looking in your eyes and this time you were the one that shook your head.

“No, not anybody.” you whispered, both of you shifting so that you were sitting next to each other with your shoulders touching “But I guess that is still part of you. Modest… when it comes to certain things that is.” you added with a giggle as he chuckled.

He stared down at his hands for a moment lips pursed which made you frown at him.

“Everything alright?”

“Honestly?” he whispered and you nodded your head with a tight smile “It’s just not this, (Y/n).” he sighed and you frowned.

“You know so much about me and I… I don’t.” he clenched his jaw, frowning at himself but you only looked at him with a sad smile.

“You know, there is always getting to know each other right?” you whispered an he let out a breathless laugh “Dean I- I honestly don’t think there is much in me to know, and I now realize there is a whole lot more in you to know at the same time. But there is time for-”

“Is there?” he asked in a rough voice and before you could question him you saw how his hand was clenching the Mark of Cain on his arm. You felt your throat close and didn’t dare to even look him in the eyes.

“There is.” you whispered “There will be. I know that this is hard but we will fight it and we will find a way to get rid of this, together.”

“Did… your Dean ever get rid of it?” he frowned and you pursed your lips. You knew that even the smallest hint could probably change the whole sequence of the story and with what would happen in the end of this you didn’t want to take that happiness from him, or Sam.

“I- don’t really know. I was just at the beginning of season 10 before I was zapped here.” you gave him a tight smile at which he frowned for a second but shook off.

“Yeah well, as of now I’m only seeing Cain was right and freaking out to be honest.” he breathed out a pained laugh and you gave him a worried look.

“What- what do you mean?” you swallowed thickly and he let out a long sigh, looking right in front of him for a moment.

“Before I killed him-” he started.

“You- you’ve killed him?” you stuttered and he gave you a pained laugh.

“Yeah, I guess spoiler alert huh? Well-” he cleared his throat “-before I killed him he said things that, that I had forgotten about since the first time I met him.”

“What about?” you whispered, glancing down at him rubbing the mark with his thumb.

“Colette” he breathed out the name and your eyebrows shot up “She was his soulmate.”

“Really?” you breathed out and he nodded his head.

“Yeah Cain said that she- she was the only one that could see right through him, that she could see a great man and not a monster. And that he-”

“Tried to be the man she saw him as.” you completed his sentence and he nodded his head.

“But he failed.” he spoke back and you frowned deeply “He failed (Y/n) because the Mark wouldn’t let him rest.”

“Dean, no” you breathed out and he ran a hand down his face.

“Yes, (Y/n) yes. It took over. Once Colette was dead he- spiraled down. He tried to fight it but without her he failed. And he told me he- he knew it was bound to happen. Whenever she wasn’t around he felt himself getting deeper under the Mark’s spell. Whether it was a small fight or- or the most stupid argument, when she wasn’t around, he felt the mark come back to life. There were times that he- he lost total control and-”

“No. No Dean, just no.” you said as firmly as you could, quickly taking his hands in yours ad he turned to face you “You are not going to to hurt me.” somehow you knew that those were the words he didn’t dare say out loud “I am going to beabsolutely fine. Because we-” you took in a deep breath “We are not going to talk about it- this… us, it is not Cain and Colette. It is much much more.” you breathed out and he looked down at your hands.

“But still, it’s the same. I- I know how I am at peace, the Mark is at peace when you are around because I- I can’t think about anything else but-” he swallowed thickly not daring to say the word – that small word, _**you**_ – “-But that still doesn’t mean that we are much different.”

“No, Dean. Maybe not yet. But we will be in the end. This is not going to end the way Cain and Colette’s story ended. Because there is no way I am going to let you die by any means. You are not going to have the Mark of Cain for the rest of your life, we will find a way to get rid of it and until then you are going to fight it because you can and will- Do I need to repeat myself? I think you remember clearly what I told you just a day before.” you mumbled and he let out a shaky sigh, a small smile resting on his lips.

“Cain said that she was the only thing that kept him steady and going. The light in his darkness.” he mumbled, his eyes casted down to your hands in almost a shy way that made you smile “Talking about cheesy huh?” he breathed out a somewhat nervous chuckle.

You bit your lower lip, a warm feeling spreading through your chest “Yeah but I mean… it was true, right?”

“Yeah, yeah it was. He really was able to control it when he had her.” he shrugged softly and you sighed.

“And… are you? Able to control it I mean?” you asked tentatively and before you could get a response he squeezed your hand, giving you a small smirk.

“What do you think?” he asked softly and you looked at him shyly before in the end he grinned at you “I mean apart from when you are not being a pain in the ass- ow!”

“Look who’s talking!” you exclaimed a grin spreading on both your faces as you hit his shoulder.

He chuckled with a shake of his head “I’m being honest, though. I really am… A-and it scares the hell out of me.” he breathed out, looking down in almost defeat.

“Dean I am going to be fine, alright? We both are. You will fight this, I know it. And now that I am here and know the truth, don’t you ever doubt that I will leave you. Besides-” you offered him a small smile “We’ve got a long car ride to go to, remember?”

He breathed out a chuckle “Not gonna forget it, no matter what. I’ve got lots of things to ask you anyway we probably should make sure to take some time off together.”

“If this is Dean Winchester asking me on a date then I tink I better prepare myself cause-”

“Well, would you want to?” he cut you off with a smirk and you breathed out a chuckle, but once you saw the seriousness in his face your smile fell. You had to keep your eyes from widening but you did hold your breath. You bit your lower lip, looking down at your hands.

“I’m a Dean-girl, I told you and I can’t take it back. But this is kinda up to you. Don’t expect me to make the first move, especially with you.” you mumbled and heard him let out a deep chuckle.

“Haven’t you already?” he raised an eyebrow and as soon as you saw the look on his face that’s when realization downed on you.

You quickly blinked and looked away, tucking a few strands of hair behind your ear nervously. Of course he was going to mention the two of you’s first kiss. You gave him a sheepish shrug “Yes but you made the second move, so we’re even.”

“I’d be very glad to make the third move to be honest.” he shrugged and you bit your lower lip “Unless you’re scared you’re gonna blush even more so-” he added with a teasing chuckle and you groaned at him.

“Not helping Winchester!”

“Sorry, sorry!” he raised a hand in surrender as the other wouldn’t let yours “Swear, no more teasing. But-” he let out a small sigh “-Would it sound that bad if I asked you to?”

You blinked, your head snapping in his direction and you mouth fell open “Re-really?”

He shrugged softly “I mean if you want to? We’re probably gonna have a first date sooner or later.”

“You- _you_ want to go out on a date… with me?” you breathed out in a shaky voice and he clenched his jaw for a moment.

“I’m going to accept the fact that you are surprised at me wanting to go out on a date, seeing as it is not my style.” he breathed out a laugh “But I won’t take you having doubts about yourself for a second you hear me?” he said the last words with a small growl and you chewed on your lower lip.

“It’s just- I’m sorry but you are… you.” you breathed out a laugh and he only frowned “And I’m me Dean! It’s just, I know I might be your soulmate but other than that-”

“What? What do you think would be different then?” he pulled his hand from yours giving you a look of disbelief “You think I wouldn’t find myself interested in you? That I wouldn’t turn to give you a second look? Well, sorry sweetheart but you’re wrong. Very much so.”

“Sorry, I’m really sorry.” you whispered, taking hold of his hands, giving into that part of you that still craved to be in as much in contact as possible with him practically every moment “I’m just not used to this, Dean. That’s all… I told you, life hasn’t been all that easy on me either. And sometimes it’s just… hard to think I’d deserve anything good.”

“I know.” he swallowed thickly, giving your hands a squeeze “But I need you to realize that you do. You deserve the best. Not that I am that but-” you gave him a look and he pursed his lips with a sigh “Yeah I know. Alright, I know.”

“I don’t know what I deserve, Dean, but I know that you- you deserve the best. If someone out there decided that it was me then… they must know something more right?” you whispered and he shrugged.

“Honestly I’ve lost all faith that somebody out there gives a crap about me or all of this in the first place but- I’m not gonna question it. There I a reason to all of this, there has to be. Look I thought of you being damned with me in the beginning and I tried to push you away but seriously? I don’t think I can manage with that.”

“Good” you whispered “Because neither can I.”

“…So should I consider that a yes?” he gave you a small smirk and you breathed out a laugh.

“Do you think I’d ever be able to give you a different question than that?” you looked at him shyly and a wide grin spread on his lips. One that was rare but true nonetheless.

“I guess no, huh?” he whispered but didn’t expect an answer as both your eyes casted down at your hands.

“It still feels so weird to even look at it.” you mumbled and he followed your gaze to his tattoo – part of it at least – that you could see from where you stood.

“Takes some time to get used to it.” he muttered and you gave him a subtle nod.

“Did you? Get used to it fast I mean.” you whispered, not taking your eyes off the ink on his wrist.

“I grew up expecting it to appear and then well I carried on holding onto it, and the thought of meeting you.” he whispered, his eyes gazing into yours.

You nodded your head softly “Guess I don’t really know the feeling.” you said sadly and he gave your hand a squeeze.

“(Y/n), no don’t say that ple-”

“Dean come on.” you swallowed thickly, looking up at him “We both know there isn’t a tattoo on my wrist, nothing to verify that I belong to you and- and the thought of no tattoo or a different one appearing- it scares the hell out of me because I-” you tried to keep in a whimper “-I don’t want it Dean.”

“No, no (Y/n) please.” he whispered, cupping your cheek with his other hand “We’re not gonna rush to make a decisionalright? And this comes from me, Dean Winchester.” he breathed out a chuckle “We’ll wait. We are going to wait for it to appear. Sooner or later you know it will. Look yes you were in a different universe but- mistakes happen you know? And maybe this was one of them. But you- you coming here, that has to be somebody trying to make up for it. Whoever you believe in, I don’t judge.”

“You think?” you whispered and he kissed the side of your head.

“I know” he whispered in your ear and with a defeated and tired sigh you let your head fall on his shoulder.

“Then I will hold onto it until it appears too.” you whispered, looking at your own bare wrist.

“It will-” Dean whisper running a thumb over it, tickling your skin softly “It will at some point. And I’ll be here when it does. And you’ll get to experience it all for yourself as well.”

“I can’t wait for it.” you mumbled and closed your eyes for a moment, letting out a content sigh when he kissed the top of your head.

You opened your eyes just slightly to look down at his hand, his thumb was still rubbing your wrist and the gesture made you frown for a second. Until you realized it. It was the one your tatoo was supposed to be.

“How does it feel?” you whispered and he stopped his movement, raising an eyebrow at you.

“Oh it’s- I don’t really know to be honest.” he confessed and you frowned.

“Why?”

“Only when the soulmate touches the tattoo it has- an effect on the person. So I haven’t really had the chance to-” he swallowed “ _Experience_ it.”

“Oh” you breathed out, giving him a small nod of your head. You pulled slightly away from him and took his hand in yours to turn it so that you could fully see the tattoo.

“Can I?” you said in a voice barely audible that you doubted he’d heard you because of the small pause that followed.

“S-Sure” his voice sounded thicker than before and you heard him swallow for a moment.

“Are you really sure?” you whispered, turning to face him “I- I mean it’s your tattoo and I-”

“It’s your name, (Y/n).” he whispered, giving you a weak smile and you hesitated for a moment. You held his gaze for a moment before nodding your head.

It was true that ever since the moment you saw the tattoo on his wrist you had a greedy feeling you couldn’t describe. You just wanted to run your fingers over the letters again and again, in a way that would be hard to describe to someone from your universe at least. You felt your fingertips tingle as you brought your hand closer to his wrist and, despite the lack of your own, it was small signs like this that just made that spark of hope inside you turn into a flame. The hope of Dean Winchester being truly your soulmate.

“It’s really beautiful.” you whispered and a smile played on Dean’s lips.

“Took after the person.” he whispered as well and a laugh left your lips.

But you didn’t say any more. Instead you dared yourself and pressed your fingertips over the ink and instantly felt a smile spread on your lips. It wasn’t some particular feeling but it almost felt as if you were at home, like you were missing something but didn’t know it and you finally had it back. You grinned like a little child as you run your hands over the letters, tracing each and every one of them delicately and almost scared you’d do something wrong. Until you pressed down a little more and heard Dean take in a sharp breath. You got worried for a second and you wanted to look at him but somehow you knew he was absolutely fine. You felt it. And you felt at more peace as you ran your thumb over the black ink.

“They say-” you heard him swallow before he let out a trembling breathe “-they say that the tattoo is the manifestation ofthe other’s soul on one.”

“It’s the part of my soul… in you.” you whispered with a nod of your head and he hummed in agreement. And that was exactly what made you realize what this warmth was about, why it all felt like getting back something you’d long ago lost.

You gazed softly at the tatoo, pressing your fingers even more which only made him take in a sharp breath and this time you got more worried “Did I- did I hurt you?”

“No, no!” he rushed, taking hold of your hand before you could completely pull it away “No, I’m- It’s fine. It’s alright. Peaceful.” he ended up whispering and you gave him a sheepish grin.

“I know” you said with a small blush and he gave you a crooked grin.

You placed your fingers down on the tatoo again, trying and failing to keep yourself from grinning even more at the shuddering breathe that left Dean’s lips. You hadn’t realized it when you started bringing his hand closer to your face. Your eyes roamed every detail and you tried to take in every small one. You smiled subconsciously at how this all made you feel and you almost started feeling giddy to have your own tattoo appear. You could only imagine how Dean was feeling at this moment from the sounds he was making. Some of them even made you giggle because they totally were not human. Some made you blush even, much more than you already were because of how, well, intimate they were. His hand was shaking just slightly but you couldn’t really think why as you only wanted one thing then. And you did so.

You brought the hand closer to your face and pressed your lips on his tattoo without a single warning. Your eyes fell shut and you took in a deep content breathe as you felt a small tickle on your lips. You heard Dean let out a loud gasp but you didn’t pay much attention to it. You only enjoyed the skip of your heart as you kissed his wrist.

“Sweetheart” Dean’s voice was low and incredibly rough, but you didn’t listen much to him, too focused on his tattoo. Because one thought kept running through your mind. The same as when you found out about the tattoo in the first place.

“Sweetheart” his voice was equally husky and strained and with a small sigh of disappointment you pulled your lips away from his wrist, although your face remained close to his wrist anyway. It made you feel warm inside and content, your heart hammer inside your chest as kissed it but- the moment was cut short.

“ _Baby_ ” he said more urgently, his voice rough and this time you opened your eyes and slowly turned your head to look at him with a frown “I- I don’t think-” he stuttered breathlessly “I don’t think you should uh-” he swallowed thickly.

You frowned, tilting your head to the side “What…?” you trailed off as you took in the state he was in, eyes wide and him holding his breath.

“I uh-” he gave you a nervous chuckle “I guess I should have given you a warning before but uh- it’s-” he swallowed nervously once more, his eyes moving back and forth between yours until he shifted in his place and glanced down.

“We uh guess have a problem with uh-” he cleared his throat and once you followed his gaze you felt your own eyes go wide. A squeak left your lips and you practically jumped.

“Oh shit!” you exclaimed, clasping a hand over your wide open mouth before in the end burying your face behind yourhands “Dean I’m so- so so sorry!” you felt your face heat up.

He laughed nervously, before clearing his throat. He shifted in his place “No sweetheart, it’s alright. Really, I’m an adult. Not something I haven’t had to deal with before. I just- I guess this is quiet different though.”

You bit your lower lip, pulling your hands down slightly “M-meaning?”

“Well, this one is certainly going to need time taking caring of.” he cleared his throat, giving you an awkward grin and you bit harder on your lower lip.

“Dean I- I- didn’t know. I’m so sorry I just-”

“No princess, it’s alright. Just- give me about-” he cleared his throat, shifting more in his place and pressing his hands even more on his new… problem “A little while- long. I’m gonna need a long time. It’s-” he cleared his throat, laughing awkwardly.

“I’ll just, you know, go take care of it. But it’s better if we-” he laughed “-if you don’t- again-”

“Yeah, yeah I get it. I swear! Never again.” you stammered, feeling all the more embarrassed.

“Sure, yeah not anytime soon.But- but don’t say never sweetheart.” he chuckled and you had to keep yourself from lettingyour eyes widen.

“I’ll just-” he cleared his throat, giving you a nod “You go- do whatever you want, I might take… a while. “ he chuckled and you looked anywhere but him.

“Alright yeah change of subject-” he cleared his throat “Just make sure to keep Sammy occupied and I uh I’ll try to bequiet.” he chuckled and chewed on the inside of your cheek, fidgeting with your hands as you wouldn’t dare look him in the eyes without blushing fifty shades of red.

He only chuckled, winking at you before he kissed your red cheek “Might do this another time soon sweetheart, sure as hell is fun.” he chuckled and you breathed out a small laugh as he got up from the bed and left you alone.

You blinked, fanning over your face feeling all of a sudden bothered even by the small amount of clothes you were wearing. You had just given the one and only Dean Winchester a hard on and talked about him… working it off without you dying of embarrassment. Well that was certainly fun.

A small whine left your lips and you fell back on the bed and buried your face in your hands. Your burning face. Oh you definitely weren’t going to ‘work this off’ anytime soon like Dean.

~*~

“Hey” Sam breathed out with a smile as soon as he saw you.

“H-hey” you whispered, giving him a tight smile.

“Everything alright now?” he frowned, pushing his book back.

“Ye-yeah, really.” you said casually as you sat next to him “If we exclude the fact that I just gave your brother a boner.” you muttered in addition and Sam’s eyes widened.

“A- a what?” he snickered and you glared at him, feeling your face still burn.

“Not helping Sam.” you growled and he laughed more at your expression “How the heck was I supposed to know?!” you exclaimed and he breathed out another chuckle.

“You kissed his tattoo didn’t you?” he asked with a soft smirk and you sighed deeply, burying your face in your hands.

“Yes, at first I just wanted to touch it but I couldn’t help myself in the end and I- yeah. But I didn’t know it would have-that effect on him and right now I can’t even look him in the eyes!” you whined and Sam, although he chuckled, placed a hand on your shoulder.

“(Y/n) relax, knowing my brother he most probably joked about working it off and trying to be as quiet as he can.” he chuckled before he stopped himself “Oh gosh, I’m going to have nightmares now.” he made a disgusted face but shook his head and took another sip of his beer.

“Well, actually he did.” you sighed, letting your hands fall on your lap “But Sam! That doesn’t make it any more easier onme! A-and what about when we go out? Gosh I am going to make such a huge fool of myself!” you whined slightly again but Sam smiled.

“He asked you out on a date?” he breathed out and you nodded your head.

“Wow” he said “He is really taking this seriously huh?”

“I think he is.” you mumbled “And it scares me Sam. What if I don’t prove to be enough, huh? What if I end up being just adisappointment?”

“(Y/n), I highly doubt that is going to be the case.” he shook his head “It’s been a long time, ever since he got the Mark of Cain, that I haven’t seen him smile like this. But now with you- it’s like he’s found the hope he’d long ago lost. And that means a lot when it comes to him. You are not going to disappoint him (Y/n). Not you.”

“How can you be so sure?” you mumbled and he turned to face you.

“(Y/n) I know Dean maybe better than he knows himself. You- you are honestly all he’s been looking for all his life. He might not know it himself, yet, but you complete him. And in that way- you will never let him down. Hell, you already know he’d do anything for you and he only met you a few days ago.”

“Yeah he would. He already has, I guess.”

“Exactly.” he smiled widely “There is nothing, and nobody that will ever keep him away from you.”

“Nobody” you repeated softly, letting the words set in.

~Seven hours later~

“She’s not answering, Dean.” Sam’s voice shook and Dean felt his own heart leap up to his throat.

“Then try again! Try again damn it!” he roared, pushing past Cas and storming to his brother’s side.

“Dean she’s not- she’s not answering, though.” Sam swallowed thickly and Dean clenched his jaw.

“I said try again!” he shouted but Sam shook his head.

“Her phone is not working.” he breathed out the dreaded words and Dean clenched his fists by his sides.

“So much for being alright huh?” Dean growled, glaring at his brother who felt all the more guilty.

“Dean please-” Castiel started speaking but was cut off by said man.

“How the hell could you leave her alone?!” he roared, looking between them “What were you even thinking?!” he grabbed Sam by the collar of his shirt as the younger Winchester only looked at him in pain and understanding. Dean was going crazy at thinking he could be your undoing and Sam had already been through it.

“Dean” he said calmly “She needed some time to herself.” Sam breathed out the small confession you had given to him a couple hours ago “To think. To take it all in.”

“And you fucking let her be on her own? Just like that?” Dean hissed, although he did understand for most part how you felt he still was sick worried and thus angry.

“Of course Dean! She needed some time, I wouldn’t expect her to just go missing. I had given her a phone to contact us in case anything strange happened! Cas would go there and she’d be fine!” Sam said more sternly.

“And you think that would just solve everything!? That’s she’d be alright?!” he growled “She’s not a hunter Sam! Watching us could never prepare her for all of this! Hell by the time she realized it she would be long gone!”

“I just thought it was for the best.” Sam clenched his jaw as he pushed Dean off of him.

“She’s _my_ soulmate! _**My**_ soulmate Sam! Mine! Not yours! You don’t get to just decide what’s best for her! You have no right to! Especially behind my back!” Dean shouted, running a frustrated hand down his face.

“No, I don’t but she is a human being as well! She needed some time alone and I just let her have that!” Sam snapped back.

“Can we please calm down?” Castiel spoke in a firm voice “It is important we trace (Y/n) at this moment, and I am sorry to tell you but I am unable to!”

“What?!” Dean exclaimed “Why?!”

“She-” Castiel paused for a moment “-she must be warded against angels.”

“Well that’s just fan-freaking-tastic.” Dean said in a rough voice, rubbing his eyes that had began to water up.

“Dean” Sam said more softly, placing a hand on his brother’s slumped shoulder “She’s going to be alright.”

“How do we even know that Sam?” the older Winchester asked in a thick voice, his lower lip trembling as he looked up at his brother with a defeated look.

He was more scared than angry and, even if the Mark of Cain kept urging him, he just couldn’t stop thinking about you and your well-being.

“We do. We do, Dean. Not only because she is, well, her and a stubborn ass even to die.” Sam paused for a second as the word left his lips and Dean tensed, his eye widening for a moment “But also because she is your soulmate, Dean. She just isn’t going to go down like that. And as long as that tattoo is intact, no line over it, then we are not going to stop looking for her. Even for a moment.”

“We’re not going to stop looking for her.” Dean repeated mostly to himself as Sam and Castiel shared a look, before the younger brother looked at the older.

“We’re not going to stop looking for her.” he mumbled once more, placing a hand over his tattoo and rubbing his thumb on his wrist. His eyes shutting for a moment, as he swallowed thickly.

If he concentrated for a moment he could feel your heart beat along with his, a small sense of fear crawling up his chest and he knew it was all your feelings. But despite that, he at least was happy to be able to feel all of it. Because it only meant you were alive.

And he was going to find you.

~*~

A scream passed your lips as the knife dragged down your arm and cut your skin. You whimpered, shutting your eyes tightly as it was pulled away.

“Oh come on, you disappoint me. Whimpering like a little kid when I am only half done? I’d expect something more from Dean Winchester’s soulmate.” the demon snickered as he looked down at you with a satisfied smile.

“Why are you doing this?” you breathed out, fists clench as your entire body ached.

They had managed to cut all over your arms, stomach and shoulders, had stabbed your one leg and managed to beat lots parts of you as well. There was a deep cut running across your cheek that still stung, but then again your entire body was hurting. Your throat felt soar because of all the screaming and your vision was blury because of the tears. You were tieddown to a chair and shivering because of the cold water they had so generously poured all over you. There was even a torch nearby, you’d noticed, but were scared to look at it for more than five minutes.

“Why are we doing this?” he asked back looking at one of his many partners, of course he wasn’t alone, and he laughed “Have you not watched Supernatural? This is what we do!”

“Torturing and killing is what you do for the fun of it. But this is not like that. You’re keeping my alive for a reason. So I amasking- why?” you tried to be strong, hell you tried so so much, clenching your jaw to fight off the pain and glare up at the monsters that kept you there just like you should but… you didn’t have all the courage. You were scared and hurt and the only thing you wanted was to be safe, in Dean’s arms. Maybe you weren’t made for this after all.

“You’re a smart one, aren’t you?” he smirked, coming closer to you and you held your breath when the knife lingered over your neck “It’s because of him, sweetheart. It will always be because of him.”

“Dean” you whispered his name, still feeling warmth spread inside your chest.

“Yes, your soulmate.” he grinned “Who will go through heaven and hell to find you, and do anything to get you back safe and sound.”

“And you want to get him here. You’re just using me as a bait.” you muttered, wincing as the tears than ran down your cheeks stung on your wound.

“Bingo! And right before he can save you-” he leaned over the chair, face close to yours as he dragged the tip of his knife from your jaw, to your neck and down to your chest until he reached your heart “I’ll just kill you. In front of his eyes, so fast that he will feel your heart stop beating within his own chest. And then, there goes the rest.” he shrugged as if it was the most simple thing in the world.

“Well sorry to ruin it to you but you might be out of luck.” you glared at him, giving him a smirk “Unless you’ve noticed it, wrist is bare, no tattoo here. What tells you he will come for me?”

“Because, despite the lack of tattoo you are his soulmate, because of the way he feels for you. He’s been able to fight the Mark of Cain, it’s control and everything else- don’t you think we wouldn’t have caught sound of it?” he raised an eyebrow and you clenched your jaw, hurting but still feeling your heart soar at his words.

“So all we have to do is wait for him.” he added with a shrug “But you- you need to scream a little louder for him, yeah? Make that weird connection you two have stronger, and him to realize that you need him.” he sliced down your arm but you clenched your jaw, a muffled scream coming through. You refused to give him the satisfaction.

“Come on!” he roared “Call for him!” he insisted, pressing down harder “Call for Dean to come and save you! Call for yoursoulmate!”

You clenched your jaw and fists letting out a deep throaty scream, sobbing as tears run down your cheeks. But you refused to do what he wanted you to.

“Call for him to save you (Y/n)!” he growled “Call for him!”

“Enough” it was the other demon that spoke up “Stop” and he did “She won’t be able to keep calling for him if you finish her off already! Let her rest, she’ll definitely think about him and he’ll feel it. He’ll be here soon.”

“Hm” he scoffed, keeping the knife pressed down hard on you before he pulled it out. You let out a deep groan, swallowing thickly. You bit on your lip so hard that you could draw blood.

“Very well, get some rest beautiful. I’ll be back soon.” he grinned at you before letting the knife and you only kept your head down, eyes shut tightly.

Only when you heard a door slam shut you allowed yourself to let out a broken sob, whimpering as you opened your eyes and felt your chest shake. You tried to swallow down your sobs but failed.

“D” you whimpered, tears flowing down your cheeks. You almost choked on a sob.

You threw your head back, looking up at the dark ceiling your lower lip trembling as you prayed for anyone to hear. Your heart thudded in your ears as your entire body felt sore. Your lungs burned just like your skin and your throat was dry.

You let out a trembling sigh, tilting your head to the side and looked around you. Until your eyes fell down on your arms and legs. Blood soaked your clothes, your ripped clothes that was, and scars and bruises had formed all over. You were breathing heavily, struggling to hold onto something. Your eyes trailed down your arm, to your bounds until something caught your attention.

Your breath hitched on your throat and despite the pain your back straightened. In spite of the sounds and your sore muscles you leaned forward and with a groan shifted your hand, that was already turning red not because of the blood but because of the tight leather. You growled under your breath but moved your hand and despite the pain managed to push it forward so that you’d get a full view of what had previously caught your attention.

And a tear slipped at the sight that was not because of the pain. You felt your heart skip a beat as you looked at it again and again. Sure some blood was staining it but it was there.

_A tattoo that read nothing other than: **Dean Winchester**._


	15. Chapter 15

_A tattoo that read nothing other than: **Dean Winchester**._

You felt your throat close and your eyes sting with unshed tears. You tried to keep your sobs but failed miserably as the sight of the tattoo made your heart ache and at the same time soar like never before. Of all the times, all the moments, any moment, it could appear it now chose to. Now that you doubted you’d ever see Dean again.

A broken smile formed on your lips, despite the tears dampening your entire face. You closed your eyes, almost hating yourself for how you couldn’t stand to look at it anymore. You kept wishing for it to appear any second you were with Dean, you wanted so much to see the expression on his face, to feel what he would at the sight of his name on your wrist but of course that was not the case. It had to appear now that you were held captive and he wouldn’t be able to see it without you being dead that is.

“D” you whimpered, clenching your fists. You moved your arm so that you wouldn’t be able to look at it every moment you opened your eyes.

Who would have thought you’d come to this?

Something that you wanted and waited for so much and now… this.

It was almost hard to believe but even if you didn’t look at it, even when you didn’t think about it, you still felt it. It was if it was alive, something else living within you. You could almost feel another heartbeat besides yours, and it was just as frantic. Just as desperate. And just as broken and aching.

“Dean” you breathed out, your breath hitching on your throat when, as you closed your eyes, you felt his own fear. And you felt the tattoo burn on your wrist, making more tears well up in your eyes.

A soft glow appeared and you let a small whimper at being unable to grasp it and rub your thumb over it, trying to offer some sort of comfort at least. But no, you couldn’t. You were bound.

And only Chuck knew for how long. If not until the end of your life.

~*~

  
“Damn it Sam, damn it!” Dean growled, in desperation running a hand down his face.

“Dean please relax-!” Sam tried to stay calm but Dean’s behavior wasn’t helping at all.

“Calm down?!” he roared “How the fucking hell am I supposed to calm down when my soulmate is held captive and-” he cut himself off and shut his eyes as he felt his throat close at the stinging pain of flesh being cut. But it wasn’t his own and it wasn’t as it intense as it would be if it was for real. Because he knew it was all you.

He was partially glad he could feel what you did, to know that you were alive and alright, but at this moment it broke himbeyond repair to know how you were suffering. A kind of pain he knew you wouldn’t be able to take.

“Dean? What is happening to her?” Castiel asked in a deep voice, concern lacing his features.

“They are torturing her.” Dean breathed out, clenching his jaw and Sam stiffened as well.

“Gosh” he breathed out “We need to find her, immediately.”

“Yeah no shit.” Dean growled, his frustration showing.

“Dean, you know it’s not your fault this is happening to her.” Castiel said but the older hunter shook his head.

“Is it not?” he grumbled “Is it not Cas?! They wouldn’t even give her a second glance if she wasn’t my soulmate!”

“Dean we can’t have this talk now. If they are really torturing her- how long will she last? We need to hurry.” Sam cut his brother off, speaking carefully.

“But how the heck are we supposed to find her Sam?! Her phone is not on, Castiel can’t track her either. How do we even know where to look for?!” he roared and Sam sighed deeply.

“We do. We only need to think, but we’re not going to stop.”

“No we’re not.” Dean growled, running a frustrated hand through his hair “Damn it I shouldn’t have listened to you! I shouldn’t have!”

“What?” Sam breathed out, his eyes widening “What is that suppoed to mean?”

“That I let her get close to me, I let myself feel for her and in just a few hours she- she is in danger. Her _life_ is in fucking danger Sam! _**And all of it because of me**_!”

~*~

“And what the hell are we supposed to do with her after that?” you heard a voice say but you didn’t move your eyes, not only because you were exhausted but also because you needed answers for yourself.

“Kill her? Just like with him, it’s simple.” the demon that had been torturing you for most part spoke up.

“Do you even hear what you’re saying?!” the other hissed “The Winchester cannot be killed, he has the Mark of Cain. We kill him, he comes back with black eyes and ten times more dangerous. We hurt his precious little soulmate, demon or not, he will want revenge.”

“The Mark will urge him to, but he is no less dangerous now. Our main priority is to lure him here, then we keep him captive as well. They need more information.”

“They?”

“The Stynes.” he breathed out and you had to keep yourself from gasping, you were only glad they were not anywhere close to you but far behind you “They need information. Lots of it. They want to know more about the Mark itself, and this is the only way.”

The other scoffed “There was a fucking time when we did whatever the hell we wanted, not acted like puppets for a bunch of psychos.”

“Psychos or not they know what they’re doing. And they know what they’re looking for.” a third voice spoke up and you heard a door creak before slamming back shut.

“Which is what exactly?”

The third person, a woman, scoffed loudly “You are complete idiots. The Stynes collect, true and rare speciments. Tell me, when has any of the two of you morons seen something like this? The bond these two have?”

“The… bond?”

~*~

“Dean damn it!” Sam growled “When will you get? It’s not your fault! She chose to stay, she chose to be with you andthis- if there is one to blame then that is me! For letting her go completely alone without taking any precautions!”

“Yes but none of it would have happened if I hadn’t shown her my tattoo Sam! She wouldn’t have chosen to stay as you say if she didn’t know that she was my soulmate. She wouldn’t be in danger if I hadn’t told her who she was to me!”

“Dean” Castiel spoke firmly, drawing his attention “I’m sorry but- I need to tell you this is not the case.”

“What?” Dean breathed out in a hoarse voice, looking at the angel with a deep frown.

“(Y/n) may have had doubts but, deep down in the end- she did want to stay. Even before you told her about the tattoo.”

“She- she wanted to stay?” he whispered “Why would she? If- if she didn’t have something- someone here to hold-”

“She wanted to stay here to help you.” Castiel breathed out and Dean’s back stiffened “With the Mark of Cain.”

“What?”

Castiel shrugged softly “She told me he was seriously thinking about it. That for some reason she couldn’t find it in herself to leave you. And that was before she knew that you were soulmates and while you were trying to push her away.”

“You mean him being an ass to her.” Sam spoke up, giving his brother a look who gave a defeated sigh.

“So what the heck are we supposed to do now huh? Either my fault or not she is in danger. We can’t stand here just like that.” Dean raised his arms in the air.

“And we’re not going to. But the only way we are letting _you_ -” Sam pointed a finger at his brother “-help, is by realizing that our main purpose is to get her back to stay. No trying to push her away or worse send her back without her consentbecause _you_ think it’s best for her, you hear me?! And no more of you blaming yourself! We don’t have time for that!”

“Fine, fine!” Dean growled “I won’t, as long as you stop giving me that look. But this- is going to go my way!” he pointed at himself “No buts and no ifs. I say something, we do it, this is my soulmate. And I got her into this, I am going to get her back. I will make sure to save her and you will help but it will go my way!”

“Fine, fine” Sam sighed “Your way it is, as long as you… keep that under control.” he pointed to the Mark of Cain on his arm.

“What do you mean?” Dean’s brows furrowed, although he knew very well what his brother was talking about. The Mark of Cain was roaring with life now that you were away and so was his rage.

~*~

“What bond?” the other asked.

The woman sighed in exasperation “They are soulmates, obviously, but when has any of the two of you seen something like that before?”

“The connection is strong.” one of them pointed out.

“It is. In the Biblical way.” she said, the grin evident in her voice “And we all know what that means. This is Apocalypse big, this is Darkness and God big, this is-”

“Darkness?” one cut her off “I thought that was all just a story.”

She scoffed “As if. It is much true and with the two of them here, the Mark of Cain on one’s arm and the Book of the Damned, the Stynes will finally have all they’ve been looking for.”

“Which is?”

“No spoilers.” she smirked “And none of your business. Tell me, does any of you knows that she wasn’t even in ouruniverse up until recently?”

“I thought that was some mistake or something.”

She scoffed “Mistakes don’t happen when it comes to soulmates. Especially those two. Soulmates are meant to meet, one way or another. And those who don’t in life, they do in heaven. But all of them meet no matter what timeline or place. Cheesy like hell but it happens-”

One of them scoffed “I met my soulmate. She was a stripper-” he chuckled “-and I demon. Didn’t know that would be the way we’d meet. But it was fun… and then I killed her.”

“Lucky you. Mine killed me.” the other man scoffed “She was soulless. Literally.” he shrugged and you heard the womangroan.

“Point is-” she raised her voice slightly “-these two, little old Winchester and miss pretty eyes, were meant to be from the beginning of time.”

“Then… why was she in a universe where there are no soulmates to begin with?”

“It’s simple!” she laughed “Man upstairs made it happen that way.”

~*~

“You know very well what I mean Dean.” Sam clenched his jaw “(Y/n) hasn’t been gone for long and that- that thing is burning up with life. Do you even think you can keep your cool during this or will you be one more distraction?”

“You can’t be serious.” Dean scoffed but still avoided ey-contact.

“Is that the case, Dean?” Castiel asked with a frown but Dean only swallowed, shifting uncomfortably as he looked between the two men.

“What? Come on guys, I got this under control! I’m fine, why wouldn’t I? Oh yeah I forgot the fact that my soulmate is hurting and we are here talking about bullshit!” he growled but Sam kept a clenched jaw.

“You are not going to change the subject on me, Dean. We will find (Y/n), and she will be fine I know it. But I won’t beentirely sure if when- when we kill our way in that she will be safe.”

“What?! You can’t really suggest I would ever hurt her! Me hurt her?”

“Yes Dean you!” Sam threw his hands in the air “The Mark’s got a hold on you whenever (Y/n) is not around and that is _exactly_ because you are worried about her and angry at the monsters that took her! How can I be sure that in your rage you won’t accidentally hurt her?!”

“You will Sam, you have to, damn it! Because it’s (Y/n)! There is no way in hell I’d ever hurt her in any way!” Dean roared “And yes I may be angry, and oh those bastards will pay for what they did that I’ll make sure of but her- like hell would I ever do anything to her! But you-” he pointed a finger at Sam “-have no right to keep me away from this, and you won’t!”

“Dean” Sam spoke more carefully this time “The Mark is already urging you, for you to come with us you need- you _need_ to be calm. No rushing or doing whatever you want.”

“Fine damn it fine!” he growled “I’ll go pack some stuff to be ready, we are not losing any more time to stupid bickering.” he snarled, pushing past him with an angry expression.

~*~

“Why though?”

“Simple: to protect her.” she said simply “Because she was special, still is. Which is exactly why the Stynes want her. Like, imagine if you’d have a special book, with which you could kill every angel within a hundred miles. Wouldn’t you try to keep it safe for nobody to take until the right time came?”

“I know I’d use it.” the one shrugged and she groaned.

“Not the point. Thing is, miss perfect over there is the Keeper of Balance just like her man is the Firewall between Light and Darkness. But she is the Keeper to all beings on Earth, while Winchester is for angels and demons.”

“So that’s why the Stynes want her. To study her.”

“Bingo! Only they know what they could get out of her and that tattoo on her arm. The energy is strong in it, that is very much obvious. And combined with the hunter’s- mhm.”

“So why was she brought here if she could be in danger in this place?”

“I guess someone making up for their mistakes. But point is why she was put away in the first place. Simple-” you heard the sound of “Big man did put Darkness away with the help of his archangels but not completely. The Darkness was able to reach out in a way to the closest thing and that happened to be missy over here. Just… not in her current form.”

“Then what form?” one laughed “What was she? And angel or something?”

“Angel? Hm” she paused “No. Of course not.”

“Archangel, that yes.”

~*~

“Stupid piece of crap” Dean growled, slamming his computer shut as Sam and Castiel shared a look.

“Dean, calm down.” Sam spoke carefully but Dean only glared at him.

“How the fuck am I supposed to calm down, Sam?! (Y/n)’s been taken and is most probably being tortured and all of it because of me and I can’t do a single thing to find her!” he roared, pushing back his chair so roughly that it fell down.

“Dean, there is not much you can do. There was a chance but the phone cannot be traced at all. They must have destroyed it.”

“Well that’s fan-freaking-tastic.” he grumbled, running a frustrated hand down his face.

“We need to get going though.” Sam sighed, closing his laptop “Cas maybe we can go to where you left her and then move on from there.”

“I suppose it would help.” he said softly.

“Then what the hell are we waiting for? Let’s go!”

“No, hey hey Dean!” Sam rushed, placing a hand on his brother’s shoulder “I need to talk with you, and this time I really want you to listen to me.”

“Sam we don’t-”

“I know we don’t have time, Dean but this is important. We don’t know what we’re going to face when we get in there, we don’t know what it might be. And we don’t know what it might trigger. But you- you need to keep this under control. And you- you will have to kill, Dean. You will be forced to.”

“What’s your point Sam.” he asked impatiently, in a slight groan.

“This! This is exactly what I’m talking about Dean! You need to calm down! You are already on edge. You get angry with every little thing. I know you want (Y/n) back, but so do I! And we won’t be able to save her if you’re not calm and collected. You act on impulse, it might put her in more danger than she already is! Do you want that?!”

Dean swallowed thickly, his eyes casting down and he glanced at the tattoo in his arm “No” he whispered in a broken voice “No, I don’t want that. I want to save her Sam.” he breathed out, finally looking up at his brother with a broken and defeated look “I need to save her Sam” it almost came out in a plea.

“We will Dean.” Sam said more softly, squeezing his brother’s shoulder “We will, and you’ll soon have her in your arms again.”

“I sure as hell hope so.” he breathed out, trying to keep his lower lip from trembling but failing.

~*~

“She is a what? Then what the hell are we-”

“Relax.” she sighed “I said was, but not anymore.”

“Can an archangel stop… being one?”

“Everything is possible when your father is God. He turned her grace into a soul, put it away until he started working on Adam and Eve. And well, when her time came she was born too, no memory of the past or anything. Absolutely human.”

“Then how come the other angel, Castiel, doesn’t recognize her? Shouldn’t he be able to, in a way?”

“Beats me. But my guess is that she must have been from the very first ones, and put away just a little after the Darknesswas locked away. Not many might have gotten to know her to begin with.”

“She is really a rare speciment.” one mumbled and she hummed in agreement.

“Exactly. Of course she is 100% human but an archangel’s grace turned into a soul? That needs to be studied.”

“Yeah but there is something I don’t get. Why did the Darkness reach out to her? It can’t be only because she was close.”

“Some say there was an archangel that was able to help Lucifer with the Mark for some time. That she did manage a lot for some time but he unfortunately succumbed. Angels have it that it was from the first archangels at that, but not known to many. I’m guessing the Darkness wouldn’t want one that can have that power alive.”

“Right but what about the soulmate part? If she was created before the Winchester she can’t be his soulmate for real.”

“Well…”

~*~

“So this was the place you saw her get taken by the demons?” Sam asked his brother and Dean nodded his head, his hand not once having left his arm where he kept rubbing softly.

“Y-yeah the bastards lured her to that alley and-” he stopped himself swallowing thickly.

Sam gave him a tight smile, placing a hand on his shoulder “Dean- we’ll get her.”

“Yeah well, point is if she’ll be alive or-”

“She will. She is a stubborn ass and your soulmate. She’s most probably get on their nerves and they will want to leave her alone instead of torture her or something.” Sam tried to reassure him although he saw that Dean was having a hard time believing it.

“I sure as hell hope so.” Dean sighed in defeat. He didn’t want to let himself down but he could feel your pain, and not just emotional one. Sure there were no wounds on him but that didn’t mean he couldn’t realize by the all too familiar stinging that they were torturing you.

“We need to hurry Sam. I don’t know for how long she will last. They- they are-” Dean stopped himself swallowing thickly and Sam gave him a nod.

“We will.”

“She was taken here.” Castiel’s voice caught the two hunter’s attention

~*~

“She was an archangel, to turn all that juice into a soul should have taken time. Some more than a normal soul gets created in the first place. So of course, when the time came for the final construction, the Winchester was made as well. Hence the tattoos, the skipping hearts, the sweaty palms and all the stuttering and blushing that makes this look like it’s come out of the cheesiest romance.”

“She’s human now, though-”

“Not a single trace of archangel juice sadly.”

“-but her bond with the Winchester has nothing to do with that, does it?”

“No” it was the other man that breathed out “No, it doesn’t. It never did. It’s because- because when her soul was created, his as well, someone- _someone_ in specific was watching over.”

“Yeah, they are Bound by Light or whatever those stupid cupids say.” she said, her voice laced with disgust.

“They say-” the first man spoke up “-that everything that happens, or most of it, is written down- means to happen one way or another.”

“So what- is this that damn older Winchester getting his happy ever after?” the other scoffed and the woman sighed.

“Maybe that’s the case.” she mumbled but this time-

This time you held your breath. And not just because of what they said. Not because of the words they had exchanges all this time and not because of the overwhelming piece of new information. Not because of the fact that Amara being set free would possibly be your worst nightmare and not because despite your efforts Dean would probably succumb to the Mark of Cain, just like Lucifer had, and not because of how despite everything in a way you were meant to be Dean’s happy ever after. His happy ever after. That you were in the end, and your heart skipped a beat at the mere thought.

But because she was approaching and placing a knife on your cheek, whispering in a eery voice “Well, good morning sunshine.”

And she cut down deeply, making a scream leave your lips.

~*~

“The phone” Sam breathed out as he took in the sight.

“That’s why we couldn’t reach to her.” Dean said in a low rough voice, looking all around him “It’s broken.”

“Yeah, but it didn’t just fall. Look-” Sam pointed “There are pieces everywhere!” he breathed out and Dean clenched his jaw.

“Yeah because those sons of bitches broke it.” he growled.

“On purpose.” Sam breathed out in addition as he knelt down, picking a piece.

Dean walked forward towards the sprawled bags on the ground, the food laying there in a mess. He knelt down, picking at the bags until he felt his breath hitch on his throat. He tried to swallow the lump in his throat but failed. He felt his heart tighten inside his chest as he took in the sight of two pies. No guess Sam had previously forgotten them. He shut his eyes tightly and turned his head away, feeling for a moment a second frantic heartbeat other than his.

“Dean” Sam spoke softly but Dean didn’t say a thing.

Instead he got abruptly up and cleared his throat as rubbed his eyes “I’m fine Sam” he said in a rough voice but still kept his back turned to his brother.

He walked towards Castiel and following his gaze he looked down at the ground “Blood” he breathed out and the angel nodded his head.

“Do you think it’s hers?” Dean asked in a low voice, his fists clenching by his side.

“It seems so, I guess.” Castiel said carefully as Dean’s gaze only hardened.

“Once I get them in my hands I’m gonna make sure I will spill every bit of blood of theirs as well.” he growled and Castielsighed, knowing that for most part he was right at the moment.

“Dean” he said with a small sigh “(Y/n) is alright. She is alive, that much we are sure of.”

“Yeah, but at what cost Cas?” he gave him a hard look “Suffering and hurting for my own sins? Shedding her blood for- for _me_?” he scoffed, shaking his head.

Castiel only pursed his lips, looking down at the ground. He knew the only way Dean would be able to rest was not only to get you back safe but to also hear you didn’t blame him for it. Not that he was going to forgive himself for it anyway.

“Uh guys!” Sam’s voice was heard from far behind, neither Dean nor Castiel having noticed when he’d turned a corner and walked away from them “Come here! Quick!”

“I think I found something.”

~*~

You tried to keep your sobs in, and your whimpered but as she slashed down on your skin the pain was so hard to bear. You clenched your fists as she grinned down at you.

“Why-” you panted “Why are you doing this?” you whimpered as she pulled away the knife for a moment “If it’s theStynes that want me then what- what are you getting out of it?” you looked up at her, your head hanging low.

“I think you’ve already heard enough sweetheart.” she shrugged “I really hope you found that piece of information usefulcause there ain’t any more.”

You practically held your breath when she brought the knife closer to you “But of course I suppose nothing else matters as long as you are Dean Winchester’s soulmate, right? Oh I can’t wait for him to come play hero, we sure have a surprise for him.”

“You won’t-” you snapped “-You won’t hurt him.” you growled and she laughed.

“And who will stop me? You? Sorry sweetheart but unless you noticed, you’re pretty much bound down here.” she shrugged “But don’t worry, until he comes to your rescue which he will-”

“How can you be so sure?!” you cut her off, snapping. Of course he would come, you knew it and you could feel it but you needed to help him in some way. And for the moment this was the only one.

“Come again, little one?” she said in a dangerously low voice.

You swallowed thickly, eyeing the knife in her hand “How can you be so sure he will come for me? How do you even know Dean Winchester would care to come and save me?”

“You are doubting he will? You are soulmates!”

“That barely know one another! I wouldn’t blame him if he gave up when he couldn’t find a single clue to get to me.” you shrugged, although even the smallest movement hurt “As far as I remember you broke the phone and left nothing that could show were I am. And considering those sigils, I am most probably off Castiel’s radar as well.”

“That you think huh?” a wide smirk formed on her lips and a worried expression took over.

~*~

“Talk you son of a bitch!” Dean’s voice roared as his fist collided with the demon’s face who thanks to the devil’s trap they had sprayed couldn’t smoke out.

“Dean” Sam said in a warning tone but the older Winchester didn’t even listen to him.

“Where is she?!” he gave him anther punch before the demon could utter a word. He spat the blood to the ground and gave him a satisfied grin.

“Bite me” he laughed as Dean growled.

He started searching through his jacket for the demon knife but before he could do anything Sam grabbed him by the shoulder and pushed him away “No, hey! Hey! Dean stop, that’s enough!”

“Sam is right, Dean.” Castiel too gave him a hard look “Right now he is our only lead. We were lucky to find him unconscious and here before he could leave.”

“Yeah thank your bitch for that!” the demon said loud enough so that they could hear.

Dean growled at him “Oh you bast-”

“No, Dean!” Sam held him back as Dean still snarled at the demon.

“He knows where she is Sam!” Dean exclaimed and Sam clenched his jaw.

“I know that Dean, but we don’t need to kill him before he’s said anything.” Sam slightly hissed as Dean pushed him back with a huff.

“They left you behind.” Castiel noted and all men looked at him “They left you for a reason.” he narrowed his eyes and Dean immediately turned to glare at him.

“Don’t think you know everything angel boy. If it wasn’t for that skank-”

“Watch your tone!” Dean roared, his eyes burning with rage at the mere word. He was literally holding himself back from attacking the demon and slicing him to pieces.

“And what are you gonna do about it?” he smirked up at him as Dean let out an almost animatistic growl, his eyes staring coldly at him.

“Oh I’m gonna have so much fun killing you.” the demon said in a low voice that could scare anyone at that moment.

“Yeah, but unless you forgot it you are the one tied down and I am the one holding the knife.” Dean gave him a grin “And you better start talking soon. As of _now_.” he growled, going completely serious.

“And what if I don’t?” he raised an eyebrow.

Dean let out a a low growl as before Sam could stop him he attacked the tied demon and punched him once more.

“Where is she you bastard?!” he roared, punching him once more as Castiel held back the younger brother and prevented him from stopping Dean.

“Bite me” the demon spat and Dean glared at him before slicing down with the demon knife.

“I’ll ask you one more time, and if you don’t answer I’ll be less gentle.” he said slowly “Where. Is. My soulmate?!”

“To hell I hope” he hissed and Dean scoffed a laugh before going completely serious and punching him once more. His fist was bloody by now but most of it belonged to the tied down monster.

“Dean! Dean enough!” Castiel, now holding the hunter back himself.

“Look the sooner you start talking the better this will be for everybody!” Sam said “We are not going to leave it to this and you know it. Just tell us where they took her.”

“And what if I don’t know?” he shrugged as Sam scoffed.

“You do, let’s not play this game now alright?” he said “Talk. All we need is a location.”

“And why give it?” the demon scoffed “So that your brother here can slice me up? Sorry not gonna happen.”

Sam narrowed his eyes for a moment, as did Castiel. They shared a look and-

“You will.” Sam said matter of factly, finally catching up to what Castiel has began thinking, a smile forming on his lips “Because that’s why you are here. That’s why they left you here in the end. To tell us where to find them.”

The demon swallowed thickly, as he looked finally seriously at the men in front of him.

“Because they want us to find her.” Castiel concluded.

~Two hours later~

Of course they did. Of course they planned on it. And of course all three men realized it was a trap. It had to be a trap, there was no other explanation. But it didn’t seem to matter much, to Dean at least.

He drove like crazy, passing any traffic light and not giving a single care about the signs. Not to mention when they had arrived. Any sort of plan Sam and Castiel had talked about seemed to vanish completely as Dean didn’t even stop a minute. Much less leave any demon alive for Sam or Castiel to handle.

But that was not the most worrying part of all. It was not Dean’s recklessness, nor how he completely ignored Sam orCastiel as they shouted for him. Because that was completely undebatable, that’s how he always was; especially when someone he cared for was in danger. But it was the way he killed every demon that made even Sam and Castiel feel scared.

He didn’t stop. Didn’t hesitate. Didn’t even think. He was in rage, total and utter one. He killed most of them, fighting non-stop. And he didnt even try to control it, no. He only let his anger out. He let the monster out and killed every demon that came in his way. Blood was by now coating most of his clothes and despite the cuts and bruises he had himself, he didn’t seem to care.

But he didn’t stop until-

He burst through the door and felt his heart lap to his throat as he stared right in front of him.

“(Y/n)?” he breathed out in a desperate voice and you felt a wave of fresh tears come to you.

“Dean” you whimpered, not even being able to turn your head to look at him.

“Well look who’s finally here!” another voice rang and Dean’s senses were sharp once more. A small growl left his lips as he held the knife tighter in his fist.

“Been waiting for you, Dean. (Y/n) was quiet bleeding in anticipation you know.” she said with a smirk and Dean only let a deep growl.

Your eyes widened and your breath hitched on your throat. You’ve been feeling it. Feeling him get closer to you, your tattoo – gosh you really had one now yourself – was pumping with life. You could feel a second frantic heartbeat that only made yours get faster. You could sense him, getting closer to you and you couldn’t help the spark of hope within you. Although at the same time you were scared of what could happen to him. But the moment he started getting closer to the room you were held- that’s when you could feel that as well. The Mark of Cain. It was urging him, you could sense it and it literally broke you. Not only at the effect it had on him but how Dean gave up. He gave up. He completely gave up and let it control him. He let it control him… to save you.

“You bitch” he growled and you shut your eyes, swallowing thickly although that too hurt.

“Dean” you said weakly “Please, no.” you whimpered, feeling the Mark lure him even more; only that it made you worry even more about the real Dean. However as he glanced at you for a second, a soft expression on his face, the demon took the advantage and attacked him.

He huffed loudly, letting out a groan when she knocked the knife out of his hands. You couldn’t even realize what was happening behind you but you felt hopefully when after a while of only groaning and things getting knocked out you heard Sam’s voice.

“Dean!” he roared and you swallowed.

“Sam! Sam here!” you shouted, a small sob leaving your lips; but still glad to hear his footstep coming closer as he ran.

“Dean no!” he shouted again but you guessed his brother didn’t hear him as you heard more groaning.

“And you! Late for the show huh?” another demon that you recognized as the one that was first torturing you and soon after that Sam’s groaning was heard as well as a slamming sound was heard.

“Sam” you whispered, closing your eyes shut as you felt more tears well up in your eyes.

“You boys! I though you were the best of the best!” the woman chuckled “I expected you to be here earlier! Especially you Dean! Considering miss over here is your soulmate I’d expect you to be faster! I mean almost three days in and you-”

“Shut up!” Dean growled and you held your breath.

“Oh someone’s on edge or what?” she laughed “Mark of Cain got the best of you without your sweetheart there huh?”

You didn’t hear a response from Dean as other that something crashing you heard more of her groaning and things being broken, as they obviously fought.

“Come on!” she taunted him “Thought you’d do better for your soulmate!”

“Oh I’ll show you better” he grumbled.

“I’m waiting for it pretty boy! Quiet honestly been waiting for long. So long that I actually took it out on your precious girl.” she laughed “Did you see the work I did on her? And oh, guess what! We also took turns, her face is unrecognizable and I doubt she’ll forget what pain means anytime soon!” she was obviously taunting him and you didn’t have to guess to know Dean was on the verge of tearing her apart. The Mark of Cain was making him so.

“Shut up.” he growled at her and no more words were exchanged.

No more were needed and didn’t take you long to realize that he lunged at her. They fought, as Sam and Castiel did the same with the rest of the demons. A chair flew right past your head and smashed on the wall right in front of you. You whimpered, closing your eyes and clenching your fists. Not only because you were scared of the outcome but also because of what you were feeling. Of what Dean was feeling.

“You wanted more bitch? I’ll give you more!” Dean roared as you heard him punch her “This if for taking her!” a punch “This is for taking her from _me_!” another punch “This is for torturing her!” another punch “This is for ever thinking you could lay a finger on my soulmate!” another punch “And this-” he stopped for a second “-Is for everything else!” and he kept punching, again and again.

“Dean” you whispered “Dean!” you cried out as you heard more punching but luckily he stopped once he heard you “Don’t do this.” you whimpered “You don’t have to do this, _baby_.” you whispered, trying to put on a smile on your face although he couldn’t see. You hoped he could at least hear it.

Dean didn’t say anything for a moment, his breathing heavy and you guessed every other demon was already dead. And you tried to smile, hoping he could feel it. But what he said next made a tear slip your eyes.

“ _ **Yes, I do**_.” he said in a gruff voice and soon after a piercing scream filled the room as he obviously stabbed her and killed her.

Silence filled the room once more and you clenched your jaw, trying to keep your tears in but failing at it. Sobs left your lips despite your best efforts and your entire body ached but above all your soul.

“(Y/n)” it was in a whisper and you slightly opened your eyes to look up at the source. Dean stood broken over you, his mental state matching that of your physical. So wounded.

You let a small sob past your lips before you could say another word and shut your eyes again, as tears rolled down your cheeks.

“It’s ok. It’s alright.” he whispered although he was probably trying to convince himself “I’m here.” he whispered as you sobbed more.

He untied you and no sooner where you free than you collapsed in his arms. You whimpered as you held onto him and he did the same. He clenched his jaw but you knew exactly how he was feeling.

“You shouldn’t have. You shouldn’t have.” you whispered, burying your face at the crook of his neck but he shook his head.

He pulled away slightly and stared into your eyes “I’m sorry” he mouthed as it seemed, his voice barely audible you doubted he said a thing, almost scared to look at you and see only disappointment. Because he already was at himself. He already was so disappointed at himself for letting it take over. He already was disgusted with himself at how he could do such a thing.

“No. No don’t.” you whispered, because although he didn’t say a word you knew how he felt. And you didn’t want him to.

He could definitely see the… fear in your eyes. And if not, then he definitely felt it. He had to feel it. But you willed yourself to be strong and push away all of it. This only meant how bad the situation was. And just how much Dean needed you.

“It’s alright, everything will be alright yeah?” you whispered as his lower lip trembled.

“It will” you repeated, with a small nod of your head. You brought your lips closer to his before pressing a chaste kiss to them. You heard a shuddering breath leave his lips and you shut your eyes, trying to swallow down your tears. He tried to move his lips against yours, the blood and wounds there making you hurt a little and although you knew he needed more you didn’t kiss him. You pulled away, Dean almost resisting for a moment, but you rested your forehead against his.

“Everything will be alright from now on, I promise.” you mumbled, rubbing your thumb over his cheek.

“(Y/n)” his voice cracked but you shook your head.

“No, no. This time no words.” you whispered, rubbing more over his cheek as he closed his eyes. He nuzzled his face in your palm, kissing it like it was the only thing holding him alive.

When he opened his eyes he looked straight into yours. You gave him a soft smile that made him feel even worse with himself but following your gaze his eyes moved to your arm. Which as much as he didn’t want to look at – the blood only reminded him of how guilty he was – he finally looked at. And he felt his heart leap to his throat.

His mouth hang open as he looked from your wrist to your eyes and back to the tattoo. A look of disbelief on his face. The black letters making his heart skip a beat and tears well up in his eyes.

_**Dean Winchester** _


	16. Chapter 16

He didn’t say anything. Not a single word. Was it guilt? Was it happiness? You would probably never know because his lips were sealed. It was like he shut down. One moment he was holding onto your hand, staring at the tattoo, with a tear running down his face as if he was seeing a miracle and the next… he was clenching his jaw and wiping away any kind of emotion from his face along with it.

For a moment you thought you had done something wrong to him, that maybe you shouldn’t have shown him the tattoo but you knew how much he wanted to see it appear, you had felt it yourself so it couldn’t be that. Something else was wrong.

But you couldn’t find out because he didn’t say a single word. He only cradled your broken body in his arms and without a single look to either Sam or Castiel he kicked open the door and walked out, carrying you straight to his car. You whimpered slightly when the cold air hit your body, goosebumps were more painful than ever before and you clenched Dean’s shirt in your fists as you felt your wounds sting and hurt. Dean glanced down at you for a second, a worried expression on his face but he rushed to wipe it away. He looked straight in front of him and clenched his jaw, his face going stoic.

You frowned both in pain and worry and although it hurt you, you buried your face in his chest; wincing slightly when one of your arms hurt. But then again it all hurt like hell. Your entire body did. For a moment you glanced down at yourself and a whimper left your lips, one that didn’t go unnoticed by him as he squeezed you in his arms.

Maybe you could understand, partially, why he had shut down now.

You felt a new wave of tears but bit your lip and shut your eyes to keep them in. With every heartbeat it felt as if each and every one of them pounded with life. You clenched your jaw, trying and failing to keep a sob in. Because you couldn’t let Dean hear it… even if he did.

Soon and before you could realize it you had reached the Impala, an uncharacteristic feeling of safety washing over you. Not that every other time you’d been in the car you didn’t feel at peace, with Dean next you that is, but this time it was more intense. And you knew it wasn’t just because you wanted out of that place as soon as possible. Not because each and every wall that was covered in blood and dirt made your stomach turn and your heart beat in fear and not because every second you continued spending in that place equalled to more pain and torture… or maybe not because you had seen a kind of Dean in there that scared you more than you wanted to admit. No, not just because of that. But just because of the tattoo on your arm and the fact that you could now feel everything Dean did more clearly.

Yes you had felt it before but now it was more clear. It was Dean’s feeling of safety and peace inside that car. His home. And it now was yours too.

A smile that actually hurt because of the split lip but still a true one that for the first time made happy tears well up in your eyes. And you only hoped he felt it as well. Maybe this way he could relax just a little bit.

Dean placed you inside the car in the backseat after Sam opened the door. You looked up, squinting because of the now rising sun, and gave Sam a small nod and smile. He returned it although you could see the sorrow and guilt behind it. You shook your head, trying to show him that you didn’t blame him and although he nodded his head you could see how he didn’t believe you.

“Drive” Dean said in a low and rough voice, one that unlike every other time brought chills to you but unpleasant ones. It was so cold. He threw the keys to Sam who gave him a worried look but the older brother ignored.

Your eyes followed Dean’s every move as he tried to place you down as gently as possible, although you winced and groaned every now and then. He wanted to bring a blanket but couldn’t find himself to leave your side so he took his jacket off and wrapped it around your shoulders. He helped you sit on his lap so that he could still hold you and have you rest your head on his shoulder.

His moves were careful and collected, his eyes hard and focused but his touch gentle as he tried his best to help you get comfortable with the least possible pain. Which was almost impossible when you were in this situation. You took a look at yourself and felt like throwing up. Cuts and deeper gushes covered your legs and arms. Your clothes were shredded and stuck to your body because of the blood and water. You could still find yourself shivering and as much as Dean wanted to help you he couldn’t do that. Even his light touches caused you pain and for that he stopped. He took in the sight of your bruised and bloody limbs and the gushes that ran even from your collarbone to your stomach.

You looked up at him when he brushed some wet strands out of your face. You could help a wince when he touched your, obviously, bruised cheekbone and at that he immediately stopped. He looked at you with sorrow, for the first time letting his true feelings show and you tried to offer his a reassuring smile. But it obviously did nothing.

He swallowed thickly, blinking away the tears you only now saw welled up in his eyes, and clenched his jaw. He shook his head, a small unspoken argument going on between the two of you, as if he could only tell you he didn’t forgive himself. And you knew he wasn’t going to, anytime soon… or ever for that matter.

“Dean” you whispered but he clenched his jaw and looked away, holding your hand in his but not looking down.

He was forcing himself to not look down. He was… punishing himself by not looking at the tattoo?

You opened your mouth to speak but couldn’t find the words to. He kissed your forehead and buried his face at the crook of your neck and you you decided against trying in the first place.

“(Y/n)” Castiel’s voice made you turn your head, although painfully, to look at him.

“I could always heal you if you want me to.”

“No, Cas.” you said, your voice coming out hoarse so you lowered your tone “No, I will be fine.” you gave him a weak smile “Dean’s gonna stitch me up and I’ll heal in due time. ‘Sides, what kind of hunter will I be without any marks?” you tried to say a little cheerfully and he and Sam gave you smile, although sad.

You felt Dean stiffen at your words but you tried to ignore it. Although it hurt you placed a hand over his and although it was a great contrast to his warm one, you tried to offer him some sort of comfort.

“I’m fine.” you whispered “I will be fine. I am Dean Winchester’s soulmate _and_ a fangirl. I am practically Wonder Woman.” you gave them a crooked grin and Sam breathed out a, somehow forced, chuckle.

“Alright then.” Castiel said in a low voice, although he shared a look with Cas.

You let a soft sigh, turning to Dean’s side. You slowly brought your hand up and cupped his cheek. He lifted his head slightly and looked at you, his green eyes glossy because of the unshed tears. He looked so tired and broken but above all in pain, more so than you were. You wanted to say something but couldn’t find the words. You rested your forehead against his and closed your eyes as he did.

And all you remember was a tear slipping your eyes before you were enveloped by darkness.

~*~

The first sound you heard was a beeping sound and the first thing you felt was, well, pain. A groan left your lips but you were thankful for how it hurt less than… the day before? You had no idea, you didn’t even know for how long you’d been out. But after the first feelings then came something warm, and it was such a big contrast to how cold your entire body was and you only guessed it was because of where you were currently lying. A warm feeling emitting from your hand. Or something else there.

With another small groan you tried to open your eyes. You knew that it was going to hurt even more but it would be nothing compared to the rest of your body. The first thing you noticed even through your blury vision was how bright it was, and the obviously white color made it seem all the more like it. Another groan, louder this time, left your lips and at that moment you heard some shuffling and moving inside the room. You blinked several times, your vision every time becoming less blurry and more focused.

“(Y/n)?” a low, rough voice caught your attention and although it hurt you turned your head to your side to lay eyes on the only man you wanted to see at that moment.

“H-hey” you gave him a weak smile and he did the same.

“Hey” he swallowed thickly, _trying_ to give you a smile.

“What happened? How long have I been out?” you whispered, blinking.

“About half a day. You passed out because of blood loss and because of the shock, you’re not used to this and the pain seemed to be too much to handle.” he said and his eyes casted down at his hands.

“Is that so?” you whispered “So much for having you stitch me up.” you mumbled but he only clenched his jaw, keeping his eyes casted down. Of course you took notice so you spoke again.

“I had read a fanfic about it.” you whispered with a lighter tone “Dean patches up Reader and to ease down her pain and as a reward for being strong with every wound he gives her a kiss.” you smiled when you heard him let out a chuckle; he ran a hand down his face to wipe out a stray tear before you could take notice of it. But you did.

“Is that so huh?” he asked in a rough voice, a smile on his lips despite his glossy eyes, as he looked up at you.

“Yeah” you giggled “And it ended in smut.” you winked at him and this time he laughed all the more.

But his laughter was cut short as he clench his jaw and swallowed thickly, his lower lip almost trembling as he looked at you with only regret.

“Hey” you whispered, your smile fading away as well “I didn’t say that for you to cry now on me. If you haven’t realized it I am practically making a move on you.”

“(Y/n)” his voice broke but you shook your head.

“No” you said firmly “No Dean.” you swallowed the lump in your throat “I told you it’s ok. I forgive you.”

“Yeah well-” his voice went hard “-I don’t forgive myself.”

“Stop it alright.” you felt tears well up in your eyes “Stop it.” you almost sobbed “This is on me, for not being careful and for not watching out and for going out all alone. But it’s over now, for most part at least. I don’t and will never blame it on you Dean. And if me getting tortured is because of you then-” you gave him a weak smile “Then I would gladly go through it again and again.”

“How can you say that?” he asked in a low voice.

“How?” you breathed out “Dean you- did you see this tattoo? You are my soulmate and this-” you shifted your arm to show it “It’s only the proof of it… of what I feel for you.” you whispered and he shut his eyes, turning his head the other way to not look at it anymore.

“Of what you shouldn’t feel for me.” he said in a low voice but you clenched your jaw.

“Of what I already do! And I can’t just stop!” you said firmly “Dean” you said in a much softer voice “Hear me out here please. We are not going to go through this again. Not again. Because this time I am set and no matter what you say- I am staying. For good.”

“Dean” you whispered “I want to stay, here with you. I am happy here, isn’t that all that matters?”

He lifted his head to look at you, his brows furrowed as he looked at you in guilt “Are you really?” he choked out and you tilted your head to the side “So that’s why you were having a nightmare?”

“A- a what?” you whispered and he clenched his jaw, his entire body stiffening up.

“You were crying (Y/n).” he said in a rough voice, not looking in your eyes “Crying and whimpering in pain. Tossing and turning. Trying to escape, to run away from the monster.” his voice got so cold it made you not want to look at him either.

Maybe you could pretend you didn’t remember. Maybe you didn’t remember it all but you remembered most of it. The feeling for sure, yes, and the face. The cause of your pain and fear.

“You were trying to run away from _**me**_.” he said in almost a growl, speaking with such disgust and hatred about himself.

“Dean I wasn’t-” you tried to speak but he wouldn’t let you.

“Yes you were. Because you were scared of me. You were scared I would hurt you, torture you, kill you like I did with all those demons. That I wouldn’t stop with you. Not until I had shed all of your blood.” he buried his face in his shaky hands.

“You would never hurt me.” you pursed your lips and clenched your fists “I know you never would.”

“No I never would, (Y/n).” he whispered “But what if I could? What would happen then? Would you still forgive me? Would you still… feel the way you do about me?”

“I will always feel this way for you. Nothing and nobody, especially you not being in your right mind, would stop me from doing so.” you whispered.

“Do you really believe that? Or are you trying to convince yourself?”

“The only person I need to convince is you because as it seems you can’t get it through your thick skull, being the stubborn ass you are. I know… I know how I feel about you, and I know that that is not going to change. No matter how much pain I go and will have to go through. It’s not the physical one I can’t take Dean. It’s the emotional one I can’t take and that- is only up to you.”

His eyes focused on you and he tilted his head to the side, worry etching on his features.

“It’s you pushing me away, telling me you don’t want me to be with you. That kind of pain I will never be able to take.” you whispered and he let out a trembling breath.

“I don’t think I will ever be able to do that. Or even try to again, for that matter.” he whispered in a rough voice, running a hand down his face “I’m too much of a coward.” he said almost angry with himself.

“It’s not cowardness.” you whispered with a small smile “In my universe it’s called differently.”

You wanted so much to say that word. That small, four-lettered, word. A word that could mean so much to him and you but a word that you were scared of saying out loud at the moment. Could he really feel it already for you? You knew you did, you’ve known him for so long although it was more like watching from affair. But he- he didn’t know you. And despite the feelings you two shared this… this was a truly intense one and for it to be said by Dean Winchester would mean a lot. But not right now.

“But that doesn’t change this.” he once again forced all of his hopes down “That doesn’t change you being scared of me. Because you were (Y/n). I felt it. I saw it. And this nightmare-”

“Was just a stupid dream I don’t want to fucking think about anymore because I don’t care about it!” you almost screamed, tears had welled up in your eyes. You breathed heavily before blinking.

“Please” you choked out “This- I don’t care Dean. Yes, yes I was scared but not that kind of fear neither the one I felt in the dream can surpass everything I else I feel for you. And my fear- I- Dean I was more scared of what could happen to you rather than me. I never cared about me for real. Seeing out of control scared me but… not in the way you think. And that dream- Gosh, Dean it was just a stupid dream; you know how those can get. _Especially_ you.” you whispered.

And maybe you were saying things that part of you didn’t believe – or maybe you did, you didn’t know – but for the moment you couldn’t let him take on more of the blame than he already was. And at the same time you were trying to convince yourself. You were going to tell him the whole truth… when the right moment came.

“It’s just nightmares Dean. Just like you know you would never kill Sam for real so do I know that you wouldn’t kill me.” you whispered as he buried his face in his hands. You could only imagine how much worse he’d be when you were out and he was only seeing you cry out for him not to kill you because you were scared of him. He would probably only think himself of more of a monster than he already thought he was. And you never wished for that to happen.

“Please don’t do this to me now. I don’t blame you, I never would… baby.” you whispered and this time he did look at you, his eyes showing how guilty and sorry he was at the same time “I am happy, Dean. Here with you. No matter what happens it won’t change this. You make me happy, how can you not see this? You are my happiness.” tears welled up in your eyes, finally being able to say things to him from up close that you had never dared say out loud even to yourself. A deep truth.

He looked as if he wanted to believe you, more than anything, but something held him back and you knew it was all… him, blaming himself for what had happened to you “And your suffering.” he whispered, his eyes casting down in shame as he sniffled, rubbing his eyes with his fingers.

“I’d call it the sweetest suffering ever.” you whispered, with a small smirk but he didn’t even try to smile so you sighed“Dean. I told you I forgive you.” you said with a soft smile “I don’t care about it, I promise. I have already forgotten about it, especially when I look at this.” you shifted your gaze to the tattoo “This is all that matters to me now.”

He was hesitant for a moment but brought his hand to hold your palm in both of his. His eyes staring down a the letters for longer than you’d ever seen him. As far as you were awake that was.

“It shouldn’t have to appear this way.” he said in a low rough voice.

“But it did.” you shrugged, although it hurt a little “Why do we have to think about the how? It is there Dean. My tattoo. Your name. Our bond.” you whispered.

“My soulmate” he choked out, a tear sliding down his cheek as he finally let himself truly take the sight of it and let everything sink in. He had been fighting it for long, so many hours that it obviously hurt him. He’d longed for it, you better than anyone knew it now, he’d longed to see it for so long and now it was finally there and he… was holding himself back. He was holding back because of his guilt.

A broken smile formed on his lips as you brought your hand up and cupped his cheek. He shut his eyes tightly, clenching his jaw. He let out a shaky breath, one he’d been holding for so long. He nuzzled his face in your palm, kissing it and rubbing his thumb on your tattoo. He pressed more kisses to your hand and you bit your lip to keep your tears in.

“H-hey” your voice trembled “Careful there. I wanted some kisses for getting better but not getting all horny in a hospital.” you giggled, a small sob living your lips and he chuckled as well. He opened his eyes to look at you.

“We always have the bunker though.” he winked at you, even with tears running down his cheeks and you breathed out a giggle.

“That we do” you grinned at him, your heart jumping at all the possibilities which showed at the heart monitor.

“Skipping heartbeats and soulmates. Talking about cheesy huh?” he chuckled and you let out a giggle.

“If I’m blushing don’t tell me.” you shook your head and he gave you a small grin, his thumb not having stopped rubbing oer your tattoo even for a moment.

“Would make you all the more cute.” he whispered and you let out a breathless laugh.

“You’re the only one to think that but- I wouldn’t want for anyone else to do.” you gave him a soft squeeze and although he was guilt-riden he couldn’t stop himself. He’d longed for this practically his entire life, his feelings were impossible to hide even if he tried to.

You gave him another smile and shifted more in your bed. You groaned for a moment but realized that luckily the pain was not as intense as the previous night. You huffed but were determined, and even if the machinery attached to all parts of your body was making it harder, you did move and made some room there.

“(Y/n)” Dean said in a worried tone, almost ready to say you shouldn’t move at all.

“Come here” you whispered, giving him a soft smile but he was still frowning “Dean, come on.” you patted the space next to you “Lay next to me, there is enough room. And I swear I am not all that much in pain, surprisingly enough.”

He stood sited for a moment, his lips pursed before he let out a small sigh. He let go of your hand and got up from the uncomfortable chair. He took just a step and carefully sat down on your bed, bringing his legs up and laying next to you. He was grately careful and brought a hand over your shoulder so that you could rest your head on his chest.

“Seems like I am not the only one with the skipping heartbeats.” you said softly and he let himself chuckle, the deep rumble of his chest making a smile form on your lips.

“Not a word about it to Sam.” he whispered and you nodded your head.

“Deal” you whispered and without saying anything he leaned down and kissed your forehead.

“Where is he by the way?” you whispered as his fingers playing with yours.

“Went to take some coffee and Cas went to the bunker to bring you some clothes you might need.” he said softly, his eyes not leaving your hands.

“You haven’t gotten any sleep, have you?” you whispered, looking up at him and taking notice of how worn out he was and not just because fo the Mark on his arm but because of how much he was beating himself up for it.

He turned his head and his eyes met yours. He let out a tired sigh, resting his forehead against yours “Couldn’t.” he whispered and you frowned, giving him a look.

“Did you even try?” you whispered and him not saying a single word was enough as an answer.

“Dean” you let out a disappointed sigh but he shook his head, pulling slightly away. He wasn’t even holding you tightly to him like he wanted to do ever since he got you back in his arms. He was scared of causing you more pain that every touchwas so light you could barely feel it.

“I couldn’t (Y/n).” he said, exhaustion taking over “Not when I wasn’t sure if you would wake up or not.” he breathed out “I got so scared when you passed out on me that- I asked Castiel to heal most of your wounds as fast as possible. He healed the vital ones but you- you wouldn’t wake up and we- we brought you here as fast as we could. Doc said you were so weak that if we had been any more late you-”

“I would have survived.” you cut him off firmly “Maybe it would take me a little longer to wake up or- or heal but I would have still survived.”

Dean pursed his lips, giving your hand a squeeze and looking straight in front of him. Not saying a single word.

“Dean please. I would have still been fine.” you cupped his cheek and turned his face so that he was looking at you “I am your soulmate after all, I am practically a Winchester. Death is our bitch.” you winked at him with a smirk and he managed to breathe out a chuckle.

“Dean” you let out a soft sigh “I am not going to leave you, not anytime soon. Especially in that way, yeah?” you asked and he gave you a subtle nod.

“I’m sorry I just- I got worried hat was all.” he sighed and you rested your head on his shoulder as he rested his on top of yours “You laying limp in my arms. You wouldn’t respond, wouldn’t move, for a moment I couldn’t find a heartbeat-” he stopped himself, swallowing thickly “I thought that- that this was it. I got so scared.” he breathed out “Until I could speak with the doctor I thought-” he let out a trembling sigh “-I couldn’t sleep before making sure you were alright. I needed to.”

“And something tells me you didn’t leave that chair for long huh?” you whispered and he sighed.

“Not for longer than ten minutes, no.” he breathed out a laugh but you gave him a look.

“I am not laughing Dean, this is not funny. You are so worried about my well-being but you don’t even think about yourself. Can you not see that the only way I will be alright is if you are?”

“Sweetheart” he sighed but you clenched your jaw.

“Don’t sweetheart me, alright?” you huffed “You need to take care more of yourself, Dean. I need you to. I get it that you couldn’t leave my side and quiet honestly I- I am happy about it in a way.” you bit your lower lip “But not because you are beating yourself up for it. I- I like that you care about me, Dean, I really do but I need you to understand that this is not your fault. And you losing your sleep over it… is even worse.”

“(Y/n)” he cut you off “I am going to be fine. Maybe not completely-” he sighed “But I will. As long as you are then I am completely fine.”

You sighed as well, looking down at your hands “Just- promise me you’ll get some rest now yeah? Let Sam and Cas take care of me, I’ll be absolutely fine I promise. Just for a couple hours.”

“Alright, yeah I will.” he whispered, pressing a lingering kiss on your forehead.

“Thank you.” you smiled “I promise I won’t do anything reckless or get any more hurt than I already am. Maybe Sam and Cas won’t be able to take care of me as well as you would but-” you giggled as he chuckled “I’ll just take it, as long as you get some shut eye.”

“Yeah, I guess the only drawback is that I won’t need to stitch you up later.” he said with a small smirk, sneaking a glance at you as a grin spread on your lips.

You chuckled, squeezing his hand “Too bad, yeah, because I would really love to get some of those kisses.” you ended up whispering shyly and he looked at you, raising his eyebrows.

“You know all you have to do is ask, right?” he mumbled “Just to see if I can live up to that fanfiction’s expectations.”

You bit your lower lip “But the fanfic ended in a smut?” you muttered and he shrugged.

“As I said, we’ll see if I can live up to those expectations… or be even better.” he smirked and you felt your entire face go hot.

“Dean” you groaned, burying your face in his chest as he laughed. As if the situation wasn’t embarrassing enough, and as if your tomato red face didn’t make things worse the heart monitor had to show your increase in heart rate.

He merely chuckled, kissing the top of your head not saying another word and you were grateful for that. Your eyes traileddown your arms which were covered in less gushes and cuts than the night before, mostly bruises and light cuts that would go away soon and you knew you had to thank Cas about that. Your brother in a way, right?

Because of course there was that too. You knew you needed to let the boys know about the whole story, or at least what would not change the future. You hated that Amara would have to be set free at some point and that you’d have to face her. But maybe with you here things would go better than in the show. And maybe, just maybe, same would be with theStynes and Charlie. You had to let Dean know of who was behind all this, that was for sure.

But for the moment you weren’t going to. You were going to let yourself and especially him enjoy the moment. To enjoy this.

Your eyes focused on your hands and you didn’t have to look at Dean to know that his were focused in the same place. Your tattoo.

“Talking about crazy.” you mumbled and he glanced at you for a second. You sighed, snuggling closer to his side and explained.

“If anybody had told me just a week ago that this- that one day I would find myself here, with you and that- a tattoo of your name on my wrist. Me- you- soulmates.” you breathed out a laugh “Sounds like something out of the worstfanfiction ever.” you breathed out and he chuckled as well.

“Haven’t read many fanfictions to tell you for sure but-” he licked his lower lip “-I can’t say I can complain about it.”

“I know I never would or will.” you whispered, your fingers playing with his “But- maybe it doesn’t sound weird to you, with what your life is but I- just a couple days ago I was a fangirl, spending my time either reading or writing saidfanfiction and- not a word about that!” you pointed out and he chuckled, closing his mouth again.

“Fine.” he huffed and you chuckled.

“But today… I am here, with you and all of this- it’s real. We are and I- I honestly can’t believe it yet. But above all-” you stopped yourself, biting your lower lip.

“What?” he asked with a frown.

“The tattoo. It’s…”

“Too much to take, I know.” he whispered with a small content sigh “But it still feel wonderful, doesn’t it?” he mumbled and you nodded your head.

“So freaking much.” you breathed out shakily, burying your face at the crook of his neck; feeling your entire face go warm. But it was all so pleasant and new to you, different from any other time.

“You’ll get used to it, don’t worry princess.” he kissed the top of your head “Once you get to experience everything, you’ll get used to it. And begin to love it even more.”

You pulled slightly away to look up at him and see his eyes still focused on your wrist. You bit your lips before finally speaking “Do you want to touch it?” you whispered and he turned his head to look at you.

“You know-” a smirk formed on his lips and you huffed.

“Shut up! I am trying to be a little romantic here!” you exclaimed and he chuckled.

“We’re in a hospital sweetheart.” he said matter-of-factly and you gave him a look.

“Well, I’m sorry if I thought you’d want to.” you mumbled, looking down almost ashamed.

And although you’d expect him to laugh, he only kissed your forehead “I know” he said softly “I know it’s just- I don’t really know if I-”

“Dean” you cut him off, looking up at him “You’ve waited so long for this and now it’s finally there. Don’t you really want to experience how it is to feel a missing part of your soul return?”

“It has already returned though. Four days ago in specific.” he whispered and you sighed.

“Stop being a sap, will ya?”

“When did I even start in the first place? I am only being honest.” he shrugged and you shook your head.

“Dean.” you locked eyes with his again “It’s ok if you’re scared, I know I was in the beginning too.”

At this he didn’t say a word, he only pursed his lips and looked down at your hand which he held in his “I’ve thought about this moment for years. Night after night. I never told anybody, not even Sam how much I- how much I wanted to meet you. How I looked around for you every case I was in. And this- how much I wanted to see this, how much I wanted someone out there to think that I- I am worth saving. To try and save me. To help me redeem myself. To help me at least have the slightest chance in happiness. When I know I would never deserve someone as great as you.”

“Dean” you whispered, tears having welled up in your eyes.

“I am past saving, I know.” he whispered, slowly but surely running his thumb up your arm; making his way to your wrist “But I always wanted to try, (Y/n). And nobody ever… gave me the chance to. I am not a good man, I know, hell I am far from that. I am damaged and broken.”

“Don’t say that please” you whispered, barely able to hold your tears.

“I ruin everything close to me. And I know how my story will end but maybe- just maybe I hoped that when ending came I would have done something good on this world. That the unworthy and unimportant me would have done something in this world… for at least one person. That you- I would make you happy one day.”

“You have already done so so much for this world Dean.” a tear slipped.

“I know I don’t deserve heaven… I don’t deserve you. Of course I am not getting the first, ever, but you- I hoped for so long I could get you. And when I met you… everything was so much more than I had ever imagined. How can I deserve this? You?”

“You deserve the world Dean, you don’t see it but I-” you sniffled “I can. And heaven, gosh if I have to I will carry you on my shoulders up there.”

“Thanks but-” he chuckled through watery eyes “-I don’t care. It doesn’t matter to me anymore. As long as I got you… mysoulmate, it’s enough.” you breathed out and finally pressed his thumb fully over the tattoo.

You took in a sharp breathed as he rubbed over it, pressing down gently and making you curl on his side. If this was how he’d felt last time when you touched his tattoo then… you didn’t blame him in the least bit. It was all so intense, and your entire body was on his alert.

Dean let out a shaky breath as well, smiling tiredly at the feeling. He felt at peace, more than he had ever had before. And it all showed on his face. For the first time in so long, maybe ever actually, he was truly at peace. Content with himself and without any eight on his shoulders anymore.

“Are you alright?” you whispered although you knew he was much more than that.

He swallowed thickly, nodding his head “I never thought- I never knew it would feel this way.” he whispered, his breathingbecoming swallow and deep.

“So long as you don’t kiss it.” you breathed out a chuckle “I don’t think I will be able to hold myself back.”

He breathed out a chuckle “Don’t think I will mind.” he mumbled and you smiled, burying your face in his chest.

The heart monitor next to you was going crazy, your heart having sped up so much. And it got all the more bad when he brought your hand up and nuzzled his face into your palm. He squeezed your hand deeply and although he didn’t kiss your tattoo you felt his lips graze over your skin covered in the black ink. You felt shivers run down your spine but you knew he wasn’t going to kiss it.

You expected that. But what you didn’t expect was for a tear to fall on your skin and run down your skin and tattoo. And certainly the feeling you got at that. You’d felt sadness in your life, in many occasions, and every time it varied. There were some truly heartbreaking moments in your life, some of them not all that common considering how it was over a fictional character’s death. But Dean was no longer fictional, in fact he never was. But this kind of sadness, this melancholy it was filled with such nostalgia. You felt all the pent up years of longing like you had experienced them yourself and it was all because of that one tear. You felt all of the things Dena had been holding inside of him for all these years, but not the happy ones. And not only the heartbreaking ones, such as losing his brother numerous times. No, it was that had to do with you.

Because that’s what that tear was about. You and all of his dreams about the two of you. And as it seemed it worked just the way the kiss did. Maybe you should ask more about what this tattoos really were after all.

“Get some sleep sweetheart, I’ll be here.” he whispered to you but you got something bitter, like regret, in his feelings.

~*~

“Where-” you groaned “Where is he?” you asked in a rough voice, looking around you as you couldnt find Dean but only Sam.

He gave you a smile, chuckling “Well, good to see you’re up and running.”

“Sorry Sam.” you grumbled, running a hand through your hair. You groaned more as you shifted in your bed, laying down in a different position that hurt less.

“It’s alright, I get it.” he shrugged and you gave him a soft smile “He’s in the car, taking a nap. He said to tell you he was fine and that he would be back soon after you woke up.”

“Oh” you relaxed “Yeah I uh I told him to get some rest. He was beat.”

“You tell me.” he sighed, sitting on a chair close to you “He didn’t leave your side for a moment. I had to drag him out myself when the doctor came to check on you.” a small fond smile formed on his lips and you sighed.

“Sometimes he overworks himself but- as long as he rests some now, I think everything will be alright.”

“Yeah, well give or take.” he mumbled and you frowned.

“You’re worried about the Mark” you whispered and he looked honestly in your eyes.

“You saw how he was (Y/n), I’m sure you felt it too. Maybe- maybe next to you, in this bed, he was peaceful yes but- it never stops (Y/n). The Mark’s got a hold on him, I saw it. He tried to play it off, talking about my awful timing but I- I am really worried.”

“I thought he was alright for a moment.” you whispered, looking down at your hands “He said he was but-”

“He hasn’t let go of it. He is blaming himself (Y/n). He always will.” Sam completed your sentence and you nodded your head.

“We need to find a way to stop it. To stop this, the Mark needs to leave I know but- maybe if I got some more time to try I could-”

“(Y/n)” he cut you off gently “I know you think you can change him, with the soulmate bond maybe it could be possible, I first said that there was hope with you here but- Last night, what I saw, what he did… I don’t think there is much of a chance.”

“But maybe I coul try! Sam come on.” you pleaded softly “Give me this chance and-” you pursed your lips before finally letting out a sigh “Stop, just for a moment.”

“What- what do you mean?” he blinked, his body going stiff.

“Sam” you sighed “Maybe I didn’t tell Dean because I don’t want him to know yet but I- I know what you’re doing. The book of the damned? The Stynes are going to come after it and the result will be-” you felt your throat closing and you swallowed down your tears.

“(Y/n)” he sighed, his head hanging down “I know you don’t like it, I know that being Dean’s soulmate means that just like him you don’t-”

“Sam” you cut him off saying firmly “I wanted Dean free of the Mark as much as you just because I am his soulmate and care for him but- this is not the way. We can find another way, we need to.”

“What (Y/n)? We’ve looked through everything and the only thing was the Book of the damned. I don’t want to have to use it either, that or Rowena but- but if you have another solution then tell me! I am all ears!”

You bit your lower lip “Maybe there is something. Maybe it is something that you couldn’t find just because… it wasn’t in this universe. Maybe I am the solution, or something that has to do with me.”

“Wh-what makes you think that?”he frowned and you sighed.

“I need to tell you a story, it will sound crazy but- you guys do crazy so this might seem normal.” you took a deep breath and looked at him.

“I’m listening.”

~The following day~

“It’s a beautiful place.” Dean mumbled taking a look out of the window, resting his weight on the wall. You hummed in agreement, rubbing your dog’s belly as he lay down on your bed.

“Really homie.” he added with a soft smile and you chuckled.

“It’s not much but it still is mine, so that’s enough.” you sighed in content taking another look around you. Not even an entire week and it felt like you’ve been away for years “Plus I didn’t let my mom have any say in the decoration so… it’s all me.” you said softly and he nodded his head.

“It’s great” he breathed out “Peaceful and safe. It instantly feels like home.”

“Do you really think so?” you whispered and this time he did look at you, nodding his head.

“Yeah.” he walked and sat next to you, not without a complain from your dog who was pushed slightly away. You chuckled at his reaction but stopped once Dean took hold f your hand.

“This place… _**is**_ home. It feels like home, in a way that I can’t describe.” he let out a nervous but strained chuckle “Guess all my life I’ve been looking for it in the wrong place.”

“But you found it now, isn’t that what matters?” you asked softly, your heart skipping a beat “You always have it here now. Whenever we come and visit this universe we- we have a home here, waiting for us.”

“Yeah right.” the tone in his voice however made you frown “It’s safe, completely. No monsters around. Almost makes you wanna stay forever.”

“Almost… Unless there is something else, more important than safety, to take you elsewhere.”

“Maybe… but then again, nothing is more important than living in a perfect life with no danger other than burning yourself with the toaster.”

“With my clumsiness that would be the least bit of danger I’d get to experience.” you breathed out a laugh but your smilefell when you didn’t see him laugh “Dean is everything alright?” you whispered, squeezing his hand and he let out a trembling sigh.

“Considering how this place is something straight outta my wildest dreams.” he breathed out a chuckle, looking around him with almost glossy eyes and your own ones widened. You felt your heart leap to your throat at Dean’s words. What was he trying to say? Because if it was what you thought then you definitely needed to be sitting to- oh yeah you were. You wanted nothing more than to be his happy ever after.

“It’s everything someone like me would ever ask for.” he said in a low voice and you tried to fight off a smile.

“I told you can have it. Always.” you whispered, your fingers playing nervously with his.

“Yeah well point is… I don’t deserve it. I never would, maybe I can try yeah but- but for now I don’t.” he looked down almost in shame and your hopeful smile fell.

“Dean wh-what are you trying to say? I don’t understand.” you blinked as he let out a heavy sigh.

“I just-” he swallowed thickly, running a hand down his face “(Y/n) as much as I’d wish for this to be my life, here with you and a dog which, no offence buddy but I’d most probably kick you out of the house and leave you to Sam-” he breathed out a chuckle as he looked at the German Shepherd who seemed to narrow his eyes at the man.

“It’s not, (Y/n).” he breathed out and looked at you.

“But Dean we can try. We can try to make this our life.” you emphasized, giving him a small smile but he didn’t even try to put on one.

“I wish (Y/n) but as long as- as this thing is on my arm there is no chance for me. Not to a perfect life, not to happiness and not to-” he swallowed a lump “Not to you. To us.”

“Wh-what are you trying to say Dean?”

You were honestly getting mixed signals. One moment he was talking about what a perfect home this was and how much he wanted to live here with you and the other he was talking about being unable to because of the Mark of Cain. There was only one thing he could be implying but other than being scared to think about it you couldn’t because you knew Dean would never do… this to you. No, he never would. Because he had told you so himself, he had made it crystal clear, that he would never try and push you away again. Not even in the slightest.

No there was something else. Something deeper that you couldn’t get and-

“I’m saying that-” he let a soft sigh, stilling himself to look at you in the eyes “(Y/n) what I am saying is that-”

“ _ **Not all of us are going back to the bunker after this.”**_


	17. Chapter 17

~A few hours earlier~

“Are you sure you don’t need anything else?” Dean asked for what seemed like the millionth time this day but you rolled your eyes once more.

“Dean” you said with a soft smile, not being able to hide how you felt at seeing this side of him “I am fine. I don’t need anything and if I do then I can get up and take it for myself. I am well for most part.”

He let out a small sigh for himself “Yeah I know, sorry it’s just-” he ran a hand through his hair “I’m trying to make you feel as much at home as possible.”

You shook your head with a fond smile, moving to make room for him on the bed “I told you before-” he came to sit next to you “I already am at home.” you placed a hand over his and a boyish grin spread on his lips. He kissed your forehead, closing his eyes.

“But this is not really why you’re doing this for, are you?” you whispered the question you’ve been dreading to hear the answer to.

“(Y/n)” he whispered, his eyes casting down as you gave him a look.

“When are you going to get over it, huh?” you asked softly and he scoffed a laugh.

“Probably never.” he breathed out, looking straight in front of him.

“Dean” you squeezed his hand, shifting slightly so that you’d look at him but he still wasn’t “This needs to stop. You- you blaming yourself for all of it is not going to be the solution to any of it.”

“It is all my fault, though. You got hurt because of me, (Y/n), one way or another I am-”

“Shut up, alright? Just shut up.” you said as firmly as you could “I told you a thousand times and you still won’t listen but I’ll keep saying it. It is not your fault. You barged in without a single care of your safety or life to save me! And you did! You did save me. Please now just- let it be over. Come on, I’ve read too many fanfictions about this and honestly you are more stubborn in real life.” you breathed out a laugh, trying to lighten the mood and a chuckle did leave his lips.

“I just- You are in this situation because of me. You were at the hospital because of me, wounded and broken. You went through a kind of pain that- that you never deserved. That you never should have for any reason. Not you… not _you_.” he breathed out with a shake of his head, burying his face in his hands as he pulled away from you.

“But I did. For good or bad, I did. There was a reason to it, in a way. And yes, maybe it left some scars. Ones that I’ll beembarrassed of later-” you mumbled, looking down at your fidgeting hands.

“No” he breathed out, placing a hand on top of yours “You- you should never be embarrassed of anything on you. You are perfect in every way.”

You breathed out a nervous chuckle “If you’ve somehow gotten hold of my favorite fanfictions then I am telling you this is out of the cheesiest ones.”

He shook his head, giving you a small grin that barely reached his eyes “Just sayin’ the truth.”

“I know you are.” you whispered, squeezing his hand “But Dean so am I, please try to understand that. I don’t mind them, or at least I think I won’t mind them. If you help me a little with that.” you gave him a small smirk and he finally let out a deep honest laugh.

“Anytime.” he whispered, his lips brushing your forehead before he finally kissed you.

“You know I am not going to blame you for it. Never Dean.” you snuggled closer to him “About any of it because yes maybe it happened for a reason we cannot understand at the moment but- who knows? Maybe someone out there is giving a crap about us.” you sighed “But I’m not going to think about it at the moment. All of it- it only made me stronger, and this-” you showed your tattoo, your voice taking on a softer tone “-This makes it all worth it. As long as I have it and you, then I don’t care about just a few scars here and bruises there; seeing as Cas healed most of it.”

“Yeah, stronger. By being beaten and tortured almost to death.” he kept his jaw clenched but you shook your head.

“It doesn’t matter. Not anymore. Just get done with your self-loathing time and… let me in.” he finally looked at you in the eyes and you gave him a soft smile “Believe me, believe what I’m saying. You’re not alone now, Dean, that’s what you don’t understand. I am here. You don’t have to bottle it all up, you have someone to open up to; even if it seems hard at first. I swear I won’t pressure you but, please, I just ask this: don’t put any distance between us, especially for something like this.”

A trembling sigh left his lips as he let his forehead rest against yours, exhaustion taking over “It would kill me if I kept going any longer.” he whispered and you smile gently.

Because it was the truth, and it was slowly killing the both of you. The distance that somehow had been put between the two of you ever since the day prior was not all that obvious, not even significant to others, but to you it was obvious and very much so important. Neither Sam nor Cas had noticed anything but you deep down felt it, not only saw it. Although he was with you 24/7, there still was some distance between the two of you in an emotional level just because of his guilt. All of it was not just because he wanted to take care of you but because he felt responsible.

Whenever he was tending to some small wound or changing some bandages he focused on it in a way that showed how he was forcing himself to. Despite your best efforts to lighten the mood, he’d just give you a smile and that was it. And better not talk about how it was when he was alone, thinking that you were sleeping when in reality you had tiptoed your way to his room.

“As long as you… don’t push me away.” he whispered and you opened your eyes - when had you shut them at first? - and looked at him with a frown, so he explained “For fear of me… hurting you.”

“Dean I- I-” you wanted to reassure him, more than anything but you know that you couldn’t lie to him.

“It’s alright, I get it.” he whispered, slowly pulling away and you hated yourself for the disappointment and pain you felt in him, but above all for being the cause of it.

“No” you rushed to breath out “No, Dean please don’t. I-” you sighed, holding tightly his hand in yours for fear of himletting go “I know I have a few things to deal with for myself. More so than a lot actually but you- I would never even dream of pushing you away because of-” you felt your throat closing and you blinked your tears away.

“We all have our demons, Dean.” you whispered “And I still have some fighting to do, but the only way I can win is if I have you here. So don’t try to walk away on me, not because of that because I would never let it separate us.”

“You wouldn’t (Y/n) but- maybe you should? I mean there are times that I even can’t control myself and-”

“But you can control yourself around _me_ , I know it.”

“Yeah, well what if at some point I can’t? What will happen to you then?… To us?” his voice sounded so broken “I don’t want to walk away on you but- but what if that one last demon you have to fight is me? What if the only way to win is if I am out of the picture?”

“Don’t say that.” you whispered, eyes casting down.

It was truth that that was something you were really scared about yourself. Dean being one of your demons, although every part of your body didn’t want him to be. You were so scared to admit it, even to yourself, but you knew deep down just like Dean did that when he had barged in that day you had been more afraid than relieved. And you weren’t afraid just for him, but for yourself as much as you didn’t want to think about it. And as much as you wanted to get over that fear you simply couldn’t.

Dean’s touch was always soothing and comforting and the tattoo on your arm showed you all the more of his own feelings for you, of the kindness and tenderness in them. But still there were moments that you tried to fight the memory away but couldn’t. There were moments you’d look at him and the memory flashed through your head. You could hear all the voices, all the screaming and then feel it. Feel the effect of the Mark on him, feel Dean slipping away and the warm and… loving feeling that radiated through him and your tattoo was replaced by a cold one. It was as if he wasn’t your Dean anymore.

Each and every time you’d blink, look away and bring your hand to rub your thumb over your wrist that held the tattoo. Hoping and praying that Dean wouldn’t feel your emotions. But he always did.

“Give me time, please.” you whispered, feeling tears well up in your eyes “I need time, to get over this. To adjust to all of this. It’s not you, Dean, I swear. Not entirely you, that is.”

“That you’re scared of?” he whispered and you pursed your lips, resting your forehead against his once more.

“I will never be truly scared of you, not entirely. If I was- I wouldn’t be here, not like this-” you whispered, locking fingers with his and trying to bring yourself as close to him as possible “But I am. Because I want to, because I… I want you. I want you, ok?” you gave him a shy smile “It was just the shock of it all, nothing more. I- I’ve seen you at your worse, Dean, I’ve seen everything- or at least I’d like to believe what is everything and never- I mean it, never have I ever thought any less of you or be truly scared by you. And now- especially now, Dean, I am not backing away. Not on you.”

You brought our hand up, the one with the tattoo and cupped his cheek. His eyes glanced at it and then he looked into yours, and you could see the tears welling up in them. He nuzzled his face into your palm, trying to bring his lips closer to it subconsciously.

“Not on us” you whispered in addition as he looked at you, and along with your heart you felt his swell in happiness and… no it couldn’t be. No, it was only your foolish thinking, it had to be.

You glanced down at his lips and he did the same with yours. And this time, maybe for the first time, you didn’t go all shy on him; because there was no room for shyness anymore. All of your feelings, one in specific, were overpowering and just like that you were the first one that made the move. You pressed your lips to his, hearing him take in a sharp breath. You could count on the fingers of one hand the times you had kissed and each and every time it felt like the first time, so overwhelming in the most pleasant way.

Dean was hesitant, just like every time, and although you could feel yourself blushing you were determined to do this right. To do him right because he deserved it. Your hand slid from his cheek to his shoulder and around his neck, the other doing the same. Dean stood still for a moment before his own hands placed on your hips and he gave you a soft squeeze. He parted his lips slightly, a shaky sigh left but you kept your eyes closed and enjoyed the feeling of having him close.

You felt him relax in your arms and a soft smile formed on your lips. You tilted your head to the side to be able to kiss him deeper, trying to pour as many of those feelings as you could into it. And his lips were so soft, just like every time. His kiss was slow but maybe a little more sure this time and you were more than happy about it. Not just because you weren’t the only one feeling overwhelmed but that you weren’t the only one that had began to enjoy this more than anything else. Dean’s lips were more sure this time and he pressed himself as close as possible to you and before you could realize it you found yourself licking his lower lip.

You were definitely blushing like mad at the moment but with both of you having shut eyes you were thankful he couldn’t see. You felt Dean shudder beneath you and for a moment you caught yourself wondering when you had sat on his lap. A shaky breath left once more his lips but with a small squeeze you felt his lips part and you could hardly keep yourself from deepening the kiss all the more. Be it Dean being real, you meeting him, having a crush on him for years or the need to become one in soul and body for both of you making it all the more intense, you found yourself unable to stop. The tension had been building up for so long that you could hardly keep yourself from tearing his clothes apart and just taking him.

Alright, yes maybe in your mind it sounded differently and it only made you giggle but this was real now. He was there, and kissing you while you were kissing him, and the thought of all of it being real – really real started to scare you… but in the most pleasing way possible. The anticipation was hard to fight off just as how you felt for the man, so be damned yourself-cosciousness and shyness. Dean after all seemed equally nervous and shy, no matter how hard it seemed to believe. Fact which made you melt on the inside and not want to stop at all.

But you did. Just as you were clenching the fabric of his shirt in your hands and pressing yourself as close to him as possible, just as you were about to push your tongue into his mouth-

“Guys! Come here, quick!” Sam’s voice was heard through the bunker and you practically jumped, pulling away from Dean.

You looked from the luckily still closed door to the panting Dean beneath you and let out a shaky sigh. Your shoulders slumped down and you groaned, letting your head fall on his shoulders. He sighed in exasperation, bringing a hand to rub the back of your head. He kissed your flushed cheek and you closed your eyes as his lips lingered there for a lot longer than needed.

“Remind me to lock your brother somewhere, for probably the rest of his life.” you grumbled and he let out a breathless chuckle, his hand trailing down to your back; rubbing softly.

“Right after me.” he whispered “Come on, sweetheart.”

~*~

“You- you really mean that?” you whispered as Sam let out a small sigh, running a hand through his hair.

“Yeah” he nodded his head with a smile “You can go back home anytime you want with this spell, and it can be repeated as many times as we want.”

“Where-” you swallowed the lump in your throat but still unable to hide your smile “Where did you find this?” you whispered and Sam gave you a small grin as well.

“It’s been there all this time and we didn’t know it! I told you that the Men of Letters had some really good stuff here, for any case!” he laughed, leaning over you to show you the specific page and spell you’ve all been looking for.

“Home” you breathed out, trailing your fingers over the page “I can go home.” you whispered and Sam chuckled, nodding his head.

Unknown to both of you was how Dean stood a few feet behind, staring with wide eyes at the scene evolving right in front of his eyes. Castiel of course took notice and placed a hand on his friend’s shoulder. He gave him a barely visible smile, trying to reassure him but Dean couldn’t believe him. Even if he tried to. He only looked back at you and tried to keep his lips from trembling. You sounded, you looked so happy you could go back home it… crashed him. Maybe he wasn’t your home as he hoped after all.

“Dean” you breathed out, turning instantly to look at him “Did you hear that?” your smile was so bright he could hardly keep himself from smiling, even if it hurt like hell.

“Yeah” he said in a somewhat rough voice “You’re going back home.” he tried so much to sound happy for you but he just couldn’t.

Your smile slightly fell and you looked at Sam who was also frowning “Yeah, well I’m gonna let my parents know I’m fine. There are some things I need back to and-”

“Yeah, yeah I get it.” he nodded his head, clearing his throat but you only frowned more.

“Dean” you said more firmly, giving him a look and this time he looked at you in the eyes “Stop it.”

“What?” he pretended to not understand but you kept your hard gaze.

“What you’re thinking. Stop it.” you almost glared at him.

“(Y/n) it’s not-”

“Yes, yes it is.” you cut him off with a growl “I am your soulmate alright? I know what you’re thinking and feeling, so don’t try to give me all that crap alight? I ain’t buying it.”

“Yeah, right.” he cleared his throat, looking away from you.

You sighed looking at Sam who had pursed lips “We’re gonna talk about this, not here not now. But we are one way or another.” you sighed and still avoided eye-contact.

“Dean” you whispered, taking a step towards him as Sam and Cas backed away to look at the books and give you some space “Don’t do this to me now.” you whispered and he clenched his jaw.

“I’m trying baby but-”

“But nothing. Please.” you took hold f his hand, rubbing your thumb over his tattoo “I know how you feel, I feel it too but-but please don’t just make assumptions about my feelings. Try to see deeper into it. Try to understand me, alright?”

He hesitated for a moment before in the end he breathed out a hoarse “Yeah”

You gave him a tight smile before turning to look at the two other men “Come on you two we have lots of things to do and things to set up after-” you looked between Dean and Sam “We come back.”

“From where?” Sam was the one to ask and you smiled.

“My home. Old home that is, because I’ve got a new one now- even if my soulmate is a grumpy grown up kid.” you gave Dean who was looking at you with wide eyes a look.

“We- we are coming too?”

“Of course.” you said softly “Don’t want you to think I’ll be too tempted to stay back there, not that I’ll ver be anyway.” you shrugged and gave Dean’s hand a squeeze when you heard him let out a shaky breath.

“Re-really?” Dean breathed out and you gave him a soft smile.

“What would you think?” you gave him a grin when you felt his own heart swell “I mean come on-” you looked at Sam “Wouldn’t you want to see my old home? What a huge geek I am? Plus, Sammy I’ve got a dog!” you said and Sam chuckled.

“Well, don’t know about you Dean but I would love this trip, as long as Cas stays back to make sure we return in time, right?” he looked from Dean to Castiel who nodded his head with a smile.

“Well then what are we waiting for? Let’s do this! French Mistake here it comes!” you grinned, finally seeing a smile tuck at Dean’s lips.

~*~

“Wow” Sam breathed out as soon as he took in the sight of your house and the neighborhood in general.

“It’s not much but it still is mine.” you whispered with a fond smile, feeling tears well up in your eyes. Maybe all the time you were here you wished you could leave this place, your home and universe, and be with Dean; live with him and Sam in the bunker and offer them even the slightest feeling of home by having someone to take care of them. But now- now you realized how much you were going to miss it. Not as much as you’d mis Dean if you left them of course.

But yes part of you felt sad that you had to leave this behind you, as much as it wasn’t the ideal life you couldn’t help but get emotional. You knew, though, that this moment had to come and as of now you were going to enjoy your last moments at this place before you finally left.

“It’s amazing.” Dean whispered, wrapping an arm around your waist and gave you a squeeze. You smiled at him even through your tears but were fast to brush them away.

“The neighborhood is for most part peaceful, if we exclude some noise neighbors.” you shrugged, laughing lightly “And I am quiet far away from my parents so that is definitely a plus when it comes to being as much of a fangirl as I can.” you shrugged and they both smiled.

“It’s a wonderful home.” he nodded his head before leaning down to press a kiss on your temple.

Sam smiled before clearing his throat “Guess we should better get inside in case, you know, someone takes notice of Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki walking around the streets so casually.”

“Although I’d like to brag a little-” you giggled, glancing at Dean who brushed away one of your stray tears “Come on, the inside is even better.”

“You got quiet a big garden.” Sam noted as you walked towards the house.

“Yeah, it was one f the pros if, you know-” you shrugged casually, eyes casted down almost in a shy way “In case there ever were kids running around… But in the very distant future because yeah.” you rushed to say and in the end trailed off, still not daring to look up at them especially Dean.

Sam’s eyebrows shot up and he instantly looked at Dean who had an equally stunned expression on his face. One whichmelted to one of adoration and longing. Sam knew all that well that longing he just never thought his brother felt it so strongly; although he now saw it crystal clear on his face.

“But still-” you forced out an awkward chuckle “-Still a pain in the ass to clean.” you pursed your lips as you walked up the few stairs of the porch before reaching the front door “Just a moment” you mumbled, walking around the corner to leave the boys alone for a moment.

“Dean” Sam whispered but his brother kept his head low, a small smile gracing his lips.

“It’s a beautiful house huh?” he whispered, almost ignoring his brother’s silent question.

Sam smiled at him and looked around him just like the older Winchester once more “Yeah, very.”

“Alright found it!” you reappeared with a key in your hand “I always hide one somewhere just in case. Nobody knows where it is except me.”

“Not even your parents?” Dean raised an eyebrow.

“They do have a key but I rarely let them in. I want my independency but at the same time some help in cleaning ain’t bad.” you shrugged unlocking the door and entering with the boys straight after you.

The second you opened the door and took step inside the house you felt a new wave of of tears rush to you. Be it the familiar scent, not something in specific, but something that was so homie to you, something that brought comfort to you and just said ‘home’ or be it everything else being left in the same place as the night before you had left you felt yourselfwant to smile and cry at the same time.

It made your heart both swell and shatter. Swell in happiness at the memory of first meeting Dean, at the memory of being in a completely different place and having your life change forever, and shatter at how much it hurt at having to leave this behind you. Although it was for the best you still were attached to all of it. But despite the glossy eyes a smile, broken maybe, spread on your lips.

Of course Dean felt all of it and in an instant you felt him take hold of our hand and give it a squeeze. You looked up at him even through watery eyes and locked your fingers with his.

“I guess I should say home sweet home huh?” you whispered and Sam gave you a sympathetic smile but you gave him a reassuring smile with a shake of your head.

You sniffled brushing away the tears that were about to spill “Alright, no getting emotional. I’ve got some things to take care of first and that is-” just before you could complete your sentence a barking was heard and your smile got wider.

“Where’s my boy huh?” you asked loud and the steps got faster just as the barking got louder.

Sam’s smile instantly got big and Dean merely rolled his eyes as you knelt down and the big dog ran towards you, almostjumping on your and knocking you down. You giggled as he put his front legs on your shoulders and licked your face.

“Aw missed you too, big boy.” you laughed, rubbing his fur.

“He’s cute” Sam grinned widely, leaning down to rub on his fur as well and the dog grinned even more at the both of you “And certainly very joyful” he added with a chuckle as the German Shepherd shook his tail at you.

“Well he’s happy to get his girl back I guess.” you chuckled, making a face for a moment as nuzzled his nose under your chin. You gave it a small hug, being more relieved to see him as healthy as you remembered you left him.

“He missed you huh?” he laughed as you squeaked when the dog almost made you fall.

“Of course he did.” you giggled “Had him ever since he was little. We’re close.” you let another giggle as Sam chuckled.

“He is very friendly, I didn’t know German Shepherds were this much.” he laughed, his dimples showing.

“Oh he is, but only to people he likes a- a lot.” you laughed, scrunching up your nose “No, hey. No boy, easy.” you laughed “Come on, easy there you’re gonna make me fall. Stop. St-stop.” you chuckled, trying to put on a serious face, although you were just as happy to see him “Dean.” you said firmly “Stop.”

“Dean?” the.. other, human, Dean spoke up with a raised eyebrow “ _ **Really?**_ ” disbelief laced his voice and face features.

“What?” you shrugged innocently “German Shepherd is practically you in a dog form. Remember that episode, well time anyway, where you mind melted with a dog? Well, here we are!” you grinned and he rolled his eyes.

“Why do you have to be such a fangirl?” he gave you a look but you giggled.

“As if you’re not flattered.” you rolled your eyes with a smile and he scoffed, but couldn’t help a smile either.

“I think I’m gonna like this Dean better though.” Sam grinned, rubbing his back “He’s more… obedient and silent, dont’ forget that.”

“Huh?” Dean gave Sam a look “Shut up, bitch.”

“Whatever jerk.” Sam scoffed and you giggled, wrapping your arms around the dog.

“Alright kids” Dean clapped his hands “-when you’re done playing with the puppy-” Dean started saying with a small roll of his eyes, and even he was happy to see you and his brother smile this way he was partially jealous for how easily Sam gained your dog’s trust. However stopped immediately when the dog’s eyes were on him, almost narrowed in a dangerous way.

Suddenly the dog got serious and stopped playing with you. Dean found himself backing away as it advanced slowly but dangerously at him.

“Dean, no.” you said but the dog didn’t stop “Enough.” your tone was warning but it didn’t listen to you.

Dean (your soulmate) raised a hand at you, stilling himself and looking down at the dog carefully. He looked up at him with a small tilt of his head before he focused on something else. HE neared his nose towards Dean’s hand who was about to pull away but stopped when he realized the dog was- sniffing it? No, not just his hand. His tattoo.

“What is he doing?” Sam whispered and you and Dean shared a look before he looked down at the dog. He was scaredbut brought his hand closer to him. He sniffed it some more before… his behavior changed and he was back to his usual self, barking happily before in the end licking Dean’s hand.

You and Sam both breathed out a chuckle and Dean laughed as well as the dog kept licking his hand… and wrist?

You raised an eyebrow and smirked “That doesn’t have an effect on you right?” you asked an he gave you a look “Because I’d be seriously worried if my soulmate- “ you snickered and he glared at you harder.

“Funny.” he muttered, rubbing Dean’s head “Come on buddy, let’s leave those two geeks here and take a look at the house.” he patted the dog who happily followed him.

You shared a looked with Sam and shook your head as he shrugged “This is some messed up fanfiction, I am telling ya.” ou chuckled and he nodded his head.

~*~

“Of course you’d come to the bedroom first.” you giggled as you took notice of Dean standing in the middle of the room, looking around him and taking everything in.

He chuckled “I felt drawn to it, can’t help it.” he winked at you and you shook your head, unable to hide your smile and slight blush.

“Wow you definitely got some posters there (Y/n).” Sam that had just walked in said.

You shrugged “What kind of fangirl would I be? But really that is only part of it.”

“Fanfiction is the other huh?” Dean asked with a smirk and you rolled your eyes.

“Don’t get excited, the computer has a password.” you gave him a look and he huffed, looking back at the computer that rested on your desk.

“Shame.” he huffed and you chuckled, walking to his side as he wrapped an arm around your waist “But I can do something to get it right?” he asked with a small smile and you chuckled but shook your head.

“Forget it.”

“Hey-” Sam’s voice caught your attention “Is that us?”

You and Dean looked at him and with a smile you made your way towards one of the walls where he stood looking and Dean followed “Yep” you said and the brothers shared a look.

“Why the heck is Crowley in it?” he asked and you shrugged.

“Because he’s open of the main characters you could say.”

“Seriously? The King of hell is- Whatever.” Dean huffed, shaking his head.

“Hey-” a smile formed on his lips “This one’s cool.”

“What season is it from?” Sam asked.

“The 12th. It’s my current favorite. Plus you look kinda hot in leather.” you shrugged and Dean chuckled, throwing an arm around your shoulders.

“I do huh?” he whispered and you rolled your eyes.

“Hey-” Sam spoke up “What- what’s 'Always Keep Fighting’?” he frowned, reading at the poster and this time you smiled even more.

“It’s a campaign actually. Jared started it. It uh it’s about people that face difficulties in their lives and you know- this reminds them to keep going. It’s- it’s hard to explain it but it’s done lots of good. Helped people through hardships.”

“Really huh?” his eyes were focused on it.

“Yeah, you really have to read all of the things people had been through and how much the campaign helped them. I mean maybe we have no monsters here but sometimes other people are ten times worse than the ones you fight.” yousighed “If it weren’t for people like Jared, or heck the entire cast, I don’t think we’d have managed to survive either physically or emotionally.”

“We?” Dean whispered and you looked at him. You gave him a tight smile and he looked at you in pain.

“Well-” you cleared your throat “-point is that the campaign has and keeps helping people. If only you could how much the cast has done for their fans you’d be amazed. They are our kind of hunters you know. They too fight evil, here it just comes in different formes than the ones you’re used to. You guys should really read the comments fans leave them, you’d get to see how important that is.”

“It is huh?” Sam breathed out and you nodded your head.

“It’s so much more important when you get to think how Jared himself went through some really hard times.” you whispered and he instantly looked at you “His life hasn’t been easy, for a long time he had been trying to figure out who he was- much like you.” you told him and he gave a subtle nod of his head, his eyes casting down.

“Maybe I should really get to look into the campaign then huh?” he asked softly and you breathed out a laugh.

“Got all the information you need on the internet, I think you’d really approve of it.” you placed a hand on his shoulders and he gave you a small smile.

“So I think.”

Dean smiled at the two of you for a moment before looking away. He raised an eyebrow and the moment you took noticeyou walked towards him.

“What?” you had to keep a giggle in.

“Who the heck is that?”

“Oh. That?” you pointed at a collage you had made of smaller and bigger pictures “Just… some guys I like and admire.”

“Yeah, I got that.” he clenched his jaw “I’m talking about the shirtless one.” he almost growled, pointing at one of the pictures.

“Oh that. Yeah, that is a guy I really really like.” you smirked “But relax, he’s just an actor. Not anything major, just a silly celebrity crush.”

“Right. Of course it is.” he huffed and you giggled.

“What’s the matter Winchester?” you raised an eyebrow “Jalous of him or what?”

He scoffed, giving you a clearly fake laugh “Yeah right as if.”

“Are you sure? Because it seems a lot like that to me.” you giggled and he rolled his eyes.

“You’d wish. No chance sweetheart, the guy doesn’t stand a chance in front of me. Sorry.” he shrugged and you nodded your head.

“Sure.” you dragged the word “Whatever you say.”

~*~

“Yeah mom, no sorry I didn’t answer I just- the phone- it died on me and-” you rolled your eyes as Sam looked up at you with a smile.

“No mom I didn’t get wasted, which even I fI did wouldn’t be your problem because I’m an adult-” you paused listening to her before rolling your eyes again “No mom! I didn’t do drugs! What the hell are you even talking about!” you paused again as Sam snickered, his eyes focusing down again on his phone; taking in as much as he could about the campaign.

You sighed “Yes mom, thank you for taking care of Dean while I was gone.” you huffed and Sam chuckled “Yeah well, sorry for disappearing without a single word it’s just- a friend, mom, they needed my help and-” you paused for a moment, listening to her before letting out an internal groan.

You pulled the phone slightly away “Kill me now!” you whispered to Sam who laughed before bringing the phone to your ear again, and of course she was still talking.

“No mom I didn’t plan on being gone forever! But you-” you stopped “No mom you listen to me, dear Chuck help me!” you groaned and at that Sam raised an eyebrow. You took notice of his expression so opted for looking away.

“Look I said I’m sorry I disappeared, I’m sorry I didn’t see my phone was off until now and I’m sorry for not giving you a heads up. But I am alright and no I swear I didn’t drink or take drugs, for Castiel’s sake- and yes, I will keep using those expressions as much as I want because they stand!” you huffed after rambling and finally relaxed.

“Don’t worry mom, I really am alright. And I’ve made some new friends, they are amazing.” you said softly, smiling at Sam.

“Yeah” you breathed out after a small pause “I was with them all this time-” small pause “-no, no they treated me well. They took care of me, don’t worry. They are family.” you smiled and Sam did the same.

A small pause followed as you listened to her “Well… what if there was?” you said in a low voice and he frowned, looking at you.

You sighed, smiling softly “Yeah, mom.” you almost whispered “There is someone… and I really care about him.”

A small pause followed as Sam looked at you with interest, biting your lip nervously “Yeah, I- I think he cares too.” a chuckle left your lips “No, mom there is no chance of you meeting him… yet, that is.” a small pause “Well, I think. I don’t know I just- I wat this to last but- but it’s complicated, in a good way don’t worry.”

You listened to her before smiling, resting your waist on the kitchen counter as Sam took a look on the kitchen you had started preparing for them earlier and was now cooking in the oven.

“I just- mom there is something I need to tell you. Where I went- I will go back to, and I don’t know for how long I’ll be there-” you bit your lip, not wanting to tell her you might never come back even to visit them “-and I needed to let you know to not worry and possibly take care of Dean.”

A small pause and Sam frowned “No mom, I’m-” you breathed out a sigh “I am happy, more so than ever in my life.” you whispered and the younger Winchester smiled.

“Yes, I really want to be there.” you whispered “It’s home mom, it really feels like it- and they are amazing people.” you gave Sam a smile “Yeah I know I will be just fine, they’d give their lives for me… he would.”

You chuckled, looking down at your feet “Mom, stop please. And no, I insist: there is still no way you’re meeting him. Trust me I will be alright, I am just asking you of this favor.” another pause followed and this time your smile fell.

“I uh, no mom I don’t know for how long I will be gone.” you swallowed thickly “Y-yeah I will- I will come back at some point, don’t worry I’m not going to another universe or something.” you forced a laugh, although tears welled up in your eyes. It was so hard letting go of this, of all you knew and taking a step into the unknown.

“Yeah, sure- alright I will do my best to come back soon. Less than a month?” you breathed out before rubbing your eyes “Mom I don’t know if-” you swallowed “Yeah mom, don’t worry. I won’t be gone for long. I’m not leaving you.”

A longer than any other pause followed as you let the tears slip your eyes “Of course mom, I will always be your little girl. I will always be here for you… I love you too. Bye.” your voice got hoarse as you ended the call and clenched your jaw.

“(Y/n)” Sam’s voice was gentle but you wouldn’t look up.

“There were times I wished I didn’t belong here, that I could leave this place forever.” you whispered sniffling “But gosh it sucks having to say goodbye.”

“I know pumpkin, I know. They’re your family.” he got up, wrapping his arms around you.

“It hurts so much Sam.” you whispered and he nodded his head, rubbing your head.

“It does, but it will get better at some point. And we’ll try- we’ll try to visit them as often as we can.”

“I don’t want to leave them forever, not forever Sam.” you choked out and he nodded his head.

“And you won’t, (Y/n). Promise. You won’t have to say goodbye to everything you know and love. Dean and I will try not to let you do so.”

“Thank you Sam” you whispered although great part of you doubted you’d be coming back anytime soon, or that you’d get the chance to that is.

And even as that, you couldn’t help but let the tears flow. You couldn’t stop them at the thought of biding goodbye to even the smallest thing, even object, you had grown so attached to. But there was a new life waiting for you and you had to move on.

~*~

“Hey you!” you smiled, or at least tried to put on a smile. For the last moments you had in this place you were determinedto enjoy it “Are you coming downstairs? Dinner is-” you stopped yourself, raising an eyebrow as Dean fumbled away inembarrassment.

“What are you doing?” you smirked, finally truly meaning it. Amongst everything else Dean had the unique ability to make you smile despite every situation.

“N-nothing. Nothing, absolutely.” he almost squeaked out and you only approached him with a raised eyebrow.

“Right. Of course.” you said slowly, unable to hide your smile. Flustered Dean was one of your weaknesses but squeaky Dean? Oh that made you week on the knees.

“Y-Yeah (Y/n).” he gave you a nervous laugh “It was- I just was checking, stuff about… Jensen, yeah and Jared and the show.” he grinned awkwardly “I- to know things better and-”

“Fanfiction was helping you in that?” you crossed your arms over your chest and as much as he tried to hold himself his eyes widened.

“Wh-what?” his voice raised an octave and a giggle left his lips “I- I wasn’t. No of course- not. What- what are you talking about? Why would I be reading any-”

“Dean” you could hardly keep your snickering “It’s alright you know it, right?” you raised an eyebrow and he laughed nervously.

“Nah, pfff no of course.” he scoffed, blinking and giving you an adorable shy grin.

“OF course. Then I guess you wouldn’t mind if I took a look huh?”

“What?!” he exclaimed “No, (Y/n) you- it’s nothing special you don’t need to- It’s- You know what?” he tried not to stutter but failed “How about we take a walk in the garden huh? I’ve seen almost every part of the house but not the garden and-”

“Dean” you cut him off with a smile “Lying to your soulmate when she can feel everything you do is not such a good choice.”

“I uh-” he rubbed the back of his neck, getting up from his chair “Not a word about this to Sam.” he pointed a finger at you and you giggled, moving towards him to wrap your arms around his middle and rest your head on his chest.

“I suddenly hate this fucking bond.” he grumbled and you chuckled.

“You know you don’t.” you looked up at him and with a small sigh he leaned down and kissed your forehead.

“Did you talk with your mother?”

“Yeah, while you were here reading whatever fic you came upon.” you smirked and he rolled his eyes.

“If you want to know it was one of your favorites, a smutty piece _and_ with me.” he gave you the same satisfied smirk which made yours disappear.

“Not a word about it.” you mumbled, burying your red face in his chest that rumbled as he laughed.

“Come on! If Dean Winchester discovering your statch of dirty fanfictions about him isn’t some messed up shit then what?”

“Messed up and embarassing as hell.” you grumbled “I knew I should have put another password there or something.”

HE chuckled “Well I am glad you didn’t use a password then… Especially for the masterpieces you have written yourself.”

“What?!” you shrieked pushing away from him as he laughed wholeheartedly.

“Please tell me you’re joking.”

“Nope, sorry. By the way-” he couldn’t help his grin “-I didn’t know you write so well, sweetheart. Especially that scene where I do that thing with that thing-”

“Dean!” you shrieked, throwing a pillow at him to make him stop but he only laughed all the more.

“How the heck did you know what my password was in the first place?!” you huffed, feeling your face burn.

He shrugged “I guessed”

“Yeah right.” you scoffed, crossing our arm over your chest.

“Well, sweetheart in one of your fics you had guessed something about me too that you couldn’t have known yet- ow!” he started saying with a smirk only to groan loudly when you hit him in the shoulder hard.

“Dean!” you exclaimed, hating the situation you’d gotten in. If this wasn’t embarrassing enough then what could be?

“Alright, alright-” he chuckled, raising his hands in surrender “Although I do have to say your guess was pretty accurate.” he winked and you glared at him, face completely red “But- well, I wasn’t all that guessing.”

“What do you mean?”

“Your birthday, quiet obvious for a password sweetheart.” he chuckled “But I- I kinda knew the date for… reasons.”

“Such as?” you asked softly.

“Maybe the year was a guess, judging on the looks but the day and month uh-” he ran a hand through his hair “That’s the day the tattoo appeared, so yeah…” he cleared his throat giving you a soft smile as your lips parted.

“Really?” you whispered and he nodded.

“Yeah so-” he put on a smile “-Better try something else next time, especially if you don’t want your soulmate to discover all your dirty little secrets.” he winked at you and you rolled your eyes.

“I have no idea hw the heck you turned this against me when you were the one reading those fanfictions!” you huffed, plopping down on your bed as he chuckled.

“Just because you are more guilty than I am about this.” he winked and you managed to breathe out a laugh.

You looked down at Dean that looked up at you with puppy eyes and rubbed his back “Well, this universe has some great things to it and fanfictions are just one of them.” you shrugged, trying not to look him in the eyes to feel any moreembarrassed.

“So it seems yeah” he breathed out, all hints of playfulness gone “It is an amazing universe, everything here is amazing.”

“You’re saying that as if it is a bad thing.” you breathed out a laugh, trying to lighten the mood that had suddenly changed.

Why?

“No, no of course it’s not but-” he stopped himself, rubbing the back of his neck nervously and you finally looked at him.

“Dean” you asked softly “Is everything alright?”

“Uh actually-” he cleared his throat.

“ _(Y/n), we need to talk.”_


	18. Chapter 18

“ _(Y/n), we need to talk.” he breathed out and you frowned._

“ _Talk about what? I- I don’t understand.” your voice trembled._

“ _No, don’t worry it’s just- There is something I need to get out of my chest and you- please listen to me, alright?” he pleaded with his eyes and holding back your fears you nodded your head._

“ _Don’t be mad at me, please. There are just some things I- I need to tell you and this is the only moment I can.” he sighed, still seeing how cautious you were._

_You swallowed down the lump in your throat “Alright, I promise.” you blinked “I said I would always be here for you.” you offered him a genuine small smile and he did the same. He let a small sigh and so he spoke, he said everything he’d been holding back._

“ _It’s a beautiful place.” Dean mumbled taking a look out of the window, resting his weight on the wall. You hummed in agreement, rubbing your dog’s belly as he lay down on your bed._

“ _Really homie.”_

“It’s-” he sighed “-(Y/n) this place is… everything I could ask for.”

“Yes.” you pursed your lips “I very much got that, I am just struggling to understand the part where you say that no all of us are going back to the bunker after this.” you got up from the bed and looked at him defensively.

“No, no hey please calm down alright? Please just-” he placed his hands on your shoulders to hold you back but you shrugged them off.

“No, I will calm down when you explain to me what the heck you are trying to say.” you hissed, feeling the tears well up in your eyes.

His words could still echoe in your mind and as much as you didn’t want to fear the worst, you did. _**“Not all of us are going back to the bunker after this.”**_ you clenched your fists and held back the tears.

“I’m just-” he let out a shaky sigh, running a hand down his face “I want you to- I need you to understand this is the safest you’ll ever be.”

“Don’t you think I know that already?” you hissed “But did you ever consider that maybe what I want is not safety but _you_!”

“I know, I know.” he almost sobbed “Don’t you think I want that too? But- but with this thing here- about to take control any moment I- I can’t risk it (Y/n). I wish so bad we could have a chance but as long as it is there-”

“What?” you cut him off shouting “What are you going to do? Push me away? Is that what you’ve been thinking all day we’re here?!” tears by now were slipping your eyes but you didn’t care about brushing them away.

“No! No, (Y/n) no- it’s- it’s not that!” he rushed to say “I’m just- I’m scared about you, please try to understand that.” his lower lip trembled and only then did you notice his eyes were watery.

“I never said this out loud.” he breathed out, lowering his head “Not even to myself. But that never meant I didn’t want it. This place- it’s all I’d ever want to have with you. Even- even that mut. I’d be willing to keep him for you as long as you didn’t force me to get him in the car-” he choked out a sob as Dean jumped from the bed and walked towards him, whining slightly.

“But that doesn’t mean I can, (Y/n).” he finally looked at you “How will I ever be able to live in a place like this and- and let myself have the family I always wanted with you when I don’t know if I will be able to control myself even in some stupid argument about who should paint the nursery!” he practically shouted and a small gasp left your lips at his words. Your eyes widened and another tear slipped as your mouth fell open.

“D” you almost whimpered and rubbed his eyes to fight the tears back.

“I don’t want to have to push you away, (Y/n). I never would, not at knowing how much it fucking scares me to have to face a life without you.”

“But you are.” you said voidly and he looked down in shame.

“I have to.” he whispered, his fingers playing with Dean’s furr. The dog had started looking at him defensively, almost in an angry way when he noticed the change in your mood.

“Bullshit.” you scoffed and he finally looked up at you “You are trying to get rid of me. If you- if you cared about me, the way you say you do, you- you wouldn’t- you wouldn’t be doing this.”

“It’s not forever (Y/n) I swear!” he rushed to say, eye wide as you merely glared at him “I- I only need to- to get rid of this, I have to. Just try to understand me please.”

“Understand what Dean? That you don’t trust yourself to be careful around me or that you don’t trust me to be enough to ease down your pain and calm you down!?”

“To understand that all I want is for us to have a real chance! That all I want is- to get rid of this freaking thing as fast as possible and- and come running to you.”

“So what?” you whispered, numbly brushing away your tears “You are jut going to leave me here, abandon me like some stray puppy and then come back to take me when everything is better? But when will it ever be better Dean?”

“No, no (Y/n) I- you’re not that, please don’t say it.” he walked towards you and you let him wrap his arms around you “You’re my other half, try to understand that.”

“So that’s how you’re going to treat your other half? Leave me?” you looked up at him through your tears.

He brushed them away with his thumb, even if they kept coming, and resting his forehead against yours “I would never leave you baby, you know it. All I want to do is protect you.”

“But Dean-” your voice was weak “How is this protecting me?”

“Princess” he whispered, closing his eyes for a moment “They are going to come for you.”

You stiffened at his words, your eyebrows shot up “Wh-what are you talking about?” you blinked, pulling slightly away.

“You know what I mean.” he said softly but you shook your head, brushing the remainer of your tears away.

“No, Dean I don’t-”

“Sweetheart.” he cut you off with a small smile “Don’t lie to me, not me.” he whispered “Sam told me everything.”

You let out a shaky sigh, running a hand down your face “Sam. I should have guessed.”

“Don’t blame him, alright? He just- he couldn’t see me blaming myself for what happened to you and thought that- if he explained everything to me then I- I would stop.” he sighed and you crossed your arms over your chest.

“And instead you now want to leave me here?” you raised an eyebrow and he sighed.

“Just try to see it from my point of view, will you? Those bastards are crazy and powerful as hell! They’re just as bad as the monsters I’ve fought my whole life and they come in numbers! Even if we’d be able to fight some of them they would get you, in the end they would and the result would be-” he stopped himself, swallowing thickly.

“So that’s just it? Yet another excuse? For fear of the Stynes getting me you- you are pushing me away? Leaving me here because I will be more safe?”

“It’s not excuse but-”

“It is!” you cut him off and he pursed his lips “IT is an excuse Dean, and don’t try telling me differently. Because if it was really for that you wouldn’ be leaving me here where I am most vulnerable by being all on me own!”

“Wh-what?” he took a step back as you gave him a hard look.

“What? Don’t you think that if they didn’t find me in their universe they wouldn’t come looking here? If we found a spell to open a portal to this place don’t you think they would too? But when they do, because they will, I will be all by my one in my supossedly safe place. Which I don’t belong in I the first place!”

“I will whipe them out before they can even think of doing so.” he growled and you could sense the anger radiate off him at the thought of them getting you and images practically flashed through your eyes from the final episodes of season 10 of Supernatural and how he… well, simply lost utter control.

“Of course you will. And that’s when you’re going to lose yourself, and I won’t be there to bring you back.” you whispered “Because you’ll have left me here.”

“I don’t want it, (Y/n). As much as you do but- I have no other choice.” his lip trembled and you pursed yours.

“Then why are you doing this huh?” you were tired, so tired of this you didn’t have the strength to fight anymore “Why are you chosing to leave me here when it’s hurting us both, because I can feel it Dean. You know I can.”

“It’s because I have no other choice.” he whispered in a rough voice and you let out a shaky sigh.

“There is always a choice, Dean. Always.” you took a step forward but he kept hi head bowed, his shoulders slumped.

“Then what is it here?”

“Let me help you. Simple.” you whispered, cupping his cheek “Let me be by your side and we can fight this together and when things get bad- because they will, I am not going to lie to you, I know that we will get through this together.”

“(Y/n) I don’t know if-”

“No sshh” you shushed him cradling his face in both your hands “I know we can do this. I know that this- us, it’s not going to be easy with the kind of life you have but I am willing to take the risk as long as… you let me. I can’t have you doing this to us, though. Not if you are pushing us apart.”

“I don’t want it either.” he breathed out so tiredly your heart ached for him.

“Then don’t, baby.” you brought your face closer to his, nuzzling your nose with his.

“But my life- it’s not made for this no matter how much I want it.”

“I know” you whispered “I’ve always known, Dean. Remember?” you gave him a small smile and he breathed out a slightly pained chuckle.

“How could I ever forget that my soulmate is the biggest fangirl on the world and Dean-girl?” a smirk played on his lips and you choked out a laugh.

“Already learning the terms huh?” you whispered and he gave you a crooked grin.

“Everything for you.” he whispered and you got serious.

“I don’t want everything.” you said in a low voice “I only want one thing. You.”

  
“Then-” his lips parted “I don’t think I can find it in myself to say no to this.” he whispered and you gave him a small smile.

“Then don’t, Dean. Be with me.” you whispered “And let me be with you. I’ve seen you at your worst, this doesn’t even get close to it but still- I always wanted to be there. There was nothing, nor will there ever be, that will make me want to pull away from you. I told you before, this is only up to you. I am determined to stay by your side… as long as you’d have me.”

“Death and pain comes with this life, (Y/n). Only death and pain. I- I don’t want that for you, for us.” he shook his head and you let out a sigh, letting your eyes close for a moment.

“Then we won’t have it. If we fight for this we- we can make it work, I promise I’ll try. I want to try, Dean. Besdies-” you gave him a shy smile “Who said that we still can’t argue over who gets to paint the nursery in the bunker?”

He breathed out a deep wholehearted chuckle and finally broguht his arms around your waist to hug you tightly, he wanted to have you as close to him as possible “You’d probably win the argument anyway.” he whispered fondly and your smile got bigger.

“Hell yeah.” you breathed out and for the first time Dean let himself enjoy the swel of hs heart.

“But- when the time for that comes, it’s not going to be like that.” he said and you frowned “We will get a home, a good one and most probably a second one for Sam to live right next door.”

You bit your lips, trying to keep your smile “I don’t think he’d mind.”

“Hell he’d love it! But they only reason is because I’d need someone to take care of your mut- no offence again buddy.” he glanced down at Dean who tilted his head to the side.

This time a full laugh left your lips “So we’re going to keep him?”

He looked back down at you, adoration written on his face “When this is all over- yes, to everything. But until then-” he got serious “-you’re going to follow my rules.”

“Dean” you sighed but he cut you off before you could say any more.

“No, listen to me now. I know it would be hard to leave you so- so I am not, even for a small amount of time I’m not leaving you. But for as long as this- this thing is on my arm, then you are going to be careful. You are going to be cautious and when I get angry- when you see me get angry you go to your room, lock yourself up and stay the hell away from me, understood?”

You couldn’t help the small skip of your heart and relief washing over you at actually hearing him say it. You couldn’t deny that till this very moment and even after this you were scared he would back away, that you wouldn’t be able to convince him. And that, worst of all, you were going to lose him for good.

“It’s not going to be that easy but-” you started but sighed when he gave you a hard look “Fine. I promise, I will be careful.”

“Good. Because that definteily means no hunting of any sorts.”

“What?!” you exclaimed and he clenched his jaw “Come on, not even a small salt and burn?” you pleased but he kept a stern face.

“Only if I say you can.” he said firmly and you huffed with a roll of your eyes.

“I guess there is only one thing the show couldn’t prepare me for.” you sighed “You’re too freaking stubborn.”

He smiled softly “Dean Winchester, sweetheart, your soulmate and man you’re tuck with for the rest of your life. Nice to meet you.”

A smile, as much as you hated it because it only pleased him more, formed on your lips “(Y/f/n) (Y/l/n), your soulmate and woman you’re stuck with for the rest of your life, and honestly I don’t mind it in the least bit.” you grinned and he chuckled.

He opened his mouth to speak but before he could utter a word you found yourself crashing your lips to his. He stumbled back for a moment, his eyes going wide but in the end a big grin spread on his lips. He tightened his hold on you and kissed you back just as feverly, feeling your lips pull into a grin as well. You were both acting like a couple of teenagers but at that very moment Dean didn’t care in the least bit, because all of it – all of you – was putting the Mark to rest and Dean could feel like himself even for a little while.

“You’re such a fangirl.” he breathed out when he pulled just slightly away, his lips still brushing past yours.

“Shut up and let me live the dream will ya?”

“Kissing me is that dream?” he raised an eyebrow “Because I thought, you know, judging on your ‘favorites’ that it probably had something to do a lot more with dancing… a horizontal kind of tango.” he grinned and you chuckled.

“You’re not going to get me in bed so fast Winchester.” you tried to say sassily, although you could feel your face warm up.

“Oh sweetheart, I’d be glad to try for as long as you want me to.” he whispered, resting his forehead against yours once more.

You looked at him with narrowed eyes for a moment before realization downed on “Dean Winchester, if you are trying to imitate the Dean from one of those fanfictions I swear-”

“Wouldn’t you want me to?” he whispered with a smile “I mean it was in your favorites. Wouldn’t you want to live it for yourself? For real?” he raised an eyebrow “I know I could definitely live up to your expectations and be far better.”

You bit your lips “Which once did you read?” you whispered an he shrugged.

“I’ll let you find out, based on what I do. Then-” his face got closer so that your lips were brushing “You tell me.” he breathed out and before you could say anything he pressed his lips back to yours once more.

A small squeak left your lips, fact that made him smile through the kiss. But he definitely didn’t stop, nor pull away. Instead he tilted his head to the side and deepened it, making your heart flutter inside your chest. No matter how many times this happened you weren’t going to get used to it. Each and every time felt so overwhelming but certainly in the most pleasing way.

His lips felt soft against yours and they had a small hint of pie in them, no wonder he had found the apple pie you had in te fridge and taken a bit or two. Maybe this was like something out of the cheesiest fanfiction ever but you now understood what they all meant by what a great contrast his lips where to the rest of his character, on the outside that was. When he was all sharp edges and strong angles his lips were soft and sweet. And maybe, just maybe, it was the tender with which he was kissing you that made your heart swell.

You parted your lips for him and let him deepen the kiss all the more. You couldn’t deny that at that very moment you felt your cheeks burn up like never before but put aside all of your shyness and let his warm tongue slip inside your mouth. You took in a deep breath and threaded your fingers through his short hair, allowing yourself to enjoy this instead of dwell on your bashfulness. You pressed yourself closer to him and elicited a small gasp from him when your tongue played with his.

A small content sigh left his lips, soon followed by a groan when you took advantage of him tried to dominate his mouth with yours. He wanted to fight back but you felt how he went weak under your touch. Fact that made you smile all the more. A smile you couldn’t help when you realized how this was happening for real. You were kissing Dean Winchester for real. No matter how many times you repeated that in your mind you couldn’t believe it.

You ran your tongue over his lower lip and heard a shuddering breath leave his lips. But he didn’t just go on acting like an awkward young boy anymore, he made a move to explore your mouth. You could almost feel his nervousness but you knew the reason to it all too well. All these newfound feelings were overwhelming for the both of you but you couldn’t deny you didn’t enjoy it.

You bit down on his lip before you could realize it and Dean let out a small growl. You wanted to apologize but 1) you would most probably stutter and blush and 2) you didn’t want to pull away in the least bit. One of Dean’s hands roamed your body and it ony made you go weak all the more on the knees. A small gasp left your lips when he pushed his hips into yours.

“What do you say sweetheart?” he pulled his lips just barely away from yours, but still very close, his voice was rough “Think I can live up to your expectations?” he smirked slightly and you let out a trembling breath.

You almost were- scratch that, you _were_ at a loss for words, too nervous and pleasantly stunned at what was happening to be able to form the right words “Are we already trying to fill that nursery or what?” you whispered, breathed out a, somewhat nervous, chuckle.

“Would that be a bad thing?” he smiled, making your eyes widened, but he pecked your lips a couple times “I don’t think-” he kissed your again “-I would mind-” he kissed your lips once more “-doing so-” more kisses “-anytime soon-” he continued giving you butterfly kisses, speaking in that low rough voice of his that all together made you feel dizzy, he really had you in a haze and could easily do anything with you. And the warm burning of your tattoo all the more added to your growing addiction on this man.

“-Or definteily he process for that matter.” he breathed out one last time before finally crashing his lips again to yours.

~*~

“Are you- are you feeding the dog?” you raised an eyebrow at Dean who had a small smile with a hand extended under the table and his eyes focused down. But once he heard that you were talking to him he jumped and looked at you with wide eyes.

“Wh-what?” he stummered looking at you with wide eyes and you and Sam snickered.

“I asked if you’re going to keep feeding Dean under the table.” you repeated with a smug smile “But as it seems you are.” you chuckled “And then you accused Sam of being a softie all around dogs.”

He scoffed “Pff yeah right as if.” he brushed you off and you chuckled, shaking your head as you serves Sam more of the mashed potatoes.

“Thought that after what happened you would most probably kick him out of the house.” you mumbled giving Dean a side look and smirk and he shrugged.

“Was about to, but then I remembered how much they hate it so-” he stopped and shrugged and you chuckled.

“Right. The mind melding.” you shook your head with a laugh but stopped when Sam asked-

“What happened?” he raised an eyebrow and you looked up at him with a frown “Earlier I mean.”

“Oh” you breathed out, giving a small glare at Dean when he snickered “Something.” you mumbled, avoiding to look the younger Winchester in the eyes.

Because there was no way you would explain to him what had happened just an hour ago upstairs and wouldn’t blush fifty shades of red. And you were already blushing like crazy.

“Things got heated up and the Dean just got in the way. He may have my name but he’s got your shitty timing.” Dean explained with a small grin and you gave him a look, at which he only shrugged.

Sam groaned “I don’t think I wanna hear any more.” he grumbled, eating some of his chicken and you laughed with a shake of your head.

“No you really don’t.” you mumbled, placing the empty now bowl away as Dean’s smile only got bigger. And it certainly got mischievous when a squeak left your lips and jumped when he slapped your rear. You knew better than to walk past him.

Sam cleared his throat, giving his brother a look. Dean only looked at him in disbelief.

“What?” he asked “Gonna blame me for giving some lovin’ to my soulmate?”

Sam rolled his eyes “Well I hate to be a fun pooper but-” he sighed “-We really have some pressing matters to take care of.”

You let a small sigh, playing with your food for a moment “The Stynes are not going to give up.” you breathed out and Sam raised an eyebrow at you for a moment.

You gave him a look “I know you told him.” at your words he looked down “And mind it, I am going to get you back for giving him yet another reason to almost try and leave me here.”

“He what?” Sam’s back stiffened and he looked at his brother and proceeded to give him a bitch-face.

“What? She said almost!” he defended himself “Point is she won’t be staying, and I don’t think I will ever even think about it after such a-” you kicked his foot under the table before he could go on. You gave him a look at which he only smirked.

Because just before your dog could interrupt you things had really started to heat up. Maybe clothes had stayed on but that didn’t mean you hadn’t surprised Dean with what you did, or could do. Maybe after years of reading all those fanfictions, even if you were still blushing like hell, had helped quiet a bit. Alright a lot.

“Yeah but nothing would work anyway.” Sam sighed “Despite how it looks- you are in more danger here than you are with us in the bunker.”

“They would come after my family too, wouldn’t they?” you whispered and Sam sighed, sharing a look with his brother.

“That is most sure I’m afraid.” he sighed and you pursed your lips, all appetite gone all of a sudden. Especially as you imagined what those men could do to one.

“But- but how would they knows I’m here?” you looked between them “If you got rid of them fast maybe they wouldn’t-”

“They’re tracing you (Y/n).” Sam replyed with a sigh “Somehow- someway- I don’t know but they are. After you told me about all of it I- I did some research and- Castiel helped in it too.”

“Cas? What did he do?”

“Seems like even if the Men of Letters don’t have much info on (Y/n), or at least what (Y/n) used to be, the angels certainly did.”

“The angels? Those douches finally being useful for once?” Dean raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, well Archangels are a big topic upstairs as it seems. They did have rouble letting Cas in but- once he said your name, it seems like it worked. (Y/n) your grace might have been turned into a soul but- but there still is a remainer, and somehow they have found a way to track that down.”

“So the only safe place for her to be is the bunker.” it was a statement from Dean and you sighed, nodding your head.

“I’d say I told you so but-” you shook your head “-the thought of never seeing my family again is-” you swallowed down thickly and he looked down as well.

“They’re not going to rest until they get you.” Sam whispered “But don’t worry (Y/n), we will take care of you. There is nothing to worry about. We won’t rest until you’re completely safe, and by that I mean we have them out of the picture.” he placed a comforting hand on top of yours and gave you a reassuring smile.

“Hell yeah.” Dean said in almost a growl and you saw his clenched jaw “The bastards are going to pay for what they did.”

“Dean” you said softly.

“No, (Y/n).” he said sternly “Those demons- they were just the beginning. What the Stynes did- we’re not going to let it slip by. I am not going to just let them be after all the things they did to you, the kidnapping, the torture everything.”

“But Dean-”

He cut you off sternly once more, his voice rough “No. No buts, (Y/n). They will pay, I will make sure of that. And I don’t care whether the freaking Mark takes over or not. They will pay for everything they did to you.”

“Dean, no. You can’t nor will go after them. You shouldn’t-”

“(Y/n)” it was Sam this time that cut you off softly “I hate to say this in this case but- Dean is right. We cannot let something like this just slip. And if we don’t go for them then they will come for you. And the thought of surprising is I won’t lie scares me. Who knows if we are not prepared when they come. Because they will.”

“So before they do we make sure to pay them a visit and finish this off for good. Once and for all.”

“Guys” you whispered “You shouldn’t do this for me.” you looked down but Dean placed his hand on top of yours.

“Stop, it alright?” he said softly “What you’re thinking. Just stop. You are family now, (Y/n). Far more than that-” he rubbed his thumb over your palm “Remember what we said upstairs? I need you to to be there to argue over the color of the nursery, can’t do it all by myself.” he shrugged and you looked down, biting your lip and not daring to look anywhere else; feeling your face heat up.

Sam’s eyebrows shot up for a moment a small grin started spreading on his lips but he didn’t say anything. He certainly remembered going through all those moments on his own but for him it was quiet a distant of a thought while now he knew his brother wanted nothing more than to have a family with you the soonest possible. All the time he lost at not having you added up so he couldn’t blame him.

“Dean’s right (Y/n)” he said with a small smile “They have already caused enough trouble and I’m sure they will in the future. Just a few days ago, before this case, I caught sight of something. I know it must be one of them but I need proof. Sooner or later we’ll have to deal with them.”

“So what better reason than to make them pay for even thinking they could hurt my soulmate?” Dean added with a shrug “Winchesters don’t let it slip by when they threaten one of theirs.” he said with a smile and you couldn’t help your own at being called a Winchester.

“It’s just- it’s hard to believe that this is possible sometimes.”

“Then try to, (Y/n)” Sam said comfortingly “You are a Winchester, now and forever.”

“I am.” you whispered, trying to believe it for yourself and nodded your head “It’s just- things are a little tough- it all is a little hard to take. Thinking that I’ll be running from everything I know and love so that they can’t hurt it.” you shook your head, fighting desperately back the tears.

Both brothers remained silent, not knowing what to do. Especially Dean who couldn’t tell what his own feelings were, much less comprehend what to do.

“But-” you blinked away the tears and plastered a smile on “On a happier note, Cas is my brother huh?” you grinned and they both breathed out a chuckle.

“So Dean better prepare huh? I think he will give you the 'If you hurt her’ talk.” Sam chuckled and Dean’s eyes widened in horror.

“Shit” he breathed out “I don’t really think I can go through that.” he made a face as you laughed.

“But hey- I always wondered this, the show didn’t specify but since you are real and know more and stuff-” you started rambling but stopped yourself “Would it be considered incest that I’m this attracted to Lucifer?”

And at the mere words Dean and Sam choked, one on his whine and the other on his chicken.

“(Y/n)!” Sam said with a face and you shrugged.

“What? Just wondering! I mean-” you took a bite of your chicken “Not that there aren’t other cute ones. But just saying.” you shrugged.

“Agh (Y/n) please no.” Sam groaned “He’s the devil for god’s sake!”

“So?” you shrugged “I’ve told you before. It is still Mark Pellegrino. But also-” you paused for a moment “-Now that I think about it-” a grin spread on your lips and Dean narrowed his eyes at you.

“Gabriel is hella cute as well!” you smiled widely and Dean groaned.

“Gabriel _was_ hell _annoying_ as well.” he corrected and you gave him a look.

“Whatever.” you huffed “But you know other than those two, and Cas of course I think not many angels were all that dreamy or something.”

“No angel is dreamy. Period!” Dean said matter of factly but you just ignored him.

“Not exactly I mean- oh yes I almost forgot! Michael!” you said with a grin and that was when Dean’s face fell completely and a glare took over.

“No. Just. No!” he pointed a finger at you.

“What? I mean the first vessel- gosh yeah! Effin hot!” you grinned and they both narrowed their eyes at you.

“Wa-wait-” Sam spoke “Wasn’t the first vessel… our father? Young?”

“Yeah” you shrugged and their eyes widened.

“Hell no!” Dean exclaimed “Fucking hell no!”

“Why?” you blinked.

“Wh-why?!” he shrieked “He’s our father. _My father!_ ”

You shrugged “Shows.” you mumbled “You certainly got some great genes, what can I say?” you said simply and he made a disgusted face.

“I- I- I didn’t need that piece of information.” he blinked, staring at his brother as you giggled.

“Don’t worry Dean, to me you are always the only one.” you smiled at him, placing a hand on top of his.

“Yeah thanks sweetheart, but I don’t think I’m going forget this anytime soon.” he shuddered unpleasantly and you chuckled.

Sam cleared his throat, shifting uncomfortably in his place “I suddenly wonder if you being a fangirl is a good or bad thing.” he sighed and Dean nodded his head, making a face “But- now that I mention it-” he let a small sigh “Is it just me or- are you guys not curious why… now?”

“What _now_? Dean raised an eyebrow.

“It’s just- I was thinking about this from the beginning. Why now of all times? And how? I mean you, (Y/n), being transported in our universe… Have you guys not… thought about it?” he frowned looking between you and his brother.

Dean let a small sigh, his jaw clenching for a moment “I don’t know the how but- honestly I don’t give a crap.” he said a little too roughly and you knew all too well why. Because no matter how much you tried you knew that restoring his faith, especially in someone that he thought didn’t give a single care about him of all people.

“Why think the how or why? Can’t we just freaking relax for damn minute and enjoy this? When was the last time you had a good homemade meal and freaking house with a freaking dog nearby at that!” he huffed and you squeezed his hand, giving him a small look to make him relax.

“Dean, I didn’t mean that. It’s just- I got curious, and maybe a little worried. That’s all. Don’t tell me you didn’t think about it.”

“I did. And you wanna know what I believe? It’s that someone is making up for their fucking mistakes at last, even if they had to play with us like puppets all the while. That’s what I think. But I am not going to talk about it, Sam. I’ve been through this numerous times and the result each and every one sucked big time. Don’t got the energy to, man. Not anymore.” he sighed, his eyes glancing at his forearm, the Mark showing a little bit as he had his sleeves rolled up.

“But maybe that’s why it happened after all.” you whispered after a small moment of silence and they both looked at you. You gave Dean a small smile before speaking again.

“The things that are coming-” you felt your throat close “-Guys its some pretty damn nasty things, for real.”

“You know?” Dean breathed out a frown setting on his face and you gave him a small nod.

“I cannot talk about it. It might change the course of events and honestly I-” you paused, a small smile – a real one – setting on your face “I definitely don’t want that.” you whispered

“There is something great. Something more than this that’s waiting for you at the end of the tunel, if everything goes according to the show. And it already is.”

“But in order to get to that we will have to go through much worse, won’t we?” Sam mumbled and you let a sigh, not helping but letting your eyes rest on Dean.

“Yeah” you breathed out shakily “But- but-” you tried to put on a brave face for both of them “I am here. I will be here and that- it didn’t happen just by chance. I am sure that someone out there decided it was time. For what in specific I cannot tell either. Maybe a happy ever after in a few years, who knows-” you breathed out a chuckle “-But I guess they knows better.” you added in a softer voice and they both sighed softly.

And even if you didn’t dare say it, maybe because you needed to wait for the proof to come from Chuck himself, you had the feeling that your father (?) had brought you back for a reason. _And that was the Mark of Cain on Dean’s arm._ Along with the danger of the Darkness being released. Even if you didn’t remember trying to help Lucifer fight its urges you sure as hell were going to try now. Maybe you wouldn’t win maybe you would. You’d only have to figure it out and that was only by being by his side at all costs.

And that’s what you were going to do.

~*~

Saying goodbye to your family was hard. Harder than you had ever imagined, especially at the thought of not being able to see them again. There was a moment where you found yourself laughing as you heard the brothers bicker when they where supposed to be quiet because they were hiding from your parents. But that was the only moment, because after you got Dean inside their car you could hardly fight the tears back.

It wasn’t just the sight of watching them drive away that made your heart ache but actually when you took a look around you the fact that you actually wondered if you’d ever get to see it again. You would have probably collapsed at some point if it wasn’t for Dean coming by your side and wrapping his arms around you.

And even if that was just a few days ago the pain was still as fresh as ever. Hell it only seemed like yeterday but it wasn’t. And you were quit luckily getting a grasp of what time you were in. Fact that didn’t help all that much when you dreaded of what was to come, of what was to happen that would probably- definitely make Dean snap.

“Hey” a soft voice snapped you from your trail of thoughts “Are you even listening to me or what?” he chuckled and you gave him a small smile.

“Sorry just- got a little carried away.” you mumbled, snuggling closer to him and his mile fell as well.

“You’re still thinking about it, aren’t you?” he asked and you let a small sigh giving him a tight smile.

“I’m sorry.” you whispered but he shook his head.

“No, no need to apologize. I know it’s hard, wouldn’t expect you to just forget about it.” he took your hand in his and gave it a squeeze “Don’t worry, (Y/n). When this is over we- we will get to visit it and you’ll see your parents and that mut again.” he said and a small giggle left your lips.

“You keep calling him a mut and how you’d just get rid of him but- you actually loved him.” you gave him a smirk and he scoffed.

“As if.” he rolled his eyes.

“Come on” you nudged his side with a smirk “You did love him, and he definitely did adore you. You know he isn’t always that friendly with people but with you- he was a total softie, and I can’t blame him.” you snuggled your face at the crook of hic neck and he chuckled.

“Yeah right.” he mumbled “He at least wasn’t as annoying as dogs usually are so-” he shrugged as you kept your smirk on. You kissed his cheek and cuddled closer to him as he tightened his hold on you.

“You’re such a softie when you want to.” you whispered and he chuckled, shaking his head.

“Am not” he mumbled and you replyed with a soft 'sure’.

But none of you said anything more, instead stared up at the sky. It was one fo the few times Dean allowed himself to relax and enjoy simple things like this, gazing up at the stars with someone that he cared about more than he ever would like to admit to himself because it scared the hell out of him… in the most pleasant way ever.

You smiled slightly, the soft sound of Dean’s music filling the comfortable silence that had set between the two of you. You bit your lower lip, remembering the first time you’d gotten in this car, sitting next to this very man and now you were laying on top of the hood and staring at the stars with said man next to you once more. But now he was holding you like there was no tomorrow. You remembered when he had first suggested, how happy you were to be able to go on a trip with him and listen to all of his cassettes. Although this wasn’t exactly said trip it still was part of it.

And now despite the small breeze that brought chills to you and made you shiver – yet another excuse to get closer to Dean – here you were, practically in the middle of nowhere listening to his classic rock that played in a low volume and enjoying the company of each other as you stared up at the stars and full moon. It was crystal clear and a perfect night for a romantic trip. Romantic. You bit your lip at the thought, this was practically a date wasn’t it? You glanced down at your linked hands and smiled all the more as you realized he hadn’t let go of your hand during the whole ride.

You looked back up at the sky and breathed out a small content sigh “When was the last time you got to watch the stars Dean?” you whispered and he shrugged softly.

“Can’t rememember.” he said softly and you sighed once more.

“It’s really beautiful though.” your eyes wouldn’t leave the sky because for a moment you thought you were dreaming, and you honestly didn’t want to wake up.

“Hell yeah it is.” he breathed out and glancing to your side for a moment a soft grin spread on your face. You turned your head to look at him and let a small giggle.

“I was talking about the stars Dean” you whispered, finding him still gazing at you and never taking his eyes away.

“So was I.” he shrugged and you giggled, burying your now burning face in his chest.

“You’re such a sap sometimes.” you mumbled and he gave you a small shrug.

“I think when it comes to my soulmate I’m entitled to.” he said softly, cupping your cheek and making you face him “I never thought I’d come to live this moment yet here we are.”

“And that’s a good thing… right?” you asked softly and he gave you a big grin.

“The best damn thing to ever happen to me.” he rested his forehead against yours and you smiled, closing your eyes to enjoy the warmth that spread through his body and feelings to you through the contact and above all your tattoo.

“I love you (Y/n)”

It was just four words. Four small words. And he said them so softly and with such tenderness you could have just as well thought you’d have imagined them. But you hadn’t. He really had said them, and at that your eyes snapped open. Your lips parted as you stared at him in shock.

“Wh-what…?” you breathed out and he gave you a small boyish grin.

“What?” he breathed out a laugh “Can’t tell my soulmate how I feel?”

“You- you said-” you felt tears well up in your eyes and a lump form in your throat “You said-”

He breathed out a shaky sigh, taking hold of your hand and kissing your cknuckles he placed it over his cheek “I said I love you (Y/n).”

“You… do?” you whispered and he shrugged softly.

“Can’t I be?” he asked back “I mean-” he swallowed down thickly “-I was never really one for- love and- love and all that but I-” he made a small face but then looked back up at you “-I want to and I- I feel it. I know I am having a hard time saying it but- but I want to, (Y/n). I need you to know it and I-”

“I love you too” you blurted out the words before yo could hold yourself back but you immediately felt your face heat up at the realization of cutting him off with this. Dean didn’t say anything more, his lips parted as he stared at you in almost awe for a moment but then a small smile made it’s way on his face.

“Gosh I’m so sorry.” you mumbled, biting your lower lip but he shook his head, and you saw a kind of smile that you never had actually seen – not once in eleven seasons – and one that was there because of… you?

“No, no baby.” he breathed out “No apologies, no.” he whispered, cupping your face and pressing his lips to yours warmly and you melted in his arms.

“Gosh” you breathed out pulling away from him and burying your face at the crook of his neck as he gave you a laugh, his chest rumbling softly.

“This is seriously something out of the worst fanfiction ever.” you breathed out and he gave you a squeeze.

He laughed more “Honestly I don’t think so.”

“How would you know? You haven’t written or read that many.” you peaked at him and he gave you a smirk.

“How could you know that?” he raised an eyebrow and you laughed “But honestly now-” he spoke again more softly and you looked at him, still feeling your face burn as al the blood rushed to your cheeks and your heart was hammering in your chest.

“Maybe you should write it.” he said and you frowned.

“Write what?”

“This. Us, our story. When all of this is over I think- I think that the fans would love to read something like this. Wouldn’t they?”

“I-” you blinked, laughing in the end “They probably would, I guess. I mean soulmate stories are always beautiful ones and who doesn’t love a good AU?”

“I… don’t really know what that means but- I’d agree. And nobody will ever realize it is true because, well, it’s too crazy even for the Supernatural fans to believe it would ever happen.”

“Yeah probably… But it did happen.” you whispered and he smiled, kissing your forehead.

“Yes it did.” his lips brushed against your skin “We did. We happened.”

“Gosh” you bit your lower lip “This is so surreal. I never would have thought this would happen. I mean-” you breathed out a laugh “-Is it not crazy? Crazy and amazing at the same time.”

“Yeah, the most amazing thing ever.” he kissed your temple again “I have a hard time believing it, let alone somebody outside all of this.” he let out a shaky sigh.

“Yeah” you breathed out, letting a small pause linger for a little while.

“But what should the title be?” you asked and he frown an adorable pout setting on his lips.

“Don’t know, you’re the author. You write stuff like this, you should be able to come up with something.” he shrugged and let a small huff of air.

“What about…” you looked around you for a moment, from your locked fingers to the car you were on top of to the trees and sky “Written in the stars?”

He made a face “Then you call me the cheese one.”

“Right” you grinned “As if you’re not huh?”

He scoffed “Of course not.”

“ _Of course_.” you repeated “But wait- wait a second- what was that- the thing, the thing you said- what you said before-”

“Alright, alright. You win.” he huffed and you grinned “But I still do love you.” he added and your smile turned into a more shy one.

“I love you too, gosh I really really do.” you whispered and he cradled your face in his hands as you did the same.

His eyes searched yours for a moment and without saying another word he leaned in and pressed his lips to yours again, but this time for longer than before. You let out a content sigh through your nose and relaxed in his hold, responding just as tenderly to his kiss. You could feel all the passion behind it, crystal clear because of your tattoo, and it only got your love for him to intensify.

He covered your mouth fully with his and you felt your breath hitch on your throat when he moved and pressed himself closer to you, his one hand moving to rest on your waist. He squeezed you and pushed himself closer to you. An almost trembling breathe left your lips and you arched your hips forward to close the distance between your bodies as much as you could. Dean let a small groan and moved all the more so that he had one leg between yours. You arched your hips forward and heard him take in a sharp breath.

As much as none of you wanted it he pulled slightly away, and you opened your eyes just a little to stare up at him. You brought one hand up and rubbed your thumb over his cheek. Without thinking what he was doing he nuzzled his face in your palm and then pressed his lips to your wrist and therefore tattoo in a small kiss that actually made your breath hitch on your throat.

“Dean” you said in a low hoarse voice and he opened his eyes to look at you, finally realized what he’d done and it certainly didn’t ease him down at all. Instead you saw his pupils were blown out.

“(Y/n) I-”

“Dean” you cut him off softly, giving him a reassuring smile “I- I’m ok, I’m alright.”

“But- shouldn’t this- we- the first time between soulmates… shouldn’t it be special?” he whispered with an adorable frown you couldn’t stop your smile at.

“It already is.” you rubbed your thumb over his cheek “I don’t need anything else but this… you. So if you want it too then I-”

“Yes” he breathed out a little too fast and you couldn’t stop your smile at how bashful he got at what slipped his lips.

“So? You wanna backseat of the Impala?” you blushed even more at realizing not only what you were suggesting (out loud to Dean Winchester for real!) but at how awkward and weird it came out. Your mind was definitely a mess that was for sure.

He gave you a somewhat boyish grin “Hell yeah baby.” he breathed out and pressed his lips to yours once again. He moved his arms and took hold of your thighs to wrap them around his waist. His lips didn’t leave yours not even for a second and in between the small butterfly kisses he pressed all over your mouth you took in shaky quick breaths.

You didn’t realize it when he lifted you up from the hood but you found yourself sliding from it and being carried away “You- you know-” he said in a horse voice in between kisses “I think there is one title that would fit perfectly.” he breathed out, pulling only slightly away to look at you with a somewhat hungry look.

You stared at him with a small frown. He took hold of your hand and before you could stop him he pressed down his lips on your tattoo. You felt shivers run down your spine and you took in a sharp intake when you felt his tongue other than his full lips tease your skin.

“You know baby, it is all here. It is all-” he started speaking and you completed his sentence, feeling a kind of connection no words could ever describe.

_“Written on the wrist”_


End file.
